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Hopeless People with multiple unintentional drug overdoses, do you think you just don't care about life? (Subconciously)

TRTCure

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
15
Well IDK why I've overdosed so many times.. I like to think I'm cautious, I know these days with fentanyl there's really kind of no true way to know what you're taking.

I just don't know why I've died so many times and still it doesn't really scare me off to think of going back and trying to do it again successfully
 
If it's not a lack of concern or hopeless despair, it's reckless abandon pleasure seeking- at least for me. Feel good- or not hurt, regardless the cost or risk.

For most, I think it's a little bit of both to varying degrees. Supposedly teenage cannabis use has gone down in places where it has been legalized- there is definitely an allure of the illegal underground/subculture. At first it seems like a way to step out of the matrix, to test fate and dance with the devil a little.. to do those things that your parents said were wrong and bad even though a lot of your heroes did them- so exploration in part as well I guess.

It's usually not until long after the curiosity has lest and the fun died long ago. It's no matter about having a good time- something people think a little more rationally about usually. it becomes a desperate attempt to escape pain- something that is rarely rational and well thought out.

It seems to be the constant paradox for heavy drug users- started out for the fun and can't stop because the pain is too much. And by pain- I don't mean physical or withdrawal or even emotionally entirely. It's the pain that was there before, fueling the disorder, the pain done from the disorder, amd the damage done to relationships, finance, and loved ones. All the time and opportunities lost- it's easy to find reasons to give up when you are in pain.
 
This reminds me of someone that I was very close to. The most reckless person I’ve ever met. I think it is due to trauma from his past that he never had closure, that addiction runs in his family, and his inability to love anyone...including himself.
 
I am sick of living my life but have not had any unintentional drug overdoses (except for non-abusable drugs, hilariously enough). No, I do not care about living life.
 
I am sick of living my life but have not had any unintentional drug overdoses (except for non-abusable drugs, hilariously enough). No, I do not care about living life.
Gawd you're so good at it !
You're so honest and vain, right mal.

So there's a storm rolling realy closer. I hope the power does'nt get zapped.

the light in the window is the crack in the sky !
i can hear it loud !

it doesn't rain is s cal, but when it does. . .
its gorgeous. eww the gorge.

and damn, how bout that dow ?

edit: it does'nt get any better than you ! and
that is alot of pressure ?.
 
I think once you OD, your body never goes back to a full 100% and you’re just more prone to OD again. Just like with seizures.
 
but I also think may reckless behavior. Like, when I’m sick. And I mean sick-sick and over 9 hour drive away from my home base and I drive to whatever closest city and settle on whatever their hood has to offer, I can tell you that I dump out whatever I buy and do it ALL. And don’t think twice. And yeah that’s reckless, but what the fuck is all this propaganda about fentyal flooding everywhere. I’ve been quite a few places this summer and cold-copped and none of the shit even got me right- let alone held me off for 2 hours before I was back to puking out the window while driving again. My home hood is flooded with fent and it’s making my life and addiction so much harder.
 
People with multiple unintentional drug overdoses, do you think you just don't care about life? (Subconciously)

seriously, i feel they haven't been educated enough for harm reduction, support for harm reduction and self care and awareness.
everyone that has enough will and determination is capable of doing alot, if not Anything. Really ?.
and is nice to hear this stated and out loud as well.
very nice thread. btw ! i hope it goes far, and well
. . . . deep !
 
I wonder the same thing. I OD'd to the point a ambo had to be called but I was on my feet before they arrived. Haven't used a needle since, just too close. That and the way it happened I was trying to explain I didn't wanna shoot with no one else around and guy was the only one there; but since he was bitchwhipped I got my bundle, went to weigh out .1 and the scale woulda took like 2 more seconds to settle but he took it upon himself to say, "ya gotta hurry" and scoop it into the spoon. I was sick and hurrying didn't sound bad so I did it. Only later realizing what he was really saying is "your life isn't worth 10 seconds of my time".
 
i feel they haven't been educated enough for harm reduction, support for harm reduction and self care and awareness.
definitely could be part of it, but looking at the BL shrine makes me doubt it's the only cause. I think it's usually a mix of things tbh.
 
definitely could be part of it, but looking at the BL shrine makes me doubt it's the only cause. I think it's usually a mix of things tbh.
well, then thank you again. and again i sure am glad that someone is looking into it definitely. ?
 
definitely could be part of it, but looking at the BL shrine makes me doubt it's the only cause.

I agree. Saying lack of harm reduction education isn’t something I am siding with.

everyone that has enough will and determination is capable of doing a lot
Also, not trying to disagree at all, but using that as a blanket statement to say people can get and stay clean (maybe I’m too stuck in my own thoughts right now is leading me into a conversation way off base here so sorry for that) is a lot harder to believe. There’s a reason why the “statistics” of what, only 1 out of 10 people can get and stay clean from opiate abuse/addiction, and saying because someone doesn’t want it enough or isn’t trying hard enough doesn’t sit right with me.
 
There’s a reason why the “statistics” of what, only 1 out of 10 people can get and stay clean from opiate abuse/addiction, and saying because someone doesn’t want it enough or isn’t trying hard enough doesn’t sit right with me.
The "statistics" will inevitably be skewed in the long term success rates, but you are right. There is evidence that new pathways are created in the brain from drug use, so never wanting to use again for most(if not all) former drug users is a bit like never wanting to eat or have sex or do something exciting again, as a lot of the same parts of the brain are activated by pleasurable activities. It's the same reason crash diets never work long term- anyone can restrain for long enough, but unless you are replacing unhealthy eating habits with healthy ones, it will be an endless cycle of weight loss an gain. IF a person only uses one's willpower to abstain from a drug addiction, one will possibly be successful for a time but generally will fall back to old habits/methods of coping(relapse).

This is why it's so important to address far more than just the physical drug use itself, otherwise jail/prison would actually be a successful drug treatment. One must find other methods of dealing with issues, trauma, and emotions, and probably more importantly, a way to find pleasure in life without the use of drugs, as in natural ways to stimulate your pleasure pathway, which can range from casual things like coffee with a friend, learning an instrument, learning something you're interested in, or more intense things like skydiving, hiking a mountain)
 
I agree. Saying lack of harm reduction education isn’t something I am siding with.


Also, not trying to disagree at all, but using that as a blanket statement to say people can get and stay clean (maybe I’m too stuck in my own thoughts right now is leading me into a conversation way off base here so sorry for that) is a lot harder to believe. There’s a reason why the “statistics” of what, only 1 out of 10 people can get and stay clean from opiate abuse/addiction, and saying because someone doesn’t want it enough or isn’t trying hard enough doesn’t sit right with me.
then how else are you going to do it ! have to start that motivation to start off and begin with.

and you now know, you have to try also to redirect the chemicals slowly and patiently, maybe for starters.
i am still looking into it, as well.
. . . and thank you for your Honesty !

yes, there is an underlying cause too, but you have to understand that too, and also realize you could try to reprogram the image of self esteem and thought process by learning and having strength in positive motivation.

and learning to have a new way of listening and seeing.

and enjoying nature
and positive energy

lol

or at least make an effort

and try to smile just to see what it feels like
blah blah blah ☺

And sharing . . and from deep in your heart !
 
The "statistics" will inevitably be skewed in the long term success rates, but you are right. There is evidence that new pathways are created in the brain from drug use, so never wanting to use again for most(if not all) former drug users is a bit like never wanting to eat or have sex or do something exciting again, as a lot of the same parts of the brain are activated by pleasurable activities. It's the same reason crash diets never work long term- anyone can restrain for long enough, but unless you are replacing unhealthy eating habits with healthy ones, it will be an endless cycle of weight loss an gain. IF a person only uses one's willpower to abstain from a drug addiction, one will possibly be successful for a time but generally will fall back to old habits/methods of coping(relapse).

This is why it's so important to address far more than just the physical drug use itself, otherwise jail/prison would actually be a successful drug treatment. One must find other methods of dealing with issues, trauma, and emotions, and probably more importantly, a way to find pleasure in life without the use of drugs, as in natural ways to stimulate your pleasure pathway, which can range from casual things like coffee with a friend, learning an instrument, learning something you're interested in, or more intense things like skydiving, hiking a mountain)

I couldn’t have said it in a more articulate way if I tried.

a way to find pleasure in life ... as in natural ways to stimulate your pleasure pathway, which can range from casual things like coffee with a friend, learning an instrument, learning something you're interested in

So diffficult when you’re used to doing all simple things, and new things in life high .
?☺️
 
Hylight-
Just curious about this, but I’m assuming you’ve never done opiates? Is that a fair assumption to make? Or at least I should say have never been through addiction to opiates.
I’m not trying to belittle the statements you’ve made, by any means, but a few of you’re comments seem juvenile.

realize you could try to reprogram the image of self esteem and thought process by learning and having strength in positive motivation.
and learning to have a new way of listening and seeing.
and enjoying nature
and positive energy

lol

or at least make an effort

and try to smile just to see what it feels like

Just speaking solely for myself, I am in active addiction and don’t necessarily have low self esteem at all.
I love learning.
I enjoy nature and have positive energy and enjoy positive energy from other people.
And I surely smile. Not like a fake smile. I can say besides normal shit that people deal with in daily life, I’m fairly fucking happy.

But I’m just speaking solely on my behalf.
??‍♀️?
 
yea i have a cluster headache. my first one put me in the hospital. now i know what they are i Fuckin think.
I did a small dose of opioid yesterday, after 5 days of being done. then a half of a small dose this morning, kinda like a come down dose, get it ?
okay, now i am nauseas and tryin to keep from pukin cause i have to struggle to stop taking OPIUM metabolites. now i am sick from taking them and sick from not being able too.

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW that i share your pain and bitterness because YOU get to be happy DOING what YOU want and makes YOU FEEL SO VERY GREAT? when you do it. I am glad we get to share misery together and experience it. I AM GLAD I FEEL JUVENILE now TOO.
apparently, your still on the shit too
so i guess it Makes me juvenile just like you.

and yeah, my doses are quite juvenile NOW.
JUST LIKE ME ?
 
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW that i share your pain and bitterness because YOU get to be happy DOING what YOU want and makes YOU FEEL SO VERY GREAT?

I have no idea where that came from, but regardless actually I feel bad for you that you are stuck in the in between of trying to feel well, but then feeling sick from what was trying to make you well.
I’m actually quite curious as well, as where they are Rx’ing opiates for cluster headaches?
I like learning new things.
And I’m sorry that you got so defensive because I said you made a juvenile statement. I didn’t say that makes you juvenile.
But it seems as through you have a lot more going on.
 
Never OD'd but one too many a cup of kava and you'll question gravity for a short while, but if on two feet not for that long, oh how I wanted that wave to pass over me and provide sleep but I was able-bodied and am just relieved I didn't buckle at the knees.... I tested my limits, wont be doing that again... I think I'm that hard core... until these moments remind me why mental agility is first and foremost.
 
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