tired of crap
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2009
- Messages
- 1,289
Sorry to hear about your Mum @AutoTripper
Is she doing better now?
....
Sorry for the wall of text but I dont think this onedeserves a proper trip report so heregoes...
...
My trip Saturday night was... too much M. It kinda toned down the 1a.
I was coming up hard and went for a walk to see if there were any fireflies left in the woods .. but alas only a few remained.
Climbing hard I was glad to be out of the woods before it got dark. Every *snap* brought the chance of a ravenous coyote ... or maybe I was just high lol
My fire got rainined out as T1 approached and it was time to eat the M. So I set up some different spaces around the house: 2 with music and one with a movie. For a while I just stared absent mindedly at the tv, which was playing the kids movie Soul (I recommend, its cute and had all sorts of meaning, even sober lol). When I realized the M had come on I couldnt sit still so I vacated the living room and tried to relax in the hammock in the garage to some chill electronic music. Unfortunately I had mad nystagmus and couldnt even figure out how to like any songs lol ...
Pacing back inside I realized it was time for my boost. Tbh I didnt need it. Looking at it made me gag (swallowing pills while high apparently makes me stomach turn, knowing a substance is going to hit the serotonin receptors in the gut maybe? lol)... Some peppermint gum calmed my stomach and down went the boost at T2...
More pacing, tv, hammock, psytrance downstairs in the dark... hammock, movie, hammock
Figured I try Yoga, it was a hoot.
The (video) instructors... (?) lol ... voice was sooo slow and mellow and I was rolling too hard. I gave up not even half way through. Never mind the meditation lol ... But I attempted to engage in some walking meditation while I paced. I was so euphoric.
Back in the garage I saw the dart board and figured why not. But I was much too shakey and it didnt last long. lol...
Some where in a slew of thought, likely brought on my the copious amounts of live resin I began smoking, I came to realize that I had overdone the M lol ... Then I realized Im often balls deep, personally anyways, in all my substance use. Years ago I got my psychedelic use under control. Then M, even if I dose a little heavy from time to time lol... then weed. But booze I struggle with.As the music climaxed I told myself Id never drink again. Haha Ive said that before but maybe I meant it this time? Lets hope so
By T4 I had come down enough to realize I was hungry, so I set out a smorgasbord of nibbles. It would be some time before I really got into them but I gave it the old college try. I was drinking plenty of water/juice/gatorade.. but not to much
The food seemed to bring me down a bit and I was finally able to think more linearly... or at least at a pace that allowed for some reflection. The rest of the night was mostly spent watching movies, thinking and crying. For the first time in a long time I allowed myself to feel something than exhaustion, anger or frustration (thats a bit of a stretch but...ya know, M ha)
I finally dosed off around 530 for a few. Maybe an 1hr, before the house mate who was home came down.
Spent the rest of the day doing the same. Before it was time to get back to life. So I showered, cared for the plants, and made dinner. After my pacing in circles the night before I felt so deliberate in my movements. Going to do a? While youll need b and c, so why not get em along the way..... I felt conscious for the first time in months. Slept like a baby Sunday night.
Monday I felt almost apathetic. Tbh it felt akin to a dissosciative after glow... but lesss confused.
Work was rough as buddys kids daycare was closed for the week and he didnt know until we got there en route to work... so I was late and that was kinda flustrating (lol) ... but it was a short day so it wasnt so bad.
Picked up a used dressor for cheap, to match the (free) bed frame I scored last week. My room is finally coming together. I no longer feel like a kid, using the same furniture I had growing up (Im >30 ffs lol)...Today I finally switched all my shit over and got rid of the old dresser.
Feels good to be productive.
tl;dr
I propose we call ald52+M a sunshine flip lol ..
Too much M (or maybe it was too much 1A lol) meant proper reflection wasnt possible until after I had peaked. But tbf the peak was blissful af lol the days after have been productive and I am more hopeful for the future. But I know that I need to be the change I wanted to see. I cant continue to do the same shit and expect anything to change.
Cheers
edit: just thought I’d say my dose of m wasn’t reckless. I’m not sure why I need to say it, perhaps because I keep saying “too much m”. Was it a high dose, sure but I don’t think it was that bad in the scheme of things.
Perhaps I redosed a bit early too at 60 min. And it was 1/2 as opposed to 1/3. Both of which, I think contributed to the strong effects, whereas I believe if I had wait a bit longer and took a bit less it would have simply prolonged it as opposed to making the effects stronger.
Next time.
Bummed I only have 2 (of this sameness dose left... so like 2 and a small dose w/o a redose
Is she doing better now?
....
Sorry for the wall of text but I dont think this onedeserves a proper trip report so heregoes...
...
My trip Saturday night was... too much M. It kinda toned down the 1a.
I was coming up hard and went for a walk to see if there were any fireflies left in the woods .. but alas only a few remained.
Climbing hard I was glad to be out of the woods before it got dark. Every *snap* brought the chance of a ravenous coyote ... or maybe I was just high lol
My fire got rainined out as T1 approached and it was time to eat the M. So I set up some different spaces around the house: 2 with music and one with a movie. For a while I just stared absent mindedly at the tv, which was playing the kids movie Soul (I recommend, its cute and had all sorts of meaning, even sober lol). When I realized the M had come on I couldnt sit still so I vacated the living room and tried to relax in the hammock in the garage to some chill electronic music. Unfortunately I had mad nystagmus and couldnt even figure out how to like any songs lol ...
Pacing back inside I realized it was time for my boost. Tbh I didnt need it. Looking at it made me gag (swallowing pills while high apparently makes me stomach turn, knowing a substance is going to hit the serotonin receptors in the gut maybe? lol)... Some peppermint gum calmed my stomach and down went the boost at T2...
More pacing, tv, hammock, psytrance downstairs in the dark... hammock, movie, hammock
Figured I try Yoga, it was a hoot.
The (video) instructors... (?) lol ... voice was sooo slow and mellow and I was rolling too hard. I gave up not even half way through. Never mind the meditation lol ... But I attempted to engage in some walking meditation while I paced. I was so euphoric.
Back in the garage I saw the dart board and figured why not. But I was much too shakey and it didnt last long. lol...
Some where in a slew of thought, likely brought on my the copious amounts of live resin I began smoking, I came to realize that I had overdone the M lol ... Then I realized Im often balls deep, personally anyways, in all my substance use. Years ago I got my psychedelic use under control. Then M, even if I dose a little heavy from time to time lol... then weed. But booze I struggle with.As the music climaxed I told myself Id never drink again. Haha Ive said that before but maybe I meant it this time? Lets hope so
By T4 I had come down enough to realize I was hungry, so I set out a smorgasbord of nibbles. It would be some time before I really got into them but I gave it the old college try. I was drinking plenty of water/juice/gatorade.. but not to much
The food seemed to bring me down a bit and I was finally able to think more linearly... or at least at a pace that allowed for some reflection. The rest of the night was mostly spent watching movies, thinking and crying. For the first time in a long time I allowed myself to feel something than exhaustion, anger or frustration (thats a bit of a stretch but...ya know, M ha)
I finally dosed off around 530 for a few. Maybe an 1hr, before the house mate who was home came down.
Spent the rest of the day doing the same. Before it was time to get back to life. So I showered, cared for the plants, and made dinner. After my pacing in circles the night before I felt so deliberate in my movements. Going to do a? While youll need b and c, so why not get em along the way..... I felt conscious for the first time in months. Slept like a baby Sunday night.
Monday I felt almost apathetic. Tbh it felt akin to a dissosciative after glow... but lesss confused.
Work was rough as buddys kids daycare was closed for the week and he didnt know until we got there en route to work... so I was late and that was kinda flustrating (lol) ... but it was a short day so it wasnt so bad.
Picked up a used dressor for cheap, to match the (free) bed frame I scored last week. My room is finally coming together. I no longer feel like a kid, using the same furniture I had growing up (Im >30 ffs lol)...Today I finally switched all my shit over and got rid of the old dresser.
Feels good to be productive.
tl;dr
I propose we call ald52+M a sunshine flip lol ..
Too much M (or maybe it was too much 1A lol) meant proper reflection wasnt possible until after I had peaked. But tbf the peak was blissful af lol the days after have been productive and I am more hopeful for the future. But I know that I need to be the change I wanted to see. I cant continue to do the same shit and expect anything to change.
Cheers
edit: just thought I’d say my dose of m wasn’t reckless. I’m not sure why I need to say it, perhaps because I keep saying “too much m”. Was it a high dose, sure but I don’t think it was that bad in the scheme of things.
Perhaps I redosed a bit early too at 60 min. And it was 1/2 as opposed to 1/3. Both of which, I think contributed to the strong effects, whereas I believe if I had wait a bit longer and took a bit less it would have simply prolonged it as opposed to making the effects stronger.
Next time.
Bummed I only have 2 (of this sameness dose left... so like 2 and a small dose w/o a redose
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