After two years rediscovered the album that bought me back from the brink of total psychosis during a 260 ug LSD trip where i ripped a bong and got totally sent to the hellish realms of existence my friends were chilling with me and got me home to safety to bring me back to reality sat infront of the mirror and watched myself age through my entire life and all the scars on my soul and karma and confront my shadow. The night still kind of haunts me it put a strain on my friendships since i fucked out hard but they still have so much love for me but i never felt like i could forgive myself for that night. I should of seen the trip coming aswell since the end of my previous trip the week before became very satanic imagery.
Thanks for that music recommendation, thought I should comment as well as just "liking" since that sounds like a bad experience, but, thanks for sharing.
Man, after a week of good habits for some reason I ended up doing a bunch of DCK late yesterday evening and ended up not sleeping at all. I keep trying to treat DCK like ketamine - I must remember, it's not ketamine. I thought I was down and took a bunch of nootropics (piracetam, and others) to level out which was a bad, bad idea, NMDA rebound and excess stimulation, actually felt like my brain was burning, but also had a really weird internal visual trip, mad closed eye visuals where it was like I could see the state of my inner self, the inner watcher that looks out upon the world, I was getting like a 3D kaleidoscope of fragments of YouTube videos, scrolling mobile screens, all flickering in and out of my vision, and lightning bolts like darting from location to location, like some kind of 3 dimensional tree of electricity.. it made me think how scattered I've allowed myself to become and how corroded and diseased my attention has become... I resolved sitting on my bed I just wouldn't do this anymore, take things on a whim to counter a sense of inner restlessness that I feed every day with my apathy and listlessness... before that I had a really cool, immersive trip in pitch darkness with the wind and rain coming through the windows... I think it was really coming in, but also it synced up with the Holespace... I had one of those cool moments where suddenly... movement stops, scenery fades, and it's like I've been left somewhere and I'm like what... what is this? Is this real? My whole life was the illusion...? But then inevitably... reality effervesces back into solidity. I might write a trip report at some point. Hopefully that resolve will stick with me. Who knows with these drug-induced major decisions/revelations... not that they don't have value, I've implemented fairly lasting changes off the back of tryptamine-inspired sudden revelatory decisions, but dissociatives are a bit more iffy.
Anyway after the good stuff faded I felt like I really needed a GABAergic, but all I had was zolpidem and pregabalin. I didn't want to take zolpidem again since honestly it was taking 20mg of zolpidem the night before planning to just a have a slightly more fun evening that kicked off my impromptu Sunday evening disso-sesh... so I ended up taking 600mg of pregabalin but honestly that didn't even do it. Or maybe it did... eventually anyway the badness faded as these things often do. For a while my heart felt like something was seriously going wrong, and then like I couldn't breathe properly, like I actually took my blood pressure a few times but evidently the feeling must have been almost entirely psychosomatic because I was pretty damn sedated but also mentally so so wired. Lessons learned, hopefully, anyway. I don't think, looking back, that I would sacrifice that experience just to have a better and more normal day today... so, no point feeling regretful. Even though I do feel like shite I must say.