☮ Social ☮ PD Social Distancing Tripping Thread: Viruses Can't Penetrate Hyperspace

[Working_Class]

Man, there`s been some busy minds here the last while. It`s cool to see other people experiencing similar things while being on a completely separate journey.

I`ve had a doc suggest I try taking Cipralex for my anxiety, and while I`m sort of on the fence about it, I`ve had so many friends die from overdoses lately, and I hate my current medication enough that I`m pretty much willing to give up my ``rotating`` functional daily drugs I use to just feel motivated and normal ish, and just at least try this SSRI at a very low dose and attempt sobriety and see where it gets me. I`ve been sober except a nightly 2 mg dose of etizolam which I`ve been having a hell of a hard time shaking lately because of situational anxiety (episodic, not permanent situation).

I just got work for 12 months lined up, I`m going to visit my dad for a month as of next month, but the whole of June is going to be taxes and studying for Physiology and Anatomy exams while in another city. So it won`t be a vacation, but man do I need to get a grip on just trying to be at least free of recreational substances for 30 days. What a wrastle of a time, I never pictured it being such a difficult task, but when stress is around, man I just can`t seem to give myself a break. I hate to say it, but I`m fucking hooked like a worm on a fishing line and I want to regain some control of my own thoughts and emotions.

I - LOVE - psychedelics, but I need to get my fuckin life together so I can really enjoy another trip. This is gonna be a bit of a hike into unknown territory... Sobriety, for the short term at least, or maybe for the long term. I`m not sure. I feel torn about it all. But there`s the fact that I can`t moderate my use, and that`s become a thing. Not as though I can`t pick with and stay at a given dose, but that I can`t just put it ALL down for a month and see how I feel.

Cest la vie hey haha. Preachin to the choir here

 

[phenethylo J]

Think I might try plugging or eating a full dose of my 2c-p tomorrow also adding some mxe and maybe a little 2c-b latter in the trip. I really like 2c-b for what it is but it's missing that full rounded psychedelic effect.
After this probably wont trip for a bit since I want to keep my head clear for summer semester. My trips have been allot more rewarding now that I don't trip as often. I also seem to feel it allot better now that I'm on a lower dose of gabbapentin and opiods.

 

[Vastness]

Sounds about like every psilacetin trip I've ever had. Out of stubborn determination, I've taken that psychedelic countless times, obsessively probing its harsh effect for some indication that "facing my demons" will build character...

Let's put it this way. If it does, I'm too stupid to get it. So now I just take fun drugs. Life is good.

LOL, this is a good description. Interesting that so many people have similar experiences and a similar perspective as far as having a kind of stubborn psychological masochism with regards to feeling like there's something wrong about having to dilute frightening psychedelic experiences with other chemical softeners...

I`ve had a doc suggest I try taking Cipralex for my anxiety, and while I`m sort of on the fence about it, I`ve had so many friends die from overdoses lately, and I hate my current medication enough that I`m pretty much willing to give up my ``rotating`` functional daily drugs I use to just feel motivated and normal ish, and just at least try this SSRI at a very low dose and attempt sobriety and see where it gets me. I`ve been sober except a nightly 2 mg dose of etizolam which I`ve been having a hell of a hard time shaking lately because of situational anxiety (episodic, not permanent situation).

When you say "functional" daily drugs, could you elaborate a little on which ones these are? I'm assuming not psychedelics, unless you're microdosing...

Speaking for myself I've been managing to rotate modafinil, phenibut and tianeptine with the odd other ones mixed in for a good few years now probably, it usually works well enough, but recently I've been doing it way too often I think, and added kratom to the "rotation" which works well of course but honestly feels just worse for me in some way, also some days I'll take all 3 (moda, phenibut, kratom I mean) which doesn't seem good either, or sustainable, and kind of defeats the point of "rotating"... also been taking benzos way too often recently which is equally concerning, really need to be careful with that...


Speaking to the topic at hand, the other day I ended up tripping on DCK and 4-HO-MET, which was a really beautiful profound experience and actually gave me a day after afterglow for the first time in a long time - I think that had more to do with the 4-HO-MET than the DCK likely, though, but the combination is truly something special, feels holy in fact. I must make sure not to burn myself out with DCK like I seem to have done with ketamine now and be sensible with very spaced out, infrequent usage. DCK does feel hard on my body like all ACHs do so if I don't I won't only lose the magic but probably fuck myself up physically, bladder, kidneys or otherwise.

 

[Xorkoth]

Speaking for myself I've been managing to rotate modafinil, phenibut and tianeptine with the odd other ones mixed in for a good few years now probably, it usually works well enough, but recently I've been doing it way too often I think, and added kratom to the "rotation" which works well of course but honestly feels just worse for me in some way, also some days I'll take all 3 (moda, phenibut, kratom I mean) which doesn't seem good either, or sustainable, and kind of defeats the point of "rotating"... also been taking benzos way too often recently which is equally concerning, really need to be careful with that...

It's so, so easy to slowly increase your use of multiple drugs and suddenly find yourself in deep water... polydrug addiction can be a good thing in the sense that you can avoid strong physical dependence on any one thing, but it can also become seriously problematic when you find yourself dependent on multiple things at once and then you're not even quite sure which thing is causing you problems. Be careful!.

 

[Vastness]

^ Thanks man, yeah, good advice for sure. I actually think I've been flirting with on/off dependence on something... probably kratom... for maybe a few months now. I had a week or so a while back where I legit thought I had coronavirus, just no energy, major apathy, could barely get out of bed... as it happens that week I decided to abstain from everything, even caffeine, which I periodically do, but have never been hit with quite such a slap in the face of lethargic awfulness. A few other days recently I've had the same, just couldn't face even getting out of bed hardly, and I've remembered what it might be, and dosed myself 2.5-3g of kratom before even getting out of bed... half an hour later and usually I can face the day. Before that... horrific. Funnily though I can get over this pretty quickly once I realise what's happening, a few times now I've rapid tapered from 15g to 10g to 5g to 2g to off literally like that, usually with phenibut as a buffer, or recently... benzos, or pregabalin... and then I'll be off for a week, maybe a few, and then be like hmm I know what would be good, some kratom, and before I know if I'm back in the same situation... I'm quite familiar with mild dependence on a lot of stuff... well... phenibut, tianeptine, modafinil I guess, which are all pretty mild in terms of withdrawals (at least in the doses I've used) but kratom is the worst so far, it just feels harmful to me, I don't know why because I know a lot of people take it in low doses long-term and swear by it but something about it feels bad for me in a way that nothing else that I've taken regularly has.

 

[Xorkoth]

Opiate withdrawal is uniquely awful, emotionally in particular. Be aware that because of kindling, it will get worse over time, and happen easier. Withdrawing from opiates makes my soul feel dirty.

 

[Working_Class]

When you say "functional" daily drugs, could you elaborate a little on which ones these are? I'm assuming not psychedelics, unless you're microdosing...

I`ve been rotating through phenylpiracetam, kratom at the 1.5 - 2.5 gram range, low doses of edible THC (like 10 to 25 mg), 10 mg dexadrine, about 20 mcg of LSD, 20 mg of intranasal DMT, or some other shulgunesque RC at semi regular macrodoses usually while intoxicated. For example, while already intoxicated with alcohol and etizolam, say 6 - 8 beers and 2 - 4 mg etiz for a medium trip on a serotogenic RC. It`s been escalating and I realize that. It`s time to dial back and read some books and just ``Be normal`` for at LEAST a few weeks or months. I lean on substances to push me into creative head spaces, but even my post history reveals a very manic, up and down personality. I`m here, I`m gone, I`m productive, I`m worthless. It`s a very ``YoYo`` lifestyle which needs a good hard look at if I`m to really reach for my best performance and health in the long term.

My daily ``go too`s`` have been;

About 1.5 - 3 mg of etizolam every day, one good strong cup of coffee every day without fail (coffee is a must, c`mon right..?)

I had another significant life event occur in the last 24 hours. After going over my *surprisingly* flawless blood work with an expensive doctor who deals with TRT protocols, (which I was quite happy with, and this is when we discussed my blood pressure being possibly a physical manifestation of my unhealthy mental and or emotional state, and I don`t take any exogenous hormones for the time being - 14 moths clean from that at this point), I ran into a spot where I didn`t have a sufficient quantity of etiz ready, and therefor couldn`t lay down to sleep. So...

What I did last night was run into a spot where I only had a half a mg of etiz left. It was 11 PM and time for bed. I cannot sleep without a proper taper, so I told my GF what was going on and that I wanted to pack up every bit of my drug collection and paraphernalia, put it in a locked plastic bin and take it to storage.

So she stayed up with me for about an extra 2 hours while I scoured the house, made a taper batch of etiz up and she puts it in her cleavage because the heat helps it dissolve into the everclear much quicker (what a gal hey?), and packed up every pipe, DMT bong (these are sweet BTW), jar, case, grinder, bag syringe, pills, powders and what have you, and layed it all out on the living room floor ready to tetris pack it into this box with 2 holes for 2 locks. I finished packing it all up this morning.

I brought it to storage today and the only drugs left in the house are my prescription dexadrine, my taper batch of etiz, three quarters of a hit of 1-PLSD, an insignificant quantity of selank, and the remainder of my edible THC concoction. And a whole whack of testosterone propionate I`ve had laying around for about 18 months. If I want any drugs, I`ll have to really do some work going to storage, bringing keys, getting the bin, selecting the ones I`d like to use etc, in order to achieve the end goal, which afford me much more time to reflect on why and when I`d like to trip. So I feel like that was a big deal for me.

I also found some pictures of my mom and the last birthday card she ever signed for me on my 25th birthday, she had been sober for 7 years prior to her passing from lung cancer, so the packing up with her card and picture was very symbolic to me somehow. It wasn`t tears flowing emotional, but it was a powerfully significant event. seeing it all layed out like that was a big deal. Thinking of all my dead friends, and how many times I`ve shook hands with the reaper. It was time. I`ll definitely trip again, but it`s time to focus on other things.

And hell, maybe even add to the collection, I`m not above making new orders before the ban kicks in 100%. Gotta stock up, perfect time while I`m getting my habits in check. Sorry about writing my life fucking story, but it felt good to share.

It's so, so easy to slowly increase your use of multiple drugs and suddenly find yourself in deep water... polydrug addiction can be a good thing in the sense that you can avoid strong physical dependence on any one thing, but it can also become seriously problematic when you find yourself dependent on multiple things at once and then you're not even quite sure which thing is causing you problems. Be careful!.

And this 100%. It`s so easy to just get in the habit of regular low dosages of multiple things until total sobriety is nearly unmanageable. That`s where I`ve found myself. Interesting position to be in really, but it`s good to step back and take a good look every once in a while. I`m not big into ``The 12 steps``, but I do believe that talking about it with others helps gain some purchase and perspective on things like this. Yall help me out a lot. I appreciate all the personal stories that have been shared, you've all guided me in one way or another and I am truly grateful to be a part of the Bluelight community.

I believe in freedom of choice, and this community is very empowering for people with varying personal beliefs. The encouragement of accepting others how they are, and learning to see the world through their lens has been a huge tool for most of us, which IMO is the true appeal of Bluelight. There is lots of very gifted and intellectual people floating around on here.

End rant.

 

[Xorkoth]

And hell, maybe even add to the collection, I`m not above making new orders before the ban kicks in 100%. Gotta stock up, perfect time while I`m getting my habits in check. Sorry about writing my life fucking story, but it felt good to share.

It's a damn shame that international mail is so fucked right now, because I want to stock up before the NL ban too, but the last order I made never arrived (nor did I get a love letter), it's been 2 months. I am afraid to drop more money because of that but it is the last chance for some stuff, some of it possibly forever.

And never be sorry for writing novels on here, one of the great things about BL is that there are people who take the time and effort to write meaningful posts that aren't just 2-sentence shitposts.

 

[Chris Timothy]

Ah, reading bluelight, absorbing the ever so subtle dissing o styles o other styles..

Always an opportunity to retort in a novel way beyond.

 

[Vastness]

Thanks for sharing all that @Working_Class, and yeah I echo the sentiment from Xorkoth that you shouldn't apologise for sharing your life story, I'm grateful you put some effort into responding and I enjoyed reading it! When I ask people questions I generally am trying to get their life story out of them, heh, even if subtlety, so yeah I'm glad you were able to oblige.

I identify a lot with some of your substance rotations, phenylpiracetam, yum, Selank, definitely, agree with you about coffee too. Insufflated DMT eh? Isnt that pretty uncomfortable? I tried it once and it was enough to put me off trying it again. I know what you mean about the yoyo headspace, although that isn't my perception of you personally I really feel like I'm like that myself, I'll sometimes be posting really lengthy spiels all over the place and othertimes go silent, just lurking for a while, if I'm in one of my abstain-from-everything phase even though it sucks and IMO really dulls my personality...

I guess to always feel the need to be on something is not good but more and more I'm kind of making peace with it I think, for better or worse. Basically if I'm not on at least some combination of substances at this point basically I can't focus enough to do my job, so if I want to keep earning money to live, I need to find a balance. And honestly I think I have found a balance... I'm just not balanced right now. Heh, enough narcissism from me though going on about myself again. Good for you for trying to take a break from everything and good luck to you, double lock box in storage is a good idea for sure. I personally use these things "K safes" (means kitchen safe but it's funny as I have put K in them from time to time) time lock boxes, which provides some deterrent at least but I have also cracked open a bunch of them. Anyway again thanks for sharing. And my condolences of course for those you've lost - for whatever it's worth.

 

[Img_9999]

I made a pop tune

 

[Xorkoth]

I love that Img! You have a nice voice, and the riff is awesome. What are you using for sound recording?

 

[Xorkoth]

I am pretty sure I'm going to take some 2C-B-flyu today. In fact, in a few minutes. I took a vacation day at work today (and tomorrow), and am going to spend the day today working on a re-insulation project for my downstairs bedroom. I'm in a great mood and feeling good today and I think a 12mg dose of 2C-B-fly might be a really nice companion.

 

[Img_9999]

I love that Img! You have a nice voice, and the riff is awesome. What are you using for sound recording?

Thanks
For recording, I plug my guitar amp into an interface, and use reaper for mixing the tracks.The interface has a microphone input, so I plug my mic directly. For the drums I used a free VST.

Hope your 2C-B-FLY trip is going well !

 

[Xorkoth]

It's been a ride. Got super stressed about my house today and it's been a process. I may write a TR, I may not, I'm not sure yet. I started taking notes but kinda stopped. Lots to think about.

 

[cosmic charlie]

Really love your music Img

 

[Img_9999]

Glad you liked it, CC ! :D
It's not my usual style, but I did it mostly for fun!

Since I'm stuck here quarentined, might as well work on something creative haha

It's been a ride. Got super stressed about my house today and it's been a process. I may write a TR, I may not, I'm not sure yet. I started taking notes but kinda stopped. Lots to think about.

Oh, you already had planned on working on your house while on the FLY, sometimes combining chores and psychedelics results in some weird headspaces ! I rememeber a particular trip, years ago, where I thought droping acid and clening the house would be a good idea. Nope, I was just let confused as to why I even dosed in the first place, and then had a funny, uncomfortable trip.

But I hope it ended well !!

 

[Working_Class]

Insufflated DMT eh? Isnt that pretty uncomfortable? I tried it once and it was enough to put me off trying it again. I know what you mean about the yoyo headspace, although that isn't my perception of you personally I really feel like I'm like that myself, I'll sometimes be posting really lengthy spiels all over the place and othertimes go silent, just lurking for a while, if I'm in one of my abstain-from-everything phase even though it sucks and IMO really dulls my personality...

I guess to always feel the need to be on something is not good but more and more I'm kind of making peace with it I think, for better or worse. Basically if I'm not on at least some combination of substances at this point basically I can't focus enough to do my job, so if I want to keep earning money to live, I need to find a balance.

No problem man, I feel you 100% on the use being part of almost a personality type. It`s a ``touch and go`` kind of deal for a lot of us at one time or another. Ebbs and flows and all that jazz. I`ve never just straight up railed DMT Xstal, but I`ve been experimenting with DMT dissolved in DMSO and it does burn, but it also works. For what it is, I think it`s a worth while addition to the tickle trunk if you don`t feel like vaping the stuff. Although vaping it is far superior in terms of bang vs buck ratio.

My dad called me yesterday just because he was drunk and having a good time, and coincidentally it was also my 31st birthday haha. The old hippie just wanted to say hi, all throughout the conversation I was waiting for some mention of it, finally after about a half hour I asked him if he knew what today was, he answers no haha. What a fuckin beauty, I love my dad.

I also met a flat earth fella on the beach while my GF and I were on a good 3 hr bike ride and told him about it, and his immediate rebuttal was ``Good for him, i`m happy his world is flat for him`` in a broken french accent. Again, just being an open minded, welcoming, agreeable individual. Fuck I can`t wait to see him for all of June. It`s been way too long since I`ve seen my brother and my Paps. Makes me appreciate what it`s like to be without prejudice, he`s such a pure hearted fella. Just loves everyone, always happy, in the moment, and thankful. June is going to be good.

Tell someone you love them today that you haven`t seen in a while. All of yall. I promise you won`t regret it

Here`s my insomniac love to all you out there in hyperspace. Especially Cosmic C, hope life`s been treatin` you right homie, I know things were a little crazy for a bit.



I watched this while I was watching the time creep by on the clock beside my bed. Can`t sleep, so it`s reflection time. It`s a worthwhile philosophical consideration broken down into a nice short few mins. I found it very reinforcing to some concepts I`ve found as a central theme in my life lately. Be here, in the present, and do what you can with every moment you`ve got. They won`t all be sunshine and rainbows, but this is your life. Make it unequivocally, unapologetically your own, take the good with the bad, and be thankful. It`s arguably the most simple model for a satisfying experience that I can latch onto. Like my back and body pain, I`ve really accepted it as a part of the human condition, instead of medicating through it, I`ve taken it as an opportunity to learn how to cope mentally and incorporate it into my day to day. It may even become an entire career, being an expert in chronic pain and living with it. That could go very differently if my outlook was ``poor me`` or ``it`s too hard`` etc. Take today`s misfortune and turn it into a fortune. Lemons = lemonade and all that jazz. This principle applies to anything that can be initially perceived as a nuisance or misfortune. It can be hard, but perceived failures can be moments which catalyze profound self reinvention, we just have to have the foresight to see these as opportunities instead of taking it as something that cripples our motivation and positivity.

 

[cosmic charlie]

I've decided to acciure some San Pedro this summer for my next experience with psychedelics. As of right now this is the longest i have spaced out trips in year's. Is that a good thing well if course but wasn't entirely intentional, but alas my tolerance had become so severe that towards the end I'd barely have any visuals regardless of dosage or if I'd rotate things. With DMT being an exception but even that had become far more tame than previous excursions...

Well due to unforeseen circumstances I've now gone weeks without any Psychs and plan on continuing this was until the time comes when I choose to imbibe in this beautiful soul cleansing substance. Would really like to gets some more powder so that I would be able to also explore MacroDosing as it worked wonders for my depression and instilled a profound state of motivation and creativity.

It would be much easier for me to acciure Psilocybin Mushrooms but they also run me around 3 to 4 times the price in comparison. In the grand scheme I'd like to have both again and combine them here and there because the synergy is nothing short of spectacular when mixing those two earthly treasure's. Well regardless of the route I choose I know that the destination I'm heading will be the facilitation of a healing and transformative experience.

Hoping that these entheogens will drive the final nail into the coffin and allow me to bury this Heroin Addiction once again, six feet under from whence it came. I'd been clean for all those years and can make it happen once more, gonna be staying away from the Dissos also as they are causing me just as many problems honestly, they just manifest themselves in other ways. I'm going to stay strong and spread love in this world, we could all use a little more admist the confusing times us humans find ourselves.

°•Take care PD Family, it's time for my Vision Quest•°

LVe & LiTE

~Cosmic Charlie

 

[phenethylo J]

I ended up not doing my 2c-p again last week; probably with do it today. I'm feeling well rested an I'm in the mood for a trip today.
I might try eating it instead of plugging or snorting this time