My girlfriend comes home crying every day from her job... we talked about it and she says all she can think about all the time is how when she was watching my cat, she ignored her and didn't take her to the vet and she died. It's a weird situation because every time she cries (if anyone cries, not just her), my emotions automatically freeze and all I want to do is comfort. And then I feel like a robot, hugging her and telling her it is okay. I honestly want to forget that she did that, because if I think about it too much, I get mad. I don't need another "what if". I have forgiven her for it, because I know she was just in a bad place and didn't mean for it to happen. But it's not easy and I wish she'd stop bringing it up, but at the same time, she's feeling horrible about it all the time and I don't want her top suppress it like I do.
I need to figure out how to not let grief and anger become locked inside me. I feel like I need to let more emotions out about everything that has happened in the past few years, not just this. And maybe about other stuff from my past, even. But I can't right now. I don't know why. Well, I do know why, it's a defense mechanism so I can keep functioning. I have a lot of responsibilities, I have to function. But it's out of balance. I don't know what to do. I need to see a therapist I think because my whole life I've been this way. I feel positive and neutral emotions strongly, and some negative ones too, but grief and frustration/anger towards people I'm close to... not so much. But therapy is all virtual now and it's hard to imagine that being the same at all.