• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

TDS Patience and How to Improve It

RedLeader

RedLeader

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
12,312
I would like to open a discussion on the topic of patience and how to master it for your own well-being.

I think a lot of us have struggled with this one. Addiction can test our patience in so many ways. But so can recovery. Drugs or otherwise, our world runs on instant gratification, and it can be hard to get around this and yet still live a satisfied life.

How do you learn the art of patience? Anything from not letting traffic or a missed bus ruin your day to being able to strive toward longer/bigger goals without succumbing to frustration.

Thanks in advance for your contributions!
 
Watching the episode of Wonder Showzen called Patience is a good first step.

In all seriousness, I think meditation can help a lot. Getting to the point of ego death could help too but is not necessarily recommended due to the nature of this sub-forum.
 
Well I have to always remind myself that where i am at is just temporary and its going to change and that what i want will come around if I wait and put effort in.. But who am i trying to kid.. I'm terrible at patience, I think they forgot to download it on to me during production so I'm going to pay attention and learn some things.. Great idea for a thread RedLeader!


EDIT: why in the hell isn't this thread moving faster I need answers.. oh yeah, patience.
 
Last edited:
I think after you accept that you are living in the best of all possible worlds, that you become more patient. You have to remember that all things happen for a reason. Once you accept this, patience comes naturally.
 
Patience is a life-essential...I'm not sure I ever really found a way that I could point to and say there it is...this is the method to fill up your tank with good old juicy A-grade patience...my tank is unacceptably empty most of the time...

Patience...it's a deep subject...I think it's closely connected to selflessness, love, compassion, long-suffering, sacrifice, empathy, kind-heartedness...though this does not mean impatient behaviour means you're an evil prick...but it might...much can be said...no doubt...I just can't imagine anyone would want to read any more of what I have to say about it...
 
Derschieber said:
I'm not sure I ever really found a way that I could point to and say there it is...this is the method to fill up your tank with good old juicy A-grade patience...my tank is unacceptably empty most of the time...
Click to expand...

Haha, that's a great way of putting it. That's how I've been feeling lately. Mostly I feel impatient with my recovery and health situation and with myself, not so much with other people or situations. I just get so frustrated and tired with my situation and the way I've been feeling for such a long time. I'm not sure what to do about it. Trying to be mindful and focus on the moment I guess.
 
Swimmingdancer said:
Haha, that's a great way of putting it. That's how I've been feeling lately. Mostly I feel impatient with my recovery and health situation and with myself, not so much with other people or situations. I just get so frustrated and tired with my situation and the way I've been feeling for such a long time. I'm not sure what to do about it. Trying to be mindful and focus on the moment I guess.
Click to expand...

Hi dancer...is patience only a feeling? Sometimes my feelings are unreliable...about a great many things...LIARS...that's what they are...not always...just not reliable about important stuff...
Reading your threads from a year ago (for example)...anyone can see that you have determination and patience in the face of a difficult uncertainty...my feelings are liars this I know...could yours be too?
 
^agreed. And if you don't like to meditate, just sit quietly and observe.

I have been blessed with an overwhelming need for time to space out. This has been true since I was a little kid. As I've gotten older, the time to daydream or space out without guilt (I should be being productive!) has diminished drastically. One thing I have learned to totally appreciate is waiting in lines, at airports, stuck in traffic, etc---it's free daydreaming time!

Having kids taught me the most about patience. Really young children are the gurus of slowing down. You cannot hurry them no matter how hard you try. I remember my epiphany when I was trying to get my son off to kindergarten one day and he had dawdled getting dressed, dawdled eating and now he was intently studying this lady bug's progress up a flower stalk with the intense observation of a field biologist. Suddenly it became so funny to me that I was obsessing over getting him to school on time, to learn, when he was actually having this amazing learning experience on his own!

When I become inpatient with my own progress in something--whether it is establishing some sort of exercise routine or changing a bad habit, I force myself to reframe my progress in a positive way because I know myself and discouragement is my worst enemy. If I focus on how much I have "failed", or how little progress I have made, I tend to use that against myself and just give up. But if I say, "I am still learning how best to change and I am making progress in my understanding" it gives me a boost to keep going, no matter how much I zigzag, towards my goal.
 
I've learned to deal with patience in the past year or so by surrendering to the stress. I will rationalize if I can change anything (being late for work, waiting in traffic). I try to accept that it isn't going to change and therefor not worth worrying more about. It sometimes works. Sometimes doesn't.
 
Patience is a gift. It is a gift that closely follows acceptance and gratitude.

When I become impatient, I tend to experience a torrent of negative emotions. I've learned to let myself feel those emotions - the anger and the frustration. The anxiety and inaction. It is okay to feel your feelings. After all, controlling our feelings will not control the process or situation leading us to impatience.

By surrendering to the fact that I am prone to experiencing humanly emotions, and by continuously striving to both feel and know the gratitude that I genuinely have for myself and the people in my life, I find that the occasional situation that used to ignite flares of frustration within me appear to me now as does scenery on a highway. Triggers pass me by; I acknowledge them, yes! But I find that I am more consistently capable of keeping my momentum than I was before I had developed acceptance and gratitude.
 
Derschieber said:
Hi dancer...is patience only a feeling? Sometimes my feelings are unreliable...about a great many things...LIARS...that's what they are...not always...just not reliable about important stuff...
Reading your threads from a year ago (for example)...anyone can see that you have determination and patience in the face of a difficult uncertainty...my feelings are liars this I know...could yours be too?
Click to expand...

Thank you, and yes, my thoughts/feelings are totally liars :). Sometimes I get a moment of clarity, like when someone else says something objective, like your post above. For example an expert on addiction says they are amazed at the progress I have made and says I have been so strong and patient because that very few people are able to get off opiates after so many years, (especially methadone), and I take a minute to think about how far I have come and try to be more compassionate with myself. But many times I don't feel patient and I catch myself thinking "I just want this to be over, I just want to feel better NOW!" I am slowly learning to be more accepting and less reactive but I am having a tough time accepting my current situation (constant pain, no energy) and being patient with myself, not having outrageously high expectations for myself, etc. Doing some cognitive behavioural therapy, maybe that will be useful...

I will try to keep that in mind more that some other people are patient with me and appreciate that there are those kind of awesome souls out there who "get" it. Most of the pressure comes from myself or people who don't understand.

BTW, great posts herbivore and Vaya <3
 

Steady​


Steady as go

Don’t think yourself into a hole
What you think is different from what you know
Your life will always flow and change as time it goes
So sit and wait for this
To be in your place of peace
Decisions they can wait
Until your better days

You must now take control

Steady as you go.

not my poem
 
I am terrible at patience I think the only way to start remedying my lack of it is to meditate daily or I will continue down the wrong road to a quick demise
 
If I could be patient for another 24 hours nicotine withdrawal ends technically I will submit to spiritual teachings but I might also get on my bike any minute and rush to 711 for an ecig.

I never want to be locked up again so I try to follow laws strictly now
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top