Opioids Oxy Addiction / Scared to Death

[SimplyTrinity]

I’ve been reading these forums for years and years but didn’t have the courage to make a post. I feel like I’m at a point where I need to now. Sorry in advance for the length. If it’s too long, I would appreciate anyone telling me that and I can just hit the reset button and post something that gets to the point quicker.

I was first prescribed oxy’s for severe herniated discs 6+ years ago. I remember the first few times taking them, the effect was almost overwhelming. Made me feel uncomfortable and super drowsy. Eventually those parts stopped happening and I got the intense euphoria.

Was not hooked for the next 4-5 years. When my back pain recurred and I couldn’t walk, I’d get a prescription for 30-60 of them. Take them as needed plus some recreationally, then move on when I ran out. 4 years ago, I remember even calling the doctor to let him know I found a bottle of 30 that expired 6 months ago, asking if I could still use them. He said no, so I flushed them. It’s crazy to think I ever did that!

Anyway, I probably continued like this every 12-18 months. I had a recurrence of bad back pain. Got epidurals, prescription of oxy, did PT, etc. Never really having any major withdrawals or cravings in between pills running out.

Probably 2 years ago was an inflection point for me. I tracked down the same doctor that had prescribed them to me to get another prescription. The difference this time? I faked the back pain to get 45 pills. And then I faked it again when I ran out of those. And then again and again.

I’ve been doing that for pretty much 2+ years. The crappy thing is that 6 months ago, I had a recurrence of my back pain. The worst ever - severe nerve pain down my leg that wouldn’t go away no matter what I did. Vomit and tear inducing pain that was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I ended up popping 4 10mg oxy’s per day during that episode and they barely took the edge off (partly because I assume I built up a tolerance and partially because the pain was THAT bad).

So here’s where I am today. I get a refill of 30-60 pill refill probably every 2-3 months. I used to be able to space it out... have it as my “weekend reward” - I’d do 1-1.5 10mg oxy’s on a Friday, then same dose on Saturday. Recover on a Sunday and take none during the work week. That was enough to make me feel pretty euphoric then fairly relaxed from afternoon until bedtime. Lately, “weekend reward” has turned into a few days a week.
While the frequency of days has gone up, the dosage hasn’t. I now only take 0.5 to 1 10mg pill in a day when I do take it. Very often, especially if I can time right in the day and plan the right meal before, 0.5 10mg pills is perfect just to make me feel slightly euphoric, less anxious and pretty relaxed. I’ve grown to prefer the lower end of the dose because I have found on days I’ve tried to take 1.5 or 2 10mg pills, I really feel it the next day (and I spend the entire day grumpy and not wanting to get out of bed).

So anyway, I feel like I’m at a crossroads and I am SUPER scared of my dependence/addiction (whatever is accurate for where I am today) is going to get worse. I have such anxiety in general, which sometimes really spikes as the drugs are wearing off. As an example, I’ve spent MANY nights googling what it feels like to OD, seeing if there are stories of people dying in their sleep 8 hours after taking their oxy dose, or even jolting myself away as I am drifting off to sleep because I thought I was about to stop breathing... and all this on only 10-15mg total of oxy that I took 8 hours before going to sleep!

My use for the oxy has evolved to be more than just chasing the euphoric high (which by the way, the highs are never anywhere near the euphoria I remember from the first few months on it). I’ve actually grown to love the relaxed feeling it gives me 4 hours after I have taken it. When I come down off the high, fight off the hour of bad drowsiness, then settle into this chill/relaxed feeling for the rest of the night. Also, and I’m not sure if this is common on oxy, but I get SUPER productive when I take them. Like an hour after I take 10mg, I’ll do all the dishes, clean the house, fire off emails I’ve been putting off for days, and just really be on it. I just feel more “in my element” when I’ve take 5-7.5mg of oxy. And that’s what terrifies me.

I’ve built the strength to ask my wife to “hide my pain pills” from me. Why hide and not just flush? Because I dream of going back to the guy who can just take 2 pills total on the weekend and then just function without them during the week. And I’m scared of not having them available at all.

I just started taking fluoxetine (Prozac) for anxiety. 10mg, but it’s been only 3 days on it and so far I’ve never had a day without being on 7.5-10mg of oxy so tough to even tell if it’s helping me or not. I’m super worried and anxious about the interaction of the two (I keep reading scary stories online that the 2 don’t play well together so have these nightmares I’m going to OD even at my low doses of both).

Anyway, I’m not sure what I’m looking for. Part of this felt great to even just tell “someone” for the first time ever. I guess I’m looking for advice from others who remember being at this crossroads. Is there a way to settle in at the guy who refills 45 10mg oxy every 6 months and takes it recreationally in between? Or am I headed to a bad addiction and eventually seeking out even scarier stuff like heroin? Should I cut myself off and see how the Prozac does on my anxiety and maybe I don’t need the oxy anymore?

Thanks for reading and all the support

 

[SimplyTrinity]

By the way, I realize and recognize that the amounts I’m talking about are the dust crumbs from what other people take. So this isn’t a “I’m out of control, help me” post. More trying to seek advice on how to prevent going off the deep end.

 

[SimplyTrinity]

All my friends are pushing me to weed to get some of the same effects I was going for - reduce anxiety, better sleep, pain relief. Never heard (before you) say that you could get addicted to weed though. Is weed addiction a thing? Does weed give any feeling of euphoria at all or is it all just relaxation (which confuses me because isn’t it a stimulant)?

Either way, I assume a weed addiction is far less dangerous than an opioid one right?

 

[LordOfThisWorld]

All my friends are pushing me to weed to get some of the same effects I was going for - reduce anxiety, better sleep, pain relief. Never heard (before you) say that you could get addicted to weed though. Is weed addiction a thing? Does weed give any feeling of euphoria at all or is it all just relaxation (which confuses me because isn’t it a stimulant)?

Either way, I assume a weed addiction is far less dangerous than an opioid

I’m in extreme shoulder socket joint pain and the doctor won’t give me shit but prescription ibuprofen and naproxen.
I’ve had to buy Tramadol online, because all the nsaids are doing is burning a hole in my stomach, you must be lucky or have a doctor who cares about your pain.

for the anxiety I’d see a psychiatrist and counselor, that’s what I plan on doing, I suffer from anxiety as well .

 

[SimplyTrinity]

Yeah I’m going to start seeing a counselor soon to see if it helps with the anxiety. I’m skeptical but everyone says to give it a try. I also don’t want to depend on pills or weed for the rest of my life.

 

[OpialiciouslyMe]

Weed can create mental addiction. It's not physically addictive like opioids so don't need to worry about that but any psychoactive substance can create a mental addiction. There are many people who need weed daily. It's just a mind thing though. Maybe they convince themselves that they need it for anxiety, to be stress free and then end up being permanently stoned everyday as they cannot refrain from using it.
Weed won't kill you but it's not a solution either. Best thing for anxiety is to learn strategies to cope with it. Not pills or drugs. That's for the long term anyway.
You can certainly do some weed occasionally without worrying about any bad consequences.
I'm addicted to opioids and I started as well with occasional use of codeine that slowly turned into daily use of oxycodone and morphine now at pretty high dosages.
To think I used to be strongly antidrugs. Look at me now... I've even tried heroin once and even fentanyl.
You will end up taking oxycodone everyday sooner or later and your script won't be enough to keep up with that sort of usage so you'll have to buy extra. It's very expensive and risky.
It's just how opioids work. You cannot use just once in a while if you really like them. They all end up finding themselves addicts.
Get out while you can and at least switch to weed to mellow out.

 

[Zeke1977]

My story is very similar, I’m 10 years in now and take 30 to 60mg a day.
I still have a script but also get more from a friend.
i experienced nearly the same thing and even had my wife managing the pills for many years.
she doesn’t know about the second half that I get from a friend. It’s expensive and eventually. I’m sure she will find out.
I worry not about dying from an OD or even being addicted so much as I worry about eventually getting H, that is the route I want to avoid and quite frankly, I’m scared that I’ll get to the point that I really want it.
wish I was able to be helpful but this is all I have.

 

[Zeke1977]

I have tried using weed as a substitute but I don’t like weed, unfortunately

 

[Chem-man]

SimplyTrinity,
I was at one point at exactly the same place you are today. My addiction to pain pills evolved over a long period of time and in hindsight it wasn’t the pain from which I was originally prescribed them that drove me to the addiction, it was the euphoric feeling that I got from them.
I am one of the lucky ones I guess (you can find me short story in another post), but eventually I was taking a pile of pills every day and spending a pile of cash to support my addiction. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) I have a good job that supported the cash outlays.
Eventually, the creep from only taking them on weekends to maybe starting on Wednesday to eventually all week then to taking more and more and more. I can only advise you to be aware of the warning signs you are seeing now. Others advised me that also, but I always thought I was different (US Marines vet, self discipline etc). But it took me down...
I am in recovery now, and taking a product called Suboxone to avoid the pills and eliminate the cravings.
I feel like the “ghost of Christmas future”, but it doesn’t have to end that way for you. Just listen to your own concerns, confide in your wife, and if you feel you want a pill make sure you really need a pill.
Good luck and prayers for you

 

[Chem-man]

Also, I take Zoloft for anxiety/ public speaking and it works very well

 

[SimplyTrinity]

My story is very similar, I’m 10 years in now and take 30 to 60mg a day.
I still have a script but also get more from a friend.
i experienced nearly the same thing and even had my wife managing the pills for many years.
she doesn’t know about the second half that I get from a friend. It’s expensive and eventually. I’m sure she will find out.
I worry not about dying from an OD or even being addicted so much as I worry about eventually getting H, that is the route I want to avoid and quite frankly, I’m scared that I’ll get to the point that I really want it.
wish I was able to be helpful but this is all I have.

This story rings so familiar to me. In the beginning, when I didn’t know about my own body’s tolerance, or even how strong the drugs were, I was worried about doing something dumb that resulted in an OD. Now that I know much more and trust myself not to do anything really reckless (like drink a lot with my pills or take triple my normal dose) I worry way less about that.

My number 1 fear now, like yours, is that I eventually move up the chain to something bigger like heroin. I wouldn’t even know where to start to get it, and used to think that would be the thing that prevents me from going down that route, but I’m sure everyone started that way and eventually figures that out.

So it was weird, a few weeks ago, for the first time in a couple of years, I ran out of my percs completely and had to wait 2 weeks to get my refill. There was actually a feeling of relief that overcame me, and while the first couple of days were a little tough (nothing like the stories you hear about obviously given I was only on fairly low dose oxy), after a week I felt mostly normal and probably could have moved on if I didn’t get another prescription. That said, I did get another one and since it has been the holidays last 2 weeks (meaning no work, I’ve gotten closer to daily use).

I’d love to stop entirely but I’m scared to. I’m scared the feeling of malaise and depression and listlessness will not go away. I’m scared I will underperform at work while I’m recovering and that I’ll be a complete a-hole to my wife and kids. If someone told me with 100% certainty that after I get past 1-2 weeks of that, that I’ll be as happy as I am when I take the pills, then I’d do it for sure. But I feel like it’s 1-2 weeks of torture for an outcome that feels less good than being on the pills.

 

[Zeke1977]

This story rings so familiar to me. In the beginning, when I didn’t know about my own body’s tolerance, or even how strong the drugs were, I was worried about doing something dumb that resulted in an OD. Now that I know much more and trust myself not to do anything really reckless (like drink a lot with my pills or take triple my normal dose) I worry way less about that.

My number 1 fear now, like yours, is that I eventually move up the chain to something bigger like heroin. I wouldn’t even know where to start to get it, and used to think that would be the thing that prevents me from going down that route, but I’m sure everyone started that way and eventually figures that out.

So it was weird, a few weeks ago, for the first time in a couple of years, I ran out of my percs completely and had to wait 2 weeks to get my refill. There was actually a feeling of relief that overcame me, and while the first couple of days were a little tough (nothing like the stories you hear about obviously given I was only on fairly low dose oxy), after a week I felt mostly normal and probably could have moved on if I didn’t get another prescription. That said, I did get another one and since it has been the holidays last 2 weeks (meaning no work, I’ve gotten closer to daily use).

I’d love to stop entirely but I’m scared to. I’m scared the feeling of malaise and depression and listlessness will not go away. I’m scared I will underperform at work while I’m recovering and that I’ll be a complete a-hole to my wife and kids. If someone told me with 100% certainty that after I get past 1-2 weeks of that, that I’ll be as happy as I am when I take the pills, then I’d do it for sure. But I feel like it’s 1-2 weeks of torture for an outcome that feels less good than being on the pills.

Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel and Im in the same boat.

 

[OpialiciouslyMe]

The depression and listlessness will go away. It all depends on whether you're medicating at the moment with opioids for that exact reason.
My theory is most get addicted trying to numb depression and those feelings of boredom and apathy. Which means that once you get clean you'll still be left to deal with that and if you don't learn how to cope with that or get professional help for that you'll relapse.
I've got a friend who told me how she got over a hydrocodone habit years ago only to end up now addicted to dihydrocodeine (that's because she is staying voluntarily away from stronger stuff). She says when she was clean life wasn't better. You always hear how someone who recovered say they feel everything is better clean but for her that wasn't true. She uses opioids to mask those feelings. She has honestly deluded herself many times since I've known her that she was tapering off and quit. She is still gobbling up dhc pills like there is no tomorrow and spending a fortune to have dhc sent express to the US from here UK. That's because she's probably depressed but won't admit it to herself and sort that out.

 

[SimplyTrinity]

The depression and listlessness will go away. It all depends on whether you're medicating at the moment with opioids for that exact reason.
My theory is most get addicted trying to numb depression and those feelings of boredom and apathy. Which means that once you get clean you'll still be left to deal with that and if you don't learn how to cope with that or get professional help for that you'll relapse.
I've got a friend who told me how she got over a hydrocodone habit years ago only to end up now addicted to dihydrocodeine (that's because she is staying voluntarily away from stronger stuff). She says when she was clean life wasn't better. You always hear how someone who recovered say they feel everything is better clean but for her that wasn't true. She uses opioids to mask those feelings. She has honestly deluded herself many times since I've known her that she was tapering off and quit. She is still gobbling up dhc pills like there is no tomorrow and spending a fortune to have dhc sent express to the US from here UK. That's because she's probably depressed but won't admit it to herself and sort that out.

I started using regularly more out of boredom than depression, I would say. I’m a happy person in general. I also use oxy to be productive (I find when I’m on them, I can accomplish so much more whether around the house or at work). That said, I have creative pursuits related to writing and find it more difficult to be creative on oxy than not. I’m much more creative on alcohol than oxy so wouldn’t mind getting back that.
In the last 6 months, I do suffer from some increased depression. I think it’s more to do with impacts from COVID (cabin fever, never having any escape from the family, anxiety about the disease itself, impacts to job, etc) than anything else. I just started taking 10mg of fluoxetine/Prozac recently but honestly haven’t been off the oxy for enough days to see if that’s even helping me.

 

[OpialiciouslyMe]

I started using regularly more out of boredom than depression, I would say. I’m a happy person in general. I also use oxy to be productive (I find when I’m on them, I can accomplish so much more whether around the house or at work). That said, I have creative pursuits related to writing and find it more difficult to be creative on oxy than not. I’m much more creative on alcohol than oxy so wouldn’t mind getting back that.
In the last 6 months, I do suffer from some increased depression. I think it’s more to do with impacts from COVID (cabin fever, never having any escape from the family, anxiety about the disease itself, impacts to job, etc) than anything else. I just started taking 10mg of fluoxetine/Prozac recently but honestly haven’t been off the oxy for enough days to see if that’s even helping me.

I think that your Prozac dose is a bit too low to really do anything and also it's difficult to judge if it is doing anything when you're on other psychoactive substances at the same time.
I would talk to your prescriber and look to find the best solution for your depression/anxiety. It's something you can sort out with therapy and appropriate medication.
You need to fix that if you want to then have a real go at kicking the oxy. Otherwise what will happen is that you might very well be able to get off the oxy, but you will find yourself having to deal with that feeling of boredom, anxiety and so on and you will fool yourself into thinking you can go back to opioids and use once in a while recreationally but it's just a delusion.
Like I said, the reason why so many slowly fall into addiction is they (me included) are using the opioids to fill a void, whether it is depression or simply boredom etc. The opioids numb you in a pleasant way.
My friend finds dhc gives her some pep to deal with her daily routine. That's another reason she can't give it up.

Definitely don't go back on alcohol... it is much, much more damaging to your body than opioids. Alcohol will 100% kill your liver if you get addicted. You can't use alcohol like that without consequences. It's not a forgiving drug.
It's not worth it for a bit of creativity. If that is your alternative you're much better off with an oxy habit without a doubt.

Your creativity is still coming from you. It's not the oxycodone increasing it. It's the fact oxy helps masking other negative feelings that impact your creativity. You can fix those feelings and then you won't need a drug to be creative. That's my opinion at least.
I developed a habit because I am depressed and opioids numb me so I don't wanna kill myself. I am well aware they are just masking the problem and I should have therapy instead but I don't have the money for that so that's what I do at the moment. I have a lot of sympathy for addicts. I am convinced the majority is just self-medicating something. There is nothing to despise. They need compassion.
Top be honest if someone wanted to be more creative they would probably be better off using psychedelics. I can see them being useful in that way and at least they are not addictive.

 

[Temmujin]

I was a nurse who started using IV morphine and dilaudid for depression. At first I thought this was easy to control, I can stop whenever. It led to shooting 60mg morphine 6mg dilaudid mixed, twice a day. I was stealing from the med room, keeping wastes, and digging through the sharps. It fucked my life up. I lost my license, everything. It definitely cured my depression while using, but I wish I never touched it. Its not worth the high when it becomes the purpose of your life to get high again. And tolerance is the worst; Every few weeks I had doubled my dose trying to get the rush.

Withdrawal is the worst experience I think anyone can go through. It is 100% misery. Suboxone is a wonder drug but dont think you can stay on it forever, you have to be committed to be clean or don't even bother going through treatment.

Now in my experience about the highs: Morphine had the best rush after i had used for a year, my tolerance to dilaudid got too high. Morphine being less potent on the scale was actually my favorite, plus its all natural lol. Dilaudid was amazing at first but it stopped giving me a good rush. The best high I ever had was 40mg morphine, 4mg dilaudid and 100mcg fentayl mixed. Fentayl had zero rush, and the only high was a feeling of calmness. Fentayl is just a sedative, we give it to make people go to sleep on a IV drip. I never used it by itself unless it was all I had. But its a great mixer/filler to give a stronger rush. I loved being high. It was the most euphoric feeling ive ever felt. I was smarter, faster, funnier, all positives. It gave me energy, I never felt tired unless I shot up at night. Oxy pills were decent if you don't have IV. I tried ketamine IV once, had hallucinations and out of body experience. Didn't care for it. IV benadryl sucks, gives you anxiety where you can't sleep but you're so tired. Also gave me full auditory hallucinations, I thought I was a schizophrenic.

If you have never used opioids, I couldn't stress enough don't do it. If it tickles your brain the right way, you're hooked permanently. It's like tasting the apple. You can't use and have a life, its impossible unless you're rich and never have to work. I'm almost 1 year clean, on 2mg suboxone every 2nd/3rd day. I still get cravings that make me sweat, ache, and have the worst anxiety. My coping is to distract myself with something. Also, I have this addiction app RecovPath that really helps me stay sober.

If you want to risk being a slave to a substance, that's the price you pay for feeling good.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I’ve been reading these forums for years and years but didn’t have the courage to make a post. I feel like I’m at a point where I need to now. Sorry in advance for the length. If it’s too long, I would appreciate anyone telling me that and I can just hit the reset button and post something that gets to the point quicker.

I was first prescribed oxy’s for severe herniated discs 6+ years ago. I remember the first few times taking them, the effect was almost overwhelming. Made me feel uncomfortable and super drowsy. Eventually those parts stopped happening and I got the intense euphoria.

Was not hooked for the next 4-5 years. When my back pain recurred and I couldn’t walk, I’d get a prescription for 30-60 of them. Take them as needed plus some recreationally, then move on when I ran out. 4 years ago, I remember even calling the doctor to let him know I found a bottle of 30 that expired 6 months ago, asking if I could still use them. He said no, so I flushed them. It’s crazy to think I ever did that!

Anyway, I probably continued like this every 12-18 months. I had a recurrence of bad back pain. Got epidurals, prescription of oxy, did PT, etc. Never really having any major withdrawals or cravings in between pills running out.

Probably 2 years ago was an inflection point for me. I tracked down the same doctor that had prescribed them to me to get another prescription. The difference this time? I faked the back pain to get 45 pills. And then I faked it again when I ran out of those. And then again and again.

I’ve been doing that for pretty much 2+ years. The crappy thing is that 6 months ago, I had a recurrence of my back pain. The worst ever - severe nerve pain down my leg that wouldn’t go away no matter what I did. Vomit and tear inducing pain that was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I ended up popping 4 10mg oxy’s per day during that episode and they barely took the edge off (partly because I assume I built up a tolerance and partially because the pain was THAT bad).

So here’s where I am today. I get a refill of 30-60 pill refill probably every 2-3 months. I used to be able to space it out... have it as my “weekend reward” - I’d do 1-1.5 10mg oxy’s on a Friday, then same dose on Saturday. Recover on a Sunday and take none during the work week. That was enough to make me feel pretty euphoric then fairly relaxed from afternoon until bedtime. Lately, “weekend reward” has turned into a few days a week.
While the frequency of days has gone up, the dosage hasn’t. I now only take 0.5 to 1 10mg pill in a day when I do take it. Very often, especially if I can time right in the day and plan the right meal before, 0.5 10mg pills is perfect just to make me feel slightly euphoric, less anxious and pretty relaxed. I’ve grown to prefer the lower end of the dose because I have found on days I’ve tried to take 1.5 or 2 10mg pills, I really feel it the next day (and I spend the entire day grumpy and not wanting to get out of bed).

So anyway, I feel like I’m at a crossroads and I am SUPER scared of my dependence/addiction (whatever is accurate for where I am today) is going to get worse. I have such anxiety in general, which sometimes really spikes as the drugs are wearing off. As an example, I’ve spent MANY nights googling what it feels like to OD, seeing if there are stories of people dying in their sleep 8 hours after taking their oxy dose, or even jolting myself away as I am drifting off to sleep because I thought I was about to stop breathing... and all this on only 10-15mg total of oxy that I took 8 hours before going to sleep!

My use for the oxy has evolved to be more than just chasing the euphoric high (which by the way, the highs are never anywhere near the euphoria I remember from the first few months on it). I’ve actually grown to love the relaxed feeling it gives me 4 hours after I have taken it. When I come down off the high, fight off the hour of bad drowsiness, then settle into this chill/relaxed feeling for the rest of the night. Also, and I’m not sure if this is common on oxy, but I get SUPER productive when I take them. Like an hour after I take 10mg, I’ll do all the dishes, clean the house, fire off emails I’ve been putting off for days, and just really be on it. I just feel more “in my element” when I’ve take 5-7.5mg of oxy. And that’s what terrifies me.

I’ve built the strength to ask my wife to “hide my pain pills” from me. Why hide and not just flush? Because I dream of going back to the guy who can just take 2 pills total on the weekend and then just function without them during the week. And I’m scared of not having them available at all.

I just started taking fluoxetine (Prozac) for anxiety. 10mg, but it’s been only 3 days on it and so far I’ve never had a day without being on 7.5-10mg of oxy so tough to even tell if it’s helping me or not. I’m super worried and anxious about the interaction of the two (I keep reading scary stories online that the 2 don’t play well together so have these nightmares I’m going to OD even at my low doses of both).

Anyway, I’m not sure what I’m looking for. Part of this felt great to even just tell “someone” for the first time ever. I guess I’m looking for advice from others who remember being at this crossroads. Is there a way to settle in at the guy who refills 45 10mg oxy every 6 months and takes it recreationally in between? Or am I headed to a bad addiction and eventually seeking out even scarier stuff like heroin? Should I cut myself off and see how the Prozac does on my anxiety and maybe I don’t need the oxy anymore?

Thanks for reading and all the support

I started using regularly more out of boredom than depression, I would say. I’m a happy person in general. I also use oxy to be productive (I find when I’m on them, I can accomplish so much more whether around the house or at work). That said, I have creative pursuits related to writing and find it more difficult to be creative on oxy than not. I’m much more creative on alcohol than oxy so wouldn’t mind getting back that.
In the last 6 months, I do suffer from some increased depression. I think it’s more to do with impacts from COVID (cabin fever, never having any escape from the family, anxiety about the disease itself, impacts to job, etc) than anything else. I just started taking 10mg of fluoxetine/Prozac recently but honestly haven’t been off the oxy for enough days to see if that’s even helping me.

You’ll make this. We believe in you. It’s tough at the start. But life is so much better when your not a slave to anything

 

[Keif' Richards]

Hey OP unfortunately, your post was indeed to long and detailed, so you're permanently banned from the forums

So you're trying to figure out a solution to both hour pain and addiction. It is no doubt a tricky fucking situation. You can be addicted to Opioids and still require them for pain management, however this is not an angle that most prescribers are going to actually help you with. A documented addiction leads almost universally to a medically-induced withdrawal followed by a protocol of complete abstinence. It is hard to say exactly how one's provider will actually do.

Could you try to be succinct and let us know what your goals are, where you stand currently and we will do our very best to help you get there.

 

[Temmujin]

You’ll make this. We believe in you. It’s tough at the start. But life is so much better when your not a slave to anything

You can do it, anyone can. Just set easy obtainable goals. Its going to hurt to taper back but no pain no gain. Try taking half of what you do with the same frequency, and work from there.

Since you have back pain, try some new things that control your pain instead of oxys.

Rule of thumb: Opioids are for breakthrough pain only. If you're using them everyday or several times a week, then you/your doctor needs to do something different. That's how addiction happens and its not your fault when you're hurting, its biology. Anyone taking opioids every day, or several times a week that the doctor hasn't specifically said thats ok, is not managing their pain correctly. If your doctor isn't helping you manage, then find a new one or go to a pain specialist.

Plus the longer you take opioids, the more sensitive your pain receptors are. You hurt more when you aren't on them, so Tylenol etc won't work. AND when you are in agony and go to the ER, your tolerance is so high that the doctors have a hard time treating your pain. Its bad all around.

I don't know your pain regime but try:

Taking Tylenol at set schedules, not only when you start hurting. Ibuprofen/aspirin is good but you shouldn't take that regularly or you can get an ulcer.

A TENS unit / electrical stimulator. Good for distraction and they are cheap on Amazon.

Ice/heat, capsasin cream, approved exercises for your condition, keep perfect posture, don't sit too long as that puts pressure on your lower back.

Protect your back always, never heavy lift or risk injury. Never ever.

-Former ER nurse and recovering addict

 

[Jabberwocky]

You can do it, anyone can. Just set easy obtainable goals. Its going to hurt to taper back but no pain no gain. Try taking half of what you do with the same frequency, and work from there.

Since you have back pain, try some new things that control your pain instead of oxys.

Rule of thumb: Opioids are for breakthrough pain only. If you're using them everyday or several times a week, then you/your doctor needs to do something different. That's how addiction happens and its not your fault when you're hurting, its biology. Anyone taking opioids every day, or several times a week that the doctor hasn't specifically said thats ok, is not managing their pain correctly. If your doctor isn't helping you manage, then find a new one or go to a pain specialist.

Plus the longer you take opioids, the more sensitive your pain receptors are. You hurt more when you aren't on them, so Tylenol etc won't work. AND when you are in agony and go to the ER, your tolerance is so high that the doctors have a hard time treating your pain. Its bad all around.

I don't know your pain regime but try:

Taking Tylenol at set schedules, not only when you start hurting. Ibuprofen/aspirin is good but you shouldn't take that regularly or you can get an ulcer.

A TENS unit / electrical stimulator. Good for distraction and they are cheap on Amazon.

Ice/heat, capsasin cream, approved exercises for your condition, keep perfect posture, don't sit too long as that puts pressure on your lower back.

Protect your back always, never heavy lift or risk injury. Never ever.

-Former ER nurse and recovering addict

Thank you for your sacrifices to make sure others can feel better. I second all this. I’m currently in withdrawal from 60mg a day same as OP. I get scared I’m dying all the time, look at my threads. I don’t even like the buzz except sometimes yet I kept compulsively taking it. Good news OP oxy is a short opiate meaning in 3 days your body should be on the mend. Now your mind, ima be honest you will forever be an addict now that you got a taste of it, but just like someone don’t wanna drink coffee all day you must treat your meds as such. That or request that your doctor ween you, pain is hard... I’ve been in such pain before I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But like poster mentioned above, I’d hate to have my tolerance so high that the m and ms they prescribe at the er would be better of flushed. Another good thing is your mindset isn’t that if someone who’s ok with their addiction, that’s the first step. The hardest step is maintaining that mindset. News, 5-15mg every 4-6 is not going kill you, I can’t guarantee that.. but I’m within 99% certain. But your body and spirit are warning you before hand. Listen to them. Cause it doesn’t increase from here, your buzz won’t be anything like it was in the beginning. Opiate stimulation is generally to naive individuals, when your dose gets above 7.5mg then you just fall further and further into a sleep and one day you won’t wake up, and it’s over. I can’t advocate switching from one thing to another. But One thing that really helps me is kratom, and perhaps maybe you talking to your doctor about something for anxiety. I wouldn’t suggest benzos since you are on opiates. I don’t care what others say and do mixing is dangerous, but kepra and propanol are good ones that unless I’m wrong and @sekio knows otherwise as he really is versed in pharmacology. But keep at this OP and don’t feel like you can’t come here and post whatever. This site is a Godsend and just like there is plenty of horror stories their are plenty of success stories. I have a friend who was on intervention show, He talks to recovering addicts and has always motivated me. I just never stuck with it. his brother died from heroin stroke. Marcel is his name. If you ever wanna talk dm me and I can give you his Instagram. Try to keep as positive mindset as you can right now though. Negative thought loops lead to negative behaviors.