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November recovery thread

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Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Nov 3, 2008
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irl friend died, not a bl'er, likely unintentional od

and i'm crying, a lot, again

the irony is that I've been actively suicidal for so long and he really wanted to live and was so optimistic and had so much to live for

i can't calm down this is bad
 

chinup

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Aug 1, 2010
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Greatest city on Earth
oh my fucking lord my housemate left a month ago and is still causing me utter shit. she told me she had the utilities under control and was just awaiting a final bill. well, yesterday i opened two new ones, a final demand and a threat of court action. she still lied after that, and was being utterly ridiculous- saying i was bullshitting after i sent her pictures of the letters. i phoned the utilities company and found out she'd first contacted them 5 days ago, and there was no bill being sent to her!

i had to pay straight away and won't find out til friday if that's the court action averted. fuck me why did i trust her when she said she was sorting it?

what she tried to do was move all the utilities she was responsible for in the last month she was there, pay the months bills, but not pay off the original supplier (i.e. 3 months of bills). so even while i was living there and thinking stuff was getting paid, it wasn't. she was taking money from me for them though. she also robbed my room while i couldn't live there cos she is such a pyscho.

she was insisting that she wasn't having her half taken out of her deposit, but, probably with input from the agent, has relented on that at least. i really hope this is the end of it. all she's concerned about is getting her deposit back. its been nearly a month and the delay is entirely due to her but apparently i'm the bitter and twisted one.

i'm doing this course about compassion at the moment, so i feel guilty for feeling this, but i really hope her behaviour catches up with her in a big way.
 

Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
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1,818
^^ooofff she's a thief .
why is this typing bold.

i'm hoping redbull is helpful in
recovery. i am drinking alot of it
and wanting more.

well, i guess i will know when
i have had too much.

OUCH.
 

jb99

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Messages
99
How is there not one of these already? I feel like this sub forum has been abandoned.
Hey. I am doing well, 3.5 months abstinent.

I don't come on here much because when I'm clean I don't like to read about or talk about or think about drugs, honestly.

Ive been clean most of my adult life, but unfortunately not continually, but anyway I pretty much have dusted myself off and continued my healthy habits. I dont get urges or cravings past that first week of detoxing.

The trick, of course, is to stay stopped this time. I just am sooooo over the nightmare. Life isn't perfect but there's nothing that using or drinking, for me, wouldn't make a thousand times worse.

Sorry bout your roommate troubles Chinup, at least they're gone huh!
 

chinup

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glad you're doing well jb! and yeah i get that. i stay around cos i want all the horrible shit i've been through to at least make me useful to other people. plus i think keeping it in mind should help me avoid complacency.

argh the utilities company won't even tell me if the payment i made has gone through cos i'm not named on the account, nor whether the court action had been averted. i just have to wait and see if the letters stop.

had my first session of therapy with a charity that specialises in victims of sexual violence yesterday. it was exhausting. i have confidence in the woman i'm working with though. i got really upset when i was trying to explain what things in particular can floor me in seconds, so i guess i didn't have to explain, but she brought me back into the room.
 

Aporia

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 8, 2011
Messages
161
Hi all! It seems like it's been a very long time since I've visited bl. Today I have four months completely sober. This is the longest time I've had in 20+ years. I have to admit I couldn't do it alone and on August 5th I checked myself into a long term rehabilitation program. I just transitioned out of residential treatment and am now living on campus in their transitional living housing. When I quit my decade long opiate addiction i swiftly turned to alcohol and became physically dependent. Last year my bac dropped below normal and I seized, biting half my tongue off and spending five days in a coma. You'd think that would have taught me but lo and behold as soon as I relearned how to walk I checked myself out ama and got a bottle... dozens of medically supervised detoxes later and a realization that I was killing myself lead me to where I am today.
Being a part of this forum for so many years has helped my recovery... I've seen folks that I respected go from heavily involved in drugs/alcohol choose a life in recovery and that was inspiring to me. Thank you blue light! I hope to be more active again as I learn how to live in recovery myself.
 

jb99

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Messages
99
Wow, Aporia, that's scary, although my own illnesses are no less scary. Glad you're alive.

Yeah I hear you, Chinup, there is a balance in between focusing on the past too much and not at all. That's part of why I come back.

I have had a heavy couple days. I read the climate book, Uninhabitable Earth, the past 3 days. That is going to take some time to process. It's a lot.

And I've been doing some, maybe too much, introspection the past couple days.

It's late, I'll probably feel better after a night of sleep.
 

amitygoodtogo

Greenlighter
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Dec 3, 2019
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2
someone mentioned drug dreams and ive had one so far since kicking..thought id be having more. not complaining. usually had em often when i was on subs.
 

chinup

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 1, 2010
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Greatest city on Earth
just had my second session with a charity that offers therapy to victims of sexual violence. actually feel really good now, it was horrible at the time. found out that things i didn't even know were bothering me do in fact bother me. so glad i'm in a place where i can actually work on this stuff instead of just killing myself because of it.
 
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