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Nippers Benzo Zop Cold Turkey

Took a 75mg Pregablin, plenty of info to say they should help, won't be going mental on them. Hopefully help with sleep. Also feeling a bit depressed, but again not as bad as before. I'll keep updating this thread, helps me get it out whilst here on my own!
Pregabs will help defo and also yes - keep posting - not only does it help others, like you said it helps yourself! Keeping a diary of recovery has DEFO helped me in the past, multiple times.
 
I slept! Was the weirdest sleep of I've ever had in my whole life, it was like my body and all the mechanics connected to the sleep part and it shut down, but I was still conscious and couldn't let go. I did eventually, but it must have took an hour or so.

When I came round I was totally disorientated, had like some part of my brain was wiped clean, had to reconcile with myself where I was, what sleep was what I was doing etc. Then I feel back to sleep but weird dreams. Going to get some CBT, can sign up online, think I need it.

There seems to be two big parts of the withdrawal, the anxiety and the irritability, which manifests an internal shaking and some brain activity. I've had both for fairly long durations but not quite the same time and much less intense. My feet feel like my feet again and not directly connected to my brain and disassociated.

My brain is getting better though that's for sure. And I feel like I've slept! And I'm yawning, which is a massive leap in my book.

Wife isn't happy with the super skinny look! I was dieting before all this, but now it's bloody stripped me!
 
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Lol! I'm happy to be looking thinner, one good thing to come out of this! Slept again, proper weird and vivid dream. Woke up tired this time, but went for a walk and take some exercise. Got anxiety as soon as I started but I decided to just ignore it. Stuck with me all the way round. But managed over 3000 steps.

Rest of the day I've been great, then got another bout of shaking which i laid on my bed and meditated through, seems to come from right side of brain into my hands, feet and mouth, currently just in my upper teeth, but everytime is now better than the last. I keep telling myself is the healing process so it's all totally worth it.

Hopefully I will get some sleep tonight, if not I'll take a sicky tomorrow.
 
So, I’ll finish up with a summary of what I went through in the hope that it will help others, I’m pretty analytical, so I have included an intensity between 1-10, so progress can be plotted. It was a pretty text book withdrawal, though I think I got off lightly in terms of acute symptoms duration. I have included all I know and did, nothing spared, so if you’ve been on a bender for a few weeks and just want to stop, here’s what to expect!

I actually had malaria for 1 week at 1.5-2.5wks and suffered no withdrawal after just 1.5wks of use, so if I’d have stopped at that point, I think I would have been ok. When I recommenced, it was pretty much a 3wk bender until I stopped at the start of week 8.

In retrospect, I should have used my 5mg valium and tapered off in accordance with the Ashton manual, however I mistook the rebound phase as “getting over it” and binned them in a fit of anger on day 4 WD. I would appear anger is a typical rebound phase emotion. The withdrawal didn’t really start until day 5 when acute symptoms appeared for the next 1.5 days, followed by the normal withdrawal over the following week. You get “waves”, so acute seems to be both together, but then after the worst you seem to get one or the other with a bit of overlap.

I found it very important not to dwell on my mistake as it really made me depressed when I thought about it. During the worst physical phase, lying still on my bed, ankles crossed, hands crossed at waist, elbows down, eyes closed and just relaxing into a meditative state really helped and I think I was able to find sleep fairly early. I was lying like this for many hours, my fitbit measured 13hrs of sleep on day 2 acute, but I was conscious for pretty much all of it, but I felt it really allowed my body to recuperate instead of letting the anxiety tear you apart into a frantic mess. Interestingly, the disassociation I found mildly pleasant so focused on that when I could, which seemed to elevate me during the meditation – not sure if anyone knows what I mean, but lying still “normally” does not produce anywhere close to the same state I could get to during WD.

When I started to recover, I seemed to make good progress, I wonder if the pregabalin helped a lot with this – wish I started it much earlier.

Luckily, I was able to hide this while at work (I work away) and the worst hit me dead on Friday evening, so by Sunday night, (sleep providing), I was able to go back to work with no time off. I’d have gone sick if I hadn’t got sleep. It’s very easy not to sleep though, so I found relaxation and meditation important, which paid off. So, if you are tapering off valium and wondering if you might hit some withdrawals, IME Sunday night would be a good time to finish, so any acute symptoms will manifest by following w/e, at least for me 175lb male, 5ft 10, 43yo, fit/good health, slim, muscular build.

At this point, I don’t feel like using anything ever again, I really hope that stays with me and hope to draw on this experience to remind me of that! but reading a lot about people relapsing means I probably will have to say no to myself again, which is easier to type than do, I just hope I can!
 
Day 0 – last 20mg Valium, apx 40mg in system by half-life, 15mg Zop taken


Day 1, intensity 2 – Rebound phase day 1

5am – 5pm
Fine – worked

5pm – 5am
Psychological cravings, Insomnia, took ½ zop, 2h 53min sleep. I hope I don’t suffer further psychological cravings, I found these very difficult


Day 2, intensity 3 – Rebound phase day 2

5am – 5pm
Fine – worked

5pm – 5am
Mind numbing depression, slept unaided, 4h 37min sleep


Day 3, intensity 4 – Rebound phase day 3

5am – 5pm
Fine – worked

5pm – 5am
Fear, Anxiety, regret, Insomnia (eye flashes), took ½ zop, 3h 56 sleep


Day 4, intensity 5 – Rebound phase day 4

5am – 5pm
Fine – worked

5pm – 5am
Disgust - All benzos binned, Anger, Insomnia (eye flashes), some irritability, walked 12000 steps, took ½ zop, 3h 05 sleep


Day 5, intensity 10 – Acute phase day 1

5am – 5pm
Went to work. Increasing Anxiety, irritability, severe mood swings (could burst into tears one minute, laugh the next), lack of concentration, could not sit in office

5pm – 5am
Walked 27000 steps for day, building up with severe anxiety, severe irritability, shaking, disassociation, ticks, Insomnia, sweats, stiffness, palpitations, zero sleep. Really important to get support at this stage, it made a difference – props to everyone who posted on my thread, it REALLY helped.


Day 6, intensity 8 – Acute phase day 2 (1/2 day)

5am – 5pm
Off work. Really holding my shit together, severe Anxiety, irritability (in waves now), sweats, palpitations. Beating self-up on past (causing big depression)

5pm – 5am
Into withdrawal now, diminishing anxiety and irritability (never at same time now), insomnia. Turned a corner, took Pregablin 75mg, Valerian 2 x 375mg, vits, glutamine, got 3h sleep apx. Lying still, eyes closed and meditating for hours on end really helped a lot. Doing stuff at this stage increased anxiety.


Day 7, intensity 6 – Withdrawal phase day 1

5am – 5pm
Off work. Significantly reduced anxiety (mild chest pain), irritability, exercised 3000 steps, much better mood, palps

5pm – 5am
Reduced irritability, head pressure, no anxiety, insomnia. Remaining zops binned! Took Pregablin 75mg, Valerian 2 x 375mg, vits, glutamine, apx 5h sleep


Day 8, intensity 4 – Withdrawal phase day 2

5am – 5pm
Back to work. Low irritability, mild dissassociation, sweaty palms, skin/spine tingles, small palps, minor headache, exercise 5000 steps 1 x 375mg Valerian at work, vits glutamine

5pm – 5am
Anxiety, during early evening, worried about sleeping but had best night to date, starting to "think" much better. Exercised another 5000 steps. Took 75mg pregabalin, 2 x 375mg Valerian. Important not to beat yourself up at this point as easy to get depressed. 6h 32m sleep


Day 9, intensity 2.5 – Withdrawal phase day 3

5am – 5pm
Work fine. Low Anxiety, sweaty palms (reduced). Some head fog, minor spine tingles. Gaining more composure and focus. Upbeat mood. Diarrhea before lunchtime, no stomach cramps though. Mad head pain after lunch!

5pm – 5am
Regret and melancholy, feeling of loss, had to get out, got my steps in but rain didn’t help mood. Bit of a trigger walking in the house as that was when the fun started, but hopefully the CBT will help with that. Didn’t meditate for sleep, slept when tired at normal time and went off no problem. Spine shivers all evening. 75mg pregabalin, 1 x 375mg Valerian, 6h sleep


Day 10, intensity 1 – Withdrawal phase day 4

5am – 5pm
Work fine. Palms damp, minor anxiety. Woke up tired and work crap, so must be getting better. Restricted throat and minor chest pain in afternoon

5pm – 5am
Very slight irritability, spine tingles. Last 75mg pregabalin, 1 x 375mg Valerian, 7h 3m sleep


Day 11, intensity 0 – Fully Recovered
Slept when tired, no pregabs or valerian root, no anxiety depression or mood issues and no agitation/irritability. Just normal boredom!
 
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