Needing advise and answers

[Auauau]

I wrote this poem in 2016. And 5 years later nothing has changed.

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THREE OF US IN THIS RELATIONSHIP Me n U and the evil drug that bought us together. We chose the pipe as OUR choice but i should have known in due course. You would choose the power of the steel over what we had I cant compete with the love you feel for that rush. And all i feel is that painful gush as the tears roll down my face, I know deep inside you would rather be with the needle than waste that feel on the pipe. What hurts the most is i don’t even care you choose needle over pipe its the betrayal the deciept and lies that you tell. The truth has now been buried along with your soul. Im sick of you treating me like a pest, i see the look you give me when i walk in and you are just about to get that rush, you don’t care what your doing to me. The feel of that steel is all you need. I believe you now i know which hurts even more . Hopefully one day when im long gone you will stop and think why didn’t i just be honest with her, she didn’t care i use the needle, she is addicted to the evil one just the same. I loved you with all my heart, but you are long gone now and you will never come to the truth that would bond us for life I just wanted it to be you n me Ive tried every way for you to tell me about your secret life. But you have injected a knife through my heart . As the days and weeks go by i feel the hate for me you feel. Is growing every day. I don’t want this to end bad, i still love you, i know how strong that feel is, im sick of fighting to get the truth. Its tiring and depressing I didn’t make you have that first shot you chose to. And by ending this nightmare i know i will miss you , but you have died along time ago. You wont becoming backfrom your love affair you have broken me and i don’t deserve it. I deserve to be happy, and after some time i know i will be happy obviously you wernt my soul mate after all. Your soul has been buried along with the truth.

I am hoping someone can explain to me why he hides his use from me. It is controling my life. Somedays , i try so hard to ignore the dry reachess in the shower or when his buyers come over i pretend i dont here them clearing there throat.... but fuck me its hard . It feels like everyone around me is taking the piss out of me... i am a everday pipe smoker for 10 years. I been around dealer

 

[ControlDaddy]

Welcome to Bluelight @Auauau,

Is there more to this message? It looks like you were cut off.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

im sick of fighting to get the truth

In my experience and opinion, if it's what ya need it may have to be fought for. The "real" shit in life is not easy to obtain. Garbage is aplenty and readily available. Just saying nothing "good" has ever fallin into my lap. Truth, now; this may be the most elusive endeavor of my existence. Just when I have "found" it... it tends to evolve (again) as I follow the roots/branches to the previously unkown. Gotta love it or go fuckin nuts... or fall in with the rest of the crowd and just don't worry about it.
Well, hope it all gets worked out and in my experience... two tweakers living under the same roof can be quite a straining situation. Maybe try to take a nap and revisit? Things may appear to be less "exploded" from a more rested perspective, IDK.
Hope to hear back from ya.
Take care and hope to see ya around.
Much love,
6

edit:
composed this yesterday and lost it after gettin a new bag o' weed so my bad here ya go.

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Welcome to Blue World @Auauau

first off check the poetry section cause you damn good at that, wish i could get my emotions or input or fook whatever out like you do, i respect and admire that.

No two ways to say but from what I gather you in a TIGHT spot. Anyhow fook that sucks and wish i had some sincere/proactive/non-negative response but that will be me just telling you what you wanna here. Not sure what the whole situation is and maybe if i knew a bit more of that i could give something better to say then now, but i think call it quits. We all here for you, this is a very welcoming and non judgemental place. A community for all those that really just need help. Maybe I'm going overboard but your poem "rocked: me and that is hard to do.

Please feel at ease here

Coffeeshroom

 

[Auauau]

I wrote this poem in 2016. And 5 years later nothing has changed.

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THREE OF US IN THIS RELATIONSHIP Me n U and the evil drug that bought us together. We chose the pipe as OUR choice but i should have known in due course. You would choose the power of the steel over what we had I cant compete with the love you feel for that rush. And all i feel is that painful gush as the tears roll down my face, I know deep inside you would rather be with the needle than waste that feel on the pipe. What hurts the most is i don’t even care you choose needle over pipe its the betrayal the deciept and lies that you tell. The truth has now been buried along with your soul. Im sick of you treating me like a pest, i see the look you give me when i walk in and you are just about to get that rush, you don’t care what your doing to me. The feel of that steel is all you need. I believe you now i know which hurts even more . Hopefully one day when im long gone you will stop and think why didn’t i just be honest with her, she didn’t care i use the needle, she is addicted to the evil one just the same. I loved you with all my heart, but you are long gone now and you will never come to the truth that would bond us for life I just wanted it to be you n me Ive tried every way for you to tell me about your secret life. But you have injected a knife through my heart . As the days and weeks go by i feel the hate for me you feel. Is growing every day. I don’t want this to end bad, i still love you, i know how strong that feel is, im sick of fighting to get the truth. Its tiring and depressing I didn’t make you have that first shot you chose to. And by ending this nightmare i know i will miss you , but you have died along time ago. You wont becoming backfrom your love affair you have broken me and i don’t deserve it. I deserve to be happy, and after some time i know i will be happy obviously you wernt my soul mate after all. Your soul has been buried along with the truth.

I am hoping someone can explain to me why he hides his use from me. It is controling my life. Somedays , i try so hard to ignore the dry reachess in the shower or when his buyers come over i pretend i dont here them clearing there throat.... but fuck me its hard . It feels like everyone around me is taking the piss out of me... i am a everday pipe smoker for 10 years. I been around dealer

Hello yes there is more to this story, and i have only just been able to get back on to this site.
The story goes.
We meet through a mutual dealer, we both sold meth to support our habit. Fell in love at first sight.
We joined our aquaintances and everything was "normal". He told me 20 years ago he used needles and would have a shot everytime a customer would come over all of his customers would call him doctor as he said he was that good at it. But he gave up the needle 10 years ago. And has been on the pipe ever since.
Me on the other hand have been smoking the pipe for 10years. And have had a needle phobia all my life.. i have sold to alot of friends/customers who also use. But they would tell me to turn my back to have a shot. No biggy....
Then out of the blue my love of my life starting acting different. Hiding the gear from me, always wanting me to go out. (When me n him never liked being apart) . His mates everytime they come over would need to find something anything. Just to be alone briefly......
Its been going on for 5 years ago and when ever i have confronted him. He gets really angry and says show me the evidence., where is the track marks and punches on his arm and says if i was using i would have marks.....
But he at time will hide his groin from me... his hands and legs are swallon....
Every person that comes scores from us is all using so they all sit in my lounge room looking at him .. when i walk out of the room its like everyone starts cheering... i have walked in a few times and say oh the drug police is here. Meaning me ...... then he gets all shitty at me for being a smart ass..... and if i go to far with smart ass remarks he will hide our gear from me and goes to the shed being all sneaky and shit...
I here all the time when they walk up to garage i here the tap turn on. I am always hearing a clear of the throat or a cough.. quite often when i walk up there someone is keeping watch for me... these people are in there 40s..... its like a game of not get caught by me..
Ive never been the one who is not included in the drug scene.
THese people are disrescpecting me in my own home...... it so fked.
Right now as i sit here he is blowing a pipe , he does this nearly everytime someone comes over.. my theory is they use the nice clean pipe to mix up ....
As i have a needle phobia i have never seen anyone mix up or inject it
He has magic sponge and cotton tips on hand.
When i confronted him about the cotton tips he says there is nothing a cotton tip is used for in injecting meth... talk about taking the piss out of me.
When we first got together we both had a high sex drive. But now i find it had to get turned on.
Especially when he will go upto shed have a shot then come inside going hundred miles an hour and wants to have a sex..... i have told him so many times to just tell me but he just yells at me .. its so fucked.
They sitting in here now rubbing there arms and looking at each other... then they look at me like im a pest... i just want to jump up and punch them in the face. But they make out they are my friends.... HELPp

 

[Auauau]

I wrote this poem in 2016. And 5 years later nothing has changed.

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THREE OF US IN THIS RELATIONSHIP Me n U and the evil drug that bought us together. We chose the pipe as OUR choice but i should have known in due course. You would choose the power of the steel over what we had I cant compete with the love you feel for that rush. And all i feel is that painful gush as the tears roll down my face, I know deep inside you would rather be with the needle than waste that feel on the pipe. What hurts the most is i don’t even care you choose needle over pipe its the betrayal the deciept and lies that you tell. The truth has now been buried along with your soul. Im sick of you treating me like a pest, i see the look you give me when i walk in and you are just about to get that rush, you don’t care what your doing to me. The feel of that steel is all you need. I believe you now i know which hurts even more . Hopefully one day when im long gone you will stop and think why didn’t i just be honest with her, she didn’t care i use the needle, she is addicted to the evil one just the same. I loved you with all my heart, but you are long gone now and you will never come to the truth that would bond us for life I just wanted it to be you n me Ive tried every way for you to tell me about your secret life. But you have injected a knife through my heart . As the days and weeks go by i feel the hate for me you feel. Is growing every day. I don’t want this to end bad, i still love you, i know how strong that feel is, im sick of fighting to get the truth. Its tiring and depressing I didn’t make you have that first shot you chose to. And by ending this nightmare i know i will miss you , but you have died along time ago. You wont becoming backfrom your love affair you have broken me and i don’t deserve it. I deserve to be happy, and after some time i know i will be happy obviously you wernt my soul mate after all. Your soul has been buried along with the truth.

I am hoping someone can explain to me why he hides his use from me. It is controling my life. Somedays , i try so hard to ignore the dry reachess in the shower or when his buyers come over i pretend i dont here them clearing there throat.... but fuck me its hard . It feels like everyone around me is taking the piss out of me... i am a everday pipe smoker for 10 years. I been around dealer

Hello yes there is more to this story, and i have only just been able to get back on to this site.
The story goes.
We meet through a mutual dealer, we both sold meth to support our habit. Fell in love at first sight.
We joined our aquaintances and everything was "normal". He told me 20 years ago he used needles and would have a shot everytime a customer would come over all of his customers would call him doctor as he said he was that good at it. But he gave up the needle 10 years ago. And has been on the pipe ever since.
Me on the other hand have been smoking the pipe for 10years. And have had a needle phobia all my life.. i have sold to alot of friends/customers who also use. But they would tell me to turn my back to have a shot. No biggy....
Then out of the blue my love of my life starting acting different. Hiding the gear from me, always wanting me to go out. (When me n him never liked being apart) . His mates everytime they come over would need to find something anything. Just to be alone briefly......
Its been going on for 5 years ago and when ever i have confronted him. He gets really angry and says show me the evidence., where is the track marks and punches on his arm and says if i was using i would have marks.....
But he at time will hide his groin from me... his hands and legs are swallon....
Every person that comes scores from us is all using so they all sit in my lounge room looking at him .. when i walk out of the room its like everyone starts cheering... i have walked in a few times and say oh the drug police is here. Meaning me ...... then he gets all shitty at me for being a smart ass..... and if i go to far with smart ass remarks he will hide our gear from me and goes to the shed being all sneaky and shit...
I here all the time when they walk up to garage i here the tap turn on. I am always hearing a clear of the throat or a cough.. quite often when i walk up there someone is keeping watch for me... these people are in there 40s..... its like a game of not get caught by me..
Ive never been the one who is not included in the drug scene.
THese people are disrescpecting me in my own home...... it so fked.
Right now as i sit here he is blowing a pipe , he does this nearly everytime someone comes over.. my theory is they use the nice clean pipe to mix up ....
As i have a needle phobia i have never seen anyone mix up or inject it
He has magic sponge and cotton tips on hand.
When i confronted him about the cotton tips he says there is nothing a cotton tip is used for in injecting meth... talk about taking the piss out of me.
When we first got together we both had a high sex drive. But now i find it had to get turned on.
Especially when he will go upto shed have a shot then come inside going hundred miles an hour and wants to have a sex..... i have told him so many times to just tell me but he just yells at me .. its so fucked.
They sitting in here now rubbing there arms and looking at each other... then they look at me like im a pest... i just want to jump up and punch them in the face. But they make out they are my friends.... HELPp

Now they sit here pretending to puff on pipe and passing it to me.. smiling at each other then one of them need a push bike wheel and the other needs to borrow a spanner. So all three of them go up to the shed leaving me here feeling like a peice of shit .....