Need support to ensure my kids health

[emkee_reinvented]

At least it all ease's my mind a bit about the torture I am about to endure.

Thanx, bad spot atm bad feeling's. And a bit scared about what have i done to myself. But I think with some effort and endurance. Loosing this Ethanol and returning to my usual intoxicant's use. will greatly improve quality of life and better my situation regarding my kid's.

They hate parent's who drink.At the moment at least 5 organisation's are involved so when the mediation start's (between me and the mother), another f*ckd thing playing, it will be important for me to be not using any drop of Alcohol. I can't lie so getting clean is the only option I have.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

The first step really is recognizing that you have a problem, so congrats on overcoming that first hurdle!



Exercise, eating healthily and finding ways to occupy the time you used to spend drinking are absolutely paramount in developing a life without alcohol. Alcohol and drugs often leave a big void in your life that you don't know how to fill. Alcohol also depletes a lot of vitamins and minerals in the body, so you may want to look at supplements in addition to eating healthily

Best of luck, I believe in you.

The pdf was to much, and i know. Like I mentioned would I not have Amphetamine I would not even drink. I am a poly drug abuser. I need the lot.

And this time i am ending the cycle. But the thought that I went to far was crippling.

Filling up the time with other or healthy activitie's is the way to go.

And I think that here after not touching a drop is of extreme importance. I can't handle this substance, that's obvious. It worse then GHB and Kratom in that regard to me.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

That old fart fuckface on my volunteer job got me pretty angry. So far i had to leave, there were guests,

He had the fuckin arrogance to make an serious complain about how i look. My hair specifically. While all sweaty with a plastic facecap. An elastic on the back doing whatever with my hair. Anyway you look ridiculous. I was the only one btw doin' that Corona hygeine protocol.

And a fuckface with shorts and Hawai shirts thinks he has the right to say anything about my looks. I was mad. Called him to make sure he would get I was mad at him and quit the volunteer job. Finito.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I've been wondering how you've been doing and monitoring this thread.

What you've said (above) is very important though let me tell you and glad it's occurred to you.

So yeh and as you have said: filling up time with other activities is key (is my belief anyway).

My slight different angle. the poly use. So the Booze goes out first.

The Nicotin then need's to go, considering Tabex/ Cytisine as it seem's more easy available. I might use that if possible, as the Tobacco is in essention my DOC, and tarpit. Cytisine blocks those receptor's like Naloxone for opiods.

My time will eb spent well. I can occupy myself with unfinished art, learnin ukulele en mouthharmonica. Small Green permaculture projects, I have good hopes. Keep you up date Dalpat and other's.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Please do. And I know it helps. If nothing else: this place keeps me sane and some purpose.

The mayority over here you people keep me sane, a 99+ percentage.

Normal society seems to imply lowering standards about inthat regard

Sent this to my ex. Against anyones advise, even my own judgement. Keeping my kid's from me. That's where i draw my line. F n bitch deserve's it. She denies contact email, phone whatever. a scheduled sytem.

But mail was never mentioned so. For that chicken the mail will deliver my 'art' shortly

What are my fellow bluelighters thought's about these kinda thereapeutic nonsense action's.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

I'm in the same boat brother. Benzos help A LOT but only work if you truly want to stop. For me it took acute liver failure to make me quit, and even then I've relapsed a few times.

AA HELPS A LOT. Check it out. YouTube AA speakers. I loved some of their speakers.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I'm in the same boat brother. Benzos help A LOT but only work if you truly want to stop. For me it took acute liver failure to make me quit, and even then I've relapsed a few times.

AA HELPS A LOT. Check it out. YouTube AA speakers. I loved some of their speakers.

You mean just looking youtube's AA's could have some positiv
effect.

That thought did pass my mind there is a NA 30 km from me. As soon as I repaired my moped its an option. But local lets exagurate 34.000 inhabitent's. One of the reason I was glad my med files were destroyed on my demand. Anybody knows the assistent reads them. A loose mouth and its common knowledge.

But I def need some Tabex/ Cytisine. No Nicotine no abuse no Booze. Next pay I am ordering it and get of that awful Tobacco. The cascade of my whole drug carrière in the first place.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I'm in the same boat brother. Benzos help A LOT but only work if you truly want to stop. For me it took acute liver failure to make me quit, and even then I've relapsed a few times.

May it be any comfort I am relapsing all the time and using a nice range of chemicals.

Not something to be proud of but I try to at least use ammount's that are sain. Never get drunk or black out.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

You mean just looking youtube's AA's could have some positiv
effect.

Yes. It helped me and motivated me. Plus their stories are just great to listen to in general. When I have some time I will link somebody my favorites. I love listening to them at work.

Also, even tho I am a recovering heroin addict I much prefer AA over NA. They are essentially the same but the people at AA are generally better. In my experience NA people are weird fuckers and usually court ordered to be there.

 

[tired of crap]

Hey emkee

Despite my relative distaste for alcohol I wound up drinking as an escape. It continued for the better part of 10 years. I struggled to shed myself of this awful habit, slowly tapering.

Jumping off was an issue, for years. “The escape makes the unreal seem beautiful and the reality of life unnecessary”... and lord knows I needed an escape at that time.

Long story short I finally managed to hop off.

I was alcohol free for >1.5 years. Then Covid, some health issues and bingo bango bongo... I’m 3 months in, again

You’ve received some decent advice here: taper, foster healthful habits and hobbies... “change your brain”.

I’ve got almost a day now lol... for me I think my recovery will go something like quit drinking, start hydrating adequately, change my diet (and start taking magnesium glycinate 2x daily again), start exercising then quit smoking.

If I may add one piece of advice it’d have to be not to berate yourself if you slide. It took a while to reach this state and retraining yourself out of this habit will likely take some time as well. Cherish each small victory.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

You’ve received some decent advice here: taper, foster healthful habits and hobbies... “change your brain”.

Thanx Tired_of_crap. Forgot to mention that the most important for me for drinking, besides the addiction. Are untreated stress/ Burnout.
And since 1 1/2 year I am seriously thinking I display symptom's of complex-PTSD. The result of 10 year mental and emotional abuse.

I literrally changed from happy. active busy. But after all that shit its starting that is like a concreet block. It will cost me energy what used to be normal day live.

 

[Ds]

Alcohol is one of those things, where me personally I drank for the effect, and would always blackout. My day pretty much started off with me going to the local dollar store, and steal a bottle of mouthwash, then I'd go behind the store and drink it. I was doing it because I did not want to be sick, and sick I mean shakes and tremors. Once I got that shit in me, it would lower my pride to the point where I would walk up to strangers to beg for money, and whatever $ I would make I would go and get some cheap ass pack of those cigar cigarettes. I would go to church A or soupkitchen b for lunch, meet up with some tent-city folk and most of the times someone in the circle would have a bottle of mouthwash, and we would go behind buildings, or back into the woods where our tents were at and pass the bottle.
At first it was a social thing, because even on the streets I felt the need that I had to fit in with others. Being homeless and new to an area was extremely difficult at first, until I had that drink. It got to the point where I would blackout every time I drank, and would wake up in strange places, hospital psych wards, and even jail, and the second I would get my bearings straight I would either hit up another store to pocket a bottle of mouthwash or go find my 'buddies' and see if they had any.
It got bad, shakes, DTs, uncontrollable nausea, broke noses, skids and scrapes, and all I could think of was drinking more.
I always was a junkie, but something about alcohol. the $20 I got for the day panhandling I thought I was better than, because it would buy me more booze, while others it might just be enough for 1 bag of whatever.

There towards the end I knew I needed to do something different, probably my best friend in the homeless community ended up getting killed by another drunk just because the other drunk thought that my friend had some gabapentin in his pocket and wasn't sharing.
That, and the fact I could not hold down any water to save my life was the wake-up call I needed. I knew my life was pretty unmanageable at that moment, so I reached out and asked for help.
I needed the detox, I needed the long term treatment program because I had no choice. I did not want to die on the streets, and I knew if I were to keep drinking then I would have been dead.

Now looking back at it yeah I still cant believe it, how something like that 1 drink nearly cost me my life, and today I work in the recovery field helping other addicts and alcoholics get help.

What was different for me this time then all the other times is I did it for myself, and not for my family/friends etc. I knew if I were to put them before my recovery then I'd ultimately end up losing it.

It will get better mate, just try to keep positive and know you are not alone.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Thanx Tired_of_crap. Forgot to mention that the most important for me for drinking, besides the addiction. Are untreated stress/ Burnout.
And since 1 1/2 year I am seriously thinking I display symptom's of complex-PTSD. The result of 10 year mental and emotional abuse.

I literrally changed from happy. active busy. But after all that shit its starting that is like a concreet block. It will cost me energy what used to be normal day live.

Maybe for the best I knocked over what was planned for the taper.

No coincidence, would i describe my life. "Bittersweet Symphony" comes to mind. Today it was 4 months I last saw my kids. Without making half bluelike haven need for TDS. I save you the rest of my lifestory.

Never hurted my kids or there mother, physical emotional and/or psychelogical abuse. One of the possible scenario's when some does that to you. I can look myself in the mirror and learned from my mistakes

What was alarming was the lack of teachin and information about emotional and psychelogical abuse on males. One.

Everyone knows 'you may not hit another kid' standard. Why are emotional and psychelogical abuse not mentioned?

Then you dive furter and read that male physical abuser often change their behaver after therapie.

The same therapy had minimal effect on the woman who abused their partner mentally and psychelogically.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

btw I quitted, feels like shit. And I am not homeless like D. that must have been a bad time for you. Did you get yourself back on track? Read again and you got back and help others goood work.

Got no DT, so that's a plus. I miss my kids that's the biggest problem. Thank you for the support

 

[Snafu in the Void]

And here I am complaining about my level of alcoholism which is honestly just my heroin addiction running around like real masked villain

certainly the shakes and the sick but never had DTs

 

[xaddictx]

Yes. It helped me and motivated me. Plus their stories are just great to listen to in general. When I have some time I will link somebody my favorites. I love listening to them at work.

Also, even tho I am a recovering heroin addict I much prefer AA over NA. They are essentially the same but the people at AA are generally better. In my experience NA people are weird fuckers and usually court ordered to be there.

That would be awesome. Can you send me a link to that? Im a recovering alcoholic also ( almost 2 years clean) I'm a vet so I got clean at a domicilliary.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

That would be awesome. Can you send me a link to that? Im a recovering alcoholic also ( almost 2 years clean) I'm a vet so I got clean at a domicilliary.

some of my favorite.... just off the top... especially like the first one (shoutout to wudbutcher who turned me onto these... haven't seen him post in awhile)




there are many more, I have these saved, though...

"God doesn't give us more than we can handle"

I am 50+ hours sober from alcohol

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Well I relapsed, after receiving a nice letter from a nice sounding organisation concluding my ex is on nitro. Seeing my kids is history. I am gonna watch those vid's of the AA.

Called the pigs (cops) today myself and they confirmed what was in the letter, someone under influence of Cannabis is unfit to take care of kids. wTF, it was my ex that informed the police about my use. How fucked can you be. Warfare instead of trying to create healthy relationship.

She abused the hell outta me mentally and psychologically, and I outed that to her after I discoverded it. There is physical abuse, not that I went to returning behaviour, but these other two are equally hurting. She didn't like.

Informed him, the pig, about medical properties and got a blend, no. Unfit.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

From today I consider myself a warrior. Lif day by day

 

[emkee_reinvented]

its real bad my ex. Who abused me got childcare involved. Complicating things even more. Lost a lot of sweat today. Gettting to the police station. Just to hear that the operating agent is local and free today. He will call me tomorrow.

My Mom is here and I fell out to her for a slight, I am not on your side, thing she might have said. A normal I am addicted to booze its defenitely not. The other factor's seem to play a big part.

A lot of shit going on.