Need some advice

[Asclepius]

I've made some huge changes in my life. Sold everything I owned and moved to start a new life in a new country. I feel like this was the medicine I needed, shame I didn't do it 10 years ago.

No shame. There is a time to start over; when its time. Wish you the best.

 

[AutisticGraham]

Someone PM'ed me and starting telling me about her life story, when I told her I wasn't really interested, she responded with the following:

"I took the time to care. As did a lot of people here. And all your posts have just been about poor, little, my excuse is autism, Grammie. You have serious mental problems. I have never been sorrier for trying to lend an ear to someone in need. You are truly a piece of shit and I hope, if what you say is true, that you enjoy a very short, miserable, painful life. Bet you get punched in the face a lot.... "

 

[Asclepius]

^ Dont take it personally.

Why do you think she responded to your retort, with hostility?
She expected you to follow a protocol - when someone emotionally empathises with you and then wants you to respond, in kind (i.e. be empathetic to her narrative)
Of course if you are still trying to figure out your own feelings this is impossible - as you are not able. So, it may behoove you to just respond politely, as in say something that benefits the limit of your ability and aknowledges the recepients feelings, Like; " Thank you for your post, I am in a bad place at the moment so, I apologies that I cant respond in pm's, at present".
This way you are being respectful to your own situation, and the other persons and setting appropriate boundaries.

I know messages on here it seems like a bunch of words and can be interpreted literally but sometimes, especially on TDS people are genuinely trying to connect emotionally ( as in wanting to share their painful experiential narrative as they project their feelings on to you) with others as they have a very real, human need to. I would infer, that Missminerva was wanting you to emotionally empathize with her as she had possibly felt, a similar situation, to you (albeit everyone has unique experiences that cannot be , the exact same but fundamentally, humans connect on a basic level - much like most mammals) -the common denominator is feeling like you can't cope with your life.

I really dont think that she meant to hurt you. She just felt rejected by your response, as you offered no context as to why you didnt want to engage with her via pm.
Hope that makes sense, to you.
We have more impact on others than we realize and this in turn, impacts us - positively or negatively, so its a skill to learn.

 

[Marcus Gibbins]

Hello guys,

I am going to ask for some controversial advice.

Before I do so, I would like to say that I do not want, or appreciate, any advice telling me to change my mind.

After a few decades I have realised that there is only one option for me.

I want to find out what pills I can acquire and use to end my life in the most painless way possible. I have a severe alcohol habit which makes me sick if I don't drink. Family and friends have deserted me, I cannot hold down a job and need a way out.

My life has been a complete mess, I'm done with it.

I am willing to fly around the world to find a pharmacy that can sell me something like methaqualone which I can knock back with some booze to make sure of things.

I have been through all kinds of counselling, please please please do not post asking me to reconsider.

There is no easy way with over the counter meds.
Usually end up With organ failure.

 

[Marcus Gibbins]

Fair shout and correct on several points, once the abuse and name calling over. At my worst I did not tell anyone I was suicidal, lied to occupational health etc. The thought that the option was there was actually a great comfort to me. It raised my hopes as it does not have to be forever.The last thing I wanted was to be talked out of it, to discuss it or even admit it. I had worked out carefully what to take etc. Isolated myself with no phone, sorted all my paperwork out etc. Passed out before I could get the last handful down, woke 2 days later in a puddle of pee feeling really pissed off. I now have liver and kidney damage. I avoided being sectioned because I have full time care. I still manage to dodge them sometimes though.
Proscribed Sertroline, and Qutiapine. So far managed to avoid taking it. All the meds and therapy in the world does not alter reality, just makes you accept it.
Well I chose not to. If this guy is as lonley isolated and etc as seems to be you got to look at the addiction first, replace it with something else, build connections to the rest of the world, give him something to live for.
I have chosen to demote myself 2 paygrades to work with people again, now even that has been taken from me. You don't have to worry, no one will allow me near vulnerable people. i am one now.
Again apologies if I seemed out of order, my intentions were good and you have to admit he must have thought of that himself.

 

[Asclepius]

...sounds like you are dealing and have dealt with a lot of emotional pain, and am genuinely sorry that you have gone through that fwiw. What really takes balls, is hearing how you are managing your situation and to read you discuss your personal situation here, so candidly..

 

[Pillsbury_Dope_Boy]

Hello guys,

I am going to ask for some controversial advice.

Before I do so, I would like to say that I do not want, or appreciate, any advice telling me to change my mind.

After a few decades I have realised that there is only one option for me.

I want to find out what pills I can acquire and use to end my life in the most painless way possible. I have a severe alcohol habit which makes me sick if I don't drink. Family and friends have deserted me, I cannot hold down a job and need a way out.

My life has been a complete mess, I'm done with it.

I am willing to fly around the world to find a pharmacy that can sell me something like methaqualone which I can knock back with some booze to make sure of things.

I have been through all kinds of counselling, please please please do not post asking me to reconsider.

I am in a similar situation. I am also "autistic/aspergers" (although I hate the label b/c it only serves to make excuses and take away responsibility for my actions). I have a very high IQ but have always been socially awkward and never had a lot of friends. Of the few good friends I have, they have told me that their other friends think they're weird for hanging out with me.

When I was 16, I discovered weed and realized that it made me a lot more self-conscious (in a good way) and more conscious of how others were feeling. I needed weed in order to socialize properly. The weed helped a lot, but it also led me to make friends with people who did harder drugs.

When I started smoking weed, my idiot dad freaked out, took me out of school, and sent me to treatment by force (I was under 18. I knew that the weed wasn't bad for me and that my dad was overreacting. At 19, I thought the same thing when my dad freaked out about my heroin use (only this time I was very, very wrong).

I ended up getting with a nice girl who is from my mom's home town overseas. This was about a year before I became a junkie. I married that girl and was with her for 10 years. She meant everything to me. But she was not the type to do drugs, and so she slowly started to resent me more and more for being a junkie and not working/going to school.

As I have discussed in anothet thread, I ended up getting her a US immigrant visa only to literally drive her out of the country within 3 months due to my drug use and violence.

She is now back home in her country, at 28, living with her parents (who think I'm crazy), and has spoken to me just once in 4 months.

It's as if I got drunk and ran over my own child with a pickup truck. There's no "getting over it." Even with Xanax and alcohol every day, I still suffer 24/7, not to mention the guilt and shame over what I did to her and her family.

Part of me wants to fix myself so that I can get her back, but part of me thinks it's pointless to try and just wants to die. The part that wants to die seems to be winning, since I don't get out of bed except to go to my psychiatrist appointments.

I am not in the US right now. If I was, I would have probably OD'ed on purpose by now. I did attempt suicide back in March, but since I can't get H where I am, I just took a bunch of benzos and alcohol and tried to hang myself, but it didn't work.

After getting sent to, and escaping from, the looney bin (this is in a 3rd world country), I decided I would try and improve myself. It doesn't seem to be working too well, though.

I wish there was a simple, painless way to die, just for when I decide I don't want to try anymore.

 

[Mafioso]

The thought that the option was there was actually a great comfort to me. It raised my hopes as it does not have to be forever.

I understand, and appreciate you opening up. I'd suggest starting your own thread, as it sounds like you have some things that you could relate with a lot of others here about. But the truth is, nothing is forever, so there is no need to find a quicker way out. In the grand scheme, even the longest life is but a glimpse.

 

[Pillsbury_Dope_Boy]

But the truth is, nothing is forever, so there is no need to find a quicker way out.

I disagree. If you are in a state of extreme pain and suffering (whether it be physical or emotional) and there is little to no chance of getting better, there is definitely value in finding "a quicker way out."

Who wants to suffer for 60+ years when you can end it all now? I mean, I understand if you have kids or something. But if you have no wife or kids to take care of, and there is no chance your suffering will go away, then why not take the easy way out?

If you were sentenced to life in prison with no possibility of parole, and you had no wife or kids, would you not want to off yourself? Would you not see value in finding "a quicker way out?"

 

[Mafioso]

I disagree. If you are in a state of extreme pain and suffering (whether it be physical or emotional) and there is little to no chance of getting better, there is definitely value in finding "a quicker way out."

Who wants to suffer for 60+ years when you can end it all now? I mean, I understand if you have kids or something. But if you have no wife or kids to take care of, and there is no chance your suffering will go away, then why not take the easy way out?

If you were sentenced to life in prison with no possibility of parole, and you had no wife or kids, would you not want to off yourself? Would you not see value in finding "a quicker way out?"

This is completely off topic, as the thread isn't about discussing euthanasia. I will point out that your view is very pessimistic, and assumes that one cannot find beauty in even the most extreme circumstances. Many would say "let us just die" as they suffered in Nazi prison camps, perhaps rightfully so, some met the love of their life there and went on to start a family.

As you say, little to no chance, as in no guarantee either way. So how can you guarantee one can not find joy or beauty in even the most dire or painful of circumstance? I don't think you can. But if you wish to continue this debate, please start your own thread in the right place.

If you are not here to support AG, your post will be deleted. That goes for all others as well.

AG- I hope you are doing well still.

 

[Much2lose]

Hey AG- how are you keeping?

 

[lyphetasx]

Hope you’re good AG. The mention of cider sparked a thought.

for some reason cider marked the beginning of alcoholism really getting out of hand. Like “oh it’s not straight vodka out the bottle so i’ll be alright”. Cider is almost benzo-ish in a way.

Kicked booze for the most part but I get the ending it mentality.....

I will add this, don’t think that DPH is a suicide strategy....it won’t work at all.

 

[Jsturgell]

I can tell by the way that you communicate that you are extremely intelligent and it would be a shame for you to intentionally end it. Listen to advice, find good music, live for something. I'm wishing you the best and hope that you get it together. It sounds like you are suffering from severe depression that you have accrued throughout a painful life. There is another side even though you are unable to see it.