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Need serious help, Xanax is going to ruin me

Enough999

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
112
I really need to get off of this. I thought opiate withdraw was bad but this is insane. I was taking 8 mg a day and have brought myself to 4.5. I know about the Ashton manual but in the US it is rare to get Valium prescribed. How do this? I have a very weak liver and I know it's being affected. I have stockpiled plenty of this awful drug and even got a script for it but I won't see a psy doc for another 3 weeks. What do I say? How do I sleep? Seriously contemplating ending it or just going back to dope. Detox is not an option - I have a demanding job and support myself. I don't know if I can do this.
 

cj

Moderator: H&R, MH
Staff member
Joined
Nov 18, 2008
Messages
9,523
Location
On a sinking boat
I'm in the same situation. Basically just have to find a compassionate doctor or find long acting benzos off the street somehow. I'm seeing an actual adiction therapist and she seems clueless as to what to do its crazy
 

Enough999

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
112
I tried to get into outpatient to see an addiction therapist and was told I have to come off of the Xanax first. If I didn't have to support myself I would've put myself in a psychward weeks ago. I wasn't this miserable when I was a homeless heroin addict. Now I'm "functional" but on the inside I'm dying. I also have liver cirrhosis, I can't be taking pills for long periods of time. I might have to do this alone but don't know how. Cutting doses is brutal and I know it's supposed to be slow but this is overwhelming.
 

Burnt Offerings

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2010
Messages
4,470
Location
USA
Seek medical attention and explain the situation. Go to the emergency room if necessary...withdrawal from Xanax can be very serious...you'll probably get a supply of diazepam to hold you over until you see a primary care physician, at the very least you'll get some anti-convulsants I'd expect
 

Enough999

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
112
I may have to once I get back from flying to my parents for Christmas. Im hoping I don't have a seizure while I'm there. I have been giving a lot of thought to ending this vicious cycle once and for all after I get one more chance to see them. I went to the ER a month ago and was treated like shit, given a handful of Ativan, and discharged.
 

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
84,600
Location
Looking-Glass Land
Generally speaking, I find most doctors and psychiatrists who supposedly specialize in treating addiction actually just specialize in pushing the abstinence-only model of "treating" addiction.

I suggest you not so much frame your struggle vis a vis addiction, but a more general type of dependency. Any worthwhile psychiatrist would understand the difficulty of tapering off alprazolam only using alprazolam, and would be happy to provide something like clonazepam or diazepam. Diazepam actually isn't that hard to get prescribed, especially if you can make a case that the alprazolam isn't working for your anxiety as well (which, when you're trying to taper off alprazolam using an alprazolam taper, is not at all inaccurate).

I would basically just keep trying to see doctors in your network until you find one that is willing to work with you. It's a bitch, but short of getting your benzos on the black market for your taper, I don't see many other options other than trying to continue taping using just alprazolam (possible, just unnecessarily difficult).

Do you have someone who can help you manage your meds while you work on getting together a better tapering plan OP? Like someone who can hand you a certain amount of alprazolam per day, ideally like twice a day? That would make tapering on it a lot more practical.

The faster you try to taper off the benzos, the more uncomfortable you are going to be. I know there is a huge push to just get off them and be done with the bullshit, or at least that is the thinking, that isn't generally how it works. If it were that straight forward, you would have already successfully done so.

Taking a good look at the big picture and formulating a long term taper/detox plan is what I strongly suggest. Best wishes OP!
 

cj

Moderator: H&R, MH
Staff member
Joined
Nov 18, 2008
Messages
9,523
Location
On a sinking boat
Generally speaking, I find most doctors and psychiatrists who supposedly specialize in treating addiction actually just specialize in pushing the abstinence-only model of "treating" addiction.

I suggest you not so much frame your struggle vis a vis addiction, but a more general type of dependency. Any worthwhile psychiatrist would understand the difficulty of tapering off alprazolam only using alprazolam, and would be happy to provide something like clonazepam or diazepam. Diazepam actually isn't that hard to get prescribed, especially if you can make a case that the alprazolam isn't working for your anxiety as well (which, when you're trying to taper off alprazolam using an alprazolam taper, is not at all inaccurate).

I would basically just keep trying to see doctors in your network until you find one that is willing to work with you. It's a bitch, but short of getting your benzos on the black market for your taper, I don't see many other options other than trying to continue taping using just alprazolam (possible, just unnecessarily difficult).

Do you have someone who can help you manage your meds while you work on getting together a better tapering plan OP? Like someone who can hand you a certain amount of alprazolam per day, ideally like twice a day? That would make tapering on it a lot more practical.

The faster you try to taper off the benzos, the more uncomfortable you are going to be. I know there is a huge push to just get off them and be done with the bullshit, or at least that is the thinking, that isn't generally how it works. If it were that straight forward, you would have already successfully done so.

Taking a good look at the big picture and formulating a long term taper/detox plan is what I strongly suggest. Best wishes OP!
This. You wI'll have a siezure if you jump at 4.5mg. Screw what the hospital thinks they treat everyone like garbage anyway
 

Enough999

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
112
The soonest appointment I could get with a pdoc is on the 16th of January. I have my GP on the 14th but don't want to come clean to him as I just started seeing him and don't want to cut off my only legal supply. I'm running low and don't know if I can sustain my dosage until the 14th or 16th. I have gone from 4.5 to 4 but how much further can I push this taper, is another .5 drop every 3 days too fast? I'm afraid I'm going to kill myself or throw all my bars out and go right back to dope.
 

Royboy91

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 27, 2016
Messages
14
If you have a fair bit stock piled bring your dose down GRADUALLY! If you have jumped from 8mg to 4.5mg, well, that is going to fuck you up! Cut to 7.5 for a few days then 7mg for a few days then 6.5 for a few days... allow your body to adjust very slowly to the reduced dose in your system. This is how I did it with alcohol. Thinking of ending it? I did to... Try not to focus on the bad shit that will happen if you DON'T get clean, instead focus on the good that will happen when you DO get clean.
 

Enough999

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
112
I went from 8 to 4 in about 3 weeks, not instantly. I don't want to bring it back up, I'm just noticing that cutting the dose gets harder the lower I go. Plus my liver is very weak, I'm scared I'm making it worse. Can you cut every week? 5 days? 3 days?
 

Royboy91

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 27, 2016
Messages
14
Cut down very very slowly. Take a lower dose but not low enough to feel withdrawals. Get some thiamine (a vitamin) that will help liver functions and other nerve damage you may be done, or have done.
How long can you go until you get withdrawals? With alcohol it was almost immediately so I always had booze with me. Go as long as you can... Take a little... Go as along as you can.. Take a little... If you take 4-5mg a day break it up throughout the day. Maybe you already do this? I'm no doctor but I know about withdrawals and addiction. I'm also doing a course on counselling so the more info about your usage and withdrawals can help me to advise you.
As far as suicide goes. Do you have a family? Friends? The drug is warping your mind, depressing you. There was a time when you were whole and happy was there not? There are so many people , not just here, but near you that can help and want to. So talk...
Respect and peace. X
 

Enough999

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
112
I take 1.5 in the morning, 1 in the afternoon, and 1.5 at night, but this morning I only took 1 as I'm really trying to cut tonas low as I can go
 

Enough999

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
112
Withdrawal symptoms are like opiates but amplified, plus the constant feeling of dread/panic
 

Thinkwithportals

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 3, 2014
Messages
128
Just wanted to pop in and share some good vibes ~
Remember, it's temporary and try to embrace the experience knowing you will come out better for it.
You can do this! :)
 

Royboy91

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 27, 2016
Messages
14
Good advice. Withdrawals, though horrific, don't last forever. Strength and discipline are the key. But cold turkey can kill... Don't try that. X
 

Enough999

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
112
Things are not going well. This week I have used a bag of dope every other day to try and go down on the Xanax faster. I used to be an IV user awhile back, but this was all insuflated. Now I'm afraid I'm in a polydrug withdrawal but can't be sure as it was only a week of non consecutive daily use. Is my mind playing with me? Or am I in polydrug withdrawal? Should I get suboxone?
 

JoeJunky

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 24, 2016
Messages
68
Enough99: This might be too obvious, but does your job offer vacation? When I have kicked opiates (I'm still on benzos) I put in for a 1-2week vacation months ahead and taper to that date...(I hope 2 weeks is enough for me to kick benzos)...

It's a process, but you have a goal drawn out, and in some weird way you look forward to going through WD.

Getting on the suboxone... I regret it in a sense that I basically stayed on an opiate anyway, and I spent a lot of money for several years just to feel normal, but I'm not sure if I would have gave up the needle without it.
 

Enough999

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
112
I'm doing a slow benzo taper and sniffed a bag every other day for a week to try and bring my dose faster. I'm wondering if I went too far with the dope or if it's the benzos I'm feeling. Could 4 days once a day of horse every other day bring on physical w/ds?
 
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