Pillsbury_Dope_Boy
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2017
- Messages
- 70
My wife is from South America, from the same town my mother is from. We have known each other since we were 15 and 16 (I'm 27 now). We were always very close. She wad literally a part of me. She would say the same thing if you asked her.
She never did any drugs, and she hated that I became an addict. We started dating seriously when I was 17, and I became a heroin addict at 19.
Last year, while we were living in South America and waiting for her US visa to process, she dumped me, but we would still talk once a week. When she finally got her US visa, we moved to the US together.
In the US, I immediately started using again and got fired from my job. I would also become violent. I never hit her, but I broke down doors with wrenches, pulled knives, cut myself, stabbed walls, etc. (when I was high and when I was in withdrawal).
After the last incident in which I cut myself and stabbed the wall with a kitchen knife, she had the cops called on me, packed her bags, and got on a plane back to her country.
That was almost 4 months ago, and since then she has only spoken to me once. At this point, she basically hates me (and so does her family) and blames me for basically ruining her life.
I have seen pictures of her since she left, and she looks sad and broken. I feel horrible when I see those pictures because I know I did that to her. I basically drove her out of a whole country.
After that happened, I moved back to South America to try and get her back. Since then, I tried to commit suicide, got high on pills and alcohol, etc. I drink and do pills every night just to be able to sleep, then I do more pills to stay asleep all day. If I lost her for good, I'm done. I'm out.
She hasn't blocked me or explicitly told me not to contact her anymore, so that is the only thing that gives me motivation to try and improve. That way if I ever get to see her again, I will be a more respectable person.
I know how pathetic it sounds to get like this over a girl, but it's not just "a girl." She is/was the closest person to me. I can't/won't just live on and accept her being gone (knowing it's my fault). I wish I was dead.
She never did any drugs, and she hated that I became an addict. We started dating seriously when I was 17, and I became a heroin addict at 19.
Last year, while we were living in South America and waiting for her US visa to process, she dumped me, but we would still talk once a week. When she finally got her US visa, we moved to the US together.
In the US, I immediately started using again and got fired from my job. I would also become violent. I never hit her, but I broke down doors with wrenches, pulled knives, cut myself, stabbed walls, etc. (when I was high and when I was in withdrawal).
After the last incident in which I cut myself and stabbed the wall with a kitchen knife, she had the cops called on me, packed her bags, and got on a plane back to her country.
That was almost 4 months ago, and since then she has only spoken to me once. At this point, she basically hates me (and so does her family) and blames me for basically ruining her life.
I have seen pictures of her since she left, and she looks sad and broken. I feel horrible when I see those pictures because I know I did that to her. I basically drove her out of a whole country.
After that happened, I moved back to South America to try and get her back. Since then, I tried to commit suicide, got high on pills and alcohol, etc. I drink and do pills every night just to be able to sleep, then I do more pills to stay asleep all day. If I lost her for good, I'm done. I'm out.
She hasn't blocked me or explicitly told me not to contact her anymore, so that is the only thing that gives me motivation to try and improve. That way if I ever get to see her again, I will be a more respectable person.
I know how pathetic it sounds to get like this over a girl, but it's not just "a girl." She is/was the closest person to me. I can't/won't just live on and accept her being gone (knowing it's my fault). I wish I was dead.