AbsolutDoc
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2015
- Messages
- 24
Hi Bluelight,
First off, let me say thank you in advance to everyone on here. I've been reading this website for awhile now and love all the great feedback and advice from everyone. Second, I hope I'm posting in the correct forum (I believe I am).
Here's the deal, two years ago I had emergency abdominal surgery because I had Pancreatitis. I was in the ICU for 2 months and the regular hospital for another 2 on top of that. During which, I had tubes into drainage bags coming out of 5 different places in my mid section plus a completely open wound 2 feet wide across my stomach and about 8 inches tall. My entire digestive track was diverted and re-routed around a tear in my duodenum, which was a complication from an endoscopy to asses my pancreatitis.
I couldn't eat or drink ANYthing, not even a SIP of water. I was given a small amount of ice chips a day. My only satisfaction was the pain meds they were giving me. It was an IV shot every 4 hours, which was dilaudid, all I remember is them telling me it was stronger than morphine. Now, I've done my fair share of coke and X and I've had friends that were hooked on H real bad when I was in college, and I never got it, I never understood the depths of their addiction. Until this. Let me tell you I fully understood addiction right then and there. I remember literally staring at the clock watching the second hand tick around, which would turn the minute hand, which would turn the hour hand - closer and closer to the time of my next shot and I was able to push the button for the nurse to let them know I needed more.
Sometimes they would be busy or fuck around and not bring it right away, and every minute seemed like an eternity. When I finally got the shot it was indescribable feeling, but it could best be explained like a warm fuzzy rush of pure "goodness". It was like finding out you're going to Disneyland as a kid, on Christmas Eve, from Santa himself, while having an orgasm.
The only thing I hated was that they would always fuck with my tubes and bags right after administering it and ask me to move this way, roll that way and sit up and lie back. I just wanted to be left the fuck alone and enjoy it! Because before I knew it, that feeling would be gone and I would be left with another 4 hours until my next "hit". To be honest, I was in constant pain and I don't think it really helped to actually block the pain but it just felt so damn good it's like I didn't care about the pain or maybe it made it worthwhile.
They eventually switched me to another floor that didn't have remote heart monitoring capabilities. See, I was hooked up to electrodes that monitored my heart rate and it displayed outside my room and at the nurse's station, not to mention right to an iPod sized device attached to me that they watched closely as they gave me the shot. This all because my heart rate would drop considerably when administering the shot. So this new floor is important because now I could no longer receive the "medicine" intravenously. When the nurse came in for the first time to give it to me she broke the news to me as she swabbed my arm just below my shoulder on muscle for the shot. I thought oh that's no big deal. I remember thinking that because I said to the nurse "Oh, no big deal!" and laughed a little to make things light. Well right after the injection I quickly realized that it was actually a really, REALLY big deal! I felt nothing. I had no rush! No warm fuzzy feeling! No fucking Santa on Christmas Eve telling me about Disneyland, Nothing! I had no satisfaction! Which is what it became, something normal and expected. I eventually stopped craving that IV rush but I will never forget that feeling.
That said - I don't know what would happen if I had that in an uncontrolled environment. The rush is SO good that I don't see how I would be able to ever wait 4 hours in between doses. When it came near for another dose I couldn't think of anything but that. The nurse would come in and ask what I was watching and I would have no idea. I was only thinking about the next dose.
There was a couple of times where my heart rate plummeted and they had to stop midway through or wait until a better reading on my monitors because it was too dangerous to administer. That is why I will never shoot hydromorphone. I wouldn't be able to trust myself with something THAT amazing and also that dangerous.
I've been reading a lot of posts where people are talking about it or thinking about it. And all I can say is "Don't do it". It is the epitome of something that is too good for you. The rush is so good but SO incredibly short you'll want it constantly and there is no end in sight until you run out or something way worse.
Right before my release they switched me to OxyContin 10 mg's 2x day with a couple of 10mg oxycodone IR every 4 hours for breakthrough pain. I was on that for a couple of months as I was still kind of immobile at home. Then they weened me down to Percocets and before long I was on just Advil. Then the hernia's started...
I had 4 abdominal hernia operations in the span of a year. My surgeon eventually put a mesh implant in my abdominal wall, which stopped the hernias but created more pain. Apparently a lot of people who have this procedure have pain as a major side effect. So much so that 10-15 years later they're searching like crazy for a doctor to take it out. Only, no one will because the mesh becomes a part of your body, intertwining with your nerves and muscles. It would be way too difficult or impossible to remove. I've learned this from other forums and from other doctors who have heard of many mesh implant sufferers.
I seem to be lucky (so far) as I only take 2-3 percocets a day OR 3 Dillie's. One of which is oral and the rest I insuffulate. I found that at first it was easier to spread out and use more acutely and accurately. Like; if I just had a random pain I would snort a line or two and I would forget about the pain rather than eat a whole pill and wait 20-30 minutes for it to kick in and have it last for a whole 4-6 hours which I sometimes felt I didn't need.
Which brings me to my dilemma - I have an appointment with my pain management doctor in a couple of days. He's been prescribing me Percocets 5/325 #90 /month, but this last month he wrote me Dilaudid 4mg #90/month. He says it's a safer drug to be on long term. I'm supposed to tell him what I think I would like to go with from here on out on Thursday, September 17th.
I'm battling with myself on which one I should choose. I do love the energy and general well-being Percocets give me (orally) and I do like to sniff on top ( I know Perc's are dumb to snort because of the apap/tylenol, but I can't resist. I swear it does something.) But I do like the feeling the dillies feel (only when snorted, to me it's waste to eat them. They don't do shit). For this past month I've been fortunate that I had plenty of Percocets left over from last month on top of this month's Dilaudid script and I was combining the two. I found it gave me a perfect feeling of energy and high. Kinda like doing coke while boozing. Even though they're opposite they work well together. I've told him they gave me both in the hospital (kinda not true) but he said he couldn't write a script for both at the same time.
So what does everyone think I should go with? My other option is I was going to see what he thought of switching me to just straight oxycodone IR's without the apap, maybe ER's, too? Or is that pushing it? I did have straight oxy's before oral and sniff, but can't remember them being quite as good as percocet. All though the ER's and IR's together would be nice. I have about 20 Dillies left and I'm thinking of saving them for strictly night time, I pop a xanax and rail a couple of lines and i'm off to dreamland.
Thanks for listening!
~Doc
(not a real doctor, just a nickname)
First off, let me say thank you in advance to everyone on here. I've been reading this website for awhile now and love all the great feedback and advice from everyone. Second, I hope I'm posting in the correct forum (I believe I am).
Here's the deal, two years ago I had emergency abdominal surgery because I had Pancreatitis. I was in the ICU for 2 months and the regular hospital for another 2 on top of that. During which, I had tubes into drainage bags coming out of 5 different places in my mid section plus a completely open wound 2 feet wide across my stomach and about 8 inches tall. My entire digestive track was diverted and re-routed around a tear in my duodenum, which was a complication from an endoscopy to asses my pancreatitis.
I couldn't eat or drink ANYthing, not even a SIP of water. I was given a small amount of ice chips a day. My only satisfaction was the pain meds they were giving me. It was an IV shot every 4 hours, which was dilaudid, all I remember is them telling me it was stronger than morphine. Now, I've done my fair share of coke and X and I've had friends that were hooked on H real bad when I was in college, and I never got it, I never understood the depths of their addiction. Until this. Let me tell you I fully understood addiction right then and there. I remember literally staring at the clock watching the second hand tick around, which would turn the minute hand, which would turn the hour hand - closer and closer to the time of my next shot and I was able to push the button for the nurse to let them know I needed more.
Sometimes they would be busy or fuck around and not bring it right away, and every minute seemed like an eternity. When I finally got the shot it was indescribable feeling, but it could best be explained like a warm fuzzy rush of pure "goodness". It was like finding out you're going to Disneyland as a kid, on Christmas Eve, from Santa himself, while having an orgasm.
The only thing I hated was that they would always fuck with my tubes and bags right after administering it and ask me to move this way, roll that way and sit up and lie back. I just wanted to be left the fuck alone and enjoy it! Because before I knew it, that feeling would be gone and I would be left with another 4 hours until my next "hit". To be honest, I was in constant pain and I don't think it really helped to actually block the pain but it just felt so damn good it's like I didn't care about the pain or maybe it made it worthwhile.
They eventually switched me to another floor that didn't have remote heart monitoring capabilities. See, I was hooked up to electrodes that monitored my heart rate and it displayed outside my room and at the nurse's station, not to mention right to an iPod sized device attached to me that they watched closely as they gave me the shot. This all because my heart rate would drop considerably when administering the shot. So this new floor is important because now I could no longer receive the "medicine" intravenously. When the nurse came in for the first time to give it to me she broke the news to me as she swabbed my arm just below my shoulder on muscle for the shot. I thought oh that's no big deal. I remember thinking that because I said to the nurse "Oh, no big deal!" and laughed a little to make things light. Well right after the injection I quickly realized that it was actually a really, REALLY big deal! I felt nothing. I had no rush! No warm fuzzy feeling! No fucking Santa on Christmas Eve telling me about Disneyland, Nothing! I had no satisfaction! Which is what it became, something normal and expected. I eventually stopped craving that IV rush but I will never forget that feeling.
That said - I don't know what would happen if I had that in an uncontrolled environment. The rush is SO good that I don't see how I would be able to ever wait 4 hours in between doses. When it came near for another dose I couldn't think of anything but that. The nurse would come in and ask what I was watching and I would have no idea. I was only thinking about the next dose.
There was a couple of times where my heart rate plummeted and they had to stop midway through or wait until a better reading on my monitors because it was too dangerous to administer. That is why I will never shoot hydromorphone. I wouldn't be able to trust myself with something THAT amazing and also that dangerous.
I've been reading a lot of posts where people are talking about it or thinking about it. And all I can say is "Don't do it". It is the epitome of something that is too good for you. The rush is so good but SO incredibly short you'll want it constantly and there is no end in sight until you run out or something way worse.
Right before my release they switched me to OxyContin 10 mg's 2x day with a couple of 10mg oxycodone IR every 4 hours for breakthrough pain. I was on that for a couple of months as I was still kind of immobile at home. Then they weened me down to Percocets and before long I was on just Advil. Then the hernia's started...
I had 4 abdominal hernia operations in the span of a year. My surgeon eventually put a mesh implant in my abdominal wall, which stopped the hernias but created more pain. Apparently a lot of people who have this procedure have pain as a major side effect. So much so that 10-15 years later they're searching like crazy for a doctor to take it out. Only, no one will because the mesh becomes a part of your body, intertwining with your nerves and muscles. It would be way too difficult or impossible to remove. I've learned this from other forums and from other doctors who have heard of many mesh implant sufferers.
I seem to be lucky (so far) as I only take 2-3 percocets a day OR 3 Dillie's. One of which is oral and the rest I insuffulate. I found that at first it was easier to spread out and use more acutely and accurately. Like; if I just had a random pain I would snort a line or two and I would forget about the pain rather than eat a whole pill and wait 20-30 minutes for it to kick in and have it last for a whole 4-6 hours which I sometimes felt I didn't need.
Which brings me to my dilemma - I have an appointment with my pain management doctor in a couple of days. He's been prescribing me Percocets 5/325 #90 /month, but this last month he wrote me Dilaudid 4mg #90/month. He says it's a safer drug to be on long term. I'm supposed to tell him what I think I would like to go with from here on out on Thursday, September 17th.
I'm battling with myself on which one I should choose. I do love the energy and general well-being Percocets give me (orally) and I do like to sniff on top ( I know Perc's are dumb to snort because of the apap/tylenol, but I can't resist. I swear it does something.) But I do like the feeling the dillies feel (only when snorted, to me it's waste to eat them. They don't do shit). For this past month I've been fortunate that I had plenty of Percocets left over from last month on top of this month's Dilaudid script and I was combining the two. I found it gave me a perfect feeling of energy and high. Kinda like doing coke while boozing. Even though they're opposite they work well together. I've told him they gave me both in the hospital (kinda not true) but he said he couldn't write a script for both at the same time.
So what does everyone think I should go with? My other option is I was going to see what he thought of switching me to just straight oxycodone IR's without the apap, maybe ER's, too? Or is that pushing it? I did have straight oxy's before oral and sniff, but can't remember them being quite as good as percocet. All though the ER's and IR's together would be nice. I have about 20 Dillies left and I'm thinking of saving them for strictly night time, I pop a xanax and rail a couple of lines and i'm off to dreamland.
Thanks for listening!
~Doc
(not a real doctor, just a nickname)
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