My brief summary : Suboxone 8mg cold turkey days 1 - 10

[MisterNotSoClean]

My not-so brief summary : Suboxone 8mg cold turkey All the days

Hey there... Never posted before but have stalked BL for a few years. Not really sure why I am posting. Maybe hoping for some therapeutic value I guess...

I am on day 10 of 8MG Suboxone for 3 years... cold turkey. Still going through the fire but determined. Suboxone probably saved my damn life. Not so much my physical life but my life as a whole.

About 5 years ago, after having tore every ligament there was to tear in my knee and 3 surgeries later I was on an easy 200MG a day of hydro for roughly 2 years. When I couldn't get a script I drove 100 miles to get some. Twas bad. At some point, I realized my world revolved around this and I was a slave to my own desires. I tried quitting several times with no success. Finally I called some doctors during my last attempt to see what I needed to do. My current doc recommended suboxone. After maybe just 2 days of being on subs it was like a sheen veil was lifted from my eyes... I felt... normal. I saw the world like normal people do and how I once did. It literally felt magical... for about 2 and 1/2 years.

The last 6 months I struggled with the fact that I am still that same opiate addicted person just now instead of being smacked off my ass on pills, I am completely reliant on these damn small rectangular orange breathstrip looking things. I also noticed that the veil seemed to be returning. I found joy in very few things and began laughing more and more infrequently. So, being that it's been 3 years of being on subs I decided I needed to quit as of about a month ago. It had been 3 years without any painkillers. During which time I had an appendectomy and another knee surgery... I'm only 28. God damn this feeble body

Anyways, I setup everything through work to be out a month (at least). I bought a second hand Xbox as a distraction and stocked up on immodium. 10 days ago I took my last 8mg sub. ( BTW my doc heavily recommended a taper to minimize wds but I know me and I am an all or nothing type person and didn't want to draw out the process)

I don't need to get into all the symptoms as if you are reading this, I'm sure you know. But, I have found 1 symptom nearly paralyzing and another... oddly absent. First off, this no sleep shit is god damn bullshit. I fucking love sleeping. But apparently not anymore as I am sleeping maybe 2-3 hours a night/day for the past week. Immodium has quelled the beast which is my asshole for anyone wondering. (8mg the 2nd morning then been from 4mg to 8mg when necessary) Still I feel like shit after 10 days... But I have found something oddly absent this go around and the Achilles heel of all my previously failed attempts to quit.

The cravings... they don't exist. I noticed this yesterday when my girlfriend found a sub in my travel bag. ( Had no idea it was there) She later asked if the sight of it brought cravings. Which that moment I realized... I had none. Not at all...

My guess is it's the fact that I still, mentally, feel the most part the same of the sub as on. (Minus being a tired crybaby bitch) It's been so long since I've taken Hydros, that even when I try to remember the feeling, I just can't. I can remember situations but not that hydro feeling. It's kinda hard to crave something you don't remember. Really it feels like I've been sick for a week but that's it.

I actually mowed the lawn yesterday. Fucking terrible idea but I did it lol.

Anyways, just wanted to share a brief look into the past 10 days of my life. I would honestly say, if you know in your heart of hearts that you can't beat the pills, then go the sub route. Wds are different for everyone. I believe I am getting off lucky with subs but have heard and seen horror stories.

(I have been at my job long enough to do this without repercussions BTW. That's also kinda important too lol)

~MisterNotSoClean~

 

[MrRoot]

Congrats for cold turkeying although I wouldn't recommend that for anyone as I prefer slow tapers more.

What is your plan for PAWS?

 

[mrsnowygrainius]

wow thats crazy man I would never do what you did. Ive been on 8mgs of subs for about 4 years now and they still haven't lost their magic...

congrats tho keep it up you sound like you will be one of the few success stories

 

[Jabberwocky]

Congratulations man!! The worst part I found with wd's was the skin crawling can't sit still feeling

 

[Mushwood]

Fuck you almost make it sound easy (I mean It seems like you've played it down loads) , but I know it must be hell. Well done you 'tired crybaby bitch'

 

[Two_in_the_pink]

Congrats dude.....I wish I had a tenth of your self control and determination. Not to mention the fortitude to make it 10 days. Hope all works out for you and you stay clean.

Enjoy life bro...it's far too short as it is

 

[MisterNotSoClean]

Congrats for cold turkeying although I wouldn't recommend that for anyone as I prefer slow tapers more.

What is your plan for PAWS?

Yeah. Trust me. My Dr said at this mg would be a horrible idea due to the terrible wds. I really am impatient when i have my mind set on something. As for PAWS I have no legit game plan at the moment. My WDs haven't been absolutely horrible this time around but it seems that the acute stage is lasting longer than expected. 1 step at a time.

 

[MisterNotSoClean]

Just wrote a long ass reply to everyone. Took too long I guess and logged me out and lost the whole novel. Lol

Moral of the story was thanks to everyone for the well wishes and support. I've got nothing but time atm so let's try this again.

To mushwood and two:

I'm not gonna lie and say I've been in utter hell. I've been there and this ain't it. It's more like purgatory for druggies. The absent cravings are what are saving me.

On a side note I have acquired a new ailment. The morning after posting it felt like I was carrying a large cow on my back and he hasn't gotten off. Also I think I'm number from lack of real sleep. (3 nyquil assisted hours in the past 72 hours. Nyquil doesn't work very well btw)

Anyways, I honestly didn't figure I'd make it this far. I had built up the severity of the wds so much that now it's like watching a movie youve been longing to see and build it up in your head. Once you go see it, the movie was good, but didn't live up to the hype you built up in your head so then it's just...meh...

Also willpower is a finite resource. I had figured I had mined my mind dry. Apparently, I had some extra laying around somewhere.

As far as everyone else, thanks so much for the support!!!

I'll check in again soon.


~MisterNotSoClean~

 

[MisterNotSoClean]

Also forgot to mention that the fact that I had pre-planned this for a month has made this much easier. Being able to take time from work is a big part. I haven't had that luxury in the past and I know not many do who have sailed the SS Opiate with me.

 

[MisterNotSoClean]

wow thats crazy man I would never do what you did. Ive been on 8mgs of subs for about 4 years now and they still haven't lost their magic...

congrats tho keep it up you sound like you will be one of the few success stories

As long as it's working for you keep going. Another reason I'm getting off is I no longer have access to ...errrmmm... certain old friends and have managed to forge out a decent life over the past 3 years so I don't want to fuck it up.

For me it got to the point where anytime I went somewhere for a few days I had to schedule it around my subs. Wasn't a fan. 3 weeks ago I went on a vacation to Hilton Head SC... almost didn't make it because I wasn't sure if I was going to have my script filled in time. Luckily, I've been using the same pharmacy for 2 years and they worked with me.

But that impending fear always lingered and I think it was driving me insane.

On a side note: I had a salad for the first time in years yesterday morning... apparently my body doesn't understand that it's food so Ive been making a toilet salad for the past 30 mins :D. ( BTW Dr thinks I use humor to wall off my emotions... No way he's correct )

Moral of this unnecessarily long reply is that if subs are working for you then keep it up! It is a much better alternative to Dr hopping, blasting, and being a nerdy whiteboy going to shady parts of town to score and getting beat up and robbed. But, if you ever want to get off for whatever reason then planning is apparently key.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yup, a really slow and steady taper of 5-10% of your dose each week and planning well, well in advance is the key to successfully getting a good strategy in place. Like at least a month or two before you begin the taper in order to get your doctors on board with your plans, getting the appropriate comfort meds lined up and ancillary services organized like gym membership, yoga classes, a mindfulness practice and individual therapy going is all crucial). Doesn't matter what the drug is, but of course it is most applicable to readily taper-able drugs like methadone, buprenorphine, diazepam and clonazepam.

 

[Two_in_the_pink]

And honestly a ton of it is being able to control your thoughts.......it's such a huge part of it. If you can get your mind to focus on something besides drugs/feelings of getting off drugs, it helps alot. Sounds stupid but I taught myself to say the alphabet backwards, when I was in a bad place and needed my mind to be occupied. Just me though, my 2 cents and all.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I find controlling one's thoughts is more often than not something that is doomed to failure before one even attempts to do so. What works much better for me is giving my thoughts the space to be, allowing them, seeking to understand them for what they are (merely and mightily, nothing more than ideas passing through the ether of our mindscape) so that I don't ruminate, obsess or dwell on them, so that I give them the space to pass such that I might allow and cultivate more skillful thoughts, as opposed to the more reactions impulses or compulsions my mind is so good with creating.

 

[MisterNotSoClean]

And honestly a ton of it is being able to control your thoughts.......it's such a huge part of it. If you can get your mind to focus on something besides drugs/feelings of getting off drugs, it helps alot. Sounds stupid but I taught myself to say the alphabet backwards, when I was in a bad place and needed my mind to be occupied. Just me though, my 2 cents and all.

Lol different method indeed. Honestly there's no tricks I have up my sleeve. More so just the fact that I don't want to be tied down any longer.

Just grabbed some vit C, melatonin, and magnesium in hopes that I can sleep tonight. Back still kills though. Not much I can do about that other than bitch and moan. We shall see.

Still doing OK giving the circumstances. Boredom is starting to set in as I'm coming out of the "lack of motivation to do anything" phase. I've played about all the GTA5/Fallout 4 I think I can.

 

[Two_in_the_pink]

I find controlling one's thoughts is more often than not something that is doomed to failure before one even attempts to do so. What works much better for me is giving my thoughts the space to be, allowing them, seeking to understand them for what they are (merely and mightily, nothing more than ideas passing through the ether of our mindscape) so that I don't ruminate, obsess or dwell on them, so that I give them the space to pass such that I might allow and cultivate more skillful thoughts, as opposed to the more reactions impulses or compulsions my mind is so good with creating.

+1 for all of this. But I don't think I could "think" with such clarity or "mindfulness" during a cold turkey withdrawal. Probably better suited for a more healthy situation. I was thinking more along the lines of utter simplicity. "I'm thinking about drugs" wait, no, I need to think about something else...."I'll think about that robbery in the movie The Town......Yeah that shit was badass" or in my case, "I'll teach myself the alphabet backwards." Idk just works for me. I been reading the mindfulness thread, it's pretty sweet.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Gotcha, agreed. I found that learning to practice mindfulness before attempting to detox trained me skills that I found myself intuitively relying upon when I did actually make the jump off methadone, making the process much, much easier and more effective.

 

[MisterNotSoClean]

Welp... it's 3 am and after the melatonin and what not I'm just EXTRA super tired...lol Sleep still is a no go.

 

[Two_in_the_pink]

Gotcha, agreed. I found that learning to practice mindfulness before attempting to detox trained me skills that I found myself intuitively relying upon when I did actually make the jump off methadone, making the process much, much easier and more effective.

Good for you getting off methadone bro did you cold turkey or assisted detox or?

Welp... it's 3 am and after the melatonin and what not I'm just EXTRA super tired...lol Sleep still is a no go.

I actually found that to be the most annoying part (not worst just most annoying) of withdrawal.....being extremely tired but not able to sleep. It's why I no longer take Clonodine (sp?) during withdrawal/detox. Glad you're staying strong though Stick with it dude.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I tapered for a good nine months, then used codeine @ about 300mg once a day for the first four days once I jumped off methadone completely to aid in the transition to buprenorphine to avoid precipitated withdrawals, and began taking the buprenorphine @ 2mg/twice a day for seven days. I also used diazepam @ 10mg/twice a day for seven days and clonidine @ 0.2mg/at night for three weeks while taking the buprenorphine.

I used DXM @ about 400mg/once a day for one week after I used the buprenorphine, diazepam and clonidine, then iboga @ sub flood doses for two weeks after the week on DXM. I have been using trazadone @ 150mg at night since I got off a couple months ago, which I'm slowly reducing right now. I also took propranolol @ 20mg as needed, which I have now discontinued.

It was an entirely pain free detox. Only experienced some very minor sleep disturbances. I did it all myself using my extensive knowledge on opioid detox protocols. I probably took about two months prior to jumping off the methadone organizing my collection of comfort meds.

I also had been ramping up my mindfulness practice by going to classes, lectures and workshops in an intensive practice program at UCLA's Mindful Awareness Research Center and attending various retreats for two years prior to getting off methadone. I began attending dharma talks and meditation sits at Against the Stream for about six months prior to getting off to supplement the work I was doing at MARC. After getting off methadone I began an outpatient program at Refuge Recovery to focus cultivate an abstinence oriented meditation practice. I'm still involved in all three communities, which do a hell of a lot to keep me grounded.

 

[Two_in_the_pink]

Wow dude, nice! That's like a perfect example of a proper taper/detox!!! And I been reading a bit of that mindfulness thread, I might actually hit u up thru pm to talk about mindfulness practices, and how to get started slowly. My girl and I want to start practicing mindfulness, and maybe yoga/exercise, and meditation. Fairly busy today but I'll hit you up soon man.