My boyfriend broke up with me because of my partying

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Sounds a bit like my ex, except I was using ice once every two to three months. Yet her being drunk every day was a non issue. Ultimatums on substance use when your use isn't problematic is needlessly controlling. I left her, my partner of almost 8 years been living together for 7. This was in early March of this year.Not to be crass but all this says much more about him than it does you, especially considering how much you seem to succeeding in life, I would say you are probably better off. Focus on the future, focus on progress, focus on happiness. A little bit of anything here and there doesn't hurt. A cocktail, a bit of LSD, a little weed habit, hell even a needle full of H or meth on occasion doesnt mean dysfunction. Believe me you are bound to come across many people who will embrace you with open arms. Just find one that will treat you right and makes your heart bleep. Settle for nothing less than joy.
I found love with a friend I made a few weeks before leaving my wife. Unintentional but now my life is full of joy.
I wish the same for you. Stay strong sister

And yes this is definitely a major control issue. Say you have a problem such as addiction- a controlling or manipulative abuser will use it as an excuse for everything, to distract you and brush off anything they are doing wrong. This can be done EVEN IF YOU AREN'T ADDICTED. Been there. Everything will be okay.

Oh wow. I love this story. Thank you for sharing. Yes, I definitely agree.

I know that feeling. I'm sure you're pretty great. Don't worry.

Aw, thank you

Was this the same guy? https://www.bluelight.org/xf/threads/boyfriend-often-leaves-me-when-were-drunk.784280/

No. That was my ex. He was a bar manager and I would go with him to work. We both drank and fought a lot. I broke up with him and left the toxicity behind.
I haven't really gotten SUPER smashed much with my, I was going to say BF, , my most recent ex.... he also has never left me.

Good riddance! You were talking about him in another thread, how he would complain about your sex life, he wanted more sex all the time. I knew he was a douchebag then.

You're better off without him! I've been celibate for 8 months now and love it. Guys are not worth it, but I hope you find a good one in the future. You deserve it!

Yes, he was so crazy about sex.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

Yeah, he is almost 35 -- I just turned 28. I'm still in school, so yes, I still want to have fun. I'm not ready to have children. I made that clear to him though, I'm in a doctorate program -- I can't commit to kids until after I graduate (2-3 years from now).

I'm just still shocked that he would end things. I wrote him a letter and left it for him to read when he gets home.
We are still living together until I find a new place.

He asked if we could still be friends but I told him no. *sigh*

I'm glad you told him "No." Do not stay friends with him. That's just his way of still stringing you along. Hopefully you can find a new place soon because that must be a really awkward situation. When you move out, block him and cut all contact with him.

 

[KB215]

Stay single for awhile you will get over it he sounds like a bitch to leave you anyway just do stuff to occupy your free time gym friends family ect

 

[curtamagurtTHC]

He broke up with me after 1.5 yrs, about 7 months living together.

I was at school, we were text arguing when he starts to basically thank me for everything, and wishing me the best in the future.

What the hell?

I tell him thanks and I hope he finds someone who checks his criteria. He replies, "I hope so too; wish you the best".

At this point I'm bawling, rushing out of the library. How could he do this to me? Like this ?!?!

All I could see was red. I felt sick. I felt disgusted, by him, the situation, everything. I bawled for 30 mins in the bathroom trying to calm down. I was finally able to go to my class -- a good 30 mins late.

He basically said we were incompatible because I "partied too much" which was 1-2x a week, if that!

I'm a master's level therapist.
I'm a 3rd year doctoral student full time.
I'm a clinical assistant working with CPS cases specializing in substance abuse, neglect, and abuse.
I'm also certified and work with children with ASD.
I have my own car.
I pay my own rent.
I work easily 50+ hrs weeks if you count school work.
I work 7 days a week.
I'm up at 530am almost every day.

There are some weeks that I don't drink at all. Then some weeks, I'll get drunk on Saturday with him or my friends.
We don't get crazy.
We always stay together.
I've never cheated etc

He doesn't see the big picture.
He is focusing on the little details the lies, the partying.
The lies are, he previously gave me an ultimatum-- stop everything or it's done. I broke it. He stayed with me but couldn't forgive the "lie". I apologized for lying, for making a promise that I couldn't keep-- for making a promise I didn't believe in. I don't feel like I have a problem.

The big picture is our future. Our resilience together. Our strength together. Us working through this.

He is not strong enough.
He is not the one.
I am strong.
If he can't be strong through the rough times, he can't be there through the grand times.
He is only a stepping stone for me to grow and move on.
He is weak.
He can't be my rock.

Some part of me and my friends have asked...
Is this more about control?
Does he want to control me?
Limit the time I spend with my friends?
Limit my behavior?

it honestly sounds like hes not sure if himself or confident enough to trust you having your own fun and life. I will admit I only feel that way because I put a past Gf through that bullshit and at the time I was honestly just waiting to find out she either cheated on me or did something stupid. And I only thought that way because the previous relationship I was in I was cheated on multiple times by my ex who would be 100% reliable and amazing UNTIL she drank and then she was the biggest whore youd ever seen and I mean that. so that made me no longer trust that a person is going to be the same reliable and trustworthy person they are while drinking and when sober. ofcourse that is a flawed reason and way to look at things but at the time I felt correct in being apprehensive in regard to trusting the girl I unfairly put through bullshit because of my own insecurities. So while yes I do agree this guy sounds like hes treating you very poorly, you can still end it with him and be justified all the while acknowledging that he may not for a number of reasons be doing anything wrong (In his own head). or he could be a spiteful asshole I couldn't say.. just dont let him bring you to his level, stay positive, give him the benefit of the doubt but still know that that's not right and you dont need someone toxic like that in your life. its hard to say why people do what they do even if you ask them they might not even be aware of the the psychological reasoning behind their own actions at the time. But from what I gather you're successful in all avenues of Your Life currently and he will only make you question that and possibly bring you down. So for your own mental health and happiness I would end things and when someone who deserves the amazing girl you are is meant to come into your life they will. Trust the universe and you will never lose yourself for others. much love.

 

[axe battler]

He sounds like a controlling, uptight, fuck face, and you're well shot.
Unless you're in massive denial about your partying, he sounds like he's far too boring and in a totally different stage in his life to you.
He's not worth losing any sleep over. I take it you're American? Long distance might be an issue if we gave it a shot haha I'm in England

 

[nuttynutskin]

If it's not the guy from the op's older posts I don't understand why this guy's getting so much heat. Not everyone wants to live a "party" lifestyle, especially if drinking is a problem for him.

I can't help but say it seems like there's a common denominator in the op's past and current problems.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

^ This is the same guy from her other post I've seen. He was complaining he wanted more sex and seemed like an asshole so I'm not surprised this happened. That's why I warned her not to get knocked up by him. The common theme in the threads posted about him is he's insecure and controlling. OP has a lot going for herself so he's the kind of loser trying to bring her down somehow. She's better off without him.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I'm not judging, I'm just saying a lot of the problems seem to revolve around alcohol. And there's always at least 2 sides to a story.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

I'm glad you told him "No." Do not stay friends with him. That's just his way of still stringing you along. Hopefully you can find a new place soon because that must be a really awkward situation. When you move out, block him and cut all contact with him.

Thank you. Yes.. I want to move out asap... sigh it's hard though because I still love him.

Stay single for awhile you will get over it he sounds like a bitch to leave you anyway just do stuff to occupy your free time gym friends family ect

Yes, trying to stay busy.. I'm thinking of getting another job actually lol.. am I crazy.

it honestly sounds like hes not sure if himself or confident enough to trust you having your own fun and life. I will admit I only feel that way because I put a past Gf through that bullshit and at the time I was honestly just waiting to find out she either cheated on me or did something stupid. And I only thought that way because the previous relationship I was in I was cheated on multiple times by my ex who would be 100% reliable and amazing UNTIL she drank and then she was the biggest whore youd ever seen and I mean that. so that made me no longer trust that a person is going to be the same reliable and trustworthy person they are while drinking and when sober. ofcourse that is a flawed reason and way to look at things but at the time I felt correct in being apprehensive in regard to trusting the girl I unfairly put through bullshit because of my own insecurities. So while yes I do agree this guy sounds like hes treating you very poorly, you can still end it with him and be justified all the while acknowledging that he may not for a number of reasons be doing anything wrong (In his own head). or he could be a spiteful asshole I couldn't say.. just dont let him bring you to his level, stay positive, give him the benefit of the doubt but still know that that's not right and you dont need someone toxic like that in your life. its hard to say why people do what they do even if you ask them they might not even be aware of the the psychological reasoning behind their own actions at the time. But from what I gather you're successful in all avenues of Your Life currently and he will only make you question that and possibly bring you down. So for your own mental health and happiness I would end things and when someone who deserves the amazing girl you are is meant to come into your life they will. Trust the universe and you will never lose yourself for others. much love.

Last night we spoke again and WE used to drink a lot. He stopped drinking but he told me that he was "surprised" when I continued to drink without him like with my friends, etc. Definitely sounds like more of an insecurity.. since he was literally FINE when we drank together like every other day. He was FINE when I would go to the club with him drinking till 2AM or 4AM. But for some reason, drinking with my friends till 1AM= alcoholic?

He sounds like a controlling, uptight, fuck face, and you're well shot.
Unless you're in massive denial about your partying, he sounds like he's far too boring and in a totally different stage in his life to you.
He's not worth losing any sleep over. I take it you're American? Long distance might be an issue if we gave it a shot haha I'm in England

Thank you. Yes, I did take a look at myself. But I got straight As this semester... at a doctoral level.... I mean, my classes are super hard. Most of my classmates don't work.. I still work 25hr weeks... and managed straight As.

If it's not the guy from the op's older posts I don't understand why this guy's getting so much heat. Not everyone wants to live a "party" lifestyle, especially if drinking is a problem for him.

I can't help but say it seems like there's a common denominator in the op's past and current problems.

Yeah, I mean, I agree. He doesn't like to party. I am more upset because he really mislead me. He drank, we drank, we partied, everything 10x harder before... I mean, things calmed down this past year since I got back into school. And.. now he is saying I'm a druggie/alcoholic?? I think timing is REALLY off. Also, why did he have to paint me as an addict...?? Why couldn't he just say that we were in different stages in our lives? He is 35.. he obviously wants to get married and have babies like NOW. I'm still 28.. babies aren't in the picture until I get my doctorate which will probably be in 3 years. Why did he have to go so low.... I just don't get it. We had a really good relationship.

 

[Shortec Stublue!!]

Sex with him vs your fave party drug?

 

[IsidorIsaac]

Can you expand a bit on the 'lie' that you reference? It does sound as if he might have his own issues.

 

[llama112]

He sounds like someone you shouldn't be with. Of course it's upsetting, no doubt about that, but in the long run it's probably good for you.

 

[DrGonzo899]

Just find someone else. EVENTUALLY. Explore solitude for a while people just don't appreciate the power of being alone. You don't need someone else to define you. I KNOW that I don't.

 

[garym]

you're still in school at 28 ? even an m.d. doesn't take that long does it ? what age did you finish high school 21 ?

 

[Lucy20]

First off, congratulations on your schooling. Education is very important. You deserve a night or 2 to let loose. Your not hurting anyone. Ge seems selfish

 

[pofacedhoe]

He broke up with me after 1.5 yrs, about 7 months living together.

I was at school, we were text arguing when he starts to basically thank me for everything, and wishing me the best in the future.

What the hell?

I tell him thanks and I hope he finds someone who checks his criteria. He replies, "I hope so too; wish you the best".

At this point I'm bawling, rushing out of the library. How could he do this to me? Like this ?!?!

All I could see was red. I felt sick. I felt disgusted, by him, the situation, everything. I bawled for 30 mins in the bathroom trying to calm down. I was finally able to go to my class -- a good 30 mins late.

He basically said we were incompatible because I "partied too much" which was 1-2x a week, if that!

I'm a master's level therapist.
I'm a 3rd year doctoral student full time.
I'm a clinical assistant working with CPS cases specializing in substance abuse, neglect, and abuse.
I'm also certified and work with children with ASD.
I have my own car.
I pay my own rent.
I work easily 50+ hrs weeks if you count school work.
I work 7 days a week.
I'm up at 530am almost every day.

There are some weeks that I don't drink at all. Then some weeks, I'll get drunk on Saturday with him or my friends.
We don't get crazy.
We always stay together.
I've never cheated etc

He doesn't see the big picture.
He is focusing on the little details the lies, the partying.
The lies are, he previously gave me an ultimatum-- stop everything or it's done. I broke it. He stayed with me but couldn't forgive the "lie". I apologized for lying, for making a promise that I couldn't keep-- for making a promise I didn't believe in. I don't feel like I have a problem.

The big picture is our future. Our resilience together. Our strength together. Us working through this.

He is not strong enough.
He is not the one.
I am strong.
If he can't be strong through the rough times, he can't be there through the grand times.
He is only a stepping stone for me to grow and move on.
He is weak.
He can't be my rock.

Some part of me and my friends have asked...
Is this more about control?
Does he want to control me?
Limit the time I spend with my friends?
Limit my behavior?

sounds like you are very busy and when you do want to have fun he resents that you are with your friends not him

but also you need to live your life doing what suits you

what you enjoy to help you cope with your current workload

is he supporting you in your studies?

making you dinner and shit when ur tired?