my battle with the devil.. my heroin story

[pirates_]

I just started using like 2 or 3 months ago... so this may not seem too bad to some, but hopefully others will learn from it..

in all my years of life, ive heard stories and fairy tales about the devil. I heard if you are bad.. you to hell where you are tormented forever and ever...now being the person that I am.. i am not to sure if I believe in an actual afterlife. Whether it be heaven or hell...I am just not too sure that it exist. Now as far as good and evil go.. the same thing applies. i do not think anyone person can be considered evil. People may do wrong, horrible things, but this does not make them evil. They may be misguided or confused, and in the midst of this, they may do things they feel they must, or have the right to do. But regardless of evil being an actual force.. the devil is indeed very real. I can atest to this. Satan has always been potrayed as the a force that entinces man into walking away from the lord, or the good path. He does this with promises that he keeps, but in return, will make you will suffer beyond anything you can imagine.

Now, of course, growing up poor.. I suffered a lot, and threw my suffering came no story of rags to riches. One thing led to another, I made a few bad choices that I can partially blame on my up bringing and here I am.. a 25 year old man, back at his grandmothers, child support takes a good portion of my check and I have no one to really help me out. I dont have a rich dad, or a rich mom, or anything like that in my family..so yes I am all alone. I am suffering.. and even though I knew there was nothing I could do to change my life around. I knew that I could at least feel happy.

Im here one day, holding in a river of tears since my girlfriend of 4 years, my daughters mother just kicked me out. I had no car and felt like I could not hit any lower. I ask god.."god, please help make things right" I sit..and wait.. and nothing happens. I am in pain and I want it to stop. I give up and just lay down.. and in my moment of sorrow the devil creeps up in a form of a white, tan colored powder in a bag. And tells me to try just a little bit, and I will be the happiest man on earth. I am hesitant, I remeber the stories about making deals with the devil, I knew they do not end well. But I figured ahh.. what the hell.. ill talk with the devil a little more and see if he can really keep his promise about being happyl

So I induldge I open my soul up to satan threw my nose. I sit... and wait...and nothing happened....i was still miserable..and quickly dismissed satan. But it was too late. I had already invited him in and he was not about to leave so easily. So through out the week I chatted with him every once and a while, and everytime I did...i felt a little bit better... and better, and after about 3 chat sessions with this tan colored devil.. The promise came true. I felt so good, my troubles were gone and I felt as if I was on the same wavelenght as the rest of the universe. After the satan left for the day. i got the pink colored bag filled with heroin and asked my, at the time girlfriend to please get him away from me. She was a good girl, she never did any kind of drugs, so I thought her soul was safe. I was sure that my heroin using days were done.

But no, the devil is very relentless when it comes to winning souls. The next day, my girlfriend tells me she tried some of the heroin, and that she enjoyed it. I was shocked. Not only because she did the stupid drug, but that this bag, this demon was right back in my face after I tried to get rid of him. We both figured..ahh.. what the hell. We might as well just finish the bag. So we did it. And I was done. But just like in the bible.. the woman wanted MORE. So she bought some more and we did that bag. and the cycle pretty much continued like that. We were full blown herion users. The devil CAUGHT US. Whats worse is, he spread throughout the circle of our friends threw me and my former girflfriend. We would get our people to try it with us, and even though we knew its true nature... the demon was spreading.

So I will fast foward to now, your not missing anything too exciting. There were no incednts of us robbing people for the drug, she did not prostitute her self or have a dramatic intervention with her family. Things were pretty normal up until this past week. I did a lot. I did the black tar herion and a whole lot of powder heroin. I did so much I got sick. I felt like the devil lost his control over me and I took this oppurtunity to RUN FOR MY LIFE. And I tried, today is day one with out the devil and he is fighting me for my soul again. His long, skinny, claw has a grip on my soul and is telling me I NEED HIM IN MY LIFE. And to prove his point he has sped up my heart to the point where it wants to pop out of my chest... he grips my stomach so I do not want to eat..almost to the point where I want to vomit. Satan has also brought my spirits low. I am soooo depressed right now, more so than I was when before I started and I fear that he will only try harder as the next few days pass. Funny thing is...today my brother went to church and prayed for me to get off this shit...and when I opened up my little stash box to get my h..it had all spilled out. corny as it might sound..right now..for the first time in a long time.. i feel like god may be on my side......stay tuned

day 2.. I wake up..i feel so sick, i ate some croutons and threw them up. I still have my bag here..only due to the fact that if things get too tough. I will call invite him in once more. So far I have not done more than look at him as he sits at the other end of the desk that i am typing from. As I stated at the start of this. I am not a religious person, but i can feel him at work. Everything is going so wrong for me now. I am trying my best to stay up, but my world is falling apart as I type this...everything from my love life to my money... and this BASTARD keeps whispering to me that I need this shit...and I am trying my best to block his lies out.. but his voice bypasses my palms that I use to cuff my ears with...i am here asking anybody that I thought was a friend for help.. and people are turning there backs on me.. I ask god..and I get no reply. wtf am I supposed to do.. why did I invite this shit into my life.

 

[craigyt2k]

instead if listening to the devil try listening to god, aka do something good for yourself

 

[pirates_]

update.. im still on the shit, and i get mildly sick if i got 24 hours without doing it.... help!!

 

[Excelon1200]

Just know that it will get worse and worse and worse if you keep doing it. Trust me. O and for your withdrawals look up loperamide its the active ingredient in imodium (meijer brand anti-diarrheal) it gets rid of 90% of wd symptoms if u take about 30-40 mgs and its not physically adictive. (sounds fuckn stupid but im not joking at all its been a godsend for me). So if nd when u do quit fuck suboxone or methadone that shit midaswell be called bunk heroin. Good luck and remember it will get worse if u dont stop trust me...

 

[frogman84]

I am generally not one to be rude, or confrontational in my posts... Anyone reading this can look back at all of my past posts and see if you can agree with me on that.


So i hope what i write here will be of use to the drug users out there who might not yet be informed enough to realise what a tool this guy is, and for non drug users who might read this guy's post out of interest and then be influenced in their ideas by his writing.

Some problems i had when i read this.
1) You introduced a drug like Heroin to your girlfriend and your friends. THAT is the only evil thing in this in this situation. Fine, you made your mind up to try Heroin, that is your choice; but to even offer it to someone else who has never before tried it is absolutely disgusting. You encourage your friends to try something that you yourself have been touting as 'the DEVIL incarnate". Can you see how fucking PUTRID that is dude. That is the reason you are on the internet looking for sympathy, or some words about how cool you are.

2) The OP's writing style gives away the fact that he wrote that piece thinking he was really cool for getting into a bind with heroin (i think the Dandy Warholes song about heroin was written for guys like this guy). Why did he write his opening post as though he was trying to write a novel? the Dickwad was thinking he is original and oh so cool for writing a story about using heroin.

3) The above no.2 comment was a bit harsh, but it upsets me that people write stuff like this because when someone uninformed about Heroin use stumbles upon bad writing like this they can be influenced by it. There might be people who make government policies about drugs that turn to threads like this to understand drug use and the dickwad poster is only writing a story he thinks will make him cool - trying to paint the picture of himself as a tortured drug user because that is what he has seen in Movies and read in books. Sure, Heroin can fuck you up, but that is not the default setting... folks can use for their whole lives and still keep things together and live a good life.

Imagine if a person who had only had one beer in their lifetime was responsible for writing about what it is like to be an alcoholic. Posters like this guy writing how he is having a "battle with the devil" are doing the equivalent of that: having a sip of beer and then trying to get a job as a representative for alcoholics. I hope non-heroin users can realise this.

5)Disclaimer: Of course Heroin is very very troublesome. It can, and does, wreak havoc with lives, BUT, BUT, BUT and another big BUT - the problem is only exacerbated by dickwads like the above poster looking for self pity, or notoriety, or some sort of cool reputation because he has used heroin and started to have a little trouble with it.

Stories about witches used to get people killed, when in reality what these people mostly had was some sort of mental illness that scared the rest of the population. Today we can understand that some brains are a bit different, and weird, so we no longer have a population full of people that think witches are real.

When heroin use, or any drug use for that matter is talked about in this mythical, religious "devil" way, by people who do not fully understand it, it just fuels the injustices done to people who have serious trouble with the drug.. Heroin is simply a drug that can be used to manipulate your endorphin system. If you get addicted there are more and more ways becoming available to cope and continue living a regular everyday life. You could have the worst habit in the world, but if you have access to the right healthcare setup you could stop in a day or two, move onto something like suboxone and be back at work after a few days off.

The more people talk about heroin as some mythical thing, and tell generic horror stories about it just to be cool, the harder it is for people who have been long time users to have access to the tools they can use in order to live a productive life.

Witch stories = the ye olde imbecile's way of understanding metal illness
Heroin horror stories = the witch stories of the modern world.


With heroin use today, the more we understand the science behind its use, the less of an evil entity it becomes. Sure people using heroin may do some seemingly horrific things, but the more we can educate the public on the mechanics of heroin use, the less likely it is that horror stories relating to heroin will eventuate.

Please ask yourself the question OP 'what motivated you to make this post'? Are you seriously in the depths of despair in life after your three months of heroin use? or was there something else that may have been the truer reason for posting a story about the horrors of heroin use?

If you want some serious advice Pirates, just learn how to manage what you have started. You have no real reason to get into that much trouble from using heroin today because there are so many treatment options around. Just because 95% of the population believe heroin is some sort of demon ride most young users just automatically direct their lives down that path because they cannot actually think for themselves!

 

[Mel22]

I am generally not one to be rude, or confrontational in my posts... Anyone reading this can look back at all of my past posts and see if you can agree with me on that.


So i hope what i write here will be of use to the drug users out there who might not yet be informed enough to realise what a tool this guy is, and for non drug users who might read this guy's post out of interest and then be influenced in their ideas by his writing.

Some problems i had when i read this.
1) You introduced a drug like Heroin to your girlfriend and your friends. THAT is the only evil thing in this in this situation. Fine, you made your mind up to try Heroin, that is your choice; but to even offer it to someone else who has never before tried it is absolutely disgusting. You encourage your friends to try something that you yourself have been touting as 'the DEVIL incarnate". Can you see how fucking PUTRID that is dude. That is the reason you are on the internet looking for sympathy, or some words about how cool you are.

2) The OP's writing style gives away the fact that he wrote that piece thinking he was really cool for getting into a bind with heroin (i think the Dandy Warholes song about heroin was written for guys like this guy). Why did he write his opening post as though he was trying to write a novel? the Dickwad was thinking he is original and oh so cool for writing a story about using heroin.

3) The above no.2 comment was a bit harsh, but it upsets me that people write stuff like this because when someone uninformed about Heroin use stumbles upon bad writing like this they can be influenced by it. There might be people who make government policies about drugs that turn to threads like this to understand drug use and the dickwad poster is only writing a story he thinks will make him cool - trying to paint the picture of himself as a tortured drug user because that is what he has seen in Movies and read in books. Sure, Heroin can fuck you up, but that is not the default setting... folks can use for their whole lives and still keep things together and live a good life.

Imagine if a person who had only had one beer in their lifetime was responsible for writing about what it is like to be an alcoholic. Posters like this guy writing how he is having a "battle with the devil" are doing the equivalent of that: having a sip of beer and then trying to get a job as a representative for alcoholics. I hope non-heroin users can realise this.

5)Disclaimer: Of course Heroin is very very troublesome. It can, and does, wreak havoc with lives, BUT, BUT, BUT and another big BUT - the problem is only exacerbated by dickwads like the above poster looking for self pity, or notoriety, or some sort of cool reputation because he has used heroin and started to have a little trouble with it.

Stories about witches used to get people killed, when in reality what these people mostly had was some sort of mental illness that scared the rest of the population. Today we can understand that some brains are a bit different, and weird, so we no longer have a population full of people that think witches are real.

When heroin use, or any drug use for that matter is talked about in this mythical, religious "devil" way, by people who do not fully understand it, it just fuels the injustices done to people who have serious trouble with the drug.. Heroin is simply a drug that can be used to manipulate your endorphin system. If you get addicted there are more and more ways becoming available to cope and continue living a regular everyday life. You could have the worst habit in the world, but if you have access to the right healthcare setup you could stop in a day or two, move onto something like suboxone and be back at work after a few days off.

The more people talk about heroin as some mythical thing, and tell generic horror stories about it just to be cool, the harder it is for people who have been long time users to have access to the tools they can use in order to live a productive life.

Witch stories = the ye olde imbecile's way of understanding metal illness
Heroin horror stories = the witch stories of the modern world.


With heroin use today, the more we understand the science behind its use, the less of an evil entity it becomes. Sure people using heroin may do some seemingly horrific things, but the more we can educate the public on the mechanics of heroin use, the less likely it is that horror stories relating to heroin will eventuate.

Please ask yourself the question OP 'what motivated you to make this post'? Are you seriously in the depths of despair in life after your three months of heroin use? or was there something else that may have been the truer reason for posting a story about the horrors of heroin use?

If you want some serious advice Pirates, just learn how to manage what you have started. You have no real reason to get into that much trouble from using heroin today because there are so many treatment options around. Just because 95% of the population believe heroin is some sort of demon ride most young users just automatically direct their lives down that path because they cannot actually think for themselves!

Thank-you! I agree wholeheartedly.

I mean, just shortly before constructing this fantastical battle (on 30-01-2011), the OP recommended that someone seeking things like Codeine and Tramadol jump straight to Heroin. If it's the devil and all as you have stated, why the hell would you suggest someone else (with such little experience) jump on it!? Fuck. This guy also stated that a girl that suggested he take his first MDMA pill (which he scored for himself) "ruined his life" as he decided to roll daily at work after that. Not to mention - he introduced this girl to Heroin BEFORE she took MDMA with him.

Learn some self-control and common-fucking-sense before you find yourself in a real "battle." I assure you - you're not equipped to deal well with the consequences of your actions. Pull your head in and take a long, hard look at yourself before you end up royally screwed (ie. in jail, on the streets or dead).

 

[freddy47]

Agreed with both of my fellow posters above. Anyone who admits heroin is a terrible thing and yet convinces his friends to take it is a tool and a douche.

 

[New]

This seems more like a Dark Side thread, so I'm gonna move it over there. If an issue is had with this, PM me.

 

[Dave]

I was just about to flip out on the above people (excluding New, of course)... then I realized that this was a moved thread and therefore not written in the context of TDS.

OP: Quit now, while you're ahead. Look around this forum and you'll see that it gets far worse from where you are now. You're not in that deep; a couple days of discomfort and you'll be in the clear. You'll get plenty of support for that here. "Mildly sick" is nothing. Just do it.

To those bashing the OP (and those thinking of adding to that discussion): while I may agree with your statements, TDS is no longer the place for that sort of discussion.

 

[wcote]

Nice one frogman

To OP, you disgust me for giving your girlfriend a bag of heroin, you did not want her to try it, but you were stupid for giving her a bag..... throw it down toilet.

And this 'devil' bullshit you sound like a idiot.

Stop taking the drug, CUS if you think you are low, you have no idea..... you'v been on it for a few months. Stop while you ahead. I will say that on behalf of all the heroin users on here.

 

[New]

I moved it from Words, where he was comparing heroin to the devil through metaphor. And from what I'm reading, she tried it on her own to start. Have some sympathy for the guy. He tried heroin and got caught off-guard by it's effects. It could happen to anyone. No, I don't believe that him introducing all of his friends to it was a good idea, but when you find something awesome, you tend to share it with your friends so that they can try it out, too.

pirates_:I recently broke away from heroin addiction, and yeah, it's tough. I also understand the guilt from introducing or facilitating other people's drug use and watching them get out of hand. And it calls back every day. You can find resources to help you, such as suboxone or methadone, or a detox ward for a few days. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

 

[whippa craka]

When you recognize the devil, you give it power. When you talk with the devil, you give it more power. When you use the devil, it controls. The Devil is merely chemical imbalances in your brain my friend.

You will pity the devil and fight him using his power to motivate your own to overwhelm his. He can wrap around your thoughts and even make your swallow your pride. You need to build the HATE inside of you brought upon by the devils power and use that strength to crush the devil.

There will be a day when your hate for him is greater then his power, and you will never use again. Start building up that HATRED of the devil. Think of it as "controlled aggression" and when your ready, strike back, and forever you will be clean.

P.S. Hate = Willpower

 

[freddy47]

Have some sympathy for the guy. He tried heroin and got caught off-guard by it's effects. It could happen to anyone. No, I don't believe that him introducing all of his friends to it was a good idea, but when you find something awesome, you tend to share it with your friends so that they can try it out, too.

Its hard to have sympathy for a guy who admits to thinking that heroin is a terrible thing and yet convinces friends to try it like its so much cotton candy. Having been a heroin addict myself (Been clean going on 8 months now) one of the few things I am proud of from this period in my life is that I never introduced the drug to anyone. One friend even asked me to buy him heroin because he wanted to try it and I refused and talked him out of it even though I could have made money off him. I'm not trying to be holier than thou or say that I am better than the OP all I am saying is that I know and knew how bad heroin addiction can be. And honestly knowing that, I could never introduce it to anyone especially not to anyone of my friends. And I certainly wouldn't try to convince them to take it. And I think that anyone who has been there, and knows how difficult and painful heroin addiction can be, and still introduces it to friends is at the least inconsiderate of other people.