wizardknight17
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2017
- Messages
- 79
So last night while my wife was at work, to help with severe depression I haven't been able to break through for some time now I decided I would try mushrooms for the first time (I'd previously had a microdose a few weeks ago with no noticed effects)
I admittedly don't know a whole lot about shrooms but learned enough on here over the last few years so after my micro dose did nothing for me I had 1.3G's, which is slightly higher than what I probably should've started with in general, of what was called Jedi mind fuck mushrooms.
Quick back story: I have a lot of chronic pain, a long list of medical conditions including progressive cancer and stroke with permanent sensory damage and watched my father die a couple years ago.
It started off with me just laying in bed watching the British baking show (my wife likes it, I've previously noticed lots of colors so figured what the hell. Should be neat to watch) and that it was.
About 45 minutes later I started noticing how green the grass was on the show. Extremely vivid colors like I've never seen in my life. I started smiling a little bit while thinking "this is why they are called magical"
over the next 30 minutes or so the colors of more things started showing up. Someone's glasses were the brightest, most vivid blue ever. Another person had a weird purple hair dye randomly show up, the beads around someone's neck started to look fake kind of like the roger rabbit movie. I was so amazed by everything and felt like I could definitely handle more so I decided to smoke (92% THC) and got high as a kite.
I haven't been out of pain for years now and I was peaceful. Nothing hurt.
This continued for what I imagine was about 30 more minutes but right around this time is when I started losing touch with reality completely.
I slowly started to notice that I wasn't really my body. I felt like I was floating just barely above my body looking down onto myself.
Somewhere around this time I had considered what ""REALLY"" happened today? I remembered taking a few pills in the morning (ms contin), I remembered smoking throughout the day. (less than normal on both however) then I took the first 0.6G of shrooms because I had intended on another microdose but after, realizing that 0.5 did nothing last time, I took the last 0.7g's as well.
It was at this time I started to wonder was this day even the day I think it is? I've overdosed a few times in life and now I'm wondering if I Did I overdose and die years ago? How much of this was a dream? I started feeling like I was on a stretcher in the hospital. I heard doctors talking about putting tubes in me. I felt like I was choking a little bit. I was given the choice to fight for my life or give up and die. I tried my hardest to hold my breath so it would be all over. I moved my head back and forth as much as I could to try to make it more difficult for the doctors to help me. It was terrifying but somehow peaceful.
It was around this time that I noticed my dog nearby and begged him to come over to me and lay down next to me. Which he did. I noticed the gray in his face now that he's getting older and all I could think about is how bad I felt that I was going to leave him first. I told my dog I loved him and I was sorry and that he would be ok because he still had my wife. Which is right around the time she called me to tell me she was on her way home.
My baking show I was watching had now transformed every participant into people from my life. One of the bakers was my ex that I was with for the longest time. One of the others was another relationship. The judges turned into my dad, my mom, and my childhood friend. They were all crying and talking about how my life had ended. Saying their goodbyes. I had overdosed and they were disappointed. I wanted to tell them that I was ok and about to finally be at peace, but I couldn't say anything. After a few seconds I thought whether real or fake it's time to get on with it. I'll either go to sleep for tonight or forever but in the grand scheme of things why does it really matter? What have I done with my life? Anything? No. Not really. I mean I'm not a bad person. I've always TRIED to live right. Alas that does not equal a great life.
I started thinking about my regrets. Who did I really love? Who do i really love? Is doggo the only one I have? Is love even real? Is the dog real? Is life real? What the fuck even IS real? At this point I literally turned into my father on his death bed, but I was still myself as well. I had all the knowledge I've studied over the past few years on quantum physics, quantum computing, and comparative technologies and I realized logically how we can be in two places at once.
So I continued to lay there with my dog on my right side and I felt like I knew it was my dog comforting me, but at the same time i was also my father dying with my sister being the one on my right (she fell asleep in a chair next to his bed holding his hand). This is the time my wife got home.
She briefly asked me what was going on and I told her I took the shrooms and forgot that smoking intensifies it and just need to go to sleep. I heard her talk for a few minutes. Something about how even though.... no money..... still went and bought a gram of wax and 2 prerolls.... he knew this was going to happen...
The whole time she's talking about a guy at work but it sounded like she was talking about me and why I died. ( I ALWAYS SLEEP on the LEFT side of the bed.) I scooted over, Then, laying in bed on my right was still doggo, now on my left my wife was there. I went back to being my dad in his death bed. My wife had now become my mom, who at the time of my father's death was on his left side. I heard my mom (wife) getting up for food, which happened just before my dad died. I knew that historically speaking that now meant any minute I was going to walk into the room, watch my dad (who is also myself right now) breathe 4 times, about 30 seconds apart, a groan after the 3rd one, then die while I watched his eyes gloss over.
I knew my sister was sleeping which made me feel better, and I knew my mom was in the kitchen and also wouldn't see it. It was only me. Now I just wait and prepare myself for the last 4 breaths while trying not to panic. And then my son walks in and he is the one watching me die.
Then I think about it. We're all connected to the universe. We are nothing but energy in a conscious form. I've never had mushrooms before even though I've always wanted to try them. The time in my life just wasn't ever right. Then why was this time different?
Because I'm already dead.
The mushrooms were my way of telling my brain it's time to let go.
This is how the mind must reconcile life. You're entire life is nothing more than a synapse of energy and literally every choice you've ever made leads you to nothing other than becoming totally at peace with death. The whole "life flashes before your eyes" thing happened to me.
I died as myself.
I died as my father.
I died as the drug addict friend of mine who was murdered back in September.
Everyone was now standing around talking, just like they did when my dad died. I could hear me and my brother talking to the people who were moving my dead father. They asked if we're sure we wanted to stay in the room and I told them this is the 7th dead person I've seen and second I've actually watched die so things just don't negatively impact me like they used to.
I still feel really weird today.
Started out so life changing.
Ended horribly.
May try smaller dose in the future or different kind or not smoke.
Assuming I'm not in fact dead already. Haha
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mushrooms
substancecode_tryptamines
substancecode_marijuana
substancecode_cannabis
_combo_
explevel_firsttime
exptype_neutral
exptype_spiritual
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
I admittedly don't know a whole lot about shrooms but learned enough on here over the last few years so after my micro dose did nothing for me I had 1.3G's, which is slightly higher than what I probably should've started with in general, of what was called Jedi mind fuck mushrooms.
Quick back story: I have a lot of chronic pain, a long list of medical conditions including progressive cancer and stroke with permanent sensory damage and watched my father die a couple years ago.
It started off with me just laying in bed watching the British baking show (my wife likes it, I've previously noticed lots of colors so figured what the hell. Should be neat to watch) and that it was.
About 45 minutes later I started noticing how green the grass was on the show. Extremely vivid colors like I've never seen in my life. I started smiling a little bit while thinking "this is why they are called magical"
over the next 30 minutes or so the colors of more things started showing up. Someone's glasses were the brightest, most vivid blue ever. Another person had a weird purple hair dye randomly show up, the beads around someone's neck started to look fake kind of like the roger rabbit movie. I was so amazed by everything and felt like I could definitely handle more so I decided to smoke (92% THC) and got high as a kite.
I haven't been out of pain for years now and I was peaceful. Nothing hurt.
This continued for what I imagine was about 30 more minutes but right around this time is when I started losing touch with reality completely.
I slowly started to notice that I wasn't really my body. I felt like I was floating just barely above my body looking down onto myself.
Somewhere around this time I had considered what ""REALLY"" happened today? I remembered taking a few pills in the morning (ms contin), I remembered smoking throughout the day. (less than normal on both however) then I took the first 0.6G of shrooms because I had intended on another microdose but after, realizing that 0.5 did nothing last time, I took the last 0.7g's as well.
It was at this time I started to wonder was this day even the day I think it is? I've overdosed a few times in life and now I'm wondering if I Did I overdose and die years ago? How much of this was a dream? I started feeling like I was on a stretcher in the hospital. I heard doctors talking about putting tubes in me. I felt like I was choking a little bit. I was given the choice to fight for my life or give up and die. I tried my hardest to hold my breath so it would be all over. I moved my head back and forth as much as I could to try to make it more difficult for the doctors to help me. It was terrifying but somehow peaceful.
It was around this time that I noticed my dog nearby and begged him to come over to me and lay down next to me. Which he did. I noticed the gray in his face now that he's getting older and all I could think about is how bad I felt that I was going to leave him first. I told my dog I loved him and I was sorry and that he would be ok because he still had my wife. Which is right around the time she called me to tell me she was on her way home.
My baking show I was watching had now transformed every participant into people from my life. One of the bakers was my ex that I was with for the longest time. One of the others was another relationship. The judges turned into my dad, my mom, and my childhood friend. They were all crying and talking about how my life had ended. Saying their goodbyes. I had overdosed and they were disappointed. I wanted to tell them that I was ok and about to finally be at peace, but I couldn't say anything. After a few seconds I thought whether real or fake it's time to get on with it. I'll either go to sleep for tonight or forever but in the grand scheme of things why does it really matter? What have I done with my life? Anything? No. Not really. I mean I'm not a bad person. I've always TRIED to live right. Alas that does not equal a great life.
I started thinking about my regrets. Who did I really love? Who do i really love? Is doggo the only one I have? Is love even real? Is the dog real? Is life real? What the fuck even IS real? At this point I literally turned into my father on his death bed, but I was still myself as well. I had all the knowledge I've studied over the past few years on quantum physics, quantum computing, and comparative technologies and I realized logically how we can be in two places at once.
So I continued to lay there with my dog on my right side and I felt like I knew it was my dog comforting me, but at the same time i was also my father dying with my sister being the one on my right (she fell asleep in a chair next to his bed holding his hand). This is the time my wife got home.
She briefly asked me what was going on and I told her I took the shrooms and forgot that smoking intensifies it and just need to go to sleep. I heard her talk for a few minutes. Something about how even though.... no money..... still went and bought a gram of wax and 2 prerolls.... he knew this was going to happen...
The whole time she's talking about a guy at work but it sounded like she was talking about me and why I died. ( I ALWAYS SLEEP on the LEFT side of the bed.) I scooted over, Then, laying in bed on my right was still doggo, now on my left my wife was there. I went back to being my dad in his death bed. My wife had now become my mom, who at the time of my father's death was on his left side. I heard my mom (wife) getting up for food, which happened just before my dad died. I knew that historically speaking that now meant any minute I was going to walk into the room, watch my dad (who is also myself right now) breathe 4 times, about 30 seconds apart, a groan after the 3rd one, then die while I watched his eyes gloss over.
I knew my sister was sleeping which made me feel better, and I knew my mom was in the kitchen and also wouldn't see it. It was only me. Now I just wait and prepare myself for the last 4 breaths while trying not to panic. And then my son walks in and he is the one watching me die.
Then I think about it. We're all connected to the universe. We are nothing but energy in a conscious form. I've never had mushrooms before even though I've always wanted to try them. The time in my life just wasn't ever right. Then why was this time different?
Because I'm already dead.
The mushrooms were my way of telling my brain it's time to let go.
This is how the mind must reconcile life. You're entire life is nothing more than a synapse of energy and literally every choice you've ever made leads you to nothing other than becoming totally at peace with death. The whole "life flashes before your eyes" thing happened to me.
I died as myself.
I died as my father.
I died as the drug addict friend of mine who was murdered back in September.
Everyone was now standing around talking, just like they did when my dad died. I could hear me and my brother talking to the people who were moving my dead father. They asked if we're sure we wanted to stay in the room and I told them this is the 7th dead person I've seen and second I've actually watched die so things just don't negatively impact me like they used to.
I still feel really weird today.
Started out so life changing.
Ended horribly.
May try smaller dose in the future or different kind or not smoke.
Assuming I'm not in fact dead already. Haha
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mushrooms
substancecode_tryptamines
substancecode_marijuana
substancecode_cannabis
_combo_
explevel_firsttime
exptype_neutral
exptype_spiritual
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
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