thineisthekingdom
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2017
- Messages
- 4
Some background
Of my ethnogenic explorations, I saved mushrooms to be the last. I've had a feeling they are the ultimate and wanted to know as much as possible to make sure that I do it right. Reading Wasson's accounts and listening to the holy squeaking of McKenna confirmed that those need to be taken with huge respect. The below account is from 2016, it took me a while to finally write it up.
Setting
A cottage in a big park, no neighbors within 500m, alone, dusk, Saturday. It was perfect, I waited long months for such a setting.
Trip
T + 0
In my hands many mushrooms - 70-sth, exactly 7g of bone dry P.Cubensis. I do not blend them, I swallow them one by one following with some water. That takes half an hour or so and begs for an upset stomach, but seems like the right thing to do.
I try to run a journal (1) for the trip which due to the severity of situation never materializes into anything useful, beyond a few brief and sad entries.
T + 14min
The first wave comes exactly (and merely) 14 minutes in. I did not expect such a rapid onset. There were that all-too-familiar DMT aura and a play of tropical colors, a tiny disco ball somewhere in space. It's 4-HO-DMT, so just one molecule away from DMT.
I went through the back door to our vast garden. The outside was sinister: the wind was gusting, the trees in the park would violently sway in the darkness, bending forward in a wicked dance. I did not feel welcomed by that haunted outdoors, therefore, decided to get back to the living room. There a light spectacle began, I couldn't tell whether the light is off or on, there were some strange spotlights and a play of shadows, combined with accentuated emptiness of the room reminded me of some horror scenes. I decided to leave the room and don't come back there again. That's excluded too.
T + 1h
They did recognize my artillery. it was mocked on my own eyes - I wrote 'mushrooms are destroying my reference points' and within seconds the ink would dissolve on my eyes rendering it illegible. What a first class terror - I thought to myself - and started laughing maniacally.
I'd love to find better words for what happened to my mind than 'rape'. Although that was exactly it- and all the experience of multiple trips with other psychedelics proved to be of little value. One shows up to rapids with a stick, and it's a lost cause. I thought - give up, give in - and forget exactly what you were meant to not forget about. That's the secret to facing it, for resistance is futile.
T + 1.5h
I lost my mind. The reality was brutally torn away from me. Standing in the hallway I had interchangeably images of the kitchen and living room flipping in front of my eyes. I was lost as to where I am so decided to ascend the staircase leading to my bedroom, on fours (for health and safety reasons). Halfway through the image flipped and I thought that I'm descending ('the way up is the way down' after all!). It took me a few minutes to work it out whether I'm ascending or descending, and then a few more meters of crawling and the beloved bedroom is there. Success!
I somehow switched the light off and climbed under a blanket for the peak.
T + 2h
At the peak, there was a solid void. The perfect pitch black darkness without any noise, shape, content, without any agency (ego - this is your doom). I couldn't remember my name, whether I have family or job, where I live or come from. I couldn't refer to 'myself' at all - for 'i' was lost. Something was there, nevertheless, to observe this spectacle.
The peak, despite its magnitude, was warm and calm rather than cold and unfriendly, not like the darkness of stormy ocean which at times devours me in the worst of nightmares. I've greatly enjoyed it and wished for it to remain so for as long as possible. In that sacred limbo thinking was magnificent, utterly pure. I 'spoke' to the void, to that unknown force.
Why have you chosen to not be still? Why did you split the dear one?
I feel the cold breeze of randomness on my shoulders whispering 'it's not for you to understand', no matter how hard I try. Perhaps through the drops leaving that uniform mold - fall solitary to reunite againe, although not the same. How multiplicity emerges from uniformity and why it feels so bloody important, almost like one the main axioms of this barking mad world? I keep asking - 'why, why and why?'(2). I do not understand, but I'm very grateful that it does - for me can come to be thanks to you.
This is how I saw it at that time, that all the consciousness originates in the one, and although separate we are never really apart, and although our flight is a solitary one, our finale is that of reunion. Separation is the key, it's the beginning of something grand, it's purposeful - we are not one for a good reason. I couldn't remember my name back then, but I somehow knew that 'I' will reinstate itself, and for a sound reason.
T + 3h ('...and the darkest hour is right before the dawn')
'I' came back, 'I' regained vision. 'I' was born again. I pounced at the window to touch the glass. I licked it and laughed. I touched my wardrobe, the carpet. Everything was so new and so inviting, the reality sprung back to life and oh my - how grand it was in its structural coherence! I sat down and cried, thinking of all the people dear to me and sheer boundless love filled my heart. They were so distant yet so close, I could feel their heartbeat and their thoughts at that very moment.
Conclusion
I wished to wait with this account to observe long-term impact (apart from some weeks of elevated mood). The experience filled me with awe and deep appreciation of life, this basic experience of just being alive. A solid meaning was supplied to my little life and gone went the downs which haunted me for years. I do know now, that this life is a tremendous gift which must be respected.
If one seeks a teacher I believe this is the one. Mushies are harsh, unforgiving and not obvious what they convey until much later. Just like the great teachers are. They do not tell you how to be but show you what it's to un-be, and that seems to be the most valuable lesson. In my ears, now, are the words of McKenna (may he rest in peace in the elf-land), truer than ever:
---------------------------------------------------
(1) my companion
Sorry, my handwriting is rather appaling. I'm not sure what I wrote under 9-10, or what I wanted to write. I didn't feel like writing anything at all iirc, nor listening to music.
(2) a very speculative take on 'why?'
Where would thou be without the other? That's why you decided to split (decided?). Solitude -> no feedback, no alternative modes of thought -> no change -> no progress (a loop!). I feel that in some ways that multiplicity gives rise to consciousness, yet the mechanism remains to be investigated and the above might be totally off.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mushrooms
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_spiritual
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
Of my ethnogenic explorations, I saved mushrooms to be the last. I've had a feeling they are the ultimate and wanted to know as much as possible to make sure that I do it right. Reading Wasson's accounts and listening to the holy squeaking of McKenna confirmed that those need to be taken with huge respect. The below account is from 2016, it took me a while to finally write it up.
Setting
A cottage in a big park, no neighbors within 500m, alone, dusk, Saturday. It was perfect, I waited long months for such a setting.
Trip
T + 0
In my hands many mushrooms - 70-sth, exactly 7g of bone dry P.Cubensis. I do not blend them, I swallow them one by one following with some water. That takes half an hour or so and begs for an upset stomach, but seems like the right thing to do.
I try to run a journal (1) for the trip which due to the severity of situation never materializes into anything useful, beyond a few brief and sad entries.
T + 14min
The first wave comes exactly (and merely) 14 minutes in. I did not expect such a rapid onset. There were that all-too-familiar DMT aura and a play of tropical colors, a tiny disco ball somewhere in space. It's 4-HO-DMT, so just one molecule away from DMT.
I went through the back door to our vast garden. The outside was sinister: the wind was gusting, the trees in the park would violently sway in the darkness, bending forward in a wicked dance. I did not feel welcomed by that haunted outdoors, therefore, decided to get back to the living room. There a light spectacle began, I couldn't tell whether the light is off or on, there were some strange spotlights and a play of shadows, combined with accentuated emptiness of the room reminded me of some horror scenes. I decided to leave the room and don't come back there again. That's excluded too.
T + 1h
They did recognize my artillery. it was mocked on my own eyes - I wrote 'mushrooms are destroying my reference points' and within seconds the ink would dissolve on my eyes rendering it illegible. What a first class terror - I thought to myself - and started laughing maniacally.
I'd love to find better words for what happened to my mind than 'rape'. Although that was exactly it- and all the experience of multiple trips with other psychedelics proved to be of little value. One shows up to rapids with a stick, and it's a lost cause. I thought - give up, give in - and forget exactly what you were meant to not forget about. That's the secret to facing it, for resistance is futile.
T + 1.5h
I lost my mind. The reality was brutally torn away from me. Standing in the hallway I had interchangeably images of the kitchen and living room flipping in front of my eyes. I was lost as to where I am so decided to ascend the staircase leading to my bedroom, on fours (for health and safety reasons). Halfway through the image flipped and I thought that I'm descending ('the way up is the way down' after all!). It took me a few minutes to work it out whether I'm ascending or descending, and then a few more meters of crawling and the beloved bedroom is there. Success!
I somehow switched the light off and climbed under a blanket for the peak.
T + 2h
At the peak, there was a solid void. The perfect pitch black darkness without any noise, shape, content, without any agency (ego - this is your doom). I couldn't remember my name, whether I have family or job, where I live or come from. I couldn't refer to 'myself' at all - for 'i' was lost. Something was there, nevertheless, to observe this spectacle.
The peak, despite its magnitude, was warm and calm rather than cold and unfriendly, not like the darkness of stormy ocean which at times devours me in the worst of nightmares. I've greatly enjoyed it and wished for it to remain so for as long as possible. In that sacred limbo thinking was magnificent, utterly pure. I 'spoke' to the void, to that unknown force.
Why have you chosen to not be still? Why did you split the dear one?
I feel the cold breeze of randomness on my shoulders whispering 'it's not for you to understand', no matter how hard I try. Perhaps through the drops leaving that uniform mold - fall solitary to reunite againe, although not the same. How multiplicity emerges from uniformity and why it feels so bloody important, almost like one the main axioms of this barking mad world? I keep asking - 'why, why and why?'(2). I do not understand, but I'm very grateful that it does - for me can come to be thanks to you.
This is how I saw it at that time, that all the consciousness originates in the one, and although separate we are never really apart, and although our flight is a solitary one, our finale is that of reunion. Separation is the key, it's the beginning of something grand, it's purposeful - we are not one for a good reason. I couldn't remember my name back then, but I somehow knew that 'I' will reinstate itself, and for a sound reason.
T + 3h ('...and the darkest hour is right before the dawn')
'I' came back, 'I' regained vision. 'I' was born again. I pounced at the window to touch the glass. I licked it and laughed. I touched my wardrobe, the carpet. Everything was so new and so inviting, the reality sprung back to life and oh my - how grand it was in its structural coherence! I sat down and cried, thinking of all the people dear to me and sheer boundless love filled my heart. They were so distant yet so close, I could feel their heartbeat and their thoughts at that very moment.
Conclusion
I wished to wait with this account to observe long-term impact (apart from some weeks of elevated mood). The experience filled me with awe and deep appreciation of life, this basic experience of just being alive. A solid meaning was supplied to my little life and gone went the downs which haunted me for years. I do know now, that this life is a tremendous gift which must be respected.
If one seeks a teacher I believe this is the one. Mushies are harsh, unforgiving and not obvious what they convey until much later. Just like the great teachers are. They do not tell you how to be but show you what it's to un-be, and that seems to be the most valuable lesson. In my ears, now, are the words of McKenna (may he rest in peace in the elf-land), truer than ever:
'Show me what you've got
and they will show you death...
and that will set you free.'
and they will show you death...
and that will set you free.'
---------------------------------------------------
(1) my companion
Sorry, my handwriting is rather appaling. I'm not sure what I wrote under 9-10, or what I wanted to write. I didn't feel like writing anything at all iirc, nor listening to music.
(2) a very speculative take on 'why?'
Where would thou be without the other? That's why you decided to split (decided?). Solitude -> no feedback, no alternative modes of thought -> no change -> no progress (a loop!). I feel that in some ways that multiplicity gives rise to consciousness, yet the mechanism remains to be investigated and the above might be totally off.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mushrooms
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_spiritual
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
Last edited by a moderator:
I was gonna say welcome to Bluelight but I see you've been here for a while already.