Methamphetamine / Kratom - Experienced - My story

Workaholic25

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 19, 2019
Messages
2
Woke up 8:30 Monday morning to the hubby walking in the door saying he scored (we couldn't get ahold of our connect for 2 days). I was just going to be starting working 3rd shift that night. This will sound weird to some but 2 out of my 4 shifts a week I am able to sleep. I go in Monday and it was my night to sleep...didn't happen. Fast forward to Wednesday ( Tuesday is a blur) its again my night to sleep at work. Finally passed out at 3 am & was up at 6. Thursday night was a nightmare as the tweeking began. Managed to make it through my shift, rush home to shower and eat. Passed out at 11am and got up at 4. Promised myself I was not going to use so I could get a good night's sleep. Hubby talked me into it since this is going to be our last time using, we need to get clean. Things went bad really quick. Tweeking like crazy, the worst I ever have. Up all night. Decided around 8 Saturday morning I was going to get some Kratom after spending the entire night researching it. Take 3mg. In 45 minutes I felt amazing and had energy as if did a bump. Took another dose of Kratom about 5 hours later when I started feeling sluggish. Again within 45 minutes I feel great, cleaning and acting like I did a bump. Neighbor comes over to drop off some weed because I'm determined to sleep tonight. Offers me and hubby a line and of course we couldnt say no. Had a bit more energy and finished up cleaning and organizing. Just smoked some weed and feel really chill. Not tired but hopefully thay will happen after another bowl or 2. I have slept 8 hours since Monday morning. This isn't the life I want to live. Hubby is an addict and relapsed a few times during our 6 years together. He would always take off and go to a motel for a few days so I didn't see him high. After his last really bad run in October 2018 he promised me that if he decided to use again he would tell me. Beginning of May he wakes me up to tell me he scored. The last 10 weeks everything has spiraled out of control. Lots of money was spent on unnecessary shit. Our savings is almost depleted. It could be worse, we still have income. I've managed to make it to work everyday I used & he is on workmans comp. We promised each other this is it but I'm not sure either of us are strong enough. Our connect lives across the street and we see him every day. I guess only time will tell.

Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_methamphetamine
substancecode_meth
substancecode_amphetamines
substancecode_kratom
substancecode_opiates
_combo_
explevel_experienced
exptype_negative
exptype_bodyload
exptype_addiction
roacode_oral
roacode_nasal
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Xorkoth

"City Watcher" & Sr. Mod: PD, TR, TDS, P&S
Staff member
Joined
Feb 8, 2006
Messages
38,650
Location
Shadowmeister v0
Hey there, thanks for sharing and welcome to Bluelight. :) I'm sorry you're having such troubles. Addiction is a terrible thing. If you'd like some support, please visit The Dark Side forum... it's our forum to post about troubles in life, and get some support.
 

Zonxx

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 28, 2019
Messages
1,149
Location
Somwhere
Eeeeeepersjeepers this is a typical cycle of what ends up going on especially for a relapsing addict the grip on control tends to easily slip onto the rabbit wheel where you just keep running and making it spin till you cant, the main positive i do see is that ( thankfilly) considering the lack of sleep neither of youve slipped into psychosis, its happened to me once and my bender limit is now 5 days/nights with no sleep, i hope you get your share of catchup sleep, do you think he can handle using a few times a year without it taking a toll like it has in recent weeks? Im maybe too liberal towards drugs but i believe an "addict" is just a drug user, some drugs have a nature about them like crack that if you really slip while using them can spiral into your experience, but with practice which isnt really an option for you two can control the use without an issue, but perhaps if hes able to use without issue or relationship issues once in a blue moon as long as it doesnt turn into a 10 week spiral may be just that outlet he needs, abstaining is among the hardest things there are triggers that cant be avoided and its a mental battle of will, but you yourself dont sound like youve lost control you just give in because its there, and im in no way trying to turn your image of him into any type of negative view because it shouldnt be, drugs dont make a person theyre used and how one acts on them is how you should watch, hes never struck you, hes hidden his use because he cares what you think n you need to take that to heart, you should make it clear for him to tell you if hes having cravings, by no means flat out tell him its cool do drugs.. but that being said, drugs arent the end of the world especially used responsibly, again it can be hard when someone is using them to escape or because their bored, ive found boredom to be a big factor for relapse because once you love a drug and youre sitting there thinking " this would be much better with :insert: " thats the tipping point for abstaining " addicts" i prefer the term abstaining user.. i dont believe in downright addiction, we all use drugs for our own reasons. Using too much on the other hand is a different story. Im a heavy crack user and believe it or not, i have non drug friends thatre cool with me but that may be because im real with everyone if they dont like it they can eat shit, but you can make it clear to him just because he slips which you probs have already.. you still respect him for whom he is, drugs never leave us its just whether we use or not aside from my friends, im an honest person that maybe too honest but no fucks given, im honest with my parents about my drug use even though their older and prefer i not use, and ive done most drugs you can think of but the one illicit one thats stuck to me is cocaine in either powdered or crack that i cook, hell i somtimes snort lines while smoking up not too wise but it is what it is, ive never damaged a relationship becayse of drugs due to honesty, i have put my arm into walls getting coke angry at stupid shit but with reason lel. Honesty is key, you seem like you rather not use altogether but use is fine with moderation so for you i can say youve got a grip on it.. no one in their right mind turns down a free line so thats not on you! Assuming hes never been violent w you, depending how you proceed try to help him, but you shouldnt feed the addiction by using alongside and i csnt think of a better word its not the right one " copying" him because drug users do feed off one another, youre using hes using hes using youre using so keep that in mind, i do have friends i cant smoke coke with because of how they react and change while high, oddly drugs CAN temporarily alter people if only alittle or entirely to where theyre different people.. to a scary extent. I dont know what im getting at i cant say your situation is a good one, but like you said, hey it could be much worse, hes honest with you so dont take it for granted but never feed his use because from personal experience.. a friend got me into the coke game where i made enough not seling but transporting it, that it fed a 4-8 gram a day habbit and not that i had an issue with my use, but i decided it wasnt healthy and i never gave up coke infact now due to ENTIRELYA DIFFERENT circunstances ive picked up my old habbit and use maybe half the month every month but i wont get into that try not to feed off eachothers use when this happens because of course especially with someone you love youl use anytime you can with them and enjoy it thst much more i think thats where you went wrong. Moderation is key, know when to not cut off but suggest to slow down and that there will always be drugs it doesnt HAVE to be the last time

Best of luck, i rambled im high as fuck but i believe im logical
 
Top