Stimulants Meth aftershock and strange Coffee symptoms

[hungryman52]

Meth probably up regulated NE production and created more adrenergic receptors.

Just stop using caffeine.

I also don't really know what that means..... what is NE production and what are adregenic receptors? Although if I could trust my brain to function on a normal level without caffeine I probably wouldn't have even posted this and I would have just stopped drinking the coffee the first time I thought someone had spiked it with meth...

 

[Ray86]

Well I went and read your comments in that other post and I had almost finished a lengthy comment when someone called me and after the phone call, my phone automatically deleted what I had written. What I was typing in short was 2 parts. The first one was to the guy that said you're a dick to your girlfriend. What I told him was that I think you and your girlfriend done dickish things to each other. It's not uncommon for people to act out when they have resentments towards other people. It doesn't make it right, but it doesn't make either of you bad people. And what I commented to you was that you can't help who you do or don't fall in love with. You're not an asshole for not being in love with her the way she is with you. In fact you'd be being an asshole to yourself for guilt tripping yourself for not being able to force yourself to feel something that isn't there. You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else does. And I totally agree with you. You are way too young to deal with this level of stress and responsibility over another person. If I recall correctly you said you're 22 and she's 36? That's a pretty big gap as far as growth goes. I can tell you right now, I'm 30 and I wouldn't even consider dating a 22 year old. I'm not trying to be condescending or anything. There's just a lot that changes in a person between those ages. The other thing about the age difference is the drug use. Sadly at 36, her chances of getting sober or even having the want and drive to get sober, are a lot less than they could be at 22. It happens if course it's just statistically less. I think it would be best if you say down and made your decision based on what YOU want in life. You have to remember to be fair to you.

 

[hungryman52]

It is a little more than feeling connected to her because of our time together, I do feel responsible for her, but, when I really think about it, would I even be sober right now if I hadn't had to get sober for her/with her? I don't really think so, I was certain meth was beneficial to me, it made me who I always wanted to be, confident, outgoing and way less neurotic. I also loved where I was at, I had so much respect from the people around me for what I went through. I felt like I no longer had to prove myself, people respected me, and I got a bunch of free drugs. I was so in there I don't really even want to get into any more than this.

All this is of course is what attracted her to me. What attracted me to her at first was of course her beauty, but the way she didn't act like it, she had no idea how beautiful she was. She was so kind... you know to the extent that you can be when you put heroin before anything else in your life, but as long as she was hooked up and not nupping out, she was always thinking about others, sometimes it was a little late for her to care because of the way time would just disappear for her, but the care was always there The want to help was always there, and to me it seemed as though the only standing in the way was her addiction and honestly since she has been with me I have probably made her less caring because of how uncaring I am, I almost make her be less caring towards me and others so I can feel better about myself.

You can say that I am caring because look, I got her off H, but thats the thing, once that was what I decided to do, nobody else mattered, nothing got in my way. I kept her from her friends and her family and I kept her frome my friends and family, nobody who could be a negative influence, there are probably in jail wondering why they haven't heard from me. Because it was just like that, I tried getting her sober willingly, and after 2 relapses, one night me and her just disappeared, she went kicking and screaming the whole way, literally, she cracked the windshield of the car. The car was her parents car and I stole her parents car and took her to a safe place I knew. Her parents thought I had kidnapped her, there was a private investigator hired and everything (which was funny because I thought I was just beeing paranoid about somebody with different plates following me around from another state and it turned out that it was actually the private investigator following me around) I had her call her parents once we were safe and tell them what was going on, but I guess they didn't believe her until they knew first hand. It was reckless and stupid, but like I said, I just didn't give a fuck, I wanted her sober and thats what I got.

She is still one of the most caring people I know, but she just doesn't do sobriety, I tried getting her to quit cigs with me and after about 4 hours she was yelling at me and throwing a tantrum like a little child, made me realize that she must have really wanted to get off H to have gotten sober three times. I know I have said alot of negative things about her, but she really is a great person. Just really fucking challenged and challenging, it has been over 2 years of dealing with this shit and I have been unable to talk to anybody about it, and then she had to go get fucking high again.... I haven't drunk coffee all day today and it has taken me a really long time to write this and my brain feels tired as fuck, so I am going to leave it at that for now, I have resumes to hand out and I will probably have to go start some quick side work so I can keep my head above the water and all I want right now is a cup of coffee without feeling like I am high...... And now I just remembered what I wanted to say.

when you wrote er morphine I thought you mean er like uuuuh morphine or something. now I get you meant ER as in hospital emergency room morphine. Hospitals are so fucking stupid. A large part of the old client base were ex perscription junkies. It is so fucked up what they give people, without even warning them how addictive it is. Makes me sick... not that I was much better, but if not one person than they will go to other right?... ANyway, my brain is so tired right now. I will get back to this later.

 

[Ray86]

I believe you and I hope you didn't think I was trying to call her a bad person. I think most addicts are good people stuck in a bad lifestyle that can cause them to act in ways they never would sober.
Er morphine=extended release morphine
The morphine you get injected with at the hospital doesn't do anything to my anxiety.

 

[d1nach]

Morphine causes histamine to be released. Like caffeine and amph which also cause histamine release.

Histamine may be important for learning and alertness. It also causes flushing .

 

[hungryman52]

Don't worry I didn't think you were calling her a bad person at all, you were just working from what I had typed, there is so much to type to reaaly put all of this in erspective and unfortunately all the bad came out first unforunately as that was the part I was having trouble dealing with. I have been dealing with the drug problem again, her parents were not very supportive before, but this time they called me and told me to call any time to check in and make sure she wasn't ff somewhere beeing stupid, they are also no longer allowing her to drive anywhere by herself, and she is calling me evry day ow to check in, so she made a mistake, and she is attempting to rectify it. I was incredibly angry that she went against her promise within 2 days and I just needed to vent. Like I said, I havent been able to talk about any of this for so long, and now it is all just coming out.

edit: and I am not 22 I am 22 and half or like 3/4's but seriously. I Have heard alot of people say this and that about age differences, but in my expierience age doesn't mean shit, maturity and experience is all that really counts, I have met 50 year olds who act like little children still and have lived off welfare their whole lives, I have met 21 year olds who looked like they were in their 30s and were well on their way to a steady career and had their lives together. Sure there are things that come with time and changes in hormones and whatnot, but really, I have been with a couple of older women, and most of them started off saying they would never even dream of beeing with someone as young as me, but I win them over in the end.....

 

[hungryman52]

Er morphine=extended release morphine
The morphine you get injected with at the hospital doesn't do anything to my anxiety.

I have heard of that before. So the morphine and the ER morphine itself is fine, but when mixed with coffee the ER morphine cause you anxiety?

 

[hungryman52]

How do you know all this stuff?

 

[d1nach]

How do you know all this stuff?

Who are you talking too me ?

I have heard of that before. So the morphine and the ER morphine itself is fine, but when mixed with coffee the ER morphine cause you anxiety?

Both coffee and opiates can cause anxiety.

Both morphine and coffee can cause vomiting and skin flushing.

It really depends on the individual because for example i might drink black coffee on purpose because it makes my stomach contract and be more sensitive and make my skin tingle because i like how it feels like how some people love hot food. However, you might experience the same effects and feel anxious because you feel sick.

In a hospital you prob dont feel anxious when they give you morphine because you feel like your in professional hands and they are checking your vitals keeping you hydrated ect. Also you dont have to worry about getting sick because you already are sick vs if you say have a interview taking morphine you can experience the same sensations but now feel intense worry over puking all over the interviewer

 

[hungryman52]

makes sense.

 

[Ray86]

I'm glad she's back on track. It sounds like she's trying to be transparent and I hope she will continue with that
There morphine causes the anxiety directly for me. It was after it took that effect that I couldn't drink coffee for about a month because I was already in such a fragile state with the anxiety. Both times I've been put on the er morphine, it took build up from it being in my system for it to cause the drastic increase in anxiety. I don't remember how long it took the first time because it was years ago but this last time, it took just over a month. It was so intense that I went to the ER and the doctors didn't believe me. They thought I had been abusing my meds and was in withdrawal (even though I brought my prescription and told them they could check the date on it and count my fucking pills.) The only doctor that believes me on that is my pain clinic doctor and he's never heard of anyone having that experience before. But he is older and I think the standards for education for becoming a doctor dropped at some point probably after his generation. Anyways, I'm just ranting now. I hope things start going more smoothly for you and your girl

 

[hungryman52]

Yeah, it seems like something more than just the standard of doctors being lower, it seems like doctors are more like pharma company drug pushers than actually people who are supposed to take care of you. Older doctors are slowly getting swamped in all these new drugs and it seems that as they have not worked with them, or been brainwashed (excuse the term, but it does apply when it comes to education in the majority of cases) as much as the new doctors and are more distrusting of all these new meds simply because they have not worked with them as much, or been taught that they are cure alls for every ailment, no matter the person. I don't even bother with doctors anymore, not when I break bones, not when I am sick and not for checkups, the only reason I go to the doctor is to take someone else. All they want to do is pump you full of drugs and take all your money, fuck healthcare.... sorry I am ranting too, I just fucking hate this healthcare system.

As for the relationship. It is going well, I am currently on the phone with her trying to convince her not to use her parents car tomorrow so the temptation isn't there and I don't have to worry all day... but it's a losing battle, looks like im gonna be a stress case tomorrow.... fucking stupid shit.....

 

[JBrandon]

Drop the girl man. It's gonna kill you but if you don't, this right here is the rest of your life.

 

[hungryman52]

Yeah, so she called me this morning to "talk" and she was talking about the fridge not working and stuff like that and then I asked her if she had worked out how she was getting from A-B and she said kinda quietly that she was gonna drive, so I pointed out the multitude of possibilities and she started talking to someone else about she was gonna transport some eggs, so I said fuck this and hung up the phone so I wouldn't have a meltdown, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down and realized it was only making me more anxious knowing that I wasn't on the case trying to solve this problem, so while I tried to calm myself down I wrote her theses messages:
I kinda feel sick to my stomach already don't trust you at all after last time.
I don't even want to think about it, but I know it's all I am going to be thinking about.
I know you could work something else out, but you havent even tried.
she responded with
If you start thinking about it then call me.
???? wtf so I have to worry about you all day and fucking call you every couple of minutes because you wont work out a simple lift from A to B (I didn't send that)
So then I called her because the buzzing sound in my head wouldn't go away and my stomach felt so tight it felt like it was gonna push backwards through my spine and she answers tells me shes driving and can't talk, so I said ok it's over and hung up..... I hate making empty threats, I just feel so far out of control, I know I may sound really controlling, I never have to worry about her going [places by herself, when she is with me because she would have to actually search out a dealer and buy the shit off him, but over there her whole life before, all her friends, some of her family they all do drugs, and they were the hardest part of the losing battle for sobriety I fought with her. When I was trying to get her sober suddenly it seemed like everybody was giving her free shit from every direction, I remember this one dude got her high after I had gotten her to kick the second time and he nupped out on the sofa, I am not proud of this, but I didn't even wake him up, I just got on top of him and beat the fuck out of him and then I went to go get my crossbow and he was fucking gone. Now she is back there again, she broke the trust on the second day, and now she is doing it again...... I am shaking right now I am so fucking angry and stressed out.
I don't know how to handle this right now, I want to just end it, but we have been talking so much these past couple of days I was starting to feel good about it. Now I am torn, I literally feel torn, my back muscles ache my head hurts and my stomach hurts and I am shaking. It's not like it was even that hard for her to get a lift, she had to actually drop her dad off at work with his car (which is exactly what she did last time she got high) and then she has to pick him up again. her mom leaves for work at around 12 and she said it was too last minute to organize anything, so your telling me you couldn't work out something with your mom to drop you off on her way to work, her auntie (who she said she is doing yard work for apparently) is home all day and rives also, there is no reason to drive there, actually it is more of a pain in the ass for her dad than anything because now hes at work without a vehicle and he has to wait on her to go home. It's not like it's fuel cost either...... fucking hate this shit, I can't even do anything about it shes 2 states away, it's like watching a car crash and flip over, it just keeps flipping and flipping and coming apart with pieces flying everywhere and all you can do is watch and if you try and stop it it will just roll right over you, even from far away you have the danger of being hit with the fuck debrie.
I keep having to edit this because I can only think of one thing at a time right now, but the most fucked up thing about this right now is it is making me want to get high myself, I have been off the drink for 2 days now (no great feat I know), but still I have not drunk anything for 2 days and now all I want is a fucking bottle of jameson and a six pack of eye of the hawk.... or a bowl, so I can feel invincible again and just go out and find myself a distraction. Luckily I am pretty sure I am not going to do that, but I want to, I can't even see straight right now, and my back muscles fucking ache, every part of me aches, I have no idea why I even fucking bother caring. FUCK

 

[hungryman52]

Just to top it all off I just found out yesterday that a very good friend of mine who taught me alot of what I know today is fucking dead, he died in the hospital, his doc was just perscribing him more meds and more meds without actually having him looked at, and then he went into the hospital and hewas going to have to have an operation on his kidneys and they were pumping him with more drugs, yknow, in case his kidneys werent already fucked enough for the operation, and he fucking died of heart failure...... when it fucking rains it fucking pours. I just remembered I have an interview today at 9pm too, oh YAY. time to fail again, how I am so nervous in interviews as is. I feel like I am carrying a fucking bag full of bricks right now

 

[Lacquerman Steve]

... I have been off the drink for 2 days now (no great feat I know), but still I have not drunk anything for 2 days ...

Don't blow this off. Two days without a drink is a victory. It isn't everything, I know that.. but it -IS- something!

If you were a homeless street beggar, and somebody offered you a quarter, would you get mad and throw it back saying "I don't want this, it isn't enough!"? Well, ok... some people might. But that's the wrong approach. If you said "thank you, I appreciate it" - if you celebrate the fact that you got something today - maybe tomorrow he comes back and gives you 50 cents (as in, 3 days without a drink is twice as good as two days without). Maybe on the 4th day, he returns again and gives you a whole dollar.

My point is, it adds up. Nobody has ever made it to a year sober without having been a month sober, nobody makes it to one month without first being sober one week, and nobody makes it to one week without first making it to two days. Two days sober is important! If you can do exactly the same thing tomorrow that you've already done twice (go 1 day without a drink..), then you can - and SHOULD - be twice as proud of making it to three days sober! With everything that's wrong in your life right now, you really can't afford to just blow off or let go of anything positive - no matter how small it seems right now.

 

[hungryman52]

My mom just decided to message me today, oh yay. It went as bad as ever. I am shaking right now so bad its like im cold but its like 80 degrees right now. I am so angry I feel calm in a strange way. I really want to go outside right now and just start a fight, or buy some alcohol and start a fight or just fuck someone up. she really know how to get to me, and she fucking seems to know exactly when things are at their worst. This fucking woman let me starve when I was 16 and told me it was my fault for not having a job. I don't know why I even responded to her, she was trying to tell me how to run my life when she lived her life off donations from her parents. and cheating the system. I am fucking burning right now. My sister hasn't talked to her for almost 5 years. I should have done the same, but it just feels wrong to ignore her. Not anymore though. She really picked a bad fucking day to fuck with me. I am not sure if my disorientation is DTs from the drink or all the stress or both, or if it';s because I have been taking 10 tablets of melatonin every night to help me sleep... heres a question someone can help me with.
can I OD with melatonin supplements? it says to take 1 tablet before bedtime thats a fucking laugh, I took 2 the first night and it didnt do shit, so I took 6 the next night and I felt kinda sleepy and I found 10 really does the trick, I am on 6 tomight and I can't fucking sleep again, I am gonna take another six now.... Should do the trick. I do wonder if it's why I feel so iffy though... Or maybe it's just too much stress, my friend dies, I am in the process of breaking up with my girlfriend I can't find a job and I am running out of food and money and my mom messages me out of nowhere offering to help (which blew my fucking mind) and then when I say yeah I could use a little help, she procceeds to try and tell me how to run my life, and then tries to guilt trip me about how I am a bad misbehaved son. FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!