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Stimulants Meth Addiction

bl4ckc0de

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 9, 2010
Messages
18
Hi bluelighters,
I seem to have a bit of problem. After a brief stint of smoking ice for about a year or two...obviously the drug took over my life and ruined a lot of things. I lost my job, a lot of good friends stopped talking to me and crashed my dream car. Due to not having a job and refusing to turn to a life of crime for my fix I stopped using and have been clean on and off for about 3 year....

But I still cannot seem to shake the desire to use, I've never been very self confident with myself even before my use, but back then I could at least fake it...now i struggle to leave the house cause my confidents is just....well non existent.... Iam starting convincing myself that if I could use again it would help me get my life back on track because I'll have the confidents to go to a job and participate in "normal" activities, even if only for a little bit......

What the hell do I do? What's wrong with me? Have I fried my brain? Should I just except that this is something I will need for the rest of my life just to be "normal".

Sorry for the long post, just very confused at the moment.
 
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Hey sorry to hear your stuggerling man!

But thats why i think meth is so much harder to quite the smack. Like smack is just 1-2 weeks intense withdrawls but meth is just the desire to want it minths/ years after you quit!
My older brother is clean and has been for 8 years but still gets urges to just get some!

Its just like a mental battle and is a struggle everyday just not to give up and have some, but it will be worth it in the end.

I think your like me, i was never confident when i was young so thats why i started drugs. I was so confident on it but as soon as i was sober my shyness was 10x worse then before, so i started using everyday!
Eventually i ended up hitting rock bottom, getting kicked out of home, loosing my family, getting arrested, loosing mates and gf.

I finally got clean and it was so hard at first but my confidence slowly built up with little help from some medication i got from the doctor.
I have started to use again but only once a week (not proud but it happens) and have been for the past year.
Im 19 now so havent got the experience others on here might but we seem to have a similar problem.
I started young so did a bit of damage to my brain but.

Sorry for the long answer haha
But theres nothing wrong with you, meth does this to people. It seems to bring out the bad trates in people so they go back to using.
Maybe go seek help, thats what i did and the medication has really helped just makes me have that little bit of self confidence i lost.

Hope all goes well for you :)
 
Thank you for your support, i resonate what your saying about your younger years, its probably a common feature amongst most users here. My DOC is and always has been opiates, I started down the path of ATS with exctasy pills but when they dried up the next option was speed and so on. And now I am left awake at night dreaming of the day i can cop again and go the IV route.....fucked up I know, considering I've never used a needle before and i haven't touched ice for quite some time....
 
Yeh bro ice is tuff its just always there in the back of your mind and as soon as you have some its just instent regret becaus eyou know you should have.
Yeh iv never IV just because i hate needels but i smoked allot because i was dealing at the time so had unlimted suppy, which fucked me up.
I was lucky i guess opiates was never my thing i liked being up but then again i regret starting all together

My brother said the best this that ever happend to him was jail ( he used to IV) because he was locked away and had so much time to think but you dont want go that far.

Just keep strong bro you must be mentally strong to have cone this far, not many do!

If you ever want to talk to someone just msg me :)
 
Yeah, first time I tried to get clean a few years back... all I could dream of was smoking crack. Getting massive hits and blowing out huge clouds of crack smoke. And I actually didn't even like crack. And here you are, dreaming of IV'ing something you've never done IV, before. It's our brain, our mind, wanting that EXTREME rush... something to kind of take us away for a bit. To forget all about it. To relieve all worry.

Unless you don't literally mean "dreaming" about IV'ing. But I used to have lots of dreams of "smoking" stuff. Don't know why, rarely did it back then. Was only when I was quitting, too.
UNLESS you've actually stayed up without a wink of sleep for 10 days or something, I highly doubt that you have anything permanently damaged about your brain. You may have permanent thoughts and a permanent new outlook on life, but damaged... nah, I doubt it. Or someone like my friend, a user of 12 years, wouldn't be able to trick people into thinking he's clean.
So, clean "on and off" for almost 3 years? That correct? May I ask, when was the last time something was used? If within the last 3 months, how about before then, also? It does take a long time... I got clean ONE time for 1.5 years. Was offered little bits of bupe here and there... and it eventually led back into me doing whatever, whenever with whoever.
The experience that got me sober... I almost wish I could have again. I just know it was a once in a lifetime chance and wouldn't work out the same way, again, for me, or for anyone.
Bath salts depressed me so bad at one point, was only probably my 5th time using within 2 weeks... 3rd baggie in 3 days, tho, I don't even remember... but something depressed me so hardcore, I quit smoking cigarettes, weed, and started eating clean, working out, and wound up with a 6-pack and built a couple years later. Which attracted all types of females to my Facebook. Which... I chose the wrong one. One who lied and said she "wasn't addicted" and "didn't really need" bupe... but I'll be damned if we didn't have to get it all the time, and dose twice a day, min.
It's my own fault, and that's obvious, so back to you.
Where are you at, emotionally, today?
 
The last time I used ice was just before Christmas and the time before that was probably another year, I can get a yearly loan of $600, which pays my rego and leaves me enough for a point or two so that's typically when I use, once a year...

Iam 2 weeks away from getting my loan so that's probably exacerbating the situation, I had this great thought to use this money to get some MDMA, but that isn't going to work because I am on venlafexine....

At the moment emotionaly I am lost, fairly depressed
 
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I feel ya, man. Well, it's been a nice amount of time since you last used it. That's good. But, I know, time only heals physical withdrawals... the mental aspect of it all can either go just as soon... or stick around until your end days. Especially if you are around it and using friends.

Yeah, though, being 2 weeks away from having the cash to get what you want... I realize that isn't helping. Want to know what I would do IF... IF IF IF... I had someone to grab my arm and make me do it? I'd take that $600, spend $100 on some weed, and have a drug free, GOOD friend or family member hold the other $500 for at least a week. See if smoking some grass kind of changes your outlook on everything. It's good for that. Making these "big problems" seem a lot "smaller".
Although, sometimes, we need the big problems to stay big, but I think in this case, if you could smoke some grass, hopefully it'll help you have a different outlook. Not "think" you need it, and instead, "think" about the after-effect of using. How you'll feel every other 3 days or so. How you'll feel 2 weeks from then, when you're broke and coming down. Then, you can hit that bowl of grass, again, and be glad you aren't suffering.
Because, even with a fresh bag of ice, you're suffering. I suffer. I regret. I could really dwell on all my passed mistakes and literally puke on myself. But, then again, weed is "my" thing. And maybe I just feel it should be others' things, too, lol. Instead of "just mine". With me "learning so much" from smoking and reading lol. Being a little sarcastic, there.

Good luck man, PM or just message back in here. We'll get ya through this, one way or another.
 
Hey sorry to hear your stuggerling man!

But thats why i think meth is so much harder to quite the smack. Like smack is just 1-2 weeks intense withdrawls but meth is just the desire to want it minths/ years after you quit!
My older brother is clean and has been for 8 years but still gets urges to just get some!

Its just like a mental battle and is a struggle everyday just not to give up and have some, but it will be worth it in the end.

I think your like me, i was never confident when i was young so thats why i started drugs. I was so confident on it but as soon as i was sober my shyness was 10x worse then before, so i started using everyday!
Eventually i ended up hitting rock bottom, getting kicked out of home, loosing my family, getting arrested, loosing mates and gf.

I finally got clean and it was so hard at first but my confidence slowly built up with little help from some medication i got from the doctor.
I have started to use again but only once a week (not proud but it happens) and have been for the past year.
Im 19 now so havent got the experience others on here might but we seem to have a similar problem.
I started young so did a bit of damage to my brain but.

Sorry for the long answer haha
But theres nothing wrong with you, meth does this to people. It seems to bring out the bad trates in people so they go back to using.
Maybe go seek help, thats what i did and the medication has really helped just makes me have that little bit of self confidence i lost.

Hope all goes well for you :)

Don't agree with you on meth being more addicting then Opiates . Done meth on ,and off since I was 13 ,and still doing it as of today (age 27 now) to cut back on the drowsiness the opiates give me . I mainly use meth on days I have to get something done ,and am not able to nod all day long . Granted I have not smoked or Ived meth in 4 years now I just swallow anywhere from 250mg to 400mg at a time . I have never found myself to crave it as bad as Opiates. I fall asleep dreaming about Opiates though on a daily basis . Even when I am nodding I am dreaming of redoseing right when I am out of the nod . With meth I can do it once or twice a week ,and never think about it any other day. Also with opiates if I don't redose I am in Physical WD that is much worse then meths Physical WD . I think the Physical WD of opiates is what makes it more addicting ;because you will do anything to get your dope for that day to not be dope sick .

Maybe its just me but I crave Opiates so bad everyday If I dont have any I will do what ever I have to do that day to get some . Meth does feel good though not gonna lie , but its not on the same level as opiates . I was clean for over a year ,and there was not one day I didn't think about it .
 
Don't agree with you on meth being more addicting then Opiates . Done meth on ,and off since I was 13 ,and still doing it as of today (age 27 now) to cut back on the drowsiness the opiates give me . I mainly use meth on days I have to get something done ,and am not able to nod all day long . Granted I have not smoked or Ived meth in 4 years now I just swallow anywhere from 250mg to 400mg at a time . I have never found myself to crave it as bad as Opiates. I fall asleep dreaming about Opiates though on a daily basis . Even when I am nodding I am dreaming of redoseing right when I am out of the nod . With meth I can do it once or twice a week ,and never think about it any other day. Also with opiates if I don't redose I am in Physical WD that is much worse then meths Physical WD . I think the Physical WD of opiates is what makes it more addicting ;because you will do anything to get your dope for that day to not be dope sick .

Maybe its just me but I crave Opiates so bad everyday If I dont have any I will do what ever I have to do that day to get some . Meth does feel good though not gonna lie , but its not on the same level as opiates . I was clean for over a year ,and there was not one day I didn't think about it .

Yeh i sort of said that wrong i didnt mean that its harder to quit just from what my parents friends have said who did both they said smack is so physically draining and the withdrawls are unbearable, and they said they think about it all the time. But they said meth is so hard because its always there in your head and me living in australia where meth is so popular is quicker to get your guy to drop off then ordering a pizza and, where as smack isnt really around here anymore. where im from pretty much everyone does it, its hard to avoid it (its almost socialy accepted if that makes sense)
I guess its all to do with what you preffer, i never tried smack because it never interested me i like being up and enjoy the buzz you get. But i can see were you are coming from :)
 
Like you'll always live being aware that that feeling exists.
What went wrong? Like you say you lost your job and your friends but wouldn't resort to a life of crime?
I take it you didn't crash your car because you were high.
So I take it you weren't robbing your friends, or weren't able to show up to work on time or whatever.

You can totally do normal shit, you just have to feel a certain extra level of enthusiasm and willingness I guess.
But those questions above... I dunno, terrible place to start but totally valid.
 
Thats funny that OP says WITHOUT the constant stream of meth that you are getting low self esteem. Its funny (not literally funny btw, I know how seriously shitty meth addiction is, trust me) because for me it is the complete opposite. When I haven't been on the shard I have excessive amounts of self confidence, though when I am on it I stay indoors, glued to the computer and don't really want to see anyone.

I've been on and off meth too for almost 2 years now myself. I've only been able to stop use for about 1 month at a time, maybe 3 weeks here and there....usually though I'm a once a week user.

If I had any CLUE what I was in for back in the fall of 2013 when I first tried it I would never have touched the shit. We need specific METH ONLY rehabs in the states, and honestly getting away from tweaker friends is probably the only route I can go at this point to truly not end up using again. You can fight it all you want, and hell I've turned the stuff down myself several times here and there, say if a friend comes over with a big bag and I haven't allowed my body sufficient recovery time at that point I just won't use. But its just tiny drops in the bucket because when I start fiending for that shit ON MY OWN, well everybody had better get the hell outta my way until I score some.

I dunno, meth is pretty stupid but it just has a way of pulling a mofo back in OVER and OVER...sorry if any of this sounds hostile I am crashing and should already be asleep by now and am not for some reason.

End ramble.
 
Once you've seen the other side, it's much harder to go back to sobriety. And even then, your lost loves call to you. I like the idea of trying weed, as mentioned above. Anything nonaddictive that you can do once in a while in place of that feeling. Hell, you can smoke weed erry day, it's not good, but you'll be high, staving off that boring sobriety. The desire to do meth will never go away, but it can be controlled.
 
Please be so so careful man! I was an oxy/morphine then heroin addict from 16-17 to 23 then used a lot of methadone in between that but I was always a downer guy, benzo's or opiates. Speed made me feel horrible(I used it orally at first then IV but it was what we call base or gas in Australia and its unrefined, impure meth paste that's disgusting, more so if you know what it iit was which most people had no idea) but then crystal meth boomed almost overnight and all the speed dealers immediately started selling crystal and things changed dramatically, mainly peoples habits got much larger and more people started injecting it. I had been using crystal very rarely but had to travel to Sydney to get it as it was non-existant in my area, and the difficulty of acquiring it and the fact that I didn't smoke it correctly therefor wasting it and it was a 2 hour trip to get it. But then it became available a 10 minute walk away, it was pure and the people I got it off were friendly. That is when things went downhill for me and it happened at first without me even realizing.

As I said I never liked stimulants much but I went through a rough period and I began using meth daily because heroin became useless being on methadone and all. Anyway I used for 8 months and ended up in the psych ward. that didn't stop me, I ended up going on and still using and getting convicted for assaults and major violent crimes. And now as we speak im being forced to go into rehab by my parole officer and if I don't I get sent back to court and would likely end up doing 18 months jail time.

I have an insatiable taste for meth now, I still love heroin but I know its useless and I feel nothing on methadone but im gay and crystal is abundant in the gay community as well as my local community so its hard to go somewhere without there being someone on it. Id use heroin if I could but I cant so I use ice, and gone from hating the feeling to loving it for the confidence it gives me and the amazing effect it has on your libido.

So never say that you wont get addicted to something because your preferences do chance and its not uncommon for people to go from heroin to meth in Australia. I have also got myself a considerable benzo habit which only exists as an accompaniment for the rollercoaster than is meth addiction. And if you ever feel like your habit is getting too out of hand then detox is always your best option and I believe rehab is pretty much a necessity. People say they will detox but not do rehab all the time and I always know that they will relapse very soon after and they do every time.
 
Did u enjoy staying up for a week straight, andsome where in there you fit a 12+hr work days??

I hate that shit, you talked about you wrecked your dream car. I'm working on wrecking my dream job. Slept 4hrs in the last 3 days. I feel like shit.
 
I do smoke bud, almost daily it does help to bring me back to earth and i forget to want to use for a while...but its slowly starting to lose its magic...my car was an r33 gtr, very nice car and I miss it to all the time....as for working at the time I started ice I was working for a small I.T firm and I got away with soo much shit it was unbelievable... Smoking pipes in the office, leaving after half a day to get on without saying anything.....I began to steal items from the company and one day I couldn't take the guilt so I stopped going in all together.....was a pretty sick gig and I got paid heaps for my age
 
So its exactly 7 days from when I can get my loan and something has broken with my car....so I guess I won't have the money to use this year. Unless I give up driving for a bit, or find a job to fund a habit.

How can I move forward in life, if the only motivation to get a job and do something "productive" is so that I can use more drugs?
 
Please be so so careful man! I was an oxy/morphine then heroin addict from 16-17 to 23 then used a lot of methadone in between that but I was always a downer guy, benzo's or opiates. Speed made me feel horrible(I used it orally at first then IV but it was what we call base or gas in Australia and its unrefined, impure meth paste that's disgusting, more so if you know what it iit was which most people had no idea) but then crystal meth boomed almost overnight and all the speed dealers immediately started selling crystal and things changed dramatically, mainly peoples habits got much larger and more people started injecting it. I had been using crystal very rarely but had to travel to Sydney to get it as it was non-existant in my area, and the difficulty of acquiring it and the fact that I didn't smoke it correctly therefor wasting it and it was a 2 hour trip to get it. But then it became available a 10 minute walk away, it was pure and the people I got it off were friendly. That is when things went downhill for me and it happened at first without me even realizing.

As I said I never liked stimulants much but I went through a rough period and I began using meth daily because heroin became useless being on methadone and all. Anyway I used for 8 months and ended up in the psych ward. that didn't stop me, I ended up going on and still using and getting convicted for assaults and major violent crimes. And now as we speak im being forced to go into rehab by my parole officer and if I don't I get sent back to court and would likely end up doing 18 months jail time.

I have an insatiable taste for meth now, I still love heroin but I know its useless and I feel nothing on methadone but im gay and crystal is abundant in the gay community as well as my local community so its hard to go somewhere without there being someone on it. Id use heroin if I could but I cant so I use ice, and gone from hating the feeling to loving it for the confidence it gives me and the amazing effect it has on your libido.

So never say that you wont get addicted to something because your preferences do chance and its not uncommon for people to go from heroin to meth in Australia. I have also got myself a considerable benzo habit which only exists as an accompaniment for the rollercoaster than is meth addiction. And if you ever feel like your habit is getting too out of hand then detox is always your best option and I believe rehab is pretty much a necessity. People say they will detox but not do rehab all the time and I always know that they will relapse very soon after and they do every time.


Yea i get that man, ive swapped addiction for addiction for a long time and i went from heroin to meth. Its awful stuff, ive beeen sitting at my computer for 12+ hours and go for periods of over an hour without even blinking. This morning i was having a great day, woke up, breakfast, 2nd daily suboxone, 1 1/2 hours walking the local parks and taking cuttings (fungi impregnated bark-chip), gardening the cuttings at home for 3 hours, hour on the phone - a choice of 5+ benzos for the rest of the afternoon and a good night sleep. -=> BAM needle in my arm (i hate the stuff so much i put on the breaks and only do half the shot and shoot the rest of the blood filled mixture out the window) and before you know its its 2am and you just want sleep and real food and think of my life (4 months?) ago before i found this awful shit, im good at hiding so only people i do it with know and no one has ever seen the deed.

Finished a masters last year and was not to bad of a catch, now im the guy you need to make sure you ask if he has anything before taking a sip from my water bottle. I just hope i get off the stuff before it becomes public record (psych ward, cop-shop ect)

OP - do you also want to be that guy? you know where it will take you, ask for help from your family like someone suggested and get them to take the money during the dangerous times. Go to NA meeting they help (but only if you go). It also may also be just regular life, non drug users get depressed aswell and are prescribed antidepressents ect. go to your doctor or psych and talk to them, they will be able to help or point you in the direction of help.
-Now just to take my own advice
 
Got myself a job, slipped back into the same patterns after my first paycheck...
 
I've only used meth for three weeks back when I was 17. I've done heroin, cocaine, crack, benzos, research chemicals, and every pill under the sun.

In those three weeks I smoked meth 24/7 and didnt sleep, I learned meth is the one drug that can really fuck me.

I ended up having to move and no supply. I havent used it since. just because I know what will happen.

Fuck meth.
 
^^So you don't think Crack/freebase cocaine is as compulsive and habit forming as methamphetamine?

I have never smoked crack, only snorted coke and injected it. I have smoked and injected meth along with the other ROA as well and though I am going to try my best to not smoke it anymore because my lungs don't like it and I think I may have even done some lung damage. I feel that when I inject meth I feel much better when I am and have come down. After smoking meth I often get similar symptoms to a chest infection i.e coughing up pretty rancid shit.

I have used for the past four days consecutively, today it was only a 0.1g injection at around 11am and now at 8:38 im still very fucked up but I don't feel great and certainly nothing like I did on the first night. I did 4 nights last week too so im hating myself atm for making the choice to use again. The amount I use and how often has recently gone up very rapidly compared to the very stable one shot a fortnight id been able to keep consistent for so long. 4 days a week next to one a fortnight is pretty bad :/ because ive been using for so long that the comedown has become a nightmare without benzo's, opiates help but not as much as benzos.
 
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