• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

Hello! I’m also Bipolar 1 and have used a lot of meth in the past and found it didn’t really interact with my meds (I take lamictal, abilify, and Viibryd). I do think however the meth blows away any stability you may have accomplished because of the meds. I’ve been shooting coke all night so I’m right there with you on the self medication tip. I really don’t know how to stop... I gots find a way though.
Hey. I’m also bipolar I and I found stopping shooting coke to be about the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It took several attempts, a divorce, and going bankrupt before I really could stop. It was a rock bottom thing.

Everyone is different but what worked for me was anti-pschotics for a few months plus low dose Rx dexamphetamine. I trialled about 5 different antipsychotics before it started working.
 
First day of the trial is done. Im exhausted. Just tomorrow and maybe a few hours next week left. I think it is going well, but I still have no idea how much of it all he will get convicted for.
 
Hi blue friends <3
Court went well yesterday. Now a well deserved two days to charge the batteries before continuing next week.

On a different note..
Husband screamed and was incredibly rude after the first day of the trial, in the car on the way home. It was so not okay, the most stressful day of my life and he's mad bc I did not have the energy to cater to his fucking neediness.
This time he really crossed the line, he was furious? He's usually only that angry while intoxicated but he is sober since a month ago.. i guess its time for that divorce now finally
Im so glad im at my mothers house over the weekend phhew
 
Stimulants are quick fixes but can cause a nasty dependence and crash. It's really easy to misuse them.

I'm sorry that this is happening, on.my.way. Drug withdrawal can cause agitation pretty readily, almost regardless of the substance. But, on the other hand, it isn't fair for him to take it out on you. Drugs and alcohol ruin tons of relationships, sadly enough.

Perhaps asserting your value as an equal person might help. It may be best to keep him informed, generally, of your feelings, so that it doesn't come as big a surprise in the possible future, when you cut ties. That said, being on the receiving end of someone's wrath, especially if you're female and the aggressor is male, is not cool. This is abuse. It can be just as harmful as physical abuse.

It may be best to plan your moves with trusted, close friends and family. Your mom could be a good place to start, maybe?

Stay strong. You got this!
 
Thanks for the support. Yeah we have talked a lot about divorce. I wish it could have ended on a better note, but it's better that it ends than it ending in a good way.
He has not said anything since that evening, he only apologised for taking my pack of cigarrettes in a text message. Hopefully he moves out before i have to go to the apartment.
He has been psysically abusive as well so yeah.. it really is time to leave
 
Aight y'all. I'm good today and I hope some of y'all are too. I confess I didn't read much of the thread sonce my last post just coz I'm a bit all over the place and just wanted to post somewhere, indulging my inner narcissist, let out by the shitty purity but seemingly genuine racemic amphetamine I've been dosing all day on top of a few benzos. Came clean to my current therapist about my dishonesty regarding my drug use. Hopefully he can tell me something useful that I can actually do something with that isn't just something obvious I already know.

Sertraline - honestly - I know maybe it's partly my fault for not just letting it do it's thing without being my own doctor - but after close to 4 months near total sobriety getting on an SSRI has basically just pushed me back into cyclical polydrug abuse. It's surely not a coincidence. Only reason I'm on these fucking things really is a route to establishing some kind of legitimacy for my consistent failures to manage my life in certain ways. They are an interesting class and one I've always been curious about but - at the moment it feels like an endurance test as to how much additional anxiety I can pump into my brain before i can say OK great, tried that one, maybe we can just accept my mind isn't well suited to certain facets of reality right now and that's OK. Do I have the psychological stamina to try another after this? Fuck, I dunno. Maybe not.

Apologies for just narcissistically jumping in and ignoring everyone else's struggles but I wish you all happiness. May you all be well, and free from suffering. Whatever you're feeling now is OK. You deserve happiness, and whatever you've done to find it - is enough.
 
In the middle of court today I get a text message from my husband saying he's divorcing me. Like, thanks for that timing??? Uhh it's for the best though.
Court went well though. Exhausted ofc. Only wednesday left but I dont have to attend that day. Maybe ill write more later about it, now some lyrica bc I fucking deserve to relax after this
 
Aight y'all. I'm good today and I hope some of y'all are too. I confess I didn't read much of the thread sonce my last post just coz I'm a bit all over the place and just wanted to post somewhere, indulging my inner narcissist, let out by the shitty purity but seemingly genuine racemic amphetamine I've been dosing all day on top of a few benzos. Came clean to my current therapist about my dishonesty regarding my drug use. Hopefully he can tell me something useful that I can actually do something with that isn't just something obvious I already know.

Sertraline - honestly - I know maybe it's partly my fault for not just letting it do it's thing without being my own doctor - but after close to 4 months near total sobriety getting on an SSRI has basically just pushed me back into cyclical polydrug abuse. It's surely not a coincidence. Only reason I'm on these fucking things really is a route to establishing some kind of legitimacy for my consistent failures to manage my life in certain ways. They are an interesting class and one I've always been curious about but - at the moment it feels like an endurance test as to how much additional anxiety I can pump into my brain before i can say OK great, tried that one, maybe we can just accept my mind isn't well suited to certain facets of reality right now and that's OK. Do I have the psychological stamina to try another after this? Fuck, I dunno. Maybe not.

Apologies for just narcissistically jumping in and ignoring everyone else's struggles but I wish you all happiness. May you all be well, and free from suffering. Whatever you're feeling now is OK. You deserve happiness, and whatever you've done to find it - is enough.
I hope you will give the sertraline a fair chance, especially if you can nix the rec drug use for awhile so you can really evaluate its effects. I am anything but a strong proponent of SSRIs, especially for myself, but if I have noticed one that its users tend to celebrate, and it is Zoloft (sertraline). My ex wife has some serious depression and seasonal affective disorder issues, that six weeks of Zoloft helped to totally clear up.
 
In the middle of court today I get a text message from my husband saying he's divorcing me. Like, thanks for that timing??? Uhh it's for the best though.
Court went well though. Exhausted ofc. Only wednesday left but I dont have to attend that day. Maybe ill write more later about it, now some lyrica bc I fucking deserve to relax after this
Wow, what an inconsiderate, or just mean, thing to do, on several levels. Divorce by text? Classy. While you are in a formal, distressing setting and trying to maintain your composure. Is he just thoughtless, or cruel? I might have responded with the most confusing array of random emojis, just to deny him the satisfaction of upsetting you.
 
Wow, what an inconsiderate, or just mean, thing to do, on several levels. Divorce by text? Classy. While you are in a formal, distressing setting and trying to maintain your composure. Is he just thoughtless, or cruel? I might have responded with the most confusing array of random emojis, just to deny him the satisfaction of upsetting you.
I don't know actually. I hope he was just thoughtless. I did not even answer him. If it wasn't for the cats at home I would not talk to him anymore. Im not looking forward to going home to the apartment and being all alone. Wierd.
 
Guys you should have heard my stalker ex in court yesterday.. He practically sacrificed his freedom to scare me. I listened in another room. He said he uses pictures of me to practice shooting his air rifle. He said he hates me, he said he sent the letters and stuff to torment me.. thats just a tiny bit of what he said..
My lawyer got worried for my safety after the trial. Im glad my ex showed a little of his real personality though, they cant let such a person be out amongst other people.
Im convinced that he would have killed me when I was with him if he did not live in the middle of the city.
 
I want to drop out lol and go back on hella fucking lsd and forgot about the world. Man I cbf doing long days of lab work and assignments. I took up smoking weed again because of the stress and now ima get some nice md pressed pillz. Fuck normal society man I tried that shit ima def go back on heavy drugs one day it's so much more fun and easier
 
I'm rooting for ya @TripSitterNZ - humanity needs more scientists, and especially scientists like you. You don't owe humanity anything of course, you didn't choose to be a human, none of us did. But I hope you don't drop out. Maybe you can do some LSD once in a while too, surely there's some balance that's workable? It's your choice obviously, your life is your own, but I hope you find it in you to keep pushing just a little longer.
 
I'm rooting for ya @TripSitterNZ - humanity needs more scientists, and especially scientists like you. You don't owe humanity anything of course, you didn't choose to be a human, none of us did. But I hope you don't drop out. Maybe you can do some LSD once in a while too, surely there's some balance that's workable? It's your choice obviously, your life is your own, but I hope you find it in you to keep pushing just a little longer.
ima keep at it and smoke weed to chill out at night. I feel like im not as smart as all the other chemists and ask dumb questions all the time. Ima hang in there and have a trip coming on bicycle day with a girl ima introduce to LSD.

Ima keep the mdma stashed away til june. But how busy i am these days i cant drop to much LSD. Been getting exercise each day which helps.

cant wait til my next acid trip its been since start of feb.
 
Grit trumps smarts every time, there's studies to prove it. I'm not into pushing people to do stuff they don't wanna do, but, I feel like you wanna keep pushing. Also, no such thing as a dumb question, literally, the concept is a nonsencity. I just made that word up but, there's a parallel branch on the quantum wavefunction where that word is in the Oxford English Dictionary, and some chemistry students are feeling dumb because they went to schools where "experiential chemistry", so to speak, wasn't pushed as much as it should have been, so they're having to ask questions about aspects of chemistry that aren't easily transcribed into pictures and words, while their colleagues who went to the better schools are feeling all smart and clued up about what happens when X chemical comes into contact with Y receptor in the human body, or brain, as much as they try to suppress their smugness over those poor kids who didn't get to go on school trips enough when they were younger.

Just to state the bleeding obvious, school trips in these otherworlds have a different meaning than they do to us here, but lets all of us take a moment to empathise with those kids, in those otherworlds, both the lucky ones, and the less fortunate.

In this branch of the great tree of eternity, anyway... actually I dunno where I'm going with this, but all those chemists who learned their craft from books, and scientific record... if one could trace the strands of the multiverse that bloom into the Bulk, all their otherselves, in otherworlds, would be asking dumb questions somewhere. But as I say, there's no such thing as a dumb question, or at least, any question is a smart question somewhere. And again, lets all take a moment to remember those otherworlds that never bloomed at all.
 
i try focus on the spiritual truths to get me through aswell knowing deep down its all okay everybody is a mask of god and that life is literally a game. but its tough and my back ground of studies was at a really shit backdrop university where even the professors that taught me were on drugs lol. Meanwhile at this new one its all fancy and well respected chemists who have published shit tons of research and alot of grad students.

Labs are just stressful though idk why i went back to study i never liked the industry anyway lol shit pay for shit work. Kind of just went back into study to at least do something instead of just living that heavy drug lifestyle shady underworld part of society.

Ill give myself til 2023 to sort my shit out if things are looking bleak still by then ima just take the easy way out before world war 3 kicks off in the future
 
I did a science degree and couldn't hack it, so I empathise, not chemistry mind just physics so probably less lab work and a lot more maths. I was in a bad place that time in my life though, social anxiety off the charts, binge drinking beyond even normal student behaviour. Mostly just skipped labs, my lab partner was a chill dude, and unlucky to be saddled with me, basically a loser stoner who didn't even wanna be there. I hope he's doing alright now. Luckily I made a few good friends who would sign me into lectures and shit that I never went to. I shouldn't even have gone at that time in my life I think, I went right after finishing school just coz it was what I thought I was supposed to do. But I was a mess for 3 years and it's a miracle I even got a degree out of it. It was a good uni as well, some of my passes were so close to the line I think they probably just scraped me through to keep the statistics high. I never thought it would be possible to basically fudge a quantum physics exam until I actually did it, just memorized like 2 A4 sheets of notes beforehand, and would write down anything vaguely relevant to the question that I remembered, add in some random arrows and hey, there's your proof. 😂

Last year I was in halls I basically just cocooned in my room smoking weed all day and watching shit on my own. The people I lived with weren't a bad crowd, I was just a socially dysfunctional recluse, afraid of the world except if I was fucked up enough to be catatonic and an annoying liability. I coulda had some good times there for sure but when I was done... it was a relief.

Looking back to who I was back then... I don't even recognise myself. Like, I was troubled. Not chaotic troubled, more like just retreat, isolate, silently endure kind of troubled. I don't say this a lot coz people are always like yeah, uni, best years of your life... but for me, they weren't.

If I went back now it would be different of course, but also the world is different now, I'd be a mature student... whole dynamic would be off. I wasted those years but, that was my life, if I'd done anything differently, that person would not be me, just an otherself living another life in someone else's world, so whatever, that's my past self and I accept it.

I do hope to go back into study eventually though, just gotta finish unfucking all the paths I burned to get myself to the place I am today.
 
Top