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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

Not doing so good . My doctor won't sign the release form so I can join the Army National Guard :(
I kind of wish I never got 5150.
Sucks seeing all my friends in the military but for some reason I can't do what they do.
I feel worthless. My cousin keeps telling me to go to Ukraine and join the Ukrainian military because they accept anyone who military age and don't look at you're past .
But I just finally found a new apartment and I like it in California. I am in a way certain that I will be leaving to Ukraine to join the Ukrainian Ground Forces but I have a bad feeling I'm going to get killed by Russian sepratist and die for another countrie's cause. I guess it is what it is. This Invega injection is pointless for me because I never heard voices and never seen things and feel this injection was just some form of punishment for me not taking my pills.
 
Wilson Wilson said:
For me personally either I feel horribly depressed/anxious or I just feel completely numb, at least when I'm sober, and there is no middleground. This is why I do drugs in the first place. To make me actually feel things for once that are not depression or anxiety.

I cannot connect to people sober either. I feel no empathy or emotional connection to anyone. On opiates though suddenly I feel "normal." The only times I can remember telling my mother I love her is under the influence of opiates. Of course that's not a long-term solution no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise, it always ends the same way. These days I try to do MDMA every couple months instead which provides those moments of empathy without the addiction potential of opis.

But anyway yeah I feel you. When I come out of depression I just feel numb. It's better than being full on depressed and having panic attacks for no reason but it's still not great. I don't think it's ever been different for me though. I can't remember ever feeling "normal emotions" except when under the influence of drugs.

Even when I do stuff that should make me happy like go see my girlfriend I take drugs to make me "more normal" because I don't want her to feel like I'm cold and distant.

Shit man that got deeper than expected. Ah fuck it this is a mental illness thread.
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Ya when I smoke allot of THC wax I always text my I love you and thank him for helping me out with money to buy food.
I just started moving in to a new apartment so it feels great not to be living at a halfway house anymore. Lol I was snorting fat lines of meth at a sober living... It was the only thing that made that place livable.
 
I just Cant blend in with the humans and it sucks. Even if they dont figure me out they end up not liking me in about a week. 😐
 
I am wondering if it would be too much to get a gram of cocaine for Christmas dinner with my grandparents and young cousins.
 
i have been smoking weed throughout the day, I don't even remember how many joints, going to drink some beers soon during the dinner, then I can be fucked up around 2 am or go to nightclub party post dinner and be up to 8 am railing lines, alprazolam to sleep, and one week of anxiety..
 
without stimulants, I'm always one of the last to arrive at the dinner, then I can last till the end.. if I arrive too early, the enormous amount of weed combined with beers, food, depression, and anxiety charges a price..
 
schizopath said:
I just Cant blend in with the humans and it sucks. Even if they dont figure me out they end up not liking me in about a week. 😐
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You blend in here just fine! I know what you mean though, it's hard to find others to relate to. If people don't like you, that's their problem. Fuck 'em! There's nothing wrong with you.
 
schizopath said:
I just Cant blend in with the humans and it sucks.
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Does one really want to fit in, brother?
I know this doesn't and isn't an attempt to "fix" anything but I always see this as a blessing.
Need some good medium to grow and be strong in oneself... talking me here but nothing will grow in stagnant conditions other than ills mostly.
Most all society has become stagnate. Thriving amongst the mosquitoes can be a challenge.
 
I've struggled with a vicious cycle of depression my whole life. After becoming independent from my parents and seeing a psych, I have finally received my diagnoses. Bipolar disorder, general anxiety disorder, and PTSD. He is also suspicious of schizoaffective disorder.

I'm feeling particularly sad tonight, remembering the time in my childhood where I had my parents. This is the first Christmas since my legal guardians (who turned out to be corrupt) kicked me out at 18 with no warning. I am stuck going over and going over again how good of a life I had until both my parents fell out of my life at 12.
 
I’m 5 days since my last shot of meth and back on my regular bi-polar meds and in a place where there is no chance of me scoring for at least a month. I’m hoping that when the clean month has played out and my regular meds are fully in play in my head this most recent meth fuelled manic episode will be a distant but kind of fond (but not to fond) memory.

It has not caused me any major damage (except to a few veins) but I was totally skating on the edge for 3 months and only pulled it off because a lot of real-world shitty things happened in my family and gave me excuses for being not entirely squared away every day for a quite long period. Most people accepted ‘I’m having trouble adjusting to a change in my psychiatric meds’ and ‘depressive episode’ as an explanation for me spending long hours alone in my room avoiding people or seemingly sleeping all day (but not).

I’m really looking forward to being my normal medicated boring but harmless self rather than my other normal edgy meth slamming but actually quite harmless to others while killing myself professionally self for a while.

It’s a bit sad to think that the only substantive thing in it between the two me’s is only one of them can earn a dollar while the other is conflict avoidant to the point of avoiding everything and everyone outside of his room (and his favourite brothel). I kind of like both of them equally in their own way.
 
@katykattt - Glad you're here with us. Ice is a tough one, i used to use it. Hopefully you can use in moderation and focus on your mental health.

@ashwolf22101 - How was your christmas? Childhoods can suck but we can only look forward. Do you take any medication?

@Atelier3 - Being stable feels so good! I used to use meth while on my meds and had no real complications. While i don't recommend it, i am just trying to say that the meds should come first and all will be better. How do you feel today?
 
madness00 said:
@ashwolf22101 - How was your christmas? Childhoods can suck but we can only look forward. Do you take any medication?
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Christmas was pretty good! Glad to spend it with my new family. Yeah I'm trying to make the best out of my situation. Within the last 6 months I started taking Lamictal (bipolar) and gabapentin (for anxiety).
 
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