MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

Status
Not open for further replies.

ro4eva

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 8, 2004
Messages
3,842
Location
'Mutts' can unite tribes :-)
hey guys, i was wondering if ANYONE could help me out in this very difficult time of mine with some type of reassurance or hope. my heart goes out to all the sufferers on this page as before this time i didnt realize how many people are damaged now i know first hand. before stating whats wrong i wanna genuinely give my heartfelt thank to everyone of you posters and people who reply who seek to help all these people in this time of distress. this experience that im going through has hit a total 180 in my life as before this my life was perfect and this has changed me forever (if i recover definitely for the positive.) it has definately brought my awareness of how ignorant i was thinking without testing or severely trusting my source how damaging ingesting unknown chemicals can be to my body thinking i was prone to injury.
Hi Mike, I can certainly try.

I'm sorry for the late replies - it's the one area which I'm struggling with, but I'd rather not create a template and use that to reply to anyone who is asking questions regarding their LTC.

So uh, yes, unfortunately we are not invincible, and there are certainly some very toxic, inherently deadly substances out there. And anyone who knowingly and deliberately decides to sell them as actual MDMA to unassuming consumers for no other reason than to profit financially is a very disgusting, disgraceful human being who should be locked up for the rest of his or her life.

In my case, PMA was the first of such substances which made headlines due to a string of deaths mainly among young adults. And even if I don't personally know the victims, I've always found it heartbreaking to read about them. And if the person responsible happens to be caught, I find myself full of animosity towards him or her, because these people seem to consider the life of a human being as devoid of any value, which it's anything but.

I just need some support im 5 weeks alcohol free and 6 weeks weed free but i feel as if im severely/permanently damaged. now i know what ur gonna say "everyone says that, ur just seeing it darker than it is u will recover" but i feel as if my scenario is different. its not like i just had an overdose or excess amount of mdma/coke etc or went on a binge for years and feel a little brain fog and depressed but generally ok. i unknowingly and very stupidly ingested some type of research chemical/ bathroom chemicals god knows what that was sold to me as molly without testing it from a used to be friend of mine that convinced me it was good. turns out it was the opposite of that. it wasnt even enjoyable at all it just caused an altered state so i have no idea what it was. now im so scared because idk what it was/ in it and i know there are things out there 100x more nuerotoxic than the classic meth/coke/mdma and a lot more unforgiving in the recovery process and we dont know the type of damage these mystery chemicals do.
I'm sure that you're very worried, and I know this is an extremely difficult time for you, as it was for me when I was sick.

I have some good news and some bad news to tell you, should you wish to read it:

The bad news is that, since you seem to not know what exactly it was that you consumed, it's unlikely that we will be able to simply guess which one it was based on the information you've provided so far, as there are hundreds of so-called research chemicals currently being synthesized and passed around to anyone who wants to take the risk and try it.

The good news:

- You are still alive, even if you don't feel like your old self.
- You don't come across like you have sustained significant brain damage due to an especially neurotoxic substance/research chemical.
- You can list symptoms for us, which we can then use to our advantage in order to attempt to "reverse engineer" (for lack of a better term) what type of mind altering substance you consumed.
- You can describe how the substance smelled, tasted, looked, felt, and so forth. This can also help us try to figure out what you consumed that made you ill.

Do you have any pre-existing medical conditions (mental or physical)? I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but it helps to know because it can influence how you react to recreational drug use.

Were you taking any prescription medications during (or around) the time when you consumed the mystery drug? For example, if you were on Prozac (Fluoxetine), and stopped using it days in advance of using the mystery drug, it wouldn't be enough time, as Prozac takes several weeks to fully be eliminated from the body. Therefore, it's possible that there was a drug interaction - assuming you were on Prozac, or any other drugs with a long half-life.

Have you seen your family physician regarding your LTC? How about a psychiatrist? And has there been any blood testing, diagnostic imaging, etc. done?

If you don't wanna share this information on here, I completely understand. At the very least however, I recommend you seek medical attention.

i go back and forth being optimistic then doubtful cuz i know the brain is remarkable in the ways it can recover and regenerate such as nueroregeneration and how addicts can save and recover their brain, but then i read how it really depends the severity of stress it was under/chemicals it was exposed to as some nuerotoxic damage is permanent and already done such as axons destroyed or nuerons killed or communication disrupted and the cns is unlikely to recover from that damage.
The brain is remarkable in that it is able to adapt to damage. Unfortunately, this usually takes a lot of time and effort.

This is precisely why (for example) a person who has had a stroke which has caused the person to lose the ability to speak English needs several months to years in order to relearn how to speak - because the brain is now using another part of it to store information related to being able to understand, read, and speak English.

I don't know if you know the story of the Arizona congresswoman who was shot in the head and survived? It happened in 2011 in Tucson, Arizona.

Her name is Gabrielle Giffords. She had a bullet pierce her brain matter, and somehow she survived, but was left with some understandably serious issues afterwards.

Well, after 2 years of therapy, she is able to speak English again almost as well as she was before she was shot.

So trust me when I say that you can recover also if you take care of yourself.

It's important (in my opinion) to take this time to focus on your health and recovery, and to do the following to help speed up the process:

- Avoid any alcohol, caffeine, tobacco/nicotine, marijuana, and any other mind altering substances.
- Avoid anyone who is a bad influence on you (e.g. someone who will tempt you with drugs)
- Take about 6 months off of work and/or school if possible in order to minimize stress due to workload, expectations, pressure, responsibilities, etc. Stress is horrible for anyone who is trying to recover from a LTC (almost as bad as drug use with respect to the strain placed on the body, and the hormones released as a result such as cortisol).
- Take up a hobby which will help you keep your mind occupied without the need for much mental or physical exertion (because constantly thinking about the fact that you're sick won't help you).
- Cardio-based exercise has been shown to stimulate neurogenesis, so try to get at least 30 minutes every morning. It also causes the body to flood itself with endorphins, which will make you feel high (also known as a runner's high). The first couple of weeks will be the hardest by far, but afterwards you won't want to stop.
- Be weary of herbal supplements, because they are not regulated strictly enough (they are routinely found to contain bunk ingredients, and sometimes even dangerous ones).
- Establish a relationship with anyone who you feel will support you without judging, and who is a healthy influence.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness, Breathing Exercises, and/or Autonomous Meridian Sensory Response can help you to better cope with symptoms.
- Accept the fact that you'll have to let go of some of the people and/or habits you really care about, because if not, they will only serve to drag you down further.

now i have the classic depersonalization/ derealization symptoms which honestly is the least of my worries considering its a common symptom that goes away and i can ignore it for the most part ( even though its extremely annoying and wish i could go back to normal and feel in the moment) twitches, fatigue etc. but my most worried symptoms is i literally have ZERO sensation upon orgasm and my adverse effects to marijuana. i know not smoking weed shouldnt be one of my top worries but i rolled/tripped for fun occasionally but weed is like my PASSION. my one and true love, its not like its just something to do when im bored or fun sometimes or just a phase like i planned a whole future with it, smoking with future gfs moving to cali like im an enthusiast. and now my other love (sex) is stripped away from me as well so i cant even enjoy the other pleasure of life. alcohol doesnt even make me feel good. i get drunk but dont feel good. And i am a very experienced smoker (5 times a week for years) its not like my adverse effect is im "trippin" or "too high" or get paranoid it LITERALLY doesnt induce a weed high. my eyes dilate, n i get a tingling wired opiate like feeling tht feels terrible n i pass out unconscious for like 5 seconds. idk if its a seretonin/ communication problem or damaged receptors or axons but its like anything tht releases dopamine and seretonin i cant feel.
I used to love smoking weed, but one day I started getting all paranoid and did not feel anymore pleasure from it. Is that brain damage? I don't know, but it was my cue to let go, and I had did. And you may have to as well.

With respect to the lack of body euphoria during orgasm, it's difficult to say. If it's not due to medication, then perhaps the mystery drug may be the culprit. I'd see my family physician about this.

SSRIs can cause sexual dysfunction in some people - luckily I'm not one of them.

its the craziest thing ive never xp b4 in my life. so my two loves sex and weed have been taken from me, and if its permanent im looking at a long life of missery and depression thinking i ruined my life over ONE night of bad drugs. it just blows my mind meth users go on binges for years and i take one bad drug and get fucked like this. i just want my life back and will do anything, ive already learned my lesson the hard away and just hope to god its not forever, im a good person and got fucked over for a couple bucks. if u do reply plz check back again cuz i WILL reply back and love to discuss it further.

if ANYONE could reach out, reply even pm me it would mean the world. thanks, god bless and be safe.
Life is not fair, I'm sorry to say. Countless people suffer needlessly every day - their quality of life so low that many of them want to be euthanized, but their government won't allow that.

I know you may feel like your case is especially severe, but the truth is that many people here are in the same position as you are (and as I once was). They too consumed what they thought was MDMA, and for some, it was their only time doing so. And just like that, they are now suffering as well, and they are confused, afraid, worried, scared, frustrated, and wondering when (if ever) this nightmare will end.

As long as the government continues their ridiculous war on drugs, I'm afraid that the cases of so-called LTCs will rise exponentially because of all this fake shit going around, but also because many of the few people who have constant access to high purity MDMA are using it very recklessly.

There is a way out of this where you can get back to normal, but it will take time, effort, discipline, acceptance, and most importantly patience. There is no quick-fix solution, no magic pill, no "easy button." Not that I know of anyways. I wish I could be more specific than that with respect to what you need to do to recover, but I can't. You may require prescription medication to recover, or you may not. It depends on how you are 'wired,' so to speak, as we are all unique.

Good luck with everything; please be sure to reply to my questions if you wish; if you feel completely overwhelmed by this (as in, you're gonna lose it), seek medical attention a.s.a.p.
 

Mamoot

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 24, 2014
Messages
8
Question for mike55. After ingesting this mystery substance did you experience a panic attack? What were the events that took place after you ingested this chemical? How many times have you taken mdma? You mentioned that the substance you bought was a RC sold as molly but you never tested it. If you experienced a bad trip and severe a panic attack, more than likely you didn't get permanent damage. Inducing a DP/DR state is caused by severe fear and soul crushing panic attacks from my personal experience.
 

mike55

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 6, 2014
Messages
29
Hi Mike, I can certainly try.

I'm sorry for the late replies - it's the one area which I'm struggling with, but I'd rather not create a template and use that to reply to anyone who is asking questions regarding their LTC.

So uh, yes, unfortunately we are not invincible, and there are certainly some very toxic, inherently deadly substances out there. And anyone who knowingly and deliberately decides to sell them as actual MDMA to unassuming consumers for no other reason than to profit financially is a very disgusting, disgraceful human being who should be locked up for the rest of his or her life.

In my case, PMA was the first of such substances which made headlines due to a string of deaths mainly among young adults. And even if I don't personally know the victims, I've always found it heartbreaking to read about them. And if the person responsible happens to be caught, I find myself full of animosity towards him or her, because these people seem to consider the life of a human being as devoid of any value, which it's anything but.



I'm sure that you're very worried, and I know this is an extremely difficult time for you, as it was for me when I was sick.

I have some good news and some bad news to tell you, should you wish to read it:

The bad news is that, since you seem to not know what exactly it was that you consumed, it's unlikely that we will be able to simply guess which one it was based on the information you've provided so far, as there are hundreds of so-called research chemicals currently being synthesized and passed around to anyone who wants to take the risk and try it.

The good news:

- You are still alive, even if you don't feel like your old self.
- You don't come across like you have sustained significant brain damage due to an especially neurotoxic substance/research chemical.
- You can list symptoms for us, which we can then use to our advantage in order to attempt to "reverse engineer" (for lack of a better term) what type of mind altering substance you consumed.
- You can describe how the substance smelled, tasted, looked, felt, and so forth. This can also help us try to figure out what you consumed that made you ill.

Do you have any pre-existing medical conditions (mental or physical)? I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but it helps to know because it can influence how you react to recreational drug use.

Were you taking any prescription medications during (or around) the time when you consumed the mystery drug? For example, if you were on Prozac (Fluoxetine), and stopped using it days in advance of using the mystery drug, it wouldn't be enough time, as Prozac takes several weeks to fully be eliminated from the body. Therefore, it's possible that there was a drug interaction - assuming you were on Prozac, or any other drugs with a long half-life.

Have you seen your family physician regarding your LTC? How about a psychiatrist? And has there been any blood testing, diagnostic imaging, etc. done?

If you don't wanna share this information on here, I completely understand. At the very least however, I recommend you seek medical attention.



The brain is remarkable in that it is able to adapt to damage. Unfortunately, this usually takes a lot of time and effort.

This is precisely why (for example) a person who has had a stroke which has caused the person to lose the ability to speak English needs several months to years in order to relearn how to speak - because the brain is now using another part of it to store information related to being able to understand, read, and speak English.

I don't know if you know the story of the Arizona congresswoman who was shot in the head and survived? It happened in 2011 in Tucson, Arizona.

Her name is Gabrielle Giffords. She had a bullet pierce her brain matter, and somehow she survived, but was left with some understandably serious issues afterwards.

Well, after 2 years of therapy, she is able to speak English again almost as well as she was before she was shot.

So trust me when I say that you can recover also if you take care of yourself.

It's important (in my opinion) to take this time to focus on your health and recovery, and to do the following to help speed up the process:

- Avoid any alcohol, caffeine, tobacco/nicotine, marijuana, and any other mind altering substances.
- Avoid anyone who is a bad influence on you (e.g. someone who will tempt you with drugs)
- Take about 6 months off of work and/or school if possible in order to minimize stress due to workload, expectations, pressure, responsibilities, etc. Stress is horrible for anyone who is trying to recover from a LTC (almost as bad as drug use with respect to the strain placed on the body, and the hormones released as a result such as cortisol).
- Take up a hobby which will help you keep your mind occupied without the need for much mental or physical exertion (because constantly thinking about the fact that you're sick won't help you).
- Cardio-based exercise has been shown to stimulate neurogenesis, so try to get at least 30 minutes every morning. It also causes the body to flood itself with endorphins, which will make you feel high (also known as a runner's high). The first couple of weeks will be the hardest by far, but afterwards you won't want to stop.
- Be weary of herbal supplements, because they are not regulated strictly enough (they are routinely found to contain bunk ingredients, and sometimes even dangerous ones).
- Establish a relationship with anyone who you feel will support you without judging, and who is a healthy influence.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness, Breathing Exercises, and/or Autonomous Meridian Sensory Response can help you to better cope with symptoms.
- Accept the fact that you'll have to let go of some of the people and/or habits you really care about, because if not, they will only serve to drag you down further.



I used to love smoking weed, but one day I started getting all paranoid and did not feel anymore pleasure from it. Is that brain damage? I don't know, but it was my cue to let go, and I had did. And you may have to as well.

With respect to the lack of body euphoria during orgasm, it's difficult to say. If it's not due to medication, then perhaps the mystery drug may be the culprit. I'd see my family physician about this.

SSRIs can cause sexual dysfunction in some people - luckily I'm not one of them.



Life is not fair, I'm sorry to say. Countless people suffer needlessly every day - their quality of life so low that many of them want to be euthanized, but their government won't allow that.

I know you may feel like your case is especially severe, but the truth is that many people here are in the same position as you are (and as I once was). They too consumed what they thought was MDMA, and for some, it was their only time doing so. And just like that, they are now suffering as well, and they are confused, afraid, worried, scared, frustrated, and wondering when (if ever) this nightmare will end.

As long as the government continues their ridiculous war on drugs, I'm afraid that the cases of so-called LTCs will rise exponentially because of all this fake shit going around, but also because many of the few people who have constant access to high purity MDMA are using it very recklessly.

There is a way out of this where you can get back to normal, but it will take time, effort, discipline, acceptance, and most importantly patience. There is no quick-fix solution, no magic pill, no "easy button." Not that I know of anyways. I wish I could be more specific than that with respect to what you need to do to recover, but I can't. You may require prescription medication to recover, or you may not. It depends on how you are 'wired,' so to speak, as we are all unique.

Good luck with everything; please be sure to reply to my questions if you wish; if you feel completely overwhelmed by this (as in, you're gonna lose it), seek medical attention a.s.a.p.
ty for ur reply its greatly appreciated and humbling.

no i a have no pre existing medical condition, nor am i on any medication. i have seen/ am seeing a nuerologist atm, ive had normal blood work done and cat scan done which both came out normal. i had my eeg this morning, and scheduled for a fmri on the 29th so hopefully get those results back in a couple weeks. im just worried those tests just generally show structural damage not actual damage on a cellular level so hopefully if they come back negative they order more testing (which ill insist cuz im not letting them writing me off as okay n just try to gimme anti depressants to mask my agony there is a problem.) TRUST ME my case is different with weed, im a stoner and enthusiast its not turning on me whatsoever n getting paranoid, like i mentioned it literally doesnt give me a weed high i seize out from it n eyes dilate n i tingle opiate like just off a couple hits n used to dome blunts n et faded. this literally isnt a weed high whatsoever. this only starting happening after the incident. im doing everything health wise n stress relievers u mentioned i already unenrolled in my college courses this semester last month cuz of this. and the lack of orgasm, im not on any ssris n the conclusion i come to is any type of seretonin/dopamine release is only antagonizing my body thats why i feel no pleasure whatsoever.

ask any further questions i failed to answer that u feel important n ill reply. i think im past the point of trying to discover what it was i had just some fucked up bathroom chemicals/ research chemicals. i mean looks just white flat like chalky bricks, thick n solid rather than glassy rock like mdma. just caused an altered state, wired like but not like wired jittery, more tht feeling u get when u know if u would smoke weed u wouldnt get high from it, it would just enhance ur wiredness. it was more a nasty drawn strung out feeling, dilated pupils, profuse sweating.

after/current symptoms: no sensation at orgasm, cant get high/ feel good from drinking, depersonalization, twitching tremoring hands, terrible memory, depression(but only depressed b/c of symptoms n scared goin to be permanent.) not just generally depressed about life, just depressed about my situation.

Again THANK YOU SO MUCH PLEASE REPLY
 

mike55

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 6, 2014
Messages
29
Question for mike55. After ingesting this mystery substance did you experience a panic attack? What were the events that took place after you ingested this chemical? How many times have you taken mdma? You mentioned that the substance you bought was a RC sold as molly but you never tested it. If you experienced a bad trip and severe a panic attack, more than likely you didn't get permanent damage. Inducing a DP/DR state is caused by severe fear and soul crushing panic attacks from my personal experience.
no panic attack, i was at a music festival raving/dancing/smoking, ive taken actual mdma over 20x in my life maybe give or take no ever bad effects cuz it was real stuff, i didnt have a bad trip or panic attack so thats outta the question. dp/dr can happen from drug intake tht causes altered state but ive tripped, rolled, shroomed,smoked for years never had dp dr till now. i think i have permanent damage based on the fact i cant feel an orgasm and this is 4 months later, cant get high from weed anymore or feel happy from alcohol, memory loss, tremors and twitches in hands.like i really fucked up my cns, fuckin havin parkinson symptoms from this bs.
 

Mamoot

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 24, 2014
Messages
8
I don’t enjoy sex/masturbation as much anymore but I can still feel my orgasms. Masturbation feels like a chore but I still do it habitually because I’m addicted. Your symptoms sound strange, especially if you can't feel your orgasms at all. I doubt it is permanent either way. How did your friends who did this drug with you at the festival turn out? This probably won't help much but after my bad trip experience I used to get panic attacks when I orgasmed. I am probably the only person on the planet who has simultaneously had a panic attack while coming. This strange side effect lasted for about two months.

Everybody should try this brain training memory game. It’s like a memory rehabilitation game you can do everyday:
http://brainworkshop.sourceforge.net/

I just started doing super brain yoga, a really easy exercise you can do that really works. It is scientifically proven to balance the L and R hemispheres of the brain in minutes.
http://www.clear-mind-meditation-techniques.com/super-brain-yoga-training.html
 
Last edited:

Mamoot

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 24, 2014
Messages
8
I'm going to order cerebrolysin too. That stuff heals brain damage. My buddy whos done alot of mdma is studing mech engineering and this stuff is making him a normal college student with a good chance at succeeding. I'm going to do a one month cycle....5 days on two off, at a 10mL dose. I may stack it with Stablon but I'm not sure if I want to yet. I figure eat perfectly, run 3-5 miles a day, do yoga and meditate, take supplements, do brain exercises a read everyday, and lastly take cerebrolysin I may have a chance at claiming my mind back.
 

coderbrah

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
142
Does anyone else keep thinking about the first months? Almost every night I ruminate on what happened in the first months and I keep getting nightmares where I took X.
 

Deltronpedro

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 14, 2014
Messages
203
Hey guys,
do you think there is a correlation between dosage/rolling history and recovery time? Do you think first time roller recover faster then others who have comsumed long time before it happened?
Would be an interesting point here.

Another thing:
Yesterday my therpaist told me that the one magic pill may have refreshed a early traumatic situation. I nearly died from a meningitis when i was 6 month old and he told me it could have been just the trigger to surface this problem again. What do you think about?
The "MDMA" pill as a trigger of an early traumatic event? But why would I have the same symptoms as other sufferes here. I dont think everyone here experienced an extreme traumatic event in his eraly childhood.
He also added the thought of my brain running on 100% since the meningitis, I just did not notice. And the pill was the straw to break the camels brack. Maybe the traumatic event for me is the stress(work, relationship,etc...) others suffered before this LTC. And the pill, what ever it was some of us took was just too much and made the brain collapse.
 

coderbrah

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
142
Well my childhood was pretty normal and I also only took 1 pill (actually the first substance I used in over 6 years, not even alcohol). 7 months in I'm still trying to survive.
 

MasterMinded

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 6, 2014
Messages
15
@ro4eva
First of all thanks for your kind and warm words, really appreciate it! Also my appologies that it took so long for me to reply, been quite busy the past few days.
Hello MasterMinded, I'm the guy who regrets the nickname he chose way back in 2004 while extremely high ro4eva - nice to meet you
Very nice to meet you too! It feels like I've already known you for quite a while, because I've read so many of your prev posts =].

Funny you mention the bit about "waking up early in the morning around the same time no matter how late or how early I went to bed," because, I thought I was the only one who experienced that oddball pattern of (abnormal) sleep.

No matter what time I went to bed at either, I would always wake up at a certain time (usually around 05:45), and it would drive me totally cuckoo.
Haha, it would drive me totally nuts too and if I recall correctly it was also around 05:45 when I used to wake up! After about 2-3 weeks I would wake up slightly later each day until one day I finally just slept trough it. I felt so horribly depressed after waking up back then, god it was totally awful.
Sorry, I can't stand the word "abuse" when it's combined with "drug," as it sounds like I ended up victimizing a substance because I did not consume it with a doctor or government permission slip. It's complicated, but I prefer drug misuse, if anything, but sorry to go off topic.
I couldn't have said it any better myself, it's so annoying when you get judged for a certain drug use by a (medical) professional. I remember telling my psychologist at the time about my xtc use (the use during my comedown) and he would treat me like a drug addict and give me these speeches about drug abuse, this would really get me angry sometimes
.

Regarding the low dose of ecstasy which you used on one occasion during your LTC - do you know for certain whether it was actually MDMA? I ask because I'm really concerned about the pills, capsules, powder, and shards/crystals being sold nowadays as ecstasy/MDMA. Unfortunately, the ratio of bunk to actual ecstasy or MDMA has increased (in the favor of bunk) big time. If you wish to know more, please read my previous post (#1486).
I'm not 100% sure, however the pils were from a very reliable source (and were supposedly tested) and friends of mine used them on tons of occasions and always had a good roll and no (severe) comedown. I'm not sure if what im about to say is complete bullshit (please tell me if it is), but im from Holland and I believe most pills in my area are good quality pills (I know that I can't be sure about this, but I know so many people that are highly into the rave scene and nearly noone has had a bad experience with xtc pills yet, except for the people that take 5 pills or more a night). Another thing I'd like to note is that I took the xtc a few weeks after I quit the mirtazapine, and I didn't really roll on it, barely felt euphoric. Not sure if this could relate to the mirtazapine use, its most likely due to the very low dose I took (was a little more than a quarter of a pill, about 60-70mg mdma i'd say).

Moving on - I'm curious (if you don't mind me asking) why you decided to stop taking the Avanza (Mirtazapine). Was it due to severe side effects which made you feel even worse? Don't worry, I'm not trying to give you a hard time or anything (I would never); just curious that's all. But if you don't wanna tell me, I can accept that no problem
It's no problem at all, you can ask me anything :). Like you were saying, I quit the Mirtazapine because of the severe side effects. It worsened my depression a lot in the beginning (I knew this was not abnormal, but still scared the crap out of me), it also made me feel like a zombie, completely emotionless. A positive thing about it was that it did supress my anxiety, after the night I took my first dose nearly all my physical anxiety symptoms vanished, like frost under the morning sun. No more twitching, no more shakes, no burning skin sensations and after it kicked in I slept like a baby (always took it before going to sleep). However after 2 weeks I still felt really uncomfortable on it, really didn't like the emotionless person I had become and I started getting a new weird symptom which I still have up to this day. It's really hard to explain, but its like a tingling/goosebumpy sensation in/on my head (not in one spot, but around my entire head). I don't experience it as much as I used to, but it usually comes up when I get anxious. Anyways sorry if im going off topic here ^^, but for me personally at that time the pro's didn't outweigh the con's and I didn't want to be on an anti-depressant for a long time. Even up to this day I don't know if I made the right decision there, since I was only 2 weeks in and getting used to an anti-depressant should take a while.

With respect to you possibly "abusing" your Ativan (Lorazepam) pills, I just wanna say that you don't need to justify your use of a Benzodiazepine to anyone (at least that's the way it should be IMO). Yes, Benzodiazepines can be habit forming. And chronic, long term use will eventually result in a physical dependency. However, as someone who has been suffering from Panic Disorder for almost 2 decades; as someone who has experienced countless full-blown, massive panic attacks which never get old with respect to how scary they are, I know that Ativan (Lorazepam) offers enormous, quick, much-needed relief.

So despite what some arrogant acquaintance may have to say regarding your use of this medication, never feel guilty about it, as it's your right to receive treatment for a medical issue affecting your quality of life.
You are so right again, benzo's were probably the best thing that happened to me at that moment. The first time I took lorazepam was a week after the second xtc use (the one during my comedown). After that xtc use my life was a complete hell, never in my life have I felt so depressed as in that week after the use. All I could think about was death, I was literally trying to survive every minute. The lorazepam felt like a life safer at that time, for the first time in months I was able to fully relax without being severely anxious/depressed.

Just so you are aware, Ethyl Alcohol consumption carries several risks which the public is typically not told about.

For one, any amount of Ethyl Alcohol (e.g. one beer, one shot, etc.) is now considered to be carcinogenic. The World Health Organization, and The International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) now considers Ethyl Alcohol to be a Group 1 Carcinogen after the completion of a long term study. Other examples of Group 1 Carcinogens include (but are not limited to) Arsenic, Asbestos, Formaldehyde, and (Radioactive) Isotopes.

Secondly, the consumption of Ethyl Alcohol in an amount required to intoxicate the consumer/user is known to be neurotoxic (kills brain cells), hepatotoxic (liver cells), and cardiotoxic (heart cells).

It is also - in my opinion - a poor choice for anyone who uses it for its ability to reduce anxiety levels due to the fact that it has such a short half-life. And once eliminated from the body, the anxiety typically returns, and it's not unusual for the level of the anxiety to be higher than it was before the consumption of the corresponding alcoholic beverage.

Edit - This was very harshly confirmed to me when I tried to use alcohol as an anxiety/panic attack medication. Things went downhill really fast. Within 3 or 4 days, I was physically dependent and had to go through withdrawal (that was awful).

Be that as it may - I have no right to tell you what to do with your body; I am not judging you in any way sweetheart; and I always accept you as you are. So, if you wish to drink, please don't let me stop you. You do what you wanna do - I sincerely mean that with all due respect.

As this is a harm reduction forum, I'm just trying to help you to understand (some) of the risks involved with the consumption of alcoholic beverages. It's so socially accepted in our society nowadays that a beer commercial on TV will typically only tell us to "please drink responsibly" with respect to risks.

There's a possibility (however small) that drinking may not be the best option right now. And it may be undermining your recovery. Keyword however is "maybe" and not "definitely."

Again though, if you wanna drink, cheers
This part was a very interesting read, I knew alcohol was bad, but apparently it's even worse than I initially thought. Im not someone that drinks alcohol to treat my anxiety or to get away from problems in general, I drink because I like drinking and because it's quite an important social aspect here where I live. Recovery wise I do think drinking has a negative influence. The days after I have drunk I'm usually more anxious and somewhat depressive, but nothing major.


If you managed to read everything I posted, you are a trooper, and I need to shut up.

Don't give up; we'll be here if you need us; I'm craving pizza; we understand what you're going through; do not feel alone because you're not; I'm glad we have the internet to connect us; I can smell the pepperoni.

All (possibly poor attempts at) dry jokes aside, we'll be here if you need us.

Good luck, God bless you, and I hope you have a wonderful day
Thanks for being so kind and for all the effort you've put in this post and all your prev posts for that matter! Take good care of yourself, youre worth it.
 

imabicycle

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 4, 2014
Messages
88
mate I don't agree with ur psychiatrist but he's the expert so trust him. But this is a thing that can happen to people even if uve never been prone to anxiety and never had a trauma. There seems in general to be a slight correlation between the dosage and length of ltc but there are a lot of exceptions so I wouldn't get ur hopes up/down (depending on ur dosage) because of this. Also I have a question for everyone and especially people who know about anxiety. I alsways used to be as flat as a door and eat a lot. After I got sick I lost my appetite a bit but put on 15 kilo. I'm still skinny everywhere in my body only my belly has gotten extremely, and I mean extremely fat. I suspect this is ltc related but I wanne make sure and never heard anyone else complain about this. I seriously look like a child from Afrika who hasn't eaten enough and gets an inflated belly you know its really weird. I wonder if anyone can maybe explain to me what is happening to me in physiological terms or at least share their experience with me if they also went through this. Excercising doesn't help. Cheers.
 

MasterMinded

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 6, 2014
Messages
15
its the craziest thing ive never xp b4 in my life. so my two loves sex and weed have been taken from me, and if its permanent im looking at a long life of missery and depression thinking i ruined my life over ONE night of bad drugs. it just blows my mind meth users go on binges for years and i take one bad drug and get fucked like this. i just want my life back and will do anything, ive already learned my lesson the hard away and just hope to god its not forever, im a good person and got fucked over for a couple bucks. if u do reply plz check back again cuz i WILL reply back and love to discuss it further.

if ANYONE could reach out, reply even pm me it would mean the world. thanks, god bless and be safe.
Hey man, I can relate to what youre going trough to some degree. All the suffering i've went trough in the past 8 months was also initiated by ONE night of bad drugs (in my case it was supposedly cocaine, but even up to this date im not sure if it actually was). You never know what the future will bring, but as you were also stating in your post the human brain is incredibly powerful and you got to have faith in it. Your body is currently in survival/fight flight mode, once you get out of that state and start feeling more relaxed thats when youll start real recovery. Just out of curiosity, have you spoken to a doc yet about your orgasm issues? Anyways take care for now, and remember that you can always count on this community, so far it has never let me down, peace!
 
Last edited:

turnupboss

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 18, 2014
Messages
492
me n my best had a 3 month binge on mdma and other mdma related drugs and we became truly psycotic. it took a lot for us to realize we had a problem. we took a good break n now at the most we do it on random weekends. the two main long term effects we got was we are extremely overly emotion and we cant gain weight no matter how hard we try. but we are doin much much better. we are still trying to cut back because we keep on catching ourselves getting in the mind set of bingeing. im my opinion bingeing is the main way to get an addiction to rolling. its best to just do it once in a while n make it a treat not a habit cuz we all know its a great feeling thats hard to resist.
 

mike55

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 6, 2014
Messages
29
I don’t enjoy sex/masturbation as much anymore but I can still feel my orgasms. Masturbation feels like a chore but I still do it habitually because I’m addicted. Your symptoms sound strange, especially if you can't feel your orgasms at all. I doubt it is permanent either way. How did your friends who did this drug with you at the festival turn out? This probably won't help much but after my bad trip experience I used to get panic attacks when I orgasmed. I am probably the only person on the planet who has simultaneously had a panic attack while coming. This strange side effect lasted for about two months.

Everybody should try this brain training memory game. It’s like a memory rehabilitation game you can do everyday:
http://brainworkshop.sourceforge.net/

I just started doing super brain yoga, a really easy exercise you can do that really works. It is scientifically proven to balance the L and R hemispheres of the brain in minutes.
http://www.clear-mind-meditation-techniques.com/super-brain-yoga-training.html
i know they r strange thts why im worried its permanent like fried the nuerons tht regulate n control or communicate seretonin/ dopamine. thts the only conclusion i can think of. thts why i dont feel orgasms, when weed n alcohol try to release dopamine n seretonin it doesnt work either thts why i dont feel good. wht makes u doubt its permanent? im just scared its not like levels r low or slightly damaged but completely fucked it up n nothing can fix it cuz it killed the nerve. my best friend zach fainted at the festival, he was nodding out then collapsed but we just wrote it off as dehydration n or the drug hittin him hard while out in the sun looking back obviously not. he didnt take anymore after tht but his gf took two doses n didnt enjoy it n stopped. they r fine now cuz it got out their system and they slept etc tht night, i was up all night lit till afternoon cuz im a fuckin idiot n took more.

thanks for the links imma check them out

n ty
 

mike55

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 6, 2014
Messages
29
Hey man, I can relate to what youre going trough to some degree. All the suffering i've went trough in the past 8 months was also initiated by ONE night of bad drugs (in my case it was supposedly cocaine, but even up to this date im not sure if it actually was). You never know what the future will bring, but as you were also stating in your post the human brain is incredibly powerful and you got to have faith in it. Your body is currently in survival/fight flight mode, once you get out of that state and start feeling more relaxed thats when youll start real recovery. Just out of curiosity, have you spoken to a doc yet about your orgasm issues? Anyways take care for now, and remember that you can always count on this community, so far it has never let me down, peace!
ya im seeing a nuerologists rn she doesnt wanna speak too soon so im just having tests done atm
 

Mamoot

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 24, 2014
Messages
8
I just don't think anything like this is really permanent. If a stroke patient can learn to speak again we can learn to feel happiness and become more focused and sharper. It will just take some effort. MDMA and RC are just two small things from a big list that cause damage. I bet you eating a junk food diet can be just as bad as taking a bunch of mdma. Glutamate excitotoxicity causes brain damage by over exciting neurons, killing them...I bet you drinking a bunch of diet coke everyday for a month causes just as much damage as .3g-5g of mdma. It will probably be a different part of the brain that gets damage though. Anyway, that's why people get neurodegenerative diseases. With nootropics and healthy living I think we can become better versions of our older selves. We just need to stay sober...and take nootropics as needed...and we will heal. I just think any form of neurogenesis will take at least 3 months to get kick started, unless you take a drug that induces this process quicker...like cerebrolysin or semax would be two good choices for this.
 

ScaredFirstTimer

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2013
Messages
317
I bet you eating a junk food diet can be just as bad as taking a bunch of mdma. [...] I bet you drinking a bunch of diet coke everyday for a month causes just as much damage as .3g-5g of mdma.
Really? So you think if we did research looking for indicators of axonal loss after ingesting a burger king meal every day for a week, compared to MDMA in recreational doses consecutively every day throughout a week, the results would be similar? Breathtaking ignorance such as this is the reason I'm thinking of leaving this board forever. Junk food can be bad for certain people, but it is not unhealthy in itself. It is not neurotoxic. Neither is diet coke. Actually, all recent research done on diet soda and aspartam and other artificial sweeteners show that they are perfectly safe. The same can not be said of MDMA.

Edit: Sorry for sounding harsh towards you man, I genuinely hope you recover asap.

The scary fact is that the VAST majority of people reporting long term problems from MDMA on this forum do not write a recovery post. We can hold hands and speculate that it's because they are 100% recovered and too busy living their lives.
It seems this current "generation" of sufferers are totally ignorant of what has been going on on BL earlier. There have been well over a hundred accounts of this from different users and a very small amount of real recovery stories. When I say recovery stories I'm talking about people who live life absolutely normally. I do not consider people dependent on medication recovered. Actually, I can name more people still suffering after 1,5-2-3 years than people who have recovered.

This will probably be seen as a bunch of negativity. It probably is, but I can't take users and moderators belittling the suffering and sustained damage of people in this thread. I'm over 10 months in, and even though I had a big while of feeling very good lately, I'm now back to a shitload of symptoms again. The reason my visual cortex couldn't process the stripes on my colleagues shirt yesterday is NOT due to childhood trauma (I had the best childhood and adolescence imaginable), shitty diet or inactivity, or eating at Burger King. It is due to one single night of MDMA use.

I'm losing hope of recovery to be frank, and I am gonna do everything in my power to try to start treatment with Tianeptine.
 
Last edited:

imabicycle

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 4, 2014
Messages
88
Scared im sorry ur still suffering man. I have also read a lot of the older threats, but I can't find a lot of the people who are still suffering after 1,5 2,3 years. Could you give me usernames? I know bben didn't recover and firstbadcomedown but the first issue was complicated by autism and the second is on a positive slope. Im also familiar with the story of somedud (RIP) but he continued to use drugs and thats also different from you. And you have made improvements right? At least ur all ready out of the panic phase. Have you tried ssri's? I also feel like I won't recover but I also know that I can't see shit in perspective because im severely anxious and depressed too so I don't trust myself on it. The people who never reported back usually at least got out of the panic phase, or they would surely have come at least a few times. Apart from that most people were on an upward slope when they left as far as I know. I know a few people who never really reported any progress (though vague, and they didn't really spend a lot of time on bl from the start) and they had all consumed wayyyy more than you and more than me too probably. I really feel for you though I am not really familiar with the cognitive detoriation like not being able to progress colours. Its all just panic for me. But I think most people who's story are fully available have recovered. And there's no reason to assume people who don't report back haven't recovered. Could you tell me those names who are still suffering? Also as you have read a lot of forums apparently I wonder if you are aware of a lot people who had a delayed onset or whether this is really rare. Cheers mate. Try to keep your chin up, however hard this is. So am I. You know I have been in public transport three ours a day from start to finish of this ltc. Thats the spirit man just keep on fighting and I think u will get rewarded, even though I know it doesn't feel like this. I feel completely hopeless too. Sorry for long story. I really wish you the best of luck.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top