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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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UKjunglist

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 16, 2014
Messages
18
Oh my - you have totally explained exactly how I feel as well regarding "the good old days" when I used to rave and party like it was against the law not to.

Unfortunately, I have a very good memory, and I tend to experience a lot of vivid flashbacks - especially when it relates to me rolling away at a rave with my buddies.

My point being that neither of us have been to a rave since late July 2007, and we had so much fun - maybe too much. And I've noticed that when I do have a flashback of us raving, I soon feel strangely melancholic, for lack of a better term.

I have struggled to figure out a similar feeling of sadness, until I read your post just now. It's something I struggled with a lot - so much in fact that I could describe it as distressing at times.

You're right - it totally feels like losing a loved one. And the feeling is fleeting.

What's almost ironic - I suppose - is that, even though I do feel this way when thinking about the amazing times we had together (for the most part), I'm not craving to bust out my glowsticks and MDMA, and to hit the nearest rave - not at all.

I'm sorry, my reply must have come across as very random (and perhaps awkward).

Nevertheless, thanks for involuntarily helping me - after all these years - to reflect and identify with the feeling which I was having a lot of trouble identifying.

It may not seem like a big deal, but it most certainly was in my case, so again, thank you very much - sincerely.
Really glad to hear I indirectly managed to help you. I try to keep in mind that everything in life is in flux, not permanant, so these waves of nostolgia they come but they go again. I found they mostly came before I would go to sleep at night.
 

pmz

Bluelighter
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
548
anyone have a problem with comprehension? its hard to process iformation coming in, whether it be from reading or listening to lectures in class, or even just talking to someone. i think a part of this is also that im still mostly emotionally unnattached to anything so things dont hold as much value.

I just want to know if you guys fully recovered in this area? i know its a slow process but when did you guys find out that your head is clear? did you just realize one day that your thought process is clearer? or were you aware while it was happening?

ty mucho

I can totally relate to this right now. Im sure a few will have a good answer, but I believe the answer is a good one.
Though for me, its gotten a shit load better over time. I can actually absorb stuff wayyyyyy better
 

PJ2

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 9, 2014
Messages
152
anyone have a problem with comprehension? its hard to process iformation coming in, whether it be from reading or listening to lectures in class, or even just talking to someone. i think a part of this is also that im still mostly emotionally unnattached to anything so things dont hold as much value.

I just want to know if you guys fully recovered in this area? i know its a slow process but when did you guys find out that your head is clear? did you just realize one day that your thought process is clearer? or were you aware while it was happening?

ty mucho

Absolutely! I think everyone in here has experienced that symptom whether it's brain fog and/or DP/DR. You want the good news? It will completely go away over time. After about the 6 month mark or so I've really had no problem with this symptom. Cognitively, I am about as close to normal as possible. Actually, I'm probably more clearheaded now because I haven't been drinking or anything since this started. At 8 months, the only symptoms still giving me problems for the most part are fatigue and the head pressure/headache which is ever so slight.
 

me2point0

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2014
Messages
216
!!! EMERGENCY POST !!!


My comedown is generally speaking ending. Thats good. But I recently started taking vyvanse again. 3 weeks. Amphetamine-based med. Lisdexamphetamine if you wana look it up. Heres the deal:

First time it happened, it's been two days I have 4-5 second twitching in certain body parts and I LITERALLY feel the nerve influx in my arms and stomach. As if I had parkinson or somethig. Im getting SHOCKED et seems. Its hars to explain but I feel stufd flowing under my skin. Not in the veins. Help. Its not THAT bad, but its very noticable. Can anxiety cause this please say yes or no.
 

thejibberman

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 20, 2014
Messages
199
!!! EMERGENCY POST !!!


My comedown is generally speaking ending. Thats good. But I recently started taking vyvanse again. 3 weeks. Amphetamine-based med. Lisdexamphetamine if you wana look it up. Heres the deal:

First time it happened, it's been two days I have 4-5 second twitching in certain body parts and I LITERALLY feel the nerve influx in my arms and stomach. As if I had parkinson or somethig. Im getting SHOCKED et seems. Its hars to explain but I feel stufd flowing under my skin. Not in the veins. Help. Its not THAT bad, but its very noticable. Can anxiety cause this please say yes or no.
You should seriously see a doctor.
 

coderbrah

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
142
I don't really think we in this topic are that experienced with ADD medication. I did a quick google and it said to contact your doctor in case of muscle twitches etc.
 

me2point0

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2014
Messages
216
Yeah, i'm going to the doctors tomorrow I googled it up quickly myself too. Dont worry guys its not dirrectly linked to the ltc I must assume. Its personnal problems. Today I didn't think and I thook the med again and it's the same or worse. This smells like shit for me tho. As much as I never scare myself or whatever, some global muscle twitching isnt cool whatsoever
 

ro4eva

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 8, 2004
Messages
3,886
Location
'Mutts' can unite tribes :-)
!!! EMERGENCY POST !!!


My comedown is generally speaking ending. Thats good. But I recently started taking vyvanse again. 3 weeks. Amphetamine-based med. Lisdexamphetamine if you wana look it up. Heres the deal:

First time it happened, it's been two days I have 4-5 second twitching in certain body parts and I LITERALLY feel the nerve influx in my arms and stomach. As if I had parkinson or somethig. Im getting SHOCKED et seems. Its hars to explain but I feel stufd flowing under my skin. Not in the veins. Help. Its not THAT bad, but its very noticable. Can anxiety cause this please say yes or no.
Dude, try not to overthink this.

When I started using Vyvanse, I too experienced several side effects which were new and unsettling to me (even though I had used copious amounts of methamphetamine for years).

I'm sorry if I missed it, but how much Lisdexamfetamine are you on daily? 50mg?

Are you also on any other medications? Again, I apologize if I missed or forgot it as I have a horrible short term memory.

Whatever the case, it sure sounds like you're very anxious about this (I know, I tend to sound a lot like Captain Obvious at times - much obliged).

Don't worry, chances are you're not gonna die or anything.

Are you overweight? Any problems with your cardiovascular system (blood pressure, heart disease)? How about diabetes?

I could tell you a lot of stories about my experiences with really strange and unexpected side effects from medications which literally scared the piss out of me at times, but it's probably best if I keep them to myself.

Again though - don't worry man, just lay down on a couch in a quiet area of your residence, put a small pillow underneath your left knee, and another one under your head. And now, try to concentrate on your breathing. Breathe in slowly but deeply through your nose, and then exhale out through your mouth, and repeat.

By the way, you sure it's a good idea to be on the Vyvanse? I ask because - as I said above - it sounds like you're (understandably) anxious (because of the LTC to begin with + more shit now), and perhaps that would warrant the use of some medication for acute anxiety/panic attacks? I don't know for sure - just a wild guess, I could be wrong. You and your doc would know best.

Are the breathing exercises not really helping - how about a joke:

Why did the blonde fuck the Mexican?

Click below for the answer + some more babbling from me:
NSFW:
Her teacher told her to do an essay 8o

-----------------------------

I apologize if that was offensive in any way - I'm just trying to help you calm down (laughing reduces stress, anxiety, depression, etc.)

Anyways, 'take care yo esé' =D

I'll be around if you need to talk.
 

ro4eva

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 8, 2004
Messages
3,886
Location
'Mutts' can unite tribes :-)
Thanks for your answer ro. I try to reduce it, maybe i make the step to quit it, but i have to wait how everything processes.
Did you felt like your recvoery was restrained by this?
Did I feel like my recovery was stalled due to me smoking? That's a tough one. There were times when I would say yes, and then times when I would say no.

To be honest, I have no idea - probably not though.

That doesn't mean that it didn't do damage elsewhere though, like further blackening my lungs, or further placing strain on my heart.

PS:Valdoxan Day..dunno, week 3 :)
Today was good so far, last night was good. Few crazy thoughts and a bit of DP but sometimes i nearly forgot all my symptoms. Good feeling:)
Hope it continues like that!
That's great news!

Look... I won't lie to you... there will probably be more days up ahead where you'll feel (temporarily) that your recovery is going backwards (bumps in the road, so to speak). Please try not to get discouraged by this, because it's just a phase.

Also, this goes without saying, but I'll mention it nonetheless: It would be great if you could stop smoking, or at least switch to e-cigs or nicotine gum or some other smoking cessation aid.

I don't know how many years you've smoked for, however, smoking-related diseases usually make it difficult to breathe. And gasping for air can be one of the most terrifying ways to slowly die (if not the most terrifying).

I hate to mention that to you at a time when you're suffering from severe and debilitating symptoms, but I watched my grandfather die from lung cancer due to a 37 year smoking habit, and I'm still haunted by the screams and sounds of gasping for air that he made. If it was traumatizing for me to watch, I can't even imagine how utterly agonizing it must have been for him to slowly choke to death, may he rest in peace - poor guy.
 

Molly_Girl

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
13
Location
NYC
Glad to see this is such a large thread. I'm on day 3 without it after a month long bender (2-4x week) and I am having the worst fucking day ever. The obsession to use just won't leave.
 

me2point0

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2014
Messages
216
Eh, I'll go with the non-hypocondriac way. Water, salad, 10 km run and 10 hours of sleep with a pre-nap meditation. Just gotta get my mind off my nerve damage theory.
 

ro4eva

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 8, 2004
Messages
3,886
Location
'Mutts' can unite tribes :-)
Glad to see this is such a large thread. I'm on day 3 without it after a month long bender (2-4x week) and I am having the worst fucking day ever. The obsession to use just won't leave.
I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding you, but you consumed ecstasy pills/capsules/powder 2 to 4 days per week for a month - the last day of which was 3 or 4 days ago?
 

Deltronpedro

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 14, 2014
Messages
203
Thanks again for your answer ro,

like further blackening my lungs, or further placing strain on my heart
i know, inkow...
But in times of independent doom and DP smoking is simply good anchor. dunno.
ill try to reduce it over the time.
I could stop immediately, but im affraid of the withdrawl coming with it. I dont need that on my way to recovery, especially cause I feel better since a few days. Dont wanna ruin that :/
Difficult man..
To your question how long i smoke allready:
Started as a soft smoker with 17, today im 21, smoking half a pack up to a pack per day.

@Molly girl:
Dont make the mistake and search for answers for your bad comedown in this thread.
3 days are not startling. Sooner quite normal. Stay tuff during the next days, eat healthy, relax and just give it some time, maybe 1-2 weeks. And the most important!: Dont roll again the next days/weeks. Your brain needs to get some rest.
Youll be out of this in no time.
 

ro4eva

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 8, 2004
Messages
3,886
Location
'Mutts' can unite tribes :-)
Thanks again for your answer ro,



i know, inkow...
But in times of independent doom and DP smoking is simply good anchor. dunno.
ill try to reduce it over the time.
I could stop immediately, but im affraid of the withdrawl coming with it. I dont need that on my way to recovery, especially cause I feel better since a few days. Dont wanna ruin that :/
Difficult man..
To your question how long i smoke allready:
Started as a soft smoker with 17, today im 21, smoking half a pack up to a pack per day.
Dude, although I appreciate it, you do not need to explain yourself to me.

The way I see it... I am not - nor ever was - any better than you (or anyone else for that matter) in any way, and I have no right to judge you (or anyone else) for your (or their) habits. And if it came across to you like I was doing that in my previous post, then I sincerely, sincerely apologize.

Regardless of whether they care or not, I still try to put forth a lot of effort into letting other people on here know that I always accept them the way they are, and not the way I want them to be. And I have no right to expect anything more than that. I'm just some random guy - nothing special to see here.

In other words, regardless of whether you care or not, I would never, never think less of you because you choose to continue to smoke, or use any mind altering substances for that matter. I know nicotine helps with stress, as I smoked for 17 years precisely because of that.

It was wrong of me to bring up the bit about my grandfather, and I'm sorry about that. It's just that he suffered a lot during his last couple of months alive. And as this is a harm reduction based forum, I was trying to make sure that you're aware of the risks involved with respect to smoking tobacco, but I think I went way too far (and it sounds like you know what you're doing).

Even though I witnessed my grandfather's final days alive, I still didn't understand then what it feels like to suffer long term from chronic pain, but I certainly do now. Ironically, it's been a humbling and character-building experience to suffer from constant/chronic and severe pain for ~6 years.

Whenever I used to see strangers in a lot of pain, it didn't phase me. But now, after years of chronic pain, I find myself overwhelmed with pity, sympathy, and empathy for anyone I happen to come across who is in pain for whatever reason. And I almost always try to help them if I can - even if it isn't legal. Sorry, but the DEA can kiss my ass. I sleep better at night knowing that I improved someone's quality of life but also broke the law because I gave them some weed for free to help with pain. Does that make any sense to you - my freedom because of a plant? These fucking bureaucrats and their political partners seriously need to go away.

Anyways, please continue to smoke if it brings you comfort - even if it's temporary (and don't feel guilty about it - life isn't worth living if it's all pain, misery, and suffering IMO). It's your body, your choice, and none of my damn business. And, I know you've got a lot on your plate right now. I totally understand friend.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck with your recovery, and if you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me. For what it's worth, I promise I'll never judge you, nor talk behind your back, nor think less of you, and will always accept you as you are.

Don't worry that's not a pick up line or anything (none of it is, I swear LOL) - I'm simply trying to help you get through this, if you wish.

Have a good one man, take care, I seriously gotta go eat something.
 

mike55

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 6, 2014
Messages
29
Stop all sexual activity for an entire month, yes it is difficult but you are capable of it and the payoff makes it worth it. I want you to tell me if you are prescribed any meds b/c the following herbs I am about to tell you to take daily can interact wih drugs. So let's see you should start eating a handful of organic goji berries daily, taking he shou wu capsules (from dragonherbs.com or Fo-ti which is the same as he shou wu from mountainroseherbs.com) also schisandra berries from either of the sites I mentioned and lastly strength builder's formula from Dragon Herbs. Rhodiola (mountainroseherbs.com's capsules) will bring your serotonin and dopamine back to a homeostatic level. My friend it is of the utmost importance you remain chaste for a month at least while ingesting these herbs and berries daily. Do your research. I just gave you treasure to cure your dilemma my friend.
thank you so much! ive been chaste for almost a week now. do you think i just have a simple deficiency or whats wrong with me? like if they were low i would still be able to feel an orgasm somewhat i feel like and what is causing the adverse weed effect? im just scared and terrified i did permanent damage to my nuerons/receptors/axons. or i really messed up the communication of them which is irreversible.
 

mike55

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 6, 2014
Messages
29
Well, mine was untested, but it gave me a MDMA high like I've experienced before although I haven't done it much and others told me they did it and it was the real deal. Something was just "off" for me. Maybe it was doing it consecutive nights, which I didn't even know was a bad thing. That is how much I knew about MDMA prior to this LTC.

So, I don't know if you can definitively say it wasn't MDMA if you have many of the same symptoms or maybe you're right, but the outcome is eerily similar.

The bottom line is your brain needs time to heal! Quit smoking pot!!! If you are that into it, then wait a year or more or you may never heal properly and/or you'll just prolong your agony. No pot, no alcohol, no caffeine, and even no nicotine if you can help it. That's just the reality of what you need to do to get better.

Also, many people have had libido and orgasm problems from this. I don't know about ZERO sensation, but they've had issues. I personally have not had that particular symptom - thank god...lol.
ive done mdma loads of times i can by far definitively tell you it wasnt mdma, w/e it was it was disgusting and filthy and unenjoyable. and i definitely am taking a break untill i feel ive fully recovered im almost at 6 weeks now. im being optimistic but subconsciously just terrified i did some irreversible damage like fucked up the communication or fully 100 percent damaged some nuerons/axons/receptors. its just hard playing the waiting game w/o even knowing if there is a finish line.
 

PJ2

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 9, 2014
Messages
152
ive done mdma loads of times i can by far definitively tell you it wasnt mdma, w/e it was it was disgusting and filthy and unenjoyable. and i definitely am taking a break untill i feel ive fully recovered im almost at 6 weeks now. im being optimistic but subconsciously just terrified i did some irreversible damage like fucked up the communication or fully 100 percent damaged some nuerons/axons/receptors. its just hard playing the waiting game w/o even knowing if there is a finish line.

There is a finish line. We have all not seen a finish line before. You just have to do all that is healthy and give it time counted in months. At 6 weeks, I still felt like I needed to go to the ER at some point virtually every day. Looking back, I really don't know how I got through those days and, yes, I thought I had caused major brain damage. I was in complete survival mode.

At 8 months with 2 months on AD's, I'm about as close to being fully recovered as you can get. In another few months, I will probably start drinking again occasionally. Not sure if I'll ever do coke again, which is my drug of choice, but we'll see. I'm certainly never touching MDMA again. You couldn't pay me enough money to do it!

Bottom line: The first 2-3 months are the hardest, but there is hope. Give it time!
 

me2point0

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2014
Messages
216
Well I still have some trembling in the abdomen, in the arms and shoulders. I was ok for 6 months but right when I start those meds again. My mood is good but this is happening to me. I dont even know what to do. Makes me think I damaged myself even more and more with this medication. I felt like a LTC hero a week ago. Now i'm here, with some nervous system glitch. First time in my life that my thoughts are turning grey.
 

Deltronpedro

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 14, 2014
Messages
203
Dude, although I appreciate it, you do not need to explain yourself to me.

The way I see it... I am not - nor ever was - any better than you (or anyone else for that matter) in any way, and I have no right to judge you (or anyone else) for your (or their) habits. And if it came across to you like I was doing that in my previous post, then I sincerely, sincerely apologize.

Regardless of whether they care or not, I still try to put forth a lot of effort into letting other people on here know that I always accept them the way they are, and not the way I want them to be. And I have no right to expect anything more than that. I'm just some random guy - nothing special to see here.

In other words, regardless of whether you care or not, I would never, never think less of you because you choose to continue to smoke, or use any mind altering substances for that matter. I know nicotine helps with stress, as I smoked for 17 years precisely because of that.

It was wrong of me to bring up the bit about my grandfather, and I'm sorry about that. It's just that he suffered a lot during his last couple of months alive. And as this is a harm reduction based forum, I was trying to make sure that you're aware of the risks involved with respect to smoking tobacco, but I think I went way too far (and it sounds like you know what you're doing).

Even though I witnessed my grandfather's final days alive, I still didn't understand then what it feels like to suffer long term from chronic pain, but I certainly do now. Ironically, it's been a humbling and character-building experience to suffer from constant/chronic and severe pain for ~6 years.

Whenever I used to see strangers in a lot of pain, it didn't phase me. But now, after years of chronic pain, I find myself overwhelmed with pity, sympathy, and empathy for anyone I happen to come across who is in pain for whatever reason. And I almost always try to help them if I can - even if it isn't legal. Sorry, but the DEA can kiss my ass. I sleep better at night knowing that I improved someone's quality of life but also broke the law because I gave them some weed for free to help with pain. Does that make any sense to you - my freedom because of a plant? These fucking bureaucrats and their political partners seriously need to go away.

Anyways, please continue to smoke if it brings you comfort - even if it's temporary (and don't feel guilty about it - life isn't worth living if it's all pain, misery, and suffering IMO). It's your body, your choice, and none of my damn business. And, I know you've got a lot on your plate right now. I totally understand friend.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck with your recovery, and if you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me. For what it's worth, I promise I'll never judge you, nor talk behind your back, nor think less of you, and will always accept you as you are.

Don't worry that's not a pick up line or anything (none of it is, I swear LOL) - I'm simply trying to help you get through this, if you wish.

Have a good one man, take care, I seriously gotta go eat something.
Hey ro,
and what i aprreciate the most is that you help those sufferes out there wich are in need.
BIG ups to you here.
Also i think your grandpas story is supposed to be here, you just wanted to help me with it!
Im very glad that you are still providing your help :)
Because of guys like you, people outthere gain hope(like me) and hope is one of the biggest things in recovery!
If i would met you someday i would stand you some drinks!

In the last days i feel like i will get out of this! And even if not i can handle living with the symptoms, if they are as calm as they were the last days. good feeling. Looking forward to the 6 month mark :)
 
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