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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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John-Anon

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2013
Messages
32
Thanks for the links. Beautiful music for sure! Music has always had powerful powers.

Einstein once said, “I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music… I get most joy in life out of music.”
 

jethro1000

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 13, 2013
Messages
47
How are you doing john anon are you 100% normal now? Im on my week 7 now.. and im still feeling anxious.
 

John-Anon

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2013
Messages
32
Today I'm closer to 100% then I've ever felt. I'm thinking hard to how I feel to measure up but it's hard to give a percentage because your emotions and mood always fluctuate. Last couple days I've gone from 95% to 98% and then today I feel pretty damn normal tbh.

I had 4g over 4 consecutive days and on 4 weeks of recovery now. So if I can heal fully, anyone can!
 

Kellerman

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 24, 2009
Messages
26
4g over 5 nights is pretty heavy. Mind you I think in some ways my abuse has been heavier. I have had countless nights of taking between 5 and 10 strong pills, and then a good few 10+
However, the real abuse was when I took 18.5 very strong pills, and another night when I took 3.3 grams of MDMA.
Plus the first time my anxiety and panic started, that very night I took 8 pills (because I hated the feeling so much and wanted to do anything to escape it).
On top of all this I have done stuff like overdosed mildly on amphetamine, and drunk to blackout hundreds of times.
I desperately want to believe I can recover, but I never improve and am now so scared that I have pushed it all too far and never can.
 

John-Anon

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2013
Messages
32
You would be amazed at the healing capabilities of the human body and mind.
I'm writing this at 11pm, and I can say safely say I am now absolutely at least 100% back to normal. I actually feel slightly better then normal, I'm hoping that it's because my brain has rewired in a more efficient way since the heavy dose! :)P)

When you say you want to recover, Kellerman, are you currently on your *long comedown*? When was your last dose and how much did you take? Or are you saying you think your too self-destructive to stop the abuse...

Either way, If I can recover to over 100% in only 4 weeks from 4g of MDMA on consecutive nights, there is no chance that full recovery is out of the question for anyone, in particularly someone like you who appears to have a strong resistance to drugs.
 

pmz

Bluelighter
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
548
anyone else have trouble reading? my head has a hard time absorbing what im reading
 

John-Anon

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2013
Messages
32
I think that's a problem with concentration, which is what can be affected after a MDMA dose goes south. I had that too. When I write my first post on here during my long comedown, I found it very hard to write and read too.

I know exactly what your talking about. It will go bro, just takes time.
 

ShytK

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 6, 2013
Messages
71
It's not a bad MDMA dose, it's just nervous sensitization (fatigue). Similar to post traumatic stress disorder. You have to ease your stress / worry / fear in order to improve this condition. This is something I just recently learned and have been getting much better since in just a matter of days. It's all in your head. Took me 3 months to realize this.

PS
For the head pressures it is just tightened muscles from your chronic stress. It's in the book I'm currently reading. Just apply warm cloth to your head and it should ease. Personally I never had the head pressure symptom as much as others so I never did this, but it sounds like it should work.
 

John-Anon

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2013
Messages
32
It's not a bad MDMA dose, it's just nervous sensitization (fatigue). Similar to post traumatic stress disorder. You have to ease your stress / worry / fear in order to improve this condition. This is something I just recently learned and have been getting much better since in just a matter of days. It's all in your head. Took me 3 months to realize this.

PS
For the head pressures it is just tightened muscles from your chronic stress. It's in the book I'm currently reading. Just apply warm cloth to your head and it should ease. Personally I never had the head pressure symptom as much as others so I never did this, but it sounds like it should work.

I agree with this 100%. You hit the nail on the head, here buddy.
 

herenow14

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 2, 2013
Messages
35
It's not a bad MDMA dose, it's just nervous sensitization (fatigue). Similar to post traumatic stress disorder. You have to ease your stress / worry / fear in order to improve this condition. This is something I just recently learned and have been getting much better since in just a matter of days. It's all in your head. Took me 3 months to realize this.

PS
For the head pressures it is just tightened muscles from your chronic stress. It's in the book I'm currently reading. Just apply warm cloth to your head and it should ease. Personally I never had the head pressure symptom as much as others so I never did this, but it sounds like it should work.

Shytk, what book are u currently reading? What lead you to this epiphany...?

I would love to believe that my long term comedown is "all in my head" as they say as opposed to an adverse drug reaction, but it is hard for me to wrap my head around this possibility. I too am at month three to the day. I've experienced drastic improvement but still feel like I have a ways to go. The most difficult part of the experience is the feeling of a lack of control. I feel powerless to the symptoms,, but I'm ready to take the drivers seat in this situation and start feeling some notable improvements!
 

Kellerman

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 24, 2009
Messages
26
You would be amazed at the healing capabilities of the human body and mind.
I'm writing this at 11pm, and I can say safely say I am now absolutely at least 100% back to normal. I actually feel slightly better then normal, I'm hoping that it's because my brain has rewired in a more efficient way since the heavy dose! :)P)

When you say you want to recover, Kellerman, are you currently on your *long comedown*? When was your last dose and how much did you take? Or are you saying you think your too self-destructive to stop the abuse...

Either way, If I can recover to over 100% in only 4 weeks from 4g of MDMA on consecutive nights, there is no chance that full recovery is out of the question for anyone, in particularly someone like you who appears to have a strong resistance to drugs.

Sadly it has been over 10 years since it all went downhill for me. I just want to add that this definitely doesn't mean it will take anyone else this long to recover. My case is definitely complicated by pre existing anxiety issues. In fact it could be MDMA is nothing to do with my problems, although I obsess over the fact it probably is.
No MDMA incident ever triggered my issues, but I was using heavily around that period.
I have powerful generalised anxiety which manifests as derealisation, depersonalisation, difficulty concentrating and many physical sensations. I have strong social anxiety and in general feel like I suffer inside my head constantly. Life is hard. Sometimes very very hard. I do have good periods though where I get by ok and feel happy-ish. I just never ever have a peaceful experience since the day it all started, and feel as though my mind is incredibly noisy.
I take your point that 4g in 4 days is a lot, but actually 3.3g in 1 night is far worse. I really worry I have pushed myself past the brink and I am suffering from a permanently burnt out serotonin system. Medical professionals believe I am ok and my anxiety is psychological.
From what I have read this does sound very possible, and I think the cast majority of people who have these problems from drugs simply 'trip' a switch and then sustain it by worrying. The original drug incident is fairly insignificant- it just triggered it like a very stressful situation could. It seems to be that people get the same problems as me sometimes from just 1 pill, so I really don't think (logically) that it is brain damage. Unfortunately, the illogical part of me does believe it and I am scared to death by the worry :(

Thanks for replying so quickly by the way.
 

John-Anon

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2013
Messages
32
I'm sorry to hear that bro. I can relate and understand your fear, because every time my brain pondered the thought of possible brain damage being done to my self, I would have a panic attack right there and then, and I have never experienced any anxiety before in my life. I'm usually a confident fuck :p.

Yeah 3.3g in one night definitely takes the record from me, but there is that guy that took 40k E pills over 9 years, 25 tablets a day, and his only remaining symptom is short term memory problem (which was probably a result of his lifestyle and other factors, possibly not the drug), he has no anxiety/depression/panic attacks/brain fog or any of that.

Perhaps seeing a therapist would help? A change of lifestyle? Anything other then fixating on something that doesn't hold water would definitely be healthy and helpful, but indeed easier said then done...
 

pmz

Bluelighter
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
548
Sadly it has been over 10 years since it all went downhill for me. I just want to add that this definitely doesn't mean it will take anyone else this long to recover. My case is definitely complicated by pre existing anxiety issues. In fact it could be MDMA is nothing to do with my problems, although I obsess over the fact it probably is.
No MDMA incident ever triggered my issues, but I was using heavily around that period.
I have powerful generalised anxiety which manifests as derealisation, depersonalisation, difficulty concentrating and many physical sensations. I have strong social anxiety and in general feel like I suffer inside my head constantly. Life is hard. Sometimes very very hard. I do have good periods though where I get by ok and feel happy-ish. I just never ever have a peaceful experience since the day it all started, and feel as though my mind is incredibly noisy.
I take your point that 4g in 4 days is a lot, but actually 3.3g in 1 night is far worse. I really worry I have pushed myself past the brink and I am suffering from a permanently burnt out serotonin system. Medical professionals believe I am ok and my anxiety is psychological.
From what I have read this does sound very possible, and I think the cast majority of people who have these problems from drugs simply 'trip' a switch and then sustain it by worrying. The original drug incident is fairly insignificant- it just triggered it like a very stressful situation could. It seems to be that people get the same problems as me sometimes from just 1 pill, so I really don't think (logically) that it is brain damage. Unfortunately, the illogical part of me does believe it and I am scared to death by the worry :(

Thanks for replying so quickly by the way.

dude? wow. Are you on any medications?
 

ShytK

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 6, 2013
Messages
71
How are you doing john anon are you 100% normal now? Im on my week 7 now.. and im still feeling anxious.

My anxiety was increasing. Then I learned to "float" the anxiety rather than "fight" the anxiety. Ever since I learned to play with the anxiety and not fight it, it has gone away and never came back since. It took me literally 1-2 days to do that and the anxiety hasn't came back since. Yesterday I got a ticket for speeding and I got nervous but the anxiety never kicked in. Once you know how to cope with anxiety I think it doesn't come back anymore.

If you hate anxiety or dread it in any way, it will just get worse.
 
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