MDMA RECOVERY GUIDE
I've decided to write a recovery guide after reading all stories from this forum, reddit, etc. I've been there, reading every time what to do, what to take, who to ask for help just to get better. I've been searching for the "magic pill" to be better, for a certain disease to be discovered from my blood tests, anything that could help, and the most important part: PROVE ME THAT I DON'T HAVE PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE.
I've been there, searching any symptoms that would appear, every article about MDMA inducing brain damage, worrying about the fact that I would not be back to "normal" again, back to myself before that day I took a pill just to have fun and enjoy the life for a few moments.
I know that you struggle so much but please, acknowledge RIGHT NOW that you will get better with time, and please take my advice and promise me this would be the last post you will ever read about MDMA and you'll not search for any symptom or something related.
My first thought was to create a 1-month journey to keep track of how I feel after trying what I will list down below but I know that maybe for some it will work faster, for some it will work slower, what is certain is that YOU need to take ACTION and do exactly what I say. Also, I think it's time for myself to stop reading and searching for anything related and I'll tell you why.
MY SYMPTOMS
MY STORY
I took one night a whole untested pill after drinking and smoking a lot. I almost went to an ER but I've tried to calm myself. I was in a bad situation for almost 48h and when I tried to sleep I had another episode and went to the ER. My blood test said that I have something in my body and it tries to fight with it ( I never said what I took ) and after many tests they let me go home. The first 2 days I've just dreamed, not eating or drinking almost anything. Then 2 weeks were like hell for me because the withdrawal was SO bad that I needed to lock myself up so I knew I would not get anything from anyone. For almost 1.5 months I was just depressed, emotionally numb but everything was fine, like I could sleep good and take care of my life ( at this point I thought that I just depleted my serotonin levels and they need to go back to normal ). One night I couldn't feel heat whatever I did (clothes, more blankets over me, electric heater, etc). My heart was racing so fast but I was calm and relaxed in some way so that was for sure not a pannick attack. Everything went fine after one hour and I felt all the heat in the room that I needed to open the windows because it was way too hot lol. From this day, my hell began.
My anxiety levels were so high that it caused GERD and I couldn't eat properly (nothing at all). I was feeling very weird, after some days I started to have some sleep problems ( I could get to the point to sleep but I couldn't wake up properly ). Very fatigue, I would just sit there for hours to wake up and do little to no work. Then it came to the point I would wake up and leave immediately from my house and just walk for long periods of time ( 4-5 hours, doing at least 12-15 km ). I was so dizzy, depressed and this is where a little depersonalization kicked in. This all started in December and in January (one month later) I went to do some general tests and all came back just fine. I was so obsessed to find something related to anything than my brain because I was afraid that I can't find a fast cure for my brain or even no cure because it's all permanent damaged. I was just thinking something like " Please, let's find I have some virus, disease, any problems with the organs, even something that needs a surgery!! Let's just find something and hope it's not related to my brain, to that pill. " It took me to the point that I would wish to have a surgery done and feel fine after that ( because maybe this is related with my stomach, liver, kidney, etc ) than find out I have absolutely nothing and I just need to keep suffering from those symptoms my entire life.
Then is when my depression kicked so hard that I could barely do something. Sleeping quality was the worst thing ever, I couldn't enjoy anything I would normally enjoy. Even if I was going for a walk or talking with a friend would mean absolutely zero to me. Nothing was helping to bring me just a little joy. All my future plans were ruined, I couldn't think where I would be in the next 5 years, I was just completely depressed and hopeless that I got suicidal thoughts. I never thought to do it, but it was in my mind. I just thought that there's no way to get back, to feel normal. My life is ruined, I can't change this as it's permanent. I can't enjoy simple things, not even being lazy and watching movies all day and sleep. The life quality was below zero and that ruined every day. I didn't know what I was waiting because day after day was exactly the same and maybe worse. But please, if you are reading this, JUST HOLD IT. It's a stupid thought and deep down in myself, I found the strength which all of us, these warrior who knows how it is to suffer from this (because I don't wish on my worst enemy to have one day like this and we have whole weeks, months or even years, so yeah, WE ARE WARRIORS) to hold back and keep trying to get BETTER. I couldn't think about anything, I had the worst brain fog ever and if back then I was thinking about what a wonderful life I would have in 5 years and what places I would visit, what foods I would eat, what movies and tv series I'm waiting to come out to watch, what girls I would spend time with and anything that would make me work for my dream, those didn't work because the depression was so hard I couldn't think on them and when I've remembered some of these thoughts..they meant nothing to me. But I was strong and I've tried every day to keep lying that I'm fine and happy and it's induced only by me and work with myself.
So for almost 1 month I thought I was on the recovery process finally because I could play games, watch movies, get out, listen to podcasts, read, etc. Not like before, very depressed but at least I was working with myself to DO something and I saw little improvements each day. But..I started slowly to feel imbalanced when I walk. I started to have a weird feeling, looking in front of my eyes and couldn't keep a fixed point and I would gone crazy. And one day I woke up so weak, I felt my hands so light and numb to a point I went again in the ER. All blood tests came fine and I couldn't understand why this is happening to me, because I've changed my mindset, I'm eating and everything it's okay with me, what could that substance possible do to me after so many months? I get I had all the symptoms listed after taking it and slowly being left only with a hard depression which I could try to fix it with some help. But now this? And I was at my worst. Insomnia kicked in (couldn't sleep for 2 days, and when I did..just for a few hours and very scary vivid dreams, weird and scary), the worst depression (suicidal thoughts again), the worst depersonalization ever (I had this before but it was something I could work with, now it was so awful to the point that it gave me another suicidal thoughts), anxiety (with GERD), extreme fatigue ( I couldn't do anything ), dizziness to the point I thought I would fall or pass out. It was the worst feeling ever, my worst period of time. If I could handle day by day 2 or 3 symptoms..now they were ALL together, creating new ones and stronger than before.
But that was the last month! That's why I want to tell you to KEEP FIGHTING because now I feel so much better and that's why I want to end this story in a positive way.
WHAT TO DO? WHEN I WILL GET RECOVERED?
The first thing to do is to acknowledge that you only have a depressive-anxiety disorder caused by a traumatic event (if you reacted badly) and the pill. THAT'S THE PROBLEM YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. That's the name for it. Now, please stop searching for anything else, stop searching for your symptoms. Anything you do is just to keep feeding your anxiety and depression more and more. I know how you feel, there's nothing worse than I felt and I can guarantee you that. You may have the same symptoms and same intensity, nothing higher than what I had.
It's time to stop worrying about yourself. If you want to do something in this way, just find the proper medical care. If you think it will comfort you, take any blood tests you need, brain scans, etc. It will only feed your anger that you don't find anything, lose your time and money, and feed your anxiety that if everything is fine, it MUST BE a permanent brain damage which is untreatable and unrecoverable (which is not true).
I was at my worst as I mentioned, but I took baby steps and I've started to feel better. My memory is improving, I can enjoy the life in some way, I can walk now, I can eat better, I'm not so emotionally numb like before. The sleep is so good lately and I stopped having vivid dreams! Those were all naturally (not taking any drugs). I've started recently to take an SSRI (anti-depressant like Cipralex) and I say that they make me sleepy, something like numb and I don't really care about my symptoms so much. They pretty much work but I don't plan to use them more than a month.
Now, what I exactly did and what I'm telling you to do after you've quit this crazy hunt for " omg, what do I have? is it permanent? how do I get better? " is this: WORK WITH YOURSELF TO IMPROVE.
Yeah, you heard it right. I know you're struggling there and you're like " but I'm already doing this! ", but in fact, even if you think you're fine, your brain is not. The brain is so stupid and not updated with these ages, because take this simple example: your brain releases the same amount of cortisol ( which gives you stress and can transform into anxiety and depression ) if you have a stupid deadline at work/college or if you are alone, at night in the jungle and you are seeing a lion next to you. So yeah, in fact, anytime you notice something is wrong with you, even if you are not really thinking there and don't care, your brain is full alert and it can intensify that thing. So, in conclusion, the best thing to do is WAIT! Time will heal you, but you can do some things to speed the process and get better for these reactions. Learn to control them and then be full recovered as you wish.
What I'm going to list is what I've seen in the successful recovery stories, what I've tried myself and what I've been reading and searching over and over again on the internet, articles, books, podcasts, etc.
HEALTHY LIFESTYLE
Cut anything bad from your life. Quit smoking anything, quit coffee, quit sodas, quit fast-food. Hope I don't need to mentions drugs, lol.
Do baby steps and try to eat more healthy. You don't need to start eating only vegetables and fruits daily on large amounts or start a body-builder meal plan. Just start little by little and change what you eat and when you eat! It's very important to have 3 meals a day and cut anything sugar-related.
Some people said that after they stopped masturbating they've seen some improvements in mood aswell. This was true even before you took anything, so yeah, it definitely helps.
Try to get quality sleep as much as you can. You need to sleep in average 8 hours to be fully functional, because the brain when you sleep can repair itself faster. That's why insomnia it's just holding us back. Try taking some sleep pills (valerian, melatonin, or something prescribed).
TRY TO ELIMINATE ALL THE STRESS FROM YOUR LIFE! By that I mean, start thinking what can stress you. Me personally from depression and because I couldn't really do anything beside staying in bed all time I moved out from town! I didn't took care of myself anymore, my entire apartment was a total mess, the space was so tiny, some things were broken and I couldn't really live anymore there. So I started to be stress-free when I moved out. Quit work if you think that is a stress! Your life is more important than a stupid job. Yeah, it brings money but maybe you can rely on some friends or family for some time. 1-2 months before you are better to handle stress again.
Start and think what causes stress in your life and CUT EVERYTHING.
Meditation (mindfulness) - at least 5/10 minutes a day. You can do it anywhere, there are many apps or tutorials on youtube. After you learn how to properly do a meditation, if you do it daily, you'll see with time the improvements.
Some examples:
Breath tutorials:
Supplements: Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Vitamine B Complex, Magnesium, NAC, Lion's Mane, OMEGA 3, Zync, Selenium, Citicoline, L-Tyrosine , L-Theanine
Brain games - they can improve your skills and cognitive functions a little bit and some can improve your decision making and make you a little bit smarter. I'll link down below some articles where you can take for yourself some hobbies, games and activities.
Physical exercise is a crucial part of staying healthy, but exercising your brain is just as essential to help keep your mind sharp and prevent memory loss. Here are some great brain exercises for memory improvement.
www.everydayhealth.com
Stay sharp as you age with these 10 mind-stimulation methods, from foods to fun to foreign languages.
www.aplaceformom.com
These games for brain injury patients offer fun ways to enhance your cognitive skills and speed up your recovery. Unlike normal cognitive exercises, brain games keep people more engaged, which means the skills you develop in the game are more likely to stick with you in other areas of your life...
www.flintrehab.com
Sudoku, crosswords, and brain games such as Wordle may improve cognitive functioning. Here are 10 fun games to improve memory, attention span, logic skills, and more.
www.verywellmind.com
Here is a list of the best brain training apps and games that will challenge your working memory and improve your mental fitness.
www.educationalappstore.com
COVID-19 stay at home neurological occupational therapy approved activities for brain injury survivors and their families.
www.krysalisconsultancy.co.uk
CARDIO - Have you heard about runner's high? It's a deeply relaxing state of euphoria, where your brain releases some chemicals and you feel pure joy and less anxiety. So yeah, better gen your jogging shoes and start running little by little. Or just start with some home exercises (plenty youtube videos and apps for your phone). When you feel ready, hit the gym!
Psychologist / Psychiatrist - They can actually help you understand that everything it's fine and make you feel better with their techniques and meds. Stop looking around for help, they are professionals who can actually help you.
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Let's sum it up. You don't have permanent brain damage and you'll never search for your symptoms again. You'll start with baby steps to be not normal and BETTER than before! Eliminate any stress you have, eat healthier, try to read and play some games to relax, socialize as much as you can, do things that can entertain you ( movies / tv-series / etc ), try some brain games, meditate, hit the gym and for sure try to seek for a psyc (professional help). As much for supplements, I've listed what I've seen people were taking. DO NOT TAKE THEM ALL. Personally, I've only with Magnesium and vitamin B Complex (it was also recommended by my psyc). Talk to a specialist what you can take. I see people saying 5-HTP also works, some say it doesn't. Some recommends CBD, some doesn't. Others says you should try NAC and Lion's Mane both in combination, other says they don't feel anything. Try to start with some multi-vitamins, B Complex and Magnesium. Nothing more, don't take 10-20 pills and every possible supplement because it can make it bad for your body than better. Also, don't rely too much on anti depressants, benzos, etc. Try to talk with your psyc about this. I only go with an anti depressant right now, I don't feel I need anything else because some meds can make you gain weight and some meds can give you a hard withdrawal.
I would have wanted to make this a 30-day journey just to keep you guys up with my progress and to see for myself how much I improve over time but I'll just try to start a journal, which I advise you as well (it can help with memory as well). What I know is that if I'm starting a journal, I would visit this forum every day and maybe I'll feed even you guys with anxiety that if I do X and Y it works for me, but for you, it doesn't or at least you don't see results as fast as me. That's why I didn't really said what I'm doing from all that list because YOU need to try everything and really try, not just give it a try and then quit. See what works for you and think what can! Buy some board games and play with your friends, listen to relaxing music, read books, start a new hobby, play chess on a daily basis, create a project by yourself and work on it!
Guys, believe me, you'll get better with time. You'll wake up one day 100% recovered and just laugh about this day. And yeah, I said laugh because myself I don't see this "LTC" a bad thing and actually a good thing because I've changed my lifestyle so much and not only I'm recovering but I'm also becoming a better version of myself and I don't think I would ever had the strength and the willpower to do this for myself.
TAKE CARE GUYS AND STAY STRONG! 
