Hey guys,
I think it's time for me to start sharing my story, it has been 3 months for me now. I don't do M very often at all, I'm 35M, I have done it in the past maybe like 10 times. But for the past 4 year I have only done it like 2 times.
In early December 2020, I took 1.5 pill of M (no idea how many grams), I took half and re-dosed every 2 hours twice. It was the strongest M I've done in my life, all my friends agreed, the night was super amazing. At about 5 am one of the friends had a seizure and we had to rushed her to the hospital, she woke up few hours after. I went home and sleep (11 hours deep sleep), nothing happened.
The next morning, everything were fine, woke up, ate, exercise, chilled. The nightmare started at night, I went to bed around 23.00 and I couldn't get myself to fall asleep, I ended up staying up all night just laying in bed until sunrise. Since then I have been going through a really bad comedown, with really bad insomnia for the first week. When the following week I had all the symptoms in the world, dizziness, vertigo, head pressure/tension ,headache, insomnia, upset stomach , hyperacusis, loss of appetite, lack of concentration, cold/sweaty feet and MOST of all anxiety (luckily no depression and dpdr). Everyday I have this thought of punishing myself for what has happened, I keep blaming myself from sunrise to sunset. None of my friends who rolled with me had any comedown, they just woke up and got back to their lives.
The first month I would get this strong dizziness + headache (lasted 1-3 hours) that made me unable to concentrate anything, I had to get away from the world and be with myself. My anxiety was at all time high, I symptom-checked myself every 10 minutes, I couldn't express my emotions, no sexual desire, I was very miserable and at one point even suicidal ! I lost like 5 kgs. I was one of the few people to get my hands on Playstation 5 and I wasn't excited at all! I was emotionless, I couldn't laugh or enjoy anything, every day I just wanna sit and do nothing. I wasted my spotify and netflix subscription for 2 months as I have no desire to listen/watch anything.
For a month, I roamed around reddit and bluelight, looking for the magic pill to heal myself as I strongly believed I had brain damage (I have DMed so many people looking for a cure). I went to the hospital and have my brain scanned, everything came out fine. I started taking all the supplements, like 5HTP with green tea extract, b complex, fish oil, NAC and multi-vitamins. (none of it seem to help, and i stopped taking it after a month). I had to take sleeping medication for sleep and still I cannot sleep well at all.
After the first month, I re-adjusted my life to fight it, I started eating healthier, exercise (30 minutes cardio everyday), meditate, stopped drinking (I still smoke 3-4 cigs a day) and tried to talk positive things to myself everyday. Nothing seemed to work for the whole month, no improvement whatsoever. I was very hopeless, I thought my life was over.
I started to noticed improvements after 2 months, somehow my anxiety disappeared overnight, or I was able to managed it or I learned to live with it. I don't know why, it could be that my serotonin slowly balanced itself out. Once the anxiety went away, things started to get better. The dizziness/vertigo/sweaty feet/upset stomach were gone. I stopped symptom-checking and slowly gain my emotions and appetite back. My sleep was slowly getting better, it was easier to fall asleep and i was able to sleep longer. I started to believe that I will heal.
Now, I am 3 months in, the head pressure and headache are still there but somehow I don't care about it, I don't feel it if I don't think about it. Some days it is worsen but some days it is lessen, I just ignore it. LOL I don't know maybe I am used to the pain now. But being able to not symptom-check it every 10 minutes is a huge weight off my shoulders. I am now able to enjoy life again. I know that I still have a long way to go, maybe months, and that it is still a roller coaster ride, only time will tell but I am mentally prepared (I would say I'm around 85-90% my old-self). I will keep up my healthy diet, exercise and live a normal life.
I know that a lot of people are going through a lot worse than me, and I'm really sorry for you guys, I understand the pain, I pray that you will heal very soon ! But for those who have just started going through a comedown, stop blaming yourself ! You gotta let go and relax (It is very hard I know), but you cannot let your anxiety get the better of you, forgive yourself, believe you will heal and trust the process. Stop reading online (VERY IMPORTANT), you won't find any the answer you look for, many stories are doomed with negativities, because I believe most people who healed from it don't return to tell their success stories, they just moved on with life! Time and fighting spirit will heal you, Like many have said the recovery will start once you can control your anxiety. You will become stronger and better person for it, I know that I have. Don't let this ruined your life/goals/relationships, I was lucky that my family and girlfriend understood and supported me.
My heart goes to everyone battling this ! Take care guys !