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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Hey guys I hope everyone is doing well.

Like everyone else I was in a bed space mentally,emotionally,physically and even spiritually when I came about this forum. I was in a disparate state and the thought of suicide was lingering in my mind.

A short recap for those that don't know ,On the 24,25,26th of December I did Xtc for 3 days in a row ,it was my first time and I didn't know any better about the effects of the drug and I suffered the consequences deeply for it in the coming days ,weeks and months.

I didn't feel like myself and I felt like I didn't like or even love anything at all I was scared I couldn't feel emotion towards anything even my family and loved ones, feeling emotionless is one of the scariest feelings I felt .

I thought my life was over , I mean what was the meaning of life if you didn't feel the pleasure and excitement of it? I asked myself this question every time I woke up and for every second of every hour of the day.

My life was over until I got onto this forum and community , I scoured through all the post and was finally brave enough to tell me story to like minded people, and the reception and advice I got will forever be bestowed in my heart , everyone here literally saved my life.

I stand before you a recovered man because of everyone's advice and comforting ,I want each individual that was there for me in my time of need to pat yourselves on the back ,be proud of yourselves and feel good about yourselves as in my books you did good by me.

And to those that are giving up on life thinking they did permanent damage and they can't recover I want you to get your chin and shoulders up and fight the good fight as there is light at the end of the tunnel.

And to you newbie on this forum searching and scouring for answers ,recovery is possible keep in mind that even the best doctors and shrinks don't know the full capability of the brain ,the brain will amaze you from what it can recover from ,hold on as a couple of months or even years from now recovery is possible.

The people of this forum are some of the strongest people everyone here has my utmost admiration fighting a mental fight with yourself is not easy . It takes a strong person to stand up to that.

I thought I should come back and tell my story in the hopes that someone out there will get some motivation and hope to not give up as its possible ,despite what the doctors and scientists say ,its possible.

Thank you.
 
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Hi everyone! This my first post

I took mdma 3 months ago, maybe it was 150mg pink versace very strong one.
And next day when i woke up i feel wierd its everything looks like strange. I had a huge panick attack at night and i fear af.
These are my symptom:
-dp/dr all day 24/7
-poor memory
-HPPD and i can't concentrate
-anxiety and depression
-anhedonia ,I can't feel pleasure
-brain fog ,I can't realize what I am see and I feel dumb
-I always tired
-suicide thoughts
I am trying eat healthy and do sport everyday but i feel like not alive.
I'm thinking about the past and i can't planing my life.
How much chance do i have full recovery, Do you have any advice?

Sorry for my english I from Hungary 20 years old male
Have a nice day everybody!
 
Hey guys,
I’m really struggling here everyday is a battle, the physical symptoms I have are overwhelming. I feel sick pretty much all the time and nauseous, just walking is getting harder and harder. My muscles are deteriorating. I also have burning headaches that come and go as well.

Going back to one of the old threads, there was a user called Ryan23. I’ve tried to get a hold of him but it looks like he’s gone off line a while ago and not come back on. Was hoping the blue light staff might know what happened to him? I have very similar symptoms to him and it looked like he went through hell.
 
Lookingforanswers25 said:
Hey guys,
I’m really struggling here everyday is a battle, the physical symptoms I have are overwhelming. I feel sick pretty much all the time and nauseous, just walking is getting harder and harder. My muscles are deteriorating. I also have burning headaches that come and go as well.

Going back to one of the old threads, there was a user called Ryan23. I’ve tried to get a hold of him but it looks like he’s gone off line a while ago and not come back on. Was hoping the blue light staff might know what happened to him? I have very similar symptoms to him and it looked like he went through hell.
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you might want to try effexor. and not just try an initial dose for a few days/weeks (you will feel weird and shitty at first), but a hefty dose for at least several months, minimum of 8 weeks on the highest dose. it helped a lot with my stomach issues, head pressure, and muscle twitching/fatigue/pain
 
anon1644 said:
you might want to try effexor. and not just try an initial dose for a few days/weeks (you will feel weird and shitty at first), but a hefty dose for at least several months, minimum of 8 weeks on the highest dose. it helped a lot with my stomach issues, head pressure, and muscle twitching/fatigue/pain
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I am on effexor too. This is my eight week. Started on 225mg for last week. What dose are you on? Experiencing any symptoms or fully recovered? How long have you been on it and when did you started to feel better and on which dose you felt the benefits?
 
anon1644 said:
you might want to try effexor. and not just try an initial dose for a few days/weeks (you will feel weird and shitty at first), but a hefty dose for at least several months, minimum of 8 weeks on the highest dose. it helped a lot with my stomach issues, head pressure, and muscle twitching/fatigue/pain
Click to expand...
wait: you found a medicament that improved your head pressure? what did your head pressure look like, was it a dumb pressure and on what part of your head did you feel it?
 
i started around 4th of july last year and increased 37.5mg at a time. i'm on 225mg now since around the end of February. idk what your symptoms looked like but i would have never ending cycles where i would feel okay for a few days and then the pressure and agitation and ringing in ears and muscle twitching would get way worse and kind of settle in for a week or so at a time before letting up some. i started to have good weeks and bad weeks once i started the medication, whereas before the medication it was mostly just bad 98% of the time. i still have bad days but they seem less intense as i've increased the medication, and the good days have gotten even better. it has also improved my stomach pain/bloating and sexual dysfunction, which were my other severe symptoms. i also still have some days where it's hard to focus my eyes and i have to just lie down and close my eyes for awhile.

i would say the head pressure felt like it was between my ears, just above/behind the roof of my mouth, in the base of my head extending down into my neck and abdomen. it feels kind of like an anvil, sometimes with some tingling/numbness as if you had gotten a numbing agent for dental work or something like that. the pressure moves around and changes, sometimes it feels like what some people describe on here as brain zaps, and rarely it turns into a pounding headache more like a traditional headache/migraine. sometimes it would feel more like straight up pain as in a build up of lactic acid in my neck, like a shin splint or something (best i can describe the sensation). i tried a bunch of different migraine meds but they didn't really help. effexor seems to have helped the most.
 
i also had difficulty urinating (even when i really had to go) and overall felt like blood was not circulating properly throughout my body and into my head. like there was some sort of pressure preventing normal blood flow. that has all improved, although i definitely don't feel 100% yet
 
I feel like this is hopeless.

Most of us are like 29 and talking about how we will never feel like we did at 26.

nobody ever feels like they did at 24-26. Its called the peak of youth for a reason.
 
lionheart90 said:
I feel like this is hopeless.

Most of us are like 29 and talking about how we will never feel like we did at 26.

nobody ever feels like they did at 24-26. Its called the peak of youth for a reason.
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You have a point however, it should be a slow decline not a sudden negative change thought to mood and thought process (Ie memory, executive function)
 
yeah my head pressure feels very blunt (is it the right english word?) when it gets worse. when it gets better it changes into tingling what means the pressure dissolves itself. is this tingling what the people understand as "brain zaps"? my tingling feels really electric.

and how did your erectile dysfunction feel? was it only your erection or also your intensity of feeling? (for me its both)
 
shouldvestayedhome said:
You have a point however, it should be a slow decline not a sudden negative change thought to mood and thought process (Ie memory, executive function)
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the decline is slow if it were only related to age. the LTC has a decline of its own, and is very sharp decline, but its not related to age or time.

Once we heal from the LTC, a lot of people think "well I've recovered, I should have everything I had before". However, a lot of time usually passed while dealing with the LTC (usually 1-3 years), and so this "return to normal" mentality is actually a hindrance. We'll never return to where we were before. And if you honestly sit down and think about it, we never are the same and can never return to the past. Time makes that impossible. So why would the LTC be any different? Why would we return to what we were once after so much time and troubles have passed?
 
HPPD is temporary or permanently? There are those who have fully recovered and what's the soliton?
 
Hey guys!

Ive been doing fine for over a month, but last night anxiety came back. I could not get any sleep. It is this kind of anxiety/panick that hits me without any reason and won’t let me go. Have you experienced something similar?

Maybe quarenteen has something to do with it, maybe it triggered it, Idk. But fuck, I hope I don’t have to go through this again. I’m really scared of going back to bed this night.
 
Skyland912 said:
HPPD is temporary or permanently? There are those who have fully recovered and what's the soliton?
Click to expand...

I had mild HPPD following my first summer of MDMA and mushroom use. I would see flashes of geometric shapes in neon colours show up in my field of vision at random, maybe a couple times a day. They'd present for maybe 3s. I also had a weird depth perception problem where trees seemed two dimensional. And the sky would flash periodically for maybe 10s.
Nothing too serious and in no way negatively impactful on my life.

It went away on its own after about 3 months of no drug use and didn't really return after subsequent use of the same drugs. I think it may have been a combination of factors: the novelty of MDMA and psilocin to my CNS and the amount I used in the time period I used. Which was, to be sure, too much and too often for the first three months of use. Something like MDMA 6 or 7 times in 3 months and mushrooms maybe 5 times in the same period.
 
Dcoqo said:
Hey guys!

Ive been doing fine for over a month, but last night anxiety came back. I could not get any sleep. It is this kind of anxiety/panick that hits me without any reason and won’t let me go. Have you experienced something similar?

Maybe quarenteen has something to do with it, maybe it triggered it, Idk. But fuck, I hope I don’t have to go through this again. I’m really scared of going back to bed this night.
Click to expand...
Why you don’t try an ssri or snri?
 
SunriseChampion said:
I had mild HPPD following my first summer of MDMA and mushroom use. I would see flashes of geometric shapes in neon colours show up in my field of vision at random, maybe a couple times a day. They'd present for maybe 3s. I also had a weird depth perception problem where trees seemed two dimensional. And the sky would flash periodically for maybe 10s.
Nothing too serious and in no way negatively impactful on my life.

It went away on its own after about 3 months of no drug use and didn't really return after subsequent use of the same drugs. I think it may have been a combination of factors: the novelty of MDMA and psilocin to my CNS and the amount I used in the time period I used. Which was, to be sure, too much and too often for the first three months of use. Something like MDMA 6 or 7 times in 3 months and mushrooms maybe 5 times in the same period.
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And did you have problem with concentration?
 
I have low concentration and l blurry vision then these symptoms is HPPD or not? And your all symptoms are cleared after 3 months?
 
I didn't have blurry vision at all, and I didn't have any symptoms that were permanently presenting.

I don't remember how long exactly it took because this was in 2004, but at longest, symptoms were presenting for about 3 months, yes.
The geometric shapes stopped entirely. The flashing sky and two dimensional trees were on and off for another year or two and I still get the extremely rare (like once every four years or so) flashing sky for a minute or so.

But the bulk of the issue.....where it was quite pronounced as to be weird and a bit disturbing (which I didn't find....I though it was fun, to be honest) resolved after about 3 months.

An inability to concentrate is most definitely not a symptom of HPPD. As for the blurry vision, I don't think that would be either. That sounds like regular vision problems or possible neurological damage. I would go see a doctor for that.
 
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