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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Effects of 1gram binge will hardly go away in a week. i understand everyone is a fragile snowflake here and needs a lot of nurturing, but the amount of copium and obvious levels of /seven stages of grief/ in some stories is indeed sad and shocking. Downplaying the situation or lying to yourself is never good. Lets get real here - the overdose, and resulting chemical poisoning, combined with overheating, has physically destroyed pathways in the brain, they will likelly rewire with time, but its not some make-believe anxiety monster that you can negotiate with or hide from. the brain has incredible repair mechanisms, but you need to help it as much as possible. Also, if you felt a hit, and its important to you, try to stay mentaly active as well, even though it might be difficult. Its like physical theraphy after other kinds of accidents. essential to recovery of lost function.
So you, yes, probably will be fine, i was in very similar situation. But it took time.
Also - very important - Stay away from loud music and protect your ears as much as possible during this period, if you want a chance of tinnitus (ringing) dissapearing.
Not really sure what to make of your single digit posts. You come off as a bit of a dumb dumb ;)
Many people here are in utter agony and your posts don't really have any value and I would say even reckless.

when after day 6 most of your symptoms are gone you dont have LTC (LONG term comedown). You`ll be completly normal very soon.
Yeah. Other than very mild ringing in my ears I've completely normalized. After I woke up from a nap that was 90 mins long, over 4-5 hours everything started to abate and my hunger came back.
I slept for around 8 hours later, not really sure what was going on in my brain over the last 3 days.
I consumed tons of antihistamines and even lorazipam and it didn't help previous 3-4 days but now I'm ok and can just fall asleep.

Why write things like this that are bound to give cause to unnecessary anxiety? This does not reflect my experience at all, I have had difficulties sleeping following every single instance of me consuming MDMA, and it's always gradually resolved over the course of about ten days.

@andman1326 I really wouldn't worry about it and would suggest staying away from threads such as this for some time. Being in a state of MDMA induced chemical imbalance and obsessing over having caused some sort of lasting damage is a recipe for disaster.
Noramlly I'm open to argument and ruthless criticism but I agree with you here. Many that are reading these threads/posts and in crazy agony; many for weeks or even months.

I consumed what was probably a little over 1 gram (1.1 maybe 1.2) of 90%+ purity I got off of a highly acclaimed vendor on the dark web (I'd used him previously for myself and other friends). Product was clean but like anything over a Saturday and Sunday evening I went crazy on the redosing. It's permanently scared me away from the drug.
I'm 6'2" 220 pounds, to give reference to how much of the drug would be in my brain/body. 600mg over 5 doses on Sat and 500mg or so in 4-5 doses on Sunday.

To everyone else reading this. Take heart and do whatever you can to maintain a state of sanity, exercise as much as you can as that flushes the brain and also significantly enhances repair. Most do reach normal again.
 
I've mostly normalized now. Ringing in my ear can come and go just a little, very mild. But I think that's going to normalize soon too. I think caffeine can aggravate it.

Anyway, I tasted utter hell for about 3-4 days and I seriously did have a few thoughts that I was going to have to take my own life, I had compromised myself permanently.
To help you guys understand I actually had my own mother come over to my house to lay in my bed and comfort me. She commented how I had twitching and tourettes. Phew, holy F&*%!!!!
Man. Some of the thoughts I had during my comedown...

Anyway, there are a lot of positive experiences on recovery. This is just one that stood out. From April of 2019 and then the last post below is from July of 2020. Take heart. Once recovered stay the F&*$ away! Make sure to post your experience though :) Good luck to all of you. Just a matter of time.
I never even abused this shit and it has permanently fucked me. Feeling absolutely lost and pretty much ready for death. I've always been extremely unlucky but this is the final nail in the coffin.

I have probably used it around 5/6 times since december 2017 with the shortest break between rolls being a month. Fairly certain I never went over 250 mg. Probably still "abuse" by some people's standards, but the vast majority of people get away with a lot worse. I feel like a completely downgraded version of myself and it's been coming up on 3 months since I last rolled. Been suffering from extreme DPDR and despair for a long time now. Yeah, I know it's my fault. My entire youth has been thrown away for nothing. I feel ancient, and non human. Like my very consciousness has been polluted. Worse than death. Strongly considering suicide.

It's not actually confirmed to be temporary though is it? Most studies seem to suggest permanent irreparable damage. It will force me to lose years from my life to just darkness and pain. Years of not being me. YEARS of not being able to experience any positive emotion. These are meant to be the best years of my life (I'm 20) and just like that my entire early 20's (and probably my ENTIRE 20's and beyond) have gone up in smoke from one mistake. I will best case scenario suffer permanent major cognitive damage and personality change.. What's the point in having a "warrior mindset" if there's nothing to fight for. And it's not just this, I have a shit load of other problems piled on top of that (literally too many to count) and I'm kind of done with it all. I may as well just stop existing if all that lies ahead is sluggish pain.

Hi guys. I posted here in April 2019 when my symptoms were at their worst and thought I'd better give you guys an update.

Long story short: you will get better.

I am, I would say, 99% recovered from LTC or whatever the fuck I was suffering from, and I say 99% instead of 100% because of the traumatic experience. If you see my older posts you can really see that I was panicking and suicidal. Every day for me for a long time was pure and utter hell, and I'm not exaggerating. I know what this fucking thing is like for a lot of you. It's not fair, and no one deserves to feel that way. I highly doubt that anything will ever make me feel worse for the rest of my life than what I felt during my LTC. And yes, I had every symptom apart from brain zaps so I'm pretty sure I experienced the same thing many of you did.

But, I am better. Or at least I am pretty much back to how I was before the LTC, except of course I have the experience of going through something completely terrifying under my belt. I actually didn't want to post here for a long time because it was just making feel bad and reminding me of an extremely dark time that I was trying to get past. I think that's the reason you barely ever see posts from people who have recovered from LTC, the vast majority of people who DO recover just want to move on with their life and won't bother giving an update. I was the same way until I remembered those few posts by people who had recovered that I read and how much they helped me soldier on and eventually beat it. So I've come back in the hopes of giving people a light at the end of the tunnel. You will be ok, just give it time, take the supplements that are recommended, live healthily and you will be ok.
 
Hey guys, little update

symptoms mostly have been the same untill today i decided to do 20 minutes of qigong, i looked up a guide on youtube, after doing qigong i did not notice immeadiate effect but after a while i went outside to the gym and noticed great improvement on my vision and clarity, and after my gym workout i felt really good and a little euphoric. ive been working out this whole time and never felt anything like today, i really feel like any type of yoga and qigong would help alot, meditation itself doesnt do much for me except clear my mind for a little while but nothing to my symptoms.
 
This will be my last post here but figured I'd give some perspective to other issues I had that parallel this.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

At the end of 2016 I kissed a girl that was a friend of mine and got what was some kind of herpes virus infection. It flared up constantly and I had migraines nonstop, my face was on fire, I was in hell; just because an innocent make out session.

Looking back at how wild she was, tindering from the midwest out to Florida. I saw pictures of her when she was 20, she was 23 now and she literally aged 10 years inside 3. I should have known what would have happened.

Anyway, I had a lot of the symptoms of ME/CFS, particularly when a big blood blister would flare inside my lip.

Planned parenthood serology turned up negative for HSV1/HSV2. Nobody would believed me and nobody would give me something as benign as valacyclovir (one of the most prescribed for herpes).
Nobody would give me anything and I was suffering more than not.

After searching I finally figured out I could get antivirals on a site like alldaychemist.
I tried Valacyclovir, Famiciclovir, Valganciclovir. All worked to varying degrees. Valacyclovir being the best.

Over time I was able to mostly normalize.

ME/CFS forums are very similar to the recovery on this forum, most people disappear and there is a stuck very small minority making all the noise. Keep that in mind.

The thing all of you on here have over the ME/CFS is the thing that caused the problem is out of your body! lol.

Essentially everyone reading this, as long as you find a way to strap in and ride it out, you'll make it. And when you get out you'll move on with your life.
 
Hi everybody
Who have/had vivid dreams more than 2 years ?
It faded with time ?
Theres is a supplements that eased it ?
Please help
 
Hey everybody. Just popping in to say I’m also going through LTC, however mine was not caused by MDMA, rather it was caused by “acid” blotter laced with some sort of stimulant (not pure LSD). I’ve had all the exact same symptoms as you guys, however.

I’m on month 5/6ish right now and I empathize with everyone here. What a nightmare this is. When i took the acid, i got 2 huge brain zaps which was immediately followed by the biggest and worst panic attack of my life. I would’ve called 911 if my friends weren’t with me, and I’ve had panic attacks before but this was awful. The first month is when i realized something was wrong. I couldn’t sleep because my body would jerk itself awake when i dozed off, then it would keep doing this for 3-4 hours every night... the anxiety was nonstop and could be about literally anything. The DP/DR was unreal and frightening at first.

month 2 was the nightmare month for me. I realized something was wrong and thought i got some permanent brain damage like most of you thought in the beginning as well. Panic attacks almost daily ensued. Peak anxiety levels. Poor sleep, i would wake up to a panic attack at night. My cortisol levels must have been through the roof. I found i could barely do anything but stay in bed all day. I ended up going to the ER after a panic attack that was so bad it actually gave me brain fog which made me think i was getting psychosis or something. It was scary.

month 3 was pretty much more of that, but to a lesser extent. Month 3 is when i accepted what i was going through and began my recovery. I started self-therapy and exercise, i started supplementation with NAC and vitamin B stress relief formulas, I started meditating, the whole 9. I started feeling better but i was still at my worst in terms of anxiety and panic. It was getting much easier to handle panic attacks at this point, and they got less severe.

month 4 is when i felt the most recovered, but i was still very much in it. Anxiety reduced a little but was still there. I was getting occasional DP/DR still but it wasn’t as frightening. I rarely got panic attacks, i think i only got 1 that whole month, and they were so much easier to confront and deal with. I was feeling on top of the world for a moment. That moment went away pretty quick though.

month 5 (current) is... different. My anxiety went away temporarily, but was replaced by depression. HARD depression. I literally felt the emotional numbness settle in one day as i was with my family. It was like a weird headache, then suddenly everything was numb. I dealt with suicidal thoughts for a day or two, but it wasn’t so bad. It was very hard during this time to genuinely feel anything. Luckily, it only lasted a week or two, and now the anxiety is back (also i got covid, hooray.). I can say however after my short depressive period, I’ve noticed now I’m much more bubbly and i can genuinely laugh again. Before, it felt like i couldn’t laugh unless i forced myself too. I felt like I also couldnt cry at all, not even a tear, but now I can cry again. It’s actually very relieving to have those emotions again.

Currently I’m dealing with insomnia. I can sleep 4-5 hours MAX, and then I can no longer sleep. If I force sleep or if Im exhausted and try to nap during the day, i’ll get brain zaps or my body jerks itself awake with a rush of anxiety. Its very weird that I’m getting these sleep issues this late in the LTC, but whatever. I’ve noticed that recovery from this nightmare is cyclical, rather than linear - this is that “2 steps forward, 1 step back” feeling some of you are getting. I’ll feel better about something, but then another issue comes back, albeit not nearly as bad as before. My anxiety came back and its a bit hard to manage alongside covid and insomnia, so this is a really rough period i’m currently in. I need support now more than ever and I cant even see anyone because Im quarantined. Just my luck.

anyway, I envy those who are now fully recovered... i understand they went thru all this and they worked hard to get to where they are now, but this REALLY sucks. I wish so bad i could go back and not take any drugs. Some lessons gotta be learned the hard way though, I guess. 6 more months to go and hopefully I’ll be next in queue for full recovery. Godspeed everyone.

quick question: how did you guys cope with the insomnia? Melatonin isn’t helping me anymore. My body absolutely fights sleep now, it’s the worst feeling ever. I would rather deal with the panic attacks again - at least during that period, i could sleep a full 8 hours.
 
Hey everybody. Just popping in to say I’m also going through LTC, however mine was not caused by MDMA, rather it was caused by “acid” blotter laced with some sort of stimulant (not pure LSD). I’ve had all the exact same symptoms as you guys, however.

I’m on month 5/6ish right now and I empathize with everyone here. What a nightmare this is. When i took the acid, i got 2 huge brain zaps which was immediately followed by the biggest and worst panic attack of my life. I would’ve called 911 if my friends weren’t with me, and I’ve had panic attacks before but this was awful. The first month is when i realized something was wrong. I couldn’t sleep because my body would jerk itself awake when i dozed off, then it would keep doing this for 3-4 hours every night... the anxiety was nonstop and could be about literally anything. The DP/DR was unreal and frightening at first.

month 2 was the nightmare month for me. I realized something was wrong and thought i got some permanent brain damage like most of you thought in the beginning as well. Panic attacks almost daily ensued. Peak anxiety levels. Poor sleep, i would wake up to a panic attack at night. My cortisol levels must have been through the roof. I found i could barely do anything but stay in bed all day. I ended up going to the ER after a panic attack that was so bad it actually gave me brain fog which made me think i was getting psychosis or something. It was scary.

month 3 was pretty much more of that, but to a lesser extent. Month 3 is when i accepted what i was going through and began my recovery. I started self-therapy and exercise, i started supplementation with NAC and vitamin B stress relief formulas, I started meditating, the whole 9. I started feeling better but i was still at my worst in terms of anxiety and panic. It was getting much easier to handle panic attacks at this point, and they got less severe.

month 4 is when i felt the most recovered, but i was still very much in it. Anxiety reduced a little but was still there. I was getting occasional DP/DR still but it wasn’t as frightening. I rarely got panic attacks, i think i only got 1 that whole month, and they were so much easier to confront and deal with. I was feeling on top of the world for a moment. That moment went away pretty quick though.

month 5 (current) is... different. My anxiety went away temporarily, but was replaced by depression. HARD depression. I literally felt the emotional numbness settle in one day as i was with my family. It was like a weird headache, then suddenly everything was numb. I dealt with suicidal thoughts for a day or two, but it wasn’t so bad. It was very hard during this time to genuinely feel anything. Luckily, it only lasted a week or two, and now the anxiety is back (also i got covid, hooray.). I can say however after my short depressive period, I’ve noticed now I’m much more bubbly and i can genuinely laugh again. Before, it felt like i couldn’t laugh unless i forced myself too. I felt like I also couldnt cry at all, not even a tear, but now I can cry again. It’s actually very relieving to have those emotions again.

Currently I’m dealing with insomnia. I can sleep 4-5 hours MAX, and then I can no longer sleep. If I force sleep or if Im exhausted and try to nap during the day, i’ll get brain zaps or my body jerks itself awake with a rush of anxiety. Its very weird that I’m getting these sleep issues this late in the LTC, but whatever. I’ve noticed that recovery from this nightmare is cyclical, rather than linear - this is that “2 steps forward, 1 step back” feeling some of you are getting. I’ll feel better about something, but then another issue comes back, albeit not nearly as bad as before. My anxiety came back and its a bit hard to manage alongside covid and insomnia, so this is a really rough period i’m currently in. I need support now more than ever and I cant even see anyone because Im quarantined. Just my luck.

anyway, I envy those who are now fully recovered... i understand they went thru all this and they worked hard to get to where they are now, but this REALLY sucks. I wish so bad i could go back and not take any drugs. Some lessons gotta be learned the hard way though, I guess. 6 more months to go and hopefully I’ll be next in queue for full recovery. Godspeed everyone.

quick question: how did you guys cope with the insomnia? Melatonin isn’t helping me anymore. My body absolutely fights sleep now, it’s the worst feeling ever. I would rather deal with the panic attacks again - at least during that period, i could sleep a full 8 hours.
i read ur post on reddit. im in the same boat. 6 months from mdma ltc for just one single use, im tapering my meds (seroquel) low dose, and im feeling a bit of depression right now, i hope its like u said "cyclical recovery"
 
Hi all I took about 400 mg mdma about 5 weeks ago and also did coke 2 days later.
About 5 days after the MDMA I woke up with severe anxiety and depression and thought about killing myself for about 7 days. Then the symptoms gradually got better and for the past 3 weeks ive felt good most of the days but still have a day or two where the depression and anxiety comes back .Do you think I can have a long term comedown or will these off days go away as most of the time I feel quite good!
I think if it lasts longer than a month it’s LTC. I’ve seen a lot of trip reports of people being anxious and depressed for a few weeks after a lot of drugs.
 
Hi all about 5 weeks ago I had a super severe comedown with suicidal depression and anxiety that lasted about 5 days. Then I slowly started to get better by less often mood swings and I was feeling good most of the days even though I had an off day once or twice a week. However yesterday night I drank quite a bit and I feel the initial comedown has came back( Severe anxiety and depression,no appetite,feeling sick and cant sleep). Is it possible that drinking reset all my progress and im back to the hell phase or is it just a one day thing as I barely slept and drank quite a bit! Also wondering if I classify into the LTC as ive been feeling much better after 3 weeks even though I still get slight anxiety and depression at times.
 
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Hi all about 5 weeks ago I had a super severe comedown with suicidal depression and anxiety that lasted about 5 days. Then I slowly started to get better by less often mood swings and I was feeling good most of the days even though I had an off day once or twice a week. However yesterday night I drank quite a bit and I feel the initial comedown has came back( Severe anxiety and depression,no appetite,feeling sick and cant sleep). Is it possible that drinking reset all my progress and im back to the hell phase or is it just a one day thing as I barely slept and drank quite a bit! Also wondering if I classify into the LTC as ive been feeling much better after 3 weeks even though I still get slight anxiety and depression at times.
Its not complete reset, drinking intensifies your symptoms for what it seems like 2-3 days MAX (atleast for me) but after that back to the point where i was
 
Its not complete reset, drinking intensifies your symptoms for what it seems like 2-3 days MAX (atleast for me) but after that back to the point where i was
Thank you but is it normal that the symtpoms are almost as back as the hell weak. I cant sleep nor eat and have severe depression im on 2nd day now after drinking hopefully its the last cause I was doing quite good ;//
Also took some kratom cause it got way too severe do you think this will mess with my recovery?
 
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Just found out that the MDMA that caused my LTC 3 years ago was laced with meth. I don't know if anyone else knows whether a stimulant contributed to their LTC but this an interesting development in my understanding of what happened to me. I only found out through a casual conversation with my friend (used to be my dealer), who mentioned that 3 years ago a guy he hated ended up in hospital with suicidal thoughts after taking the MD he sold him (I'd bought the same MD off of him in the same week, the very same MD that led to my LTC). Thoughts?
 
Just found out that the MDMA that caused my LTC 3 years ago was laced with meth. I don't know if anyone else knows whether a stimulant contributed to their LTC but this an interesting development in my understanding of what happened to me. I only found out through a casual conversation with my friend (used to be my dealer), who mentioned that 3 years ago a guy he hated ended up in hospital with suicidal thoughts after taking the MD he sold him (I'd bought the same MD off of him in the same week, the very same MD that led to my LTC). Thoughts?
Could be as the release of extra dopamine with MDMA is known to be more neurotoxic which could've definitely had a role
 
Hi everyone,

In 2013, at a festival, I took some MDMA that my friends and I had purchased (we tested it but I cannot be certain of the purity or of the quantity that I had taken- it did not seem like a lot at the time). I’m a girl and, at the time, I probably weighed around 45kg (and I was also nursing a hangover; yous probably know why this is relevant- electrolyte imbalance etc). After about an hour, I slipped into a coma.

Luckily, my friends got me prompt medical attention and mechanical ventilation saved me. I was moved to a high dependency renal ward as my muscles started breaking down and my organs started shutting down. I was in a coma for 5 days.

This was 8 years ago. Since then, I have graduated from university with a first class degree. I have a really good job. I’m married and have four children. I’ve not thought about this event in years until now; I feel like lockdown makes you think about the past more.

For a year, following the event, I had to attend regular check-ups. All my brain and heart scans were ok, and whilst some of my other organs and muscles were damaged, this was not irreversible. I fully recovered after about a year. I had to participate in quite extensive physiotherapy.

It is horrible to read that so many of you are suffering due to this drug and it’s completely heart breaking to read that some people have even killed themselves over it. If you were still conscious 48- 72 hours after taking MDMA and have no acute physical symptoms, then you probably are recovered. You need to move on.

If you are having physical symptoms go to a dr and get it checked out. It could be something simple, e.g. like a temporary AKI throwing off your bloods- just get it checked, get it treated and move on. Eat well and exercise. Please don’t sit around worrying about something when 99% of the time there is something that can be done to fix it.

If you are having mental health issues then find a psychiatrist and listen to their advice. It’s widely known that drugs (especially stimulants) can cause people to have mental health issues brought on by chemical imbalances, but usually this is not permanent. Some people can take stimulants and have barely any effects, some people die, and some people lose their minds- it’s how it’s always been. This is what makes ecstasy so dangerous- there is absolutely no way of knowing for sure how it’s going to play out for you.

Please listen to actual medical advice rather than some “psychonaut” (self-proclaimed drug expert) who knows shit about shit. These people really annoy me- it’s one thing to be a druggie in your own right and another to encourage others to take drugs and that it will be safe if they do x y and z- convincing them that they are ‘curing’ themselves. Just my opinion, but as myself and most of yous have probably realised- the drugs don’t work! and there will always be risks.

What’s happened has happened. You can’t turn back the clock. Let your experiences make you smarter and draw strength from your pain. Many young people have died from ecstasy, so remember that you are lucky. You need to move on. You need to let MDMA fade into the background of your memory. Some of yous have spent years just stuck in a depressive loop of thinking about this drug and how it’s ruined your life- of course you will feel terrible.

You need to stop! You need to break free. Make a point of saying “ok, I’ve had all the tests, I’m ok, I will die one day, but it’s not going to be MDMA that kills me, I’m going to live the best live I can!” Avoid the things that worry you. Ignore the studies- the evidence we have on MDMA is inconclusive- it affects people so differently that we cannot draw any concrete conclusions about this drug.

Try and draw a line and say “anything that happens in my life now is not because of MDMA”. Make MDMA irrelevant. Make new memories. Regain your sense of self- do a personal Q&A, ride your bike and just be happy that your legs work. Life is precious and extremely rare- you are about a one in 400 trillion shot. Don’t waste your life obsessing over this drug. Stop ruminating and fretting over brain chemicals. Make it out the other side.

Yous are beautiful and yous will make it through this and be stronger and smarter. I have a happy life and I go out with my friends and I have fun. My life is 100 times better now than what it was when I was 17.
 
Hey guys
Long time since I’ve logged in. I always felt determined to come back and give hope to those suffering. You will get better. Don’t dwell on your situation, stay positive and find hobbies to occupy your time. I feel as if LTC had reset my mental and emotional capacity. That is, my ability to handle stressful/emotional situations. I lost all confidence and stability during LTC. I felt like I had the emotional intelligence of a 10 year old child. It made my anxiety worse short term, but mindfulness practice has helped a lot. I feel back to 100% normal.
Exercise, eat as healthy as possible, stay away from drugs of any kind until you begin to feel slightly normal. Time is the best healer here, you might be upset that it could take some time but you’ll be a better person for it in the long run.
What helped me tons was picking up old hobbies to occupy my mind and keep me busy. I recommend you do the same.
Praying for everyone to recover!
 
Hi guys!

Anybody has strong tunnel vision or vision when you are drunk or high? If you have you, feel something improvement about it?
My LTC started at 2020.01. so i have more than a year but my HPPD or idk what is it didn't change since.
 
Feeling reatarted from mdma abuse for one year , ofcourse i used coke , concerta and i think i fryed my brains , because im 28 , but i'm so reatrted or acting as child and feeling crazy , it is permenement ?
 
Feeling reatarted from mdma abuse for one year , ofcourse i used coke , concerta and i think i fryed my brains , because im 28 , but i'm so reatrted or acting as child and feeling crazy , it is permenement ?
Its not permanent but it will take time
 
Feeling reatarted from mdma abuse for one year , ofcourse i used coke , concerta and i think i fryed my brains , because im 28 , but i'm so reatrted or acting as child and feeling crazy , it is permenement ?
What are your symptoms exactly
 
Here's your cautionary tale. Year 6 of LTC, all symptoms persist. Haven't rolled once during this time. Brain fog, tinnitus, tension headaches, muscle twitches, visual snow, light sensitivity and constant anxiety. Not adding depression and suicidal ideation to the list of symptoms. because at this point they are justified. Decided to go out with a huge rail of fentanyl. You guys seem to be able to summon up willpower to make the necessary changes to your life. Apparently even years in mental hell are not motivating enough for someone as useless as me, so you won't be seeing me around anymore. Made this post to let you know that time alone doesn't heal.
 
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