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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Dcoqo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
32
It's either directly or indirectly related. Directly in sense of still induced physiology changes. Or indirectly due to the excess worry LTC was causing me. Also it's purely body anxiety, not mental. I'm calm and in total control, waiting to be over, but my body is like "OMG we are bombed, oh no there's dinosaurs too, watch out from the lavaaaghggg!" You get the picture...

I also get anxiety like this.

I’ve had anxiety before, but it was when I was worried over something. Being sick, taking an exam, work... maybe the cause was irrational, but there was a cause, and I could always think about it and calm myself.

But now it is like just the feeling of anxiety, but without being worried about something. As you said, my mind is calmed, but I still get this awful anxious feeling.
 

Matt5280

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 19, 2019
Messages
2
Hey guys I've been going through my LTC since June 8th so I will be at 6 months in a couple weeks. I can tell that I have improved a lot so far; the anxiety is starting to go back down to more normal levels and I can tell that my cognition is starting to slowly improve. Also my depression has gotten a lot better and is only mild now. A few things are still getting to me though. Ever since my last encounter with mdma on June 8th I've had pretty bad gastrointestinal problems (still almost zero appetite and also general IBS type symptoms which is very uncommon for me) another weird thing is that my hair is still shedding 10x quicker than what it usually does. I've looked into the hair shedding and it seems to be drug induced telogen effluvium from either the mdma itself or all of the stress. I've been having all of the typical symptoms of low serotonin and my best guess is that its due to altered serotonin functioning. I think the only thing that got me through those first few months was taking 200mg of 5htp every day and doing meditation daily. The 5htp seemed to help lessen the frequency and the intensity of my panic attacks although it doesn’t seem to work for everyone with a LTC. I also can't decide on if it would be a good idea for me to try a low dose antidepressant because it could help with my IBS and also likely get rid of my remaining symptoms. I have a psychiatrist appointment in a few days so do you guys think I should even try medication or should I just wait it out? Have you or anyone else you’ve read about had gastrointestinal problems and hair loss that have been cured with the natural approach? All answers greatly appreciated!!
 

Elleker

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 16, 2018
Messages
11
G’day all, had a few scrolls through this forum on occasion over the last ~2 years, but first time posting. I’ve had my ltc since January 2017, after a roughly 250mg dose, and it’s been a roller coaster ever since which seems to be the common theme here. Definitely much improved since the first year, where the cognitive impairments, anxiety, anhedonia etc were truly unbareable, but I still feel I have a ways to go. Mostly it’s the anxiety and anhedonia that bother me the most these days, and they seem to be better some days than others. I am firmly of the belief that anxiety can be cured through cognitive practices (ie meditation, neuro feedback etc), and I plan to keep at that indefinitely. I am less sure about the anhedonia, but I’ve got a suspicion that the anxiety causes the anhedonia and I’m hoping that will heal itself once I get on top of the anxiety. Does anyone have anyone agree with this or have anecdotal evidence/success stories? Or even better does anyone have ideas for curing the anhedonia. Out of everything that is the thing I’d like cured the most I reckon.

Also I just wanted to ask, does anyone have contacts with a university to show them this thread? I’m sure a PhD or PostDoc Neuroscience/Psychology student looking for their next big research topic would love to look into this. It seems absurd that there’s so many people on here struggling, and with so many common symptoms, and science is pretty much oblivious to it. Wouldn’t it be great to know that there was some actual research going on for this and that one day we might have an actual supplement/medication/protocol to follow?
 

Elleker

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 16, 2018
Messages
11
Oh and Matt5280, I do have gastrointestinal issues also which I haven’t been able to get on top of yet. On the hair loss front, I was experiencing that before the ltc but funnily enough it didn’t bother me. It was only after the ltc that the extreme anxiety in the beginning caused me to stress out about it. I did some googling and came across a website that reckon scalp massages were the only effective way to regrow hair. I was super sceptical but the articles were very well written and scientific and he wasn’t selling any products apart from an Ebook, so I decided to give the massages a shot every second day. Might have been coincidence but I literally have a full head of hair now, take that however you like but I thought I’d be remiss not to mention it, as I know how a little thing such as hair loss can be blown out of proportion by the anxiety of ltc. Anyway if you’re interested the website was started by a guy name Rob English, just google his name and ‘scalp massages’ and you should find him.
Whatever you do don’t take finasteride, that shit seems to have screwed up even more people up than ltc.
 

AutoTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 28, 2019
Messages
844
How long will it take for this to be over?
I just have to pick up on this, because it strikes me how often I see this exact phrase virtually or basic expression and ultimately fear.

This is a very good example of how we can be potentially setting ourselves up for ongoing cyclical vicious circles of anxiety and conditioned belief and fear.

Basically entering into a phase of life with a mindset of uncertainty and hopelessness and despair and feeling that all may be deemed no matter what and feeling powerless and out of control.

This may be a part of the problem.
 

AutoTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 28, 2019
Messages
844
I would always see black specs in my peripheral like on the walls in my room. Sometimes i think id see flies, also some halos or flashes of light. This took about 6 months for me to stop caring so much about and now its barely existent. I really think a lot of it is anxiety and you putting these thoughts into your head often. The less i though about it, and less i cared about the less i noticed until its almost fully gone away for me now. Im 11 months in!
I developed a form of HPPD in 1996, aged 16 from impure MDMA pills and lsd microdots combined one weekend.

Similar to what you describe, black dots, squiggles, at its worst bright, luminous seemingly alive sparks of light and colour. With little "scratches", halos etc. It's all a bit like the surface of a pond where you can see movement and ripples on top but you still see through.

Except the annoying thing is that it has always been slightly off Centre so that I can only sort of look at it out the corner of my eye and if I try to focus on it obviously it moves ahead of me to the side.

I don't ever really notice it unless I'm outdoors and the sun is out which both makes it more perceptible but also tends to enhance it which I'm sure is to do with serotonin.

It's not something which I ever really expected to fully heal or be repaired I just accept it for its permanency and never stressed about it.

So it seems interesting to me that some people might look at the symptom like this with worry and fear and think when will this get better will it ever get better I hope it will it's really bad and so on.

Don't take me wrong I don't mean to be unsympathetic but I hope that you can see where I'm coming from.
 

G_Chem

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2015
Messages
1,437
Oh and Matt5280, I do have gastrointestinal issues also which I haven’t been able to get on top of yet. On the hair loss front, I was experiencing that before the ltc but funnily enough it didn’t bother me. It was only after the ltc that the extreme anxiety in the beginning caused me to stress out about it. I did some googling and came across a website that reckon scalp massages were the only effective way to regrow hair. I was super sceptical but the articles were very well written and scientific and he wasn’t selling any products apart from an Ebook, so I decided to give the massages a shot every second day. Might have been coincidence but I literally have a full head of hair now, take that however you like but I thought I’d be remiss not to mention it, as I know how a little thing such as hair loss can be blown out of proportion by the anxiety of ltc. Anyway if you’re interested the website was started by a guy name Rob English, just google his name and ‘scalp massages’ and you should find him.
Whatever you do don’t take finasteride, that shit seems to have screwed up even more people up than ltc.
I do this a lot, usually in the shower with the hot water beating down on my head. Literally every male in my family is bald or balding, my little brothers are balding. I’m the only one with a decent head of hair, tiny bit of hair loss on the front but still doing pretty damn good compared to most my age.

It’s my belief blood flow has a lot to do with hair loss, which can be exacerbated by poor diet and other things like stimulants which vasoconstriction.

Simple as a few minute head massage every day, bend over to increase blood flow while you do it.

-GC
 

rinzzlerr

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 19, 2019
Messages
58
@manimessedup

This is some tough love man but you need to knuckle up and stick through it. It will pass. Your anxiety is like a virus latching on to anything that doesn't seem normal to you. I went through the same thing. I had a period of time where my head would get really hot like a fever and I would start sweating from my head only. This was also during summer when it was 105 degrees Fahrenheit so it didn't help. After that went away I noticed my head would pulsate very hard during exercise and when I would get social anxiety. It still does it from time to time. My theory is that the vasoconstriction from the MDMA may have caused some damage. But like anything else with abstinence and healthy living your body will work itself out.

EDIT: Caffeine causes vasoconstriction in your head. Maybe I should cut back on my 500mg of caffeine everyday. 😂 Sad part is I love coffee, but gotta do what you gotta do.

There is one thing actually, a secret cure that no one knows about. EXERCISE. I'm being sarcastic obviously but everyone here has recommended exercise, at least some type of exercise everyday consistently. You have to stay consistent with it and try to live your life as healthy as possible brother. There is no other cure. The sooner you start doing those things and forgetting about the symptoms they will either 1) no longer bother you and go away, or 2) go away.

Don't let this get to you man. Push through it and you will be better for it.
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
304
I'm doubtful about the vasoconstriction, LSD in the past has gave me extreme vasoconstriction to the point I can't expand my limbs. But nothing happen after that
 

Dcoqo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
32
My anxiety has gotten worse. It is really hard for me to sleep some nights. The weird thing is that I’m not anxious over something, I just get this anxiety feeling on my chest, but it is not triggered by my thoughts. It almost seems like something physical and not psichologycal.

Have any of you been through this?
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
304
My anxiety has gotten worse. It is really hard for me to sleep some nights. The weird thing is that I’m not anxious over something, I just get this anxiety feeling on my chest, but it is not triggered by my thoughts. It almost seems like something physical and not psichologycal.

Have any of you been through this?
Can try propranolol, (try 10mg first, could jump up to 40, but advice yourself with cardiologist before) propranolol is beta-blocker and is nullifying the effects of adrenaline. Worked like a charm for me.

Before trying propranolol, give magnesium citrate a chance. Relaxes your muscles, helps you sleep deeper.
 

tr1ppymane

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 23, 2019
Messages
9
Hi,
So I am a 19 year old who started using MDMA last year.
I used to be so cautious about using drugs safely but it seems recently I have just lost all willpower and want to roll at every concert or festival I go to. Yesterday, I threw away all of my MDMA (3 grams) and decided to quit raving. I’ve also made appointment to start myself in therapy.
I’ve justified my rolls by saying “oh it’ll be ok if I go overboard just one last time.” But then one last time became several more times.

All of my rolls:
May 2018 - 500mg over 2 days
August 2018 - 900mg in 1 day
February 2019 - 450mg in 1 day
March 2019 - 250mg in 1 day
June 2019 - 650mg in 1 day
August 2019 - very weak pills (likely not even MDMA so I don’t really count as roll)
September 2019 - 800mg over 2 days
November 2nd - 350mg
November 9th - 630mg
November 16th - 320mg

I know that my usage has been completely unacceptable and very destructive, but is it too late for me to make a recovery? I am not buying more MDMA and will not do it again for a very, very long time — if at all. I’ve never experienced any magic loss. Every roll is basically as good as the previous - if not better. Is this indicative that my brain is in decent condition since it’s producing enough serotonin to make good rolls possible? I also usually don’t have very bad crashes (except for when I’ve gone over 500mg). After rolling these last 3 weekends consecutively (each Saturday), I really am not feeling very good at all. It’s been 6 days since my last dose and I’m starting to feel a little better. Ive been going through a lot (breakup, college stress, family issues) so I’m not really sure if I can blame MDMA for my depression. Do you guys think I can be happy again? Is my brain permanently damaged? I keep telling myself I will be ok and that my use isn’t THAT terrible compared to many people, but I’m not sure whether that is delusional or not. I just can’t believe I’ve done this to myself and want to be normal again
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
304
Consider yourself lucky. Hope you have the strength to stop. The anologies of "many people got away with more" isn't working at all. Some people here got messed up from as little as 150mg once! Really the 3-4 hours if feeling good isn't worth it for the 3-4 years if feeling like shit. You've mentioned you have stressful lifestyle, that's another possible factor to unlock severe anxiety disorder to fight for life. You need your brain chemicals in check and balanced to face your everyday challenges. The few hours of MDMA won't do anything for this.
 

sassyfrass

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 21, 2019
Messages
42
who can suggest mushrooms as a benign alternative tomdma in these conditions?
we often miss the feeling it gives us but cant risk further damage.

could they even help our situations?
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
304
Psychedelics won't feel as MDMA, they're more like neutral experience that can go to extremes, both negative and positives. Psychedelics could have therapeutic effect if used in controlled environment and small to moderate dose. They can be also completely useless or even worse, screw you up further. If you're inexperienced I wouldn't recommend them. You need reality grounding while in LTC, not the opposite.
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
304
I've been exercising, eating healthy and trying go to sleep early, but always end up waking up too early and not going back to sleep.

What have you guys done to sleep better? Any suggestions?

Whenever I also sleep on my back I notice that my throat is dry and I have some chest pain. I'm scared this may be sleep apnea, anyone get this? Im not sure if I should go back to the doctor for every new symptom.
There's apps on your phone which can record you when you make sounds while sleeping. So it's a nice hit if you have sleep apnea. Also try to sleep on your side or chest. About deeper sleep, magnesium, b6 and melatonin.
 

psy997

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 9, 2012
Messages
2,422
Location
noitacoL
Sleep hacks:
  • Block blue light after the sun is down with red tinted blue blockers
  • Keep core temperature as low as possible - hacks for this include wearing socks, buying a chilipad, and cold showers/baths before bed (not good if you're not used to it as it's activates sympathetic nervous system)
  • Hydrogen water before bed - the tablets that go into water produce higher concentrations than the machines
  • At least 3 minutes of unmediated sunlight in your eyes 2-4hrs after the sun is up - UV light in your eyes is needed for Melatonin production
  • Watch the sunset
  • Eat more DHA - from fish is better than from fish oil
There's a ton of ways to improve sleep, these are just a few
 

anon1644

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 14, 2017
Messages
21
Thanks @ZeroLuck @psy997

On another note, the only symptom that is really effecting me is the brain fog which has made it difficult to concentrate. It seems to be coming from the back right of my head, a location where if I move my head a certain way, it seems as if I can feel and hear the muscles moving.

After reading the symptoms of an inflamed brain online, I feel like my brain must be inflamed / swollen. During my second week of LTC I even went to the ER where they gave me an anti-inflammatory and noticed that the brain fog was actually gone the next day that I took it, but eventually came back. My theory is that when I was on rolling I could've been dehydrated because of all my physical activity and lack of water during the rave, leading to low levels of oxygen to the brain and possibly an inflamed/swollen brain.

I'll now be taking measures that I've read to reduce brain inflammation, such as taking Curcumin. Has anyone gotten this type of brain fog, what were your experiences and how did you handle it? I'm contemplating bringing this up to a doctor, but they never seem to be of any help.
it's your serotonin system being out of whack. tension headache, migraine, brain zap, inflammation - no one knows exactly what it is for sure, but the head sensations are probably related to serotonin in my opinion. effexor has helped me with these symptoms, but i also wondered what effect a steroid might have. it feels like all of my veins are inflamed, plus ringing in my head/ears, is the best way i can explain it. none of the other anti-inflammatory/NSAID type pain medications worked, and neither did those new CGRP once a month injections (ajovy, emgality, etc., for migraine). SSRI/SNRI get a bad rep from some people on this board, but they have helped many people from this board with similar symptoms. it's an option if you are struggling and not finding relief from any other methods.
 

Macenroe

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 6, 2013
Messages
69
it's your serotonin system being out of whack. tension headache, migraine, brain zap, inflammation - no one knows exactly what it is for sure, but the head sensations are probably related to serotonin in my opinion. effexor has helped me with these symptoms, but i also wondered what effect a steroid might have. it feels like all of my veins are inflamed, plus ringing in my head/ears, is the best way i can explain it. none of the other anti-inflammatory/NSAID type pain medications worked, and neither did those new CGRP once a month injections (ajovy, emgality, etc., for migraine). SSRI/SNRI get a bad rep from some people on this board, but they have helped many people from this board with similar symptoms. it's an option if you are struggling and not finding relief from any other methods.
Are you symptoms free thanks to Effexor. I am considering giving it a go. How long have you been on it and how long it took to show results? Did you had anxiety? Are you fully recovered thanks to Effexor?
 

psy997

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 9, 2012
Messages
2,422
Location
noitacoL
I'll now be taking measures that I've read to reduce brain inflammation, such as taking Curcumin
Find Mexidol/Emoxypine. It's an anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory specifically for the brain. A friend of mine with a bad TBI recovered largely due to it. I think you may be able to find some of the Russian pharmaceutical tablets on Amazon, otherwise two common Russian pharma/nootropic resellers have it.
 
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