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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

rinzzlerr

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 19, 2019
Messages
53
Hey man, congratulations!!! Can you share the list of yours symptoms?
Yeah of course.

It all started with a 3 day binge on about 1 gram. The first month was the worst of it, I had heavy depersonalization/derealization for about 3 weeks. It would come and go, but I would feel like reality wasn't quite complete, like something was missing, almost like I was in a different dimension or timeline. Thinking about it gives me anxiety lol. Along with that I had bad insomnia, couldn't stay asleep for more than four hours, really strong headaches and head tension, my short term memory was complete dog shit, anxiety was the highest it's ever been in my life, brain fog, and in the stage between falling asleep and being awake, I could hear myself think and I thought I was going legitimately crazy. The first thing to go was the DP. The DP returned for about 4 hours one day in July, it sucked but it hasn't returned since. The second was the insomnia, but only slightly, (it went back to normal around September). The third to go was the brain fog, but around this time (July) I had floaters appear in my eyes and lights at night began to look weird, like starbursts. The third to go was the memory, I was able to recall more and more, however, the first month and a half I can not really tell you where I was or who I was with, it's a blur. The last one is the head tension. That lasted the longest, even now if I get very stressed out my head gets a little weird feeling, but it doesn't bother, I know it'll go away with time.

TLDR

Symptoms:
- DP/DR
- Insomnia
- Headache/Head Tension
- Poor Short Term Memory
- Anxiety/Depression
- Vision Issues
- Brain Fog
- Thinking I unlocked a mental health disorder and was crazy

Like I said everything is pretty much gone 100% and it's been about 5.5 months. I still see starbursts at night, and when I get stressed my head starts to get that tension feeling. I've basically ignored those things and decided to enjoy life. There's no point in focusing on them. They will eventually go away, and I won't really notice when they do so I'm not worried about it. Exercise does help but I've been catching up on sleep, unhealthy foods, and alcohol 😂 All jokes aside everything is turning out for the better, I'm super grateful for all the tips and support I received on this forum. No one else really knows what we go through, my family and friends thought it was all in my head and told me to"drop it". Only we know how truly hellish this experience can be.
 

psy997

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 9, 2012
Messages
2,390
Location
noitacoL
I have to disagree with you and im not sure thats completely accurate, im going to listen to what my doctor says because he has truely helped dig me out of rut that i would still be suffering horribly with without him. At the dosage im on and the progress ive made now is not the time to wean off, i got a little ways to go. I will cross that battle when i need to. I take as needed, im not reliant on it. Xanax has changed my life for the better and i have a visible ending to all of this.
Doctors don't know shit about dependency to scheduled substances. Why do you think so much dependency occurs from as prescribed on-label use? If you're using xanax every day, you're going to be dependent on it.
 

kt86

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 10, 2019
Messages
7
/ quote

, my family and friends thought it was all in my head and told me to"drop it". Only we know how truly hellish this experience can be.

Quote

100 % agree on this point .
 

G_Chem

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2015
Messages
1,158
@wilberto - Your obviously welcome to do what you’d like but I can promise you I’ve seen this scenario play out quite a few times over the years with “LTC.” One girl in particular was symptom free for 20 years while on the Xanax but soon as she quit it came back full force.

Most doctors don’t know shit about drug induced DP/DR, LTC, etc.

Also many report reduction in symptoms with GABA effecting drugs, including alcohol. But notice how those that drink often have horrible rebound in symptoms in the days after.

I suggest you read through some of this thread and the many others out there. I also highly doubt your taking Xanax “as needed” and more than likely are using almost nightly or nightly as your original post seems to suggest.

In the end, you gotta tough this shit out. Rinzzler is an example of someone who just went full on recovery mode, listened to the suggestions of those here, and is doing amazing.

-GC
 

wilberto

Greenlighter
Joined
May 13, 2019
Messages
10
@wilberto - Your obviously welcome to do what you’d like but I can promise you I’ve seen this scenario play out quite a few times over the years with “LTC.” One girl in particular was symptom free for 20 years while on the Xanax but soon as she quit it came back full force.

Most doctors don’t know shit about drug induced DP/DR, LTC, etc.

Also many report reduction in symptoms with GABA effecting drugs, including alcohol. But notice how those that drink often have horrible rebound in symptoms in the days after.

I suggest you read through some of this thread and the many others out there. I also highly doubt your taking Xanax “as needed” and more than likely are using almost nightly or nightly as your original post seems to suggest.

In the end, you gotta tough this shit out. Rinzzler is an example of someone who just went full on recovery mode, listened to the suggestions of those here, and is doing amazing.

-GC
I understand and id like to get off ASAP and live my life 100% normally again lol, but ive made so much progress the past 4 months using this. And feel that most days i can get by without it. BUT its the bad days that im miserable that seem to get myself back into the anxious hopeless loop. I usually take it on weekdays and not on weekends, so im not exactly a daily user. Its just the only thing ive found thus far thats been able to combat it effectively. Although i havent directly tried combatting it on my own since ive made serious progress, i may be able to stand a better fighting chance now then before. Its just tough, and i may be dependent on it for the moment, but in no way do i feel i absolutely need it to live my life. I got by before suffering and miserable, but i never was able to make much progress on my own.
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
303
Yeah of course.

It all started with a 3 day binge on about 1 gram. The first month was the worst of it, I had heavy depersonalization/derealization for about 3 weeks. It would come and go, but I would feel like reality wasn't quite complete, like something was missing, almost like I was in a different dimension or timeline. Thinking about it gives me anxiety lol. Along with that I had bad insomnia, couldn't stay asleep for more than four hours, really strong headaches and head tension, my short term memory was complete dog shit, anxiety was the highest it's ever been in my life, brain fog, and in the stage between falling asleep and being awake, I could hear myself think and I thought I was going legitimately crazy. The first thing to go was the DP. The DP returned for about 4 hours one day in July, it sucked but it hasn't returned since. The second was the insomnia, but only slightly, (it went back to normal around September). The third to go was the brain fog, but around this time (July) I had floaters appear in my eyes and lights at night began to look weird, like starbursts. The third to go was the memory, I was able to recall more and more, however, the first month and a half I can not really tell you where I was or who I was with, it's a blur. The last one is the head tension. That lasted the longest, even now if I get very stressed out my head gets a little weird feeling, but it doesn't bother, I know it'll go away with time.

TLDR

Symptoms:
- DP/DR
- Insomnia
- Headache/Head Tension
- Poor Short Term Memory
- Anxiety/Depression
- Vision Issues
- Brain Fog
- Thinking I unlocked a mental health disorder and was crazy

Like I said everything is pretty much gone 100% and it's been about 5.5 months. I still see starbursts at night, and when I get stressed my head starts to get that tension feeling. I've basically ignored those things and decided to enjoy life. There's no point in focusing on them. They will eventually go away, and I won't really notice when they do so I'm not worried about it. Exercise does help but I've been catching up on sleep, unhealthy foods, and alcohol 😂 All jokes aside everything is turning out for the better, I'm super grateful for all the tips and support I received on this forum. No one else really knows what we go through, my family and friends thought it was all in my head and told me to"drop it". Only we know how truly hellish this experience can be.

Thank you a lot! This is fantastic, you're giving me hope that my short-term memory will go away. :) You have any tips for the rest of us?
 

ageingpartyfiend

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 5, 2011
Messages
747
I have to disagree with you and im not sure thats completely accurate, im going to listen to what my doctor says because he has truely helped dig me out of rut that i would still be suffering horribly with without him. At the dosage im on and the progress ive made now is not the time to wean off, i got a little ways to go. I will cross that battle when i need to. I take as needed, im not reliant on it. Xanax has changed my life for the better and i have a visible ending to all of this.
G_Chem is absolutely correct in what he said, no doubt whatsoever

benzo addiction is insidious, you won't see it coming....but it will come
 

rinzzlerr

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 19, 2019
Messages
53
You have any tips for the rest of us?
The same advice that’s been given here by many people. It’s stupidly simple but very hard to be consistent with, it’s hard to be consistent with anything even when you’re not recovering from drug abuse/use. The simple stuff being: clean diet, exercise, keeping yourself busy and of course being in the right state of mind. I would bet that people’s recovery is more dependent on that last one than any of the first ones. Once I hopped off that anxiety train I drastically improved. Of course it wasn’t easy and anxiety never goes away, but I’m very happy with the improvements. I no longer think about suicide as optional, I’ve stopped worrying about my condition, and I’ve started to enjoy the things I used to enjoy again without the lingering worry in the back of my mind.

My memory is getting better and better, and exercise has really played a big role in that, I recall reading back that youre a programmer and spend a lot of times indoors @ZeroLuck, perhaps try getting out some more and getting exercise daily. In modern day society we’ve lost some of our touch with nature, it’s important to get out every now and then and just be present.
 

Dcoqo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
13
Hey! Im new here. I am really happy to have the chance to talk to people who have gone through my situation.

One week ago, Sunday 27th had 1.5 pills (ish) and molly (I don’t know how much, maybe 150 mg). Then on Thursday night, 31st, I took one pill again. I knew i shouldnt do it, but I was drunk and I didnt care.

Afterwards, on Saturday night I could not sleep at all because of huge anxiety, and every time I was about to fall sleep I had this awful feeling of “falling down”. On Sunday night I could already sleep. Since then sleeping has been fine, even though I still have anxiety and can not go to bed until late.

The thing is, now, a week after, I am still having this vertigo feeling, but not really hard. Also feel kind of foggy, but my memory is fine.

Another symptom is I’m really bothered by loud sounds and strong lighting. Tonight I went to a dinner party at my friends house and I had to leave early, because I couldnt cope with the music and so many people talking.

Finally, I hear this awful ring on my right ear when I’m in silent, which is making it harder for me to sleep.


Can any one please advise me on this symptoms? Are they common? Can I expect to recover from this?

I am having a huge anxiety thinking all the time that this will never be over, even though it has been just a week since it started.

Thanks in advance.

PS: English is not my native language, so please excuse me for any grammar mistake.
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
303
The same advice that’s been given here by many people. It’s stupidly simple but very hard to be consistent with, it’s hard to be consistent with anything even when you’re not recovering from drug abuse/use. The simple stuff being: clean diet, exercise, keeping yourself busy and of course being in the right state of mind. I would bet that people’s recovery is more dependent on that last one than any of the first ones. Once I hopped off that anxiety train I drastically improved. Of course it wasn’t easy and anxiety never goes away, but I’m very happy with the improvements. I no longer think about suicide as optional, I’ve stopped worrying about my condition, and I’ve started to enjoy the things I used to enjoy again without the lingering worry in the back of my mind.

My memory is getting better and better, and exercise has really played a big role in that, I recall reading back that youre a programmer and spend a lot of times indoors @ZeroLuck, perhaps try getting out some more and getting exercise daily. In modern day society we’ve lost some of our touch with nature, it’s important to get out every now and then and just be present.
Fantastic, need to start exercising. Memory is my last frontier! Haha you even remember details about me. Not a programmer, but close. :) I don't spend so much time indoors anymore.

You sound so positive, congratulations once again! So proud with people who overcome suicidal thoughts.
 

Macenroe

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 6, 2013
Messages
63
The same advice that’s been given here by many people. It’s stupidly simple but very hard to be consistent with, it’s hard to be consistent with anything even when you’re not recovering from drug abuse/use. The simple stuff being: clean diet, exercise, keeping yourself busy and of course being in the right state of mind. I would bet that people’s recovery is more dependent on that last one than any of the first ones. Once I hopped off that anxiety train I drastically improved. Of course it wasn’t easy and anxiety never goes away, but I’m very happy with the improvements. I no longer think about suicide as optional, I’ve stopped worrying about my condition, and I’ve started to enjoy the things I used to enjoy again without the lingering worry in the back of my mind.

My memory is getting better and better, and exercise has really played a big role in that, I recall reading back that youre a programmer and spend a lot of times indoors @ZeroLuck, perhaps try getting out some more and getting exercise daily. In modern day society we’ve lost some of our touch with nature, it’s important to get out every now and then and just be present.
Which medication are you on? Has it helped?
 

Dcoqo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
13
From the symptoms you usually describe, I don’t have DP/DR or Damage on my Short Term Memory.

On the other hand I feel vision Issues, but not really hard, also I feel dizzy and I have a small headache.

Thinking about this all the time makes me anxious, which makes it hard for me to fall asleep at night, but I don’t have insomnia.

And I have an awful tinnitus. Do any of you feel this as well?

Its been a week since this started. Did any of you have similar symptoms? I’ve read all of your posts and I’m kind of really scared. I would like to think that it will get better.
 

rinzzlerr

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 19, 2019
Messages
53
Fantastic, need to start exercising. Memory is my last frontier! Haha you even remember details about me. Not a programmer, but close. :) I don't spend so much time indoors anymore.
Just another sign that my memory is getting better 😉 But don’t stress or worry about it too much, just enjoy things and focus on the present,

Which medication are you on? Has it helped?
I’m not on anything, my doctor prescribed me Zoloft, I tried it for few days and my body reacted badly so I stopped taking it. I think it’s actually what gave me DP/DR again in July. However, I’m not taking any anti-depressants or drugs at all. Just diet, grit, and exercise.


Its been a week since this started. Did any of you have similar symptoms? I’ve read all of your posts and I’m kind of really scared. I would like to think that it will get better.
It’s all going to be okay man. Just take it easy and try to reduce your stress/anxiety as much as possible. Its different for everyone but it will get better. Stop reading posts on what’s wrong with people, just try to eat healthy, get some light exercise daily and stay away from any drugs for a little while including alcohol. In another week or so you’ll feel better than today, and it’ll keep getting better until you don’t even notice it’s there. Stay positive it WILL get better.
 

mnet

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 25, 2018
Messages
7
Does anyone have/had bad insomnia as part of their LTC? If so, what did they do to resolve it? Had it for 7 years now and still can't shake it. Feels like it gradually has gotten worse. However all other symptoms of everything else have resolved. But insomnia was my worst symptom/fear, and it has gotten worse. Been on SSRIs for 7 years but feels like it's now not doing anything anymore.
 

2C-X

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
15
Yes, insomnia is a very common symptom of LTC.
Try 400 mg of Magnesium glycinate...problem solved ;)
 

rinzzlerr

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 19, 2019
Messages
53
@mnet I think insomnia or sleep disturbances are a side effect of SSRI’s, perhaps it’s not related to the LTC but to the medication you’re taking. Just a thought.

@2C-X if I could upvote that I would, highly recommend to everyone as well
 

Dcoqo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
13
Hey! Do any of you have tinnitus? I feel a loud ring in my right ear when everything is quiet. Kind of drives me crazy. Is it related to the comedown?
 

psy997

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 9, 2012
Messages
2,390
Location
noitacoL
Does anyone have/had bad insomnia as part of their LTC? If so, what did they do to resolve it? Had it for 7 years now and still can't shake it. Feels like it gradually has gotten worse. However all other symptoms of everything else have resolved. But insomnia was my worst symptom/fear, and it has gotten worse. Been on SSRIs for 7 years but feels like it's now not doing anything anymore.
Get your circadian rhythm in check. You may also need to do Jack Kruses's Leptin Rx and other protocols, as circadian disregulation affects most everything.

You need red tinted blue blockers to wear religiously after dark to protect your melatonin and circadian rhythm.
 
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