• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!
  • MDMA Moderators: andyturbo | BlueBull | scatterday | steewith2ees
  • Bluelight HOT THREADS
  • Let's Welcome Our NEW MEMBERS!

MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

kt86

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 10, 2019
Messages
7
Hi Everyone,

i did not expect I will be here one day writing this sad post , I have been in this forum since 2017 Jun reading all the horrific stories here thinking it will not happen to me.

i have been using MDMA / KETERMINE on a weekly / twice monthly basis since 2017 , i consume average about 3 pills ( e ) + 0.5 g of ketermine ( average every sessions ).
Prior to that I have stoped using any drugs for 12 years .

it was good at first where rewards outlay benefits , I do not have any comedown our only minor nightmare / depression for less than 3 days.

On 30 & 31 aug , I did the same routine , this time when I back I got hit with a 5 days depression , after which I recovered and did another 3 pills on 7 Sep 19. This time I did not consume any ketermine but took quite a lot of beer.

The hardest comedown hit me yesterday when I was trying to sleep and almost falling a sleep , my limps ( either arm or legs ) will shake for 1 second and I will be wide awake , this repeat till now which I have not slept for more than 36 hours.
I also feeling the depression now.
I would like to ask if anyone have this experience before and is this consider brain zaps ? the closest term I managed to google is HYPNIC JERK.

Lastly i would like to ask if benzo help relieve my issue and make me fall asleep ?


thanks in advance , cheers .

Hi Everyone , any suggestion how to solve my problem ?
On alternate days I would need half a pill of benzo to fall asleep.
 

Wentworth211

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Messages
18
Hi Everyone , any suggestion how to solve my problem ?
On alternate days I would need half a pill of benzo to fall asleep.
Cut out all drugs Alcohol and cigarettes, you need to be running and going to the gym almost everyday, actually pushing yourself.. make yourself a workout plan! download the headspace app and practice meditating every morning as well, start on 5 minutes then move up to 10 etc, it probably won’t be beneficial until your doing at least 15 minutes each session though. Try to eat as healthily as you can, push yourself to do this straight until Christmas. You will see at least 20-30% improvement possibly even much more! If you want to supplement with something then id suggest vitamins D, C, B fish oil and zinc.. after you have been hitting the gym for a couple of weeks give creatine a go and see how you feel.. oh and last thing when your not working out or working you need to find something you enjoy, get into an old hobby be it video games or warhammer or something you used to enjoy when you were younger. Something that’s not doing drugs and drinking This will give you something to look forward to each day. There’s no magic cure.. just hard work, but if you really want to get better you can do it ?
 

G_Chem

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2015
Messages
1,157
One tip on zinc supplementation, do so intermittently and watch for depressive symptoms in case of too much. For me personally zinc is a fine balance, too little and I become demotivated with lower quality of sleep, too much and I sleep all the time and become depressed/angry.

I know I am more sensitive to these types of things then most but I’d hate for anyone to exacerbate their symptoms by over supplementation. I’ve found little issues with many of the others recommended, except maybe too much energy on fish oil lol.

Also I find I respond a lot better to obtaining zinc through oysters then supplements. Plus lots of b12 and selenium if I remember correctly.

-GC
 

kt86

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 10, 2019
Messages
7
thanks everyone for your suggestions , I have been working out regularly for the past 4 years , does not plan to make any changes .
would stop alcohol intake for the time being and see how it goes.
 

Miki12

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
49
and caffeine, I at the end of the holiday got back a little coffee and beer and I got slightly worse again, but the situation is under control
 

Wentworth211

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Messages
18
Yeah I started drinking socially again a little bit and went down hill pretty quickly so back to being sober, it effects something
 

Miki12

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
49
probably as a result of using mdma, something has changed and it secretes too much serotonin, i.e. in our brains there is too much serotonin, the latest research just indicates that the cause of depression and drugs may not be low but just too high level, I would agreed, tension headaches, their cause is too much and narrowing of the blood vessels and this causes serotonin, alcohol, coffee etc. raises serotonin, so until it is regulated so that these substances can harm us, this is my theory, I invented yesterday, and often high serotonin can cause low dopamine levels, e.g. brain fogi etc.
 

NoBrainCybin

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 28, 2019
Messages
1
Hello everyone,
Over the last year i started experimenting with weed, lsd, shrooms, etc. but then about 2 months ago i was offered mdma. I loved it. I took a .2 every other week for 3 weeks because thats what my dealer told me to do, but one night my comedown was just really bad and I took a .6. not only did it not work but now i feel like its fucked up my life. this was my 4th dose of MDMA ever. Since then my life hasnt been the same. I feel like shit, all the time. I didnt even notice symptoms until about a month ago, but since then ive felt terribly sad and my cognitive functions are totally fucked. As a cook i really need my short term memory, and now that its not the same my coworkers think that im stupid. Ive been trying to teach myself spanish over the last two years but it seems as an impossible task now. I have trails 24/7 and I cant sleep at night because of the movement in my eyes. I dont know how to describe whats happening in my eyes but its as if there were bugs popping in and out of my vision. I think my vision is getting worse, i think people are judging me when i know they arent, i feel like i can never forgive myself. I think whats making me feel the worst is my vision, especially at night when im trying to sleep.. thanks to anyone reading my story
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
303
Hello everyone,
Over the last year i started experimenting with weed, lsd, shrooms, etc. but then about 2 months ago i was offered mdma. I loved it. I took a .2 every other week for 3 weeks because thats what my dealer told me to do, but one night my comedown was just really bad and I took a .6. not only did it not work but now i feel like its fucked up my life. this was my 4th dose of MDMA ever. Since then my life hasnt been the same. I feel like shit, all the time. I didnt even notice symptoms until about a month ago, but since then ive felt terribly sad and my cognitive functions are totally fucked. As a cook i really need my short term memory, and now that its not the same my coworkers think that im stupid. Ive been trying to teach myself spanish over the last two years but it seems as an impossible task now. I have trails 24/7 and I cant sleep at night because of the movement in my eyes. I dont know how to describe whats happening in my eyes but its as if there were bugs popping in and out of my vision. I think my vision is getting worse, i think people are judging me when i know they arent, i feel like i can never forgive myself. I think whats making me feel the worst is my vision, especially at night when im trying to sleep.. thanks to anyone reading my story
I've got a friend who had HPPD and overall more severe symptoms than you and is now 100% back at nornal with SSRIs and antipsychotics.

It's not working for everyone, but the shortest way of success. If you decide to approach the "natural" way and live as healthy as possible, you need to be very faithful mentally and that's the biggest step in improving imo, if you're not psychologically healthy, you'll either stay at the same place or even worsen it with worrying.

Please stay strong, your short-term memory will improve if you're not as worried all the time and filling your brain with anxious thoughts. It's your brain being preoccupied with stress/anxiety and unable to pay attention to your surroundings. That's making things worse at all three phases of remembering, storing and recalling them.

There's a lot of information in the thread, there's hundreds of people back to normal, I know you feel overwhelmed to read all the posts, and even to remember the endless advices, but you have to be strict with unhealthy behaviors. Yes, that includes being guilty. Nothing done is permanent, you have to earn back your cognition and it won't happen beating yourself with regrets. It's up to you to come back smarter and brighter than before, it's perfectly possible. The experience of hundreds of people is backing it.

Good luck bro
 

BuilderMan18

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 1, 2019
Messages
1
Hello everyone,
Over the last year i started experimenting with weed, lsd, shrooms, etc. but then about 2 months ago i was offered mdma. I loved it. I took a .2 every other week for 3 weeks because thats what my dealer told me to do, but one night my comedown was just really bad and I took a .6. not only did it not work but now i feel like its fucked up my life. this was my 4th dose of MDMA ever. Since then my life hasnt been the same. I feel like shit, all the time. I didnt even notice symptoms until about a month ago, but since then ive felt terribly sad and my cognitive functions are totally fucked. As a cook i really need my short term memory, and now that its not the same my coworkers think that im stupid. Ive been trying to teach myself spanish over the last two years but it seems as an impossible task now. I have trails 24/7 and I cant sleep at night because of the movement in my eyes. I dont know how to describe whats happening in my eyes but its as if there were bugs popping in and out of my vision. I think my vision is getting worse, i think people are judging me when i know they arent, i feel like i can never forgive myself. I think whats making me feel the worst is my vision, especially at night when im trying to sleep.. thanks to anyone reading my story
Similar happened here pal, I did around 6 month of doing .1 bombs every three or four weeks probably totalling .5 over the course of a night out (8 hours) I had one night out that I don’t remember at all apart from one point hearing Fisher Loosing it (the song now gives me anxiety every time I hear it lol) but I did approx 1.2/1.4g in one night and I had all of the same symptoms as you. Short memory almost feeling stupid, flashing eyes and also feeling sad (I felt like there was no meaning to life it’s pointless living for 60 or however many year to just die) but anyway try get yourself in the gym start boxing (what I did) something to focus your head when you’re at work get in the headspace of right I’ve got gym at the end of the day also sort your diet I started meal prepping and giving myself a sort of order to my day. Also for flashing eyes I went to the opticians and it turns out my eyes were straining and causing the black blobs they prescribed me with glasses and since then they been better and I wear them less and less now I only throw them on once or twice a week when I have a ‘moment’

I’ve been 99% clear for about 3 months now.

If you wanna shoot me a message or anything I’m all ears mate.
 

kt86

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 10, 2019
Messages
7
Stop doing drugs. workout regularly.

Just to share with everyone on my recovery.
Its now day 34 and i have recovered for 7 days.
I have include magnesium tablets 50mg daily other than my usual vitamin c1000mg and 5htp.
I have begin swimming for day number 26 and 27 and suddenly my condition improved.
It could have nothing to do with the swims and just the human body recovers by itself.

Be positive and stay strong from those still have LTC.
 

Wentworth211

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Messages
18
Update from me: So I’m coming up to month 9 of my LTC the only real improvement I have made is I no long have panic attacks or suffer from much anxiety. My psychiatrist believes I may have bipolar with mixed features as I am suffering a weird kind of depression which cycles daily from hour to hour, I could feel positive and normal one minute and then down and hopeless the next hour. Sometimes I feel happy and motivated chemically but have real depressive intrusive thoughts so I’m like happy sad 😂 he wants me to start Lamotrigine. I tried Paxil an antidepressant when this all started and couldn’t tolerate it as my mood was changing so rapidly so I am scared of trying the Lamotrigine now. Note none of this ever occurred before I used the mdma in February, my libido has been almost increased since this whole thing started which is kinda weird however post orgasm I feel depressed also hangovers make me feel sort of anhedonic so I pretty much stopped drinking, I work out which I do enjoy, and I have tried almost every supplement you can think of. So no tinnitus or Visual snow, only crazy mood swings and intrusive thoughts, anyone else similar to me? I feel most of you have more physical symptoms, maybe mdma can trigger bipolar?
 

lionheart90

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 24, 2018
Messages
178
Wentworth211. When any man orgasms, he feels depressed.

semen is life energy. it is a substance that has the power to create life itself, naturally you feel weaker when you release it. All men understand this, however not all men care.

Drugs, alcohol included, you pay for the high. You feel high for the time you are on the drug, but then you pay for it in the coming days and weeks. You have to recover. Drugs is just borrowing happiness from the future.

as for bi-polar, who the fuck knows man. if you are depressed for 10 years, then come out of it. most therapists or psychiatrists will think you are bi polar or manic. Doesn't mean you are though.

You are the true doctor, not those people with the degrees in the chair. They just give you their opinion. It is you who is the real healer in your own life. Take this comment with a grain of salt, sometimes people really are manic (i have a friend who goes multiple days without sleep and talks to extra dimensional entities when he is manic. thats some real mental illness. Just going from happy to sad to happy, that is just life. its not fucking bi polar.
 

lionheart90

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 24, 2018
Messages
178
General update for most people. December 4th is the 2 year mark for me.

I have been feeling a power within me for many months now. I have felt it almost since the 6th month of my recovery, but it was rare then.

It has become an everyday thing for me. And yes, at times it fades, but only if I reject or neglect my responsibilities for my health like getting enough sleep, eating good food, hanging out with friends, dealing with work responsibilities in a diligent way, etc.

That is to say, my power has returned when I do the things that foster my power, like working out, meditating, eating good, avoiding excessive drugs (which includes fapping and porn).

I still have anxiety issues from time to time, but I've always had them. Having anxiety to me doesnt mean that I'm not out of the LTC. It's just a normal part of life for someone who has been through the hells that i have been through. I deal with it as best I can and that is the end of that story. i don't turn it into a bigger story like "i have anxiety, i MUST be broken!" or "i have anxiety, i MUST be damage/lesser!". I just accept it as it is. its just anxiety. I deal with it and move on.

I might feel low and shitty but who the fuck doesn't. When I look around me at other people, I am in the small minority of people who are happy with their life. My life is not some dream or paradise, it is still filled with challenges and difficulties like anxiety and a difficult job. HOWEVER, I have strength to deal with my challenges and then a little bit to spare. I have the motivation to go after my dreams, something which I did not have before the LTC.

I have said it before, the LTC is a blessing in disguise. And I still find that to be true.

I would be much less than I am now if I never had to deal with the LTC. I would just be normal, and many times during the LTC that is the only fucking thing I ever wished for. I would say "Why me, oh god, why me?! Just let me be normal! that is the only fucking thing that I want"
but now. on the other side. I am so fucking happy for the things I went through.

It build a warrior within me. A power that is hard to define or put a label on. Going to war makes you a warrior or a victim, ya know? I choose to be a warrior. you can make the same choice, if you develop the mentality and perspective of a warrior.

Face your challenges. Head on, face them as best you can. And when you get knocked down, get the fuck back up. Keep trying. A warrior isn't just someone who knows war and victory, it's someone who knows defeat and keeps trying! A warrior fights until the war is over, not just to the victory of the battle.

As for me, post LTC. I have a great number of dreams that I am actively pursueing. Without the strength from the LTC, I doubt I would have ever pursued them. Now that I have been through hell, there are very few things I fear (demonic clowns! god damn it!). I am free to pursue my dreams, even when difficult. I know what true difficulty is, and its not pursuing your dreams, its being disconnected from life and from your dreams.

the LTC disconnects you from life and from your dreams. It puts you in the bench and forces you to watch things pass you by. Once you know that hell, and have had enough of it, you won't settle when it happens to you in the future.

The LTC is temporary. The gifts that the LTC gives you are lifelong.

You have to go to the gym to get stronger. It is the difficulty and resistance that makes you stronger. The LTC is a great form of the gym, it makes everything in life have a resistence to it. Grow stronger because of that resistance, learn to push against the resistance. Learn to chase your dreams. That is the ultimate lesson of the LTC. dont let life pass you by, get out there and get in the game.
 

lionheart90

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 24, 2018
Messages
178
If you were a body builder in a past life, and you met God in the after life and said to God "I know the resistance of the physical, I am ready to experience resistence in all of life. Only by experiencing that can I become truly strong!"

God smiled and said "Ok, I have just the thing for you"

and now you are here in the LTC. facing the resistance in all of life, or the vast majority of life.

It is a great form of strength training, to endure a LTC and recover from it. See it as the blessing that it is. See it as something you choose, and choose for good reason.

Being weak and passive is not what you want, and this LTC is showing you how to be strong. Rather than ignore it and run from it, or wish for it to be over, face your challenges. Become truly strong. Deal with your LTC. On the other side you'll find many people just like me, welcoming you with open arms to our ranks.
 

OrbitalCombustion

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 16, 2017
Messages
368
Location
Interdimensional Quantum Field
Wentworth211. When any man orgasms, he feels depressed.

semen is life energy. it is a substance that has the power to create life itself, naturally you feel weaker when you release it. All men understand this, however not all men care.

Drugs, alcohol included, you pay for the high. You feel high for the time you are on the drug, but then you pay for it in the coming days and weeks. You have to recover. Drugs is just borrowing happiness from the future.

as for bi-polar, who the fuck knows man. if you are depressed for 10 years, then come out of it. most therapists or psychiatrists will think you are bi polar or manic. Doesn't mean you are though.

You are the true doctor, not those people with the degrees in the chair. They just give you their opinion. It is you who is the real healer in your own life. Take this comment with a grain of salt, sometimes people really are manic (i have a friend who goes multiple days without sleep and talks to extra dimensional entities when he is manic. thats some real mental illness. Just going from happy to sad to happy, that is just life. its not fucking bi polar.
I wish women understood that, when I cum I feel completely drained and typically fancy a nap.
 

Hospitality

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 25, 2019
Messages
31
Hi,

I wonder if anyone can help reassure me. I’ve taken some pretty crazy amounts of mdma over the years, and had more than a few binges on it which obviously I regret given my current situation.

I have a quite bad anxiety disorder which came on around the time I was taking mdma. However it was never triggered by a session, in fact it was triggered by an alcohol hangover. I also note that it hasn’t got worse when I have taken more mdma (stupid I know).

However, I worry so badly this is permanent due to brain damage. I’ve had this many years now 🙁 I just wonder if anyone has any advice here please?

Thanks,

Hospitality.
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
303
If it's just anxiety only, consider yourself lucky. If you take action your brain will rebalance itself with time. Talking from personal experience.
 
Top