MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

[Miki12]

I am having very sedentary lifestyle, no sports, and not eating particularly healthy.
[/QUOTE]
so you have the answer, the brain needs time and fuel to regenerate, if you have such a lifestyle, it is known that memory will fail, start running, meditate, eat omega 3 and kurkume, more vegetables less fast food, you will see that it will start to improve

 

[ZeroLuck]

The thing is that before my ltc I had 2-3 years of pretty healthy lifestyle, but before I had exactly the same one as now, minus memory issues, quite the opposite. People were weirdly shocked that I could recall a lot of details in the distant past... I'll start healthy lifestyle from tomorrow.

 

[Miki12]

The thing is that before my ltc I had 2-3 years of pretty healthy lifestyle, but before I had exactly the same one as now, minus memory issues, quite the opposite. People were weirdly shocked that I could recall a lot of details in the distant past... I'll start healthy lifestyle from tomorrow.

604/5000



how much did you take this mdma? mdma just because of it has potential in psychotherapy that can draw all fears and how not to do it with professionals only recreationally in sensitive people such things happen, I know a lot of people who really mdma take a lot and often and no side effects of course she in excess it is neurotoxic, but it's the same as alcohol, you drink one beer or even more once, nothing will happen, you will drink every day, you will also have holes in the brain and if you have a problem with porn, I will also leave it, memory will come back guaranteed

 

[ZeroLuck]

I took 0.85g in 2 weeks. First time 0.6G and then 0.25g :/

 

[Miki12]

I took 0.85g in 2 weeks. First time 0.6G and then 0.25g :/

so much, why so much? in the sense of a single event, I for the first time 130mg, the second 130mg the same, the third 130mg plus 100mg and the fourth same, I never exceeded 250mg and I was shot into space and yes, I can not imagine taking more, that I could not stand but I do not judge, it will be fine

 

[AutoTripper]

One year after my ltc I've stated having slight pain and burning in the heart area, went to 2 cardiologists and they said everything is fine.

I am having very sedentary lifestyle, no sports, and not eating particularly healthy.

The problem with mainstream specialists, is that the diagnostic methode are not sensitive enough to pick up a problem until it is fairly developed.

I don't mean to suggest or imply that you have any genuine heart problem or condition.
I only wish to make one point what is first to ask you- Do you use cannabis at all?
If so, by which method?

Vaporizing cannabis as a delivery method is particularly and directly beneficial for heart health, incredibly supportive and stabilizing.

It has literally saved my life before when I have had acute heart infections, quickly normalising and stabilizing function and preventing damage until the infection was cleared.

And there is a specialist Heart Hospital in Israel which is the leading pioneer in the World regarding research into heart disease and revolutionary treatment methods and one of their primary treatment for heart conditions is actually vapourised cannabinoids.

Anyway I only wish to share this information because I know that vaporizing cannabis can be incredibly good for heart health and I feel that the MDMA community should be more aware of this at large.

 

[Miki12]

The problem with mainstream specialists, is that the diagnostic methode are not sensitive enough to pick up a problem until it is fairly developed.

I don't mean to suggest or imply that you have any genuine heart problem or condition.
I only wish to make one point what is first to ask you- Do you use cannabis at all?
If so, by which method?

Vaporizing cannabis as a delivery method is particularly and directly beneficial for heart health, incredibly supportive and stabilizing.

It has literally saved my life before when I have had acute heart infections, quickly normalising and stabilizing function and preventing damage until the infection was cleared.

And there is a specialist Heart Hospital in Israel which is the leading pioneer in the World regarding research into heart disease and revolutionary treatment methods and one of their primary treatment for heart conditions is actually vapourised cannabinoids.

Anyway I only wish to share this information because I know that vaporizing cannabis can be incredibly good for heart health and I feel that the MDMA community should be more aware of this at large.

What does mdma have to heart?

 

[ZeroLuck]

AutoTripper

Not smoking nothing at all. Not taking any drugs at all, been doing LSD before, but not anymore get bored from it. From tomorow my diet will be anti-inflamatory, you think that will be good?

Miki12
It's due its actions on the 5-HT2B receptors, so... MDMA most likely isn't very healthy fo yor heart.

 

[AutoTripper]

@Miki12

Mdma is a strong stimulant. It exerts pressure/strain on the heart. This is not a desired or sought after trait/characteristic of a recreational substance. Exercise raises heart rate, but providing it is not done excessively should generally be extremely beneficial for heart health and should result in a lower resting pulse generally.

One long running theory or proposition is that we are programmed to do a specific amount of heartbeats and when those beats are up we die so by that and general reckoning it would be beneficial to maintain a lower resting and average pulse throughout ones life time.

MDMA dramatically raises heart rate for very long periods of time but unlike exercise this is not improving heart health fitness or function and is not compensated for by a lower resting pulse such as with exercise as a result of the exercise.

To take MDMA one night, your resting pulse will not be back to its usual baseline for many days so your heart will be working considerably harder for a prolonged period of time.

This is just an inevitable and unavoidable physical side effect of MDMA and many other stimulants. Now I'm not saying this is a huge deal at all a healthy heart can withstand this strain and maintain health and recover.

But MDMA is certainly not healthy for the heart and it would be a mistake to suppose so as it would be to suggest that there are only purely pro effects to taking the drug and none of the negative side effects are significant enough to be of concern this would be inaccurate.

And hey, Im with you in many regards. I do believe MDMA can be used fairly freely and regularly over time without having overwhelmingly negative consequences although I do think this varies massively between different people depending on various psychological and physiological factors.

But it really isn't so black-and-white and there are certainly downsides. I took over 3000 ecstasy pills myself in a period of 9 years up until 2005 so I have extensive subjective experience taking the drug over many years and I knew so so many people who did take it regularly and in huge quantities over a long time and I still know those people now.


So back to my point- supporting heart health and function and keeping it stable and strong would only be of benefit to any MDMA user and would serve as a protection mechanism.

I have personally always noticed a correlation between MDMA use and a strained or overexerted heart which results in a lower physical energy and this effect can be seen for many days after taking MDMA.

And it is genuinely a fact that vaporizing cannabis is extremely beneficial for heart health so I thought it would make sense to at least share this with this community so that anybody who is open to vaporizing cannabis and also would like to explore means to support their heart health either as a general regimen or preventative and protective measure against MDMA use, is aware of this fact.

 

[AutoTripper]

@AutoTripper

Not smoking nothing at all. Not taking any drugs at all, been doing LSD before, but not anymore get bored from it. From tomorow my diet will be anti-inflamatory, you think that will be good?

Okay cool. Have you ever tried microdosing psychedelics like LSD or psilocybin mushrooms? If not perhaps look into it it has been making headlines as a revolutionary way to improve and treat mental health problems and anxiety and also improve our ability to cope and problem solve in daily life.

This may be very beneficial to anybody in the situation and mindset such as yourself maybe have a look into it to see if you think you may give it a go.

And yes anti-inflammatory is generally a very good way to go diet-wise and will always make sense. In particular try to limit your intake of omega-6 fatty acids which are over consumed in abundance these days massively out of proportion to Omega-3 fatty acids which are very anti-inflammatory. Omega 6 is highly flammatory.

And our good friend also in this conversation has already been touting the wonders of turmeric. Definitely include turmeric in your regimen daily it's highly anti-inflammatory and also antidepressant with a really powerful proven effect on depression and anxiety. Also high in antioxidants plus taking turmeric halves your risk of cancer because it works powerfully on the gene level to prevent mutations.

But I would recommend you get a very good quality organic turmeric powder because non-organic supplements and remedies are barely worth the capsules or packaging they are put into. When you are using a herb, spice, food etc for healing purposes, and not just "dinner" be aware that non-organic forms have only a small fraction of the healing/medicinal power of organic. Like less than 10%.

Take at least 1.5 heaped teaspoons of turmeric per day you can mix with olive oil and pour over your food or heat in coconut oil and pour over your food or sprinkle over your food or put in water like a shot and neck back however you do it just get that turmeric into you or cook it in a curry sauce or recipe etc.

Best of luck all round bro anyway hang in there try and let some positive thoughts come in because honestly mental conditioning creates and maintains physiological States and conditions and is literally held in place like stone by thought and belief patterns.

Only when we start to change this structure of thinking and conditioning can physical changes take place and manifest sometimes.

But whatever happens we can make our conscious experience of life and existence much more miserable and difficult than it needs to be by imposing these beliefs and outlooks on ourselves continuously, so I would like to encourage you to just occasionally for a single second or two at a time practice allowing yourself to feel freer and brighter and more positive and believe I mean truly believe in Healing and a happier more enjoyable future existence.

 

[AutoTripper]

I'd say I have a low level constant 'out of it' feeling, the dp seems to come and go. It gets especially bad at night. I was sober for about 3 weeks and it seemed to be getting less intense, but last weekend I got fucked up two days in a row and I think its set me back.

I think about suicide pretty much all day. I used to have so many great friends and enjoyed life, but the past 4 months have drained me of any will to live. I'm willing to try medication before I make a decision about my life.

Hey, please look into microdosing psychedellics. You have nothing to lose, I think it would be extremely worth you considering this regimen and giving it a try.

 

[ZeroLuck]

Thanks a

Okay cool. Have you ever tried microdosing psychedelics like LSD or psilocybin mushrooms? If not perhaps look into it it has been making headlines as a revolutionary way to improve and treat mental health problems and anxiety and also improve our ability to cope and problem solve in daily life.

This may be very beneficial to anybody in the situation and mindset such as yourself maybe have a look into it to see if you think you may give it a go.

And yes anti-inflammatory is generally a very good way to go diet-wise and will always make sense. In particular try to limit your intake of omega-6 fatty acids which are over consumed in abundance these days massively out of proportion to Omega-3 fatty acids which are very anti-inflammatory. Omega 6 is highly flammatory.

And our good friend also in this conversation has already been touting the wonders of turmeric. Definitely include turmeric in your regimen daily it's highly anti-inflammatory and also antidepressant with a really powerful proven effect on depression and anxiety. Also high in antioxidants plus taking turmeric halves your risk of cancer because it works powerfully on the gene level to prevent mutations.

But I would recommend you get a very good quality organic turmeric powder because non-organic supplements and remedies are barely worth the capsules ball packaging they are put into. When you are using a herb, spice, food etc for healing purposes, and not just "dinner" be aware that non-organic forms have only a small fraction of the healing/medicinal power of organic. Like less than 10%.

Take at least 1.5 heaped teaspoons of turmeric per day you can mix with olive oil and pour over your food or heat in coconut oil and pour over your food or sprinkle over your food or put in water like a shot and neck back however you do it just get that turmeric into you or cook it in a curry sauce or recipe etc.

Best of luck all round bro anyway hanging their try and let some positive thoughts coming because honestly mental conditioning creates and maintains physiological States and conditions and is literally held in place like stone by thought and belief patterns.

Only when we start to change this structure of thinking and conditioning can physical changes take place and manifest sometimes.

But whatever happens we can make our conscious experience of life and existence much more miserable and difficult than it needs to be by imposing these beliefs and outlooks on ourselves continuously, so I would like to encourage you to just occasionally for a single second or two at a time practice allowing yourself to feel freer and brighter and more positive and believe I mean truly believe in Healing and a happier more enjoyable future existence.

Thanks a lot for sharing your knowledge and experience, I've been advocating for curcumin in the last year and something, it's one of the supplements that gives me beneficial effects.

I'll take my health seriously, I'm just tired of not doing anything.

Also I believe our ltc could be caused inflammation. There's research papers backing up that mdma could damage the BBB structure and unable to filter a lot of molecules which ultimately lead to oxidative stress and inflammation.

 

[Miki12]

@Miki12

Mdma is a strong stimulant. It exerts pressure/strain on the heart. This is not a desired or sought after trait/characteristic of a recreational substance. Exercise raises heart rate, but providing it is not done excessively should generally be extremely beneficial for heart health and should result in a lower resting pulse generally.

One long running theory or proposition is that we are programmed to do a specific amount of heartbeats and when those beats are up we die so by that and general reckoning it would be beneficial to maintain a lower resting and average pulse throughout ones life time.

MDMA dramatically raises heart rate for very long periods of time but unlike exercise this is not improving heart health fitness or function and is not compensated for by a lower resting pulse such as with exercise as a result of the exercise.

To take MDMA one night, your resting pulse will not be back to its usual baseline for many days so your heart will be working considerably harder for a prolonged period of time.

This is just an inevitable and unavoidable physical side effect of MDMA and many other stimulants. Now I'm not saying this is a huge deal at all a healthy heart can withstand this strain and maintain health and recover.

But MDMA is certainly not healthy for the heart and it would be a mistake to suppose so as it would be to suggest that there are only purely pro effects to taking the drug and none of the negative side effects are significant enough to be of concern this would be inaccurate.

And hey, Im with you in many regards. I do believe MDMA can be used fairly freely and regularly over time without having overwhelmingly negative consequences although I do think this varies massively between different people depending on various psychological and physiological factors.

But it really isn't so black-and-white and there are certainly downsides. I took over 3000 ecstasy pills myself in a period of 9 years up until 2005 so I have extensive subjective experience taking the drug over many years and I knew so so many people who did take it regularly and in huge quantities over a long time and I still know those people now.


So back to my point- supporting heart health and function and keeping it stable and strong would only be of benefit to any MDMA user and would serve as a protection mechanism.

I have personally always noticed a correlation between MDMA use and a strained or overexerted heart which results in a lower physical energy and this effect can be seen for many days after taking MDMA.

And it is genuinely a fact that vaporizing cannabis is extremely beneficial for heart health so I thought it would make sense to at least share this with this community so that anybody who is open to vaporizing cannabis and also would like to explore means to support their heart health either as a general regimen or preventative and protective measure against MDMA use, is aware of this fact.

aa I understand, so you're right, I meant that if someone has a healthy heart and does not abuse substance, everything will be okay

 

[Miki12]

Okay cool. Have you ever tried microdosing psychedelics like LSD or psilocybin mushrooms? If not perhaps look into it it has been making headlines as a revolutionary way to improve and treat mental health problems and anxiety and also improve our ability to cope and problem solve in daily life.

This may be very beneficial to anybody in the situation and mindset such as yourself maybe have a look into it to see if you think you may give it a go.

And yes anti-inflammatory is generally a very good way to go diet-wise and will always make sense. In particular try to limit your intake of omega-6 fatty acids which are over consumed in abundance these days massively out of proportion to Omega-3 fatty acids which are very anti-inflammatory. Omega 6 is highly flammatory.

And our good friend also in this conversation has already been touting the wonders of turmeric. Definitely include turmeric in your regimen daily it's highly anti-inflammatory and also antidepressant with a really powerful proven effect on depression and anxiety. Also high in antioxidants plus taking turmeric halves your risk of cancer because it works powerfully on the gene level to prevent mutations.

But I would recommend you get a very good quality organic turmeric powder because non-organic supplements and remedies are barely worth the capsules ball packaging they are put into. When you are using a herb, spice, food etc for healing purposes, and not just "dinner" be aware that non-organic forms have only a small fraction of the healing/medicinal power of organic. Like less than 10%.

Take at least 1.5 heaped teaspoons of turmeric per day you can mix with olive oil and pour over your food or heat in coconut oil and pour over your food or sprinkle over your food or put in water like a shot and neck back however you do it just get that turmeric into you or cook it in a curry sauce or recipe etc.

Best of luck all round bro anyway hanging their try and let some positive thoughts coming because honestly mental conditioning creates and maintains physiological States and conditions and is literally held in place like stone by thought and belief patterns.

Only when we start to change this structure of thinking and conditioning can physical changes take place and manifest sometimes.

But whatever happens we can make our conscious experience of life and existence much more miserable and difficult than it needs to be by imposing these beliefs and outlooks on ourselves continuously, so I would like to encourage you to just occasionally for a single second or two at a time practice allowing yourself to feel freer and brighter and more positive and believe I mean truly believe in Healing and a happier more enjoyable future existence.

51/5000



I agree, I curcume for health with pepper I eat

 

[Miki12]

rather, not if you do not abuse, I do not know if you know, but the government most of the research paid for mdma to be on the list of prohibited substances was that they could not find the negative effects of its use, the latest research showed that it is one of the safest drugs, much more dangerous is amphetamines, and already very dangerous methamphetamine, mdma is a meek cat but can draw fears, but everything will pass, you do not have a damaged brain believe me

 

[Miki12]

Thanks a
Thanks a lot for sharing your knowledge and experience, I've been advocating for curcumin in the last year and something, it's one of the supplements that gives me beneficial effects.

I'll take my health seriously, I'm just tired of not doing anything.

Also I believe our ltc could be caused inflammation. There's research papers backing up that mdma could damage the BBB structure and unable to filter a lot of molecules which ultimately lead to oxidative stress and inflammation.

rather, not if you do not abuse, I do not know if you know, but the government most of the research paid for mdma to be on the list of prohibited substances was that they could not find the negative effects of its use, the latest research showed that it is one of the safest drugs, much more dangerous is amphetamines, and already very dangerous methamphetamine, mdma is a meek cat but can draw fears, but everything will pass, you do not have a damaged brain believe me

 

[AutoTripper]

aa I understand, so you're right, I meant that if someone has a healthy heart and does not abuse substance, everything will be okay

Hey mate, good day. Okay, I havent used MDMA since 2005. I have 2 Dutch pills and I hope to indulge again in the near future.

I have been very unwell for 14 years due to a severe case of Lyme Disease from a tick bite. It completely destroyed my life and made me allergic to practically everything ever since.

But I am blessed to have an exceptionally healthy heart. Low, stable resting pulse and all indicators purely positive.
I have no doubt that my regular/daily cannabis vaporizing has played a direct part in this aspect of my health.

That said, I know that when I take MDMA I will experience heart strain, by way of an elevated heart rate, not just at the time of taking the drug but for up to a week after, from any sized threshold dose.

I expect to notice a substantial increase in heart rate from mild exertion, I intuitively estimate an extra 20-30 beats per minute vs normal, for light exercise, with some fatigue afterwards.
So Im just saying that yes, it is not a main concern at all with this drug, and speed is far far worse.

But I also dont see it as a total lack of negative, this aspect.
Even in perfect all round health, physical strain can still take its toll. Any protective/strengthening/preventative measure can only be a good thing.

I really would like to draw this community of MDMA users attention to the direct benefits for heart health from vaporizing cannabinoids.

Separately- I abused MDMA heavily, like a fool. Thousands, actually from 1996 to 2005 I averaged over 1 ecstasy pill per day, for almost a decade. No exaggeration.

So Im an extreme case. I did suffer substantial brain damage and cognitive impairments. I accepted this 100% a very long time ago. My Lyme Disease hit me harder than anything else in my life. I have lived with clinical depression and anxiety for many years.

To what extent this was related to MDMA, Lyme Disease (which destroys seretonin receptors and causes depression, personality changes and congnitive impairments) we can never know.

A mixture of both. But I accepted my drug abuse harm. Cant go back. I did it. Cant change that now. If my illness was cured Im sure I could still live a comfortable, happy life though.

I never got into despair, regret and rumination about LTC.
But MDMA can and does cause damage/alteration to the brain and conscious experience of life.
There is a line of course- the question is where? And what level of changes are we personally willing/capable of accepting and living with, crucially.

But I am still with you @Miki12 I have really been shocked by the current excessive fear culture around MDMA use. I will never quite be able to get my head around this 3 month rule I'm not saying it isn't scientifically well based and merited.

But looking back I cannot imagine anybody having taking this seriously back in the day. And I don't think I would have given it much credence or tried to implement it into my own life if I could go back and do things again.

I'm sure I would be much more moderate and conservative of my mental and cognitive health. But I expect I would still go pretty hard and roll fairly regularly breaking all of the current rules without too much fear.

I think you can certainly get away with a lot more than it comes across. Obviously we have to be careful with the way we present such a message.

 

[Miki12]

Hey mate, good day. Okay, I havent used MDMA since 2005. I have 2 Dutch pills and I hope to indulge again in the near future.

I have been very unwell for 14 years due to a severe case of Lyme Disease from a tick bite. It completely destroyed my life and made me allergic to practically everything ever since.

But I am blessed to have an exceptionally healthy heart. Low, stable resting pulse and all indicators purely positive.
I have no doubt that my regular/daily cannabis vaporizing has played a direct part in this aspect of my health.

That said, I know that when I take MDMA I will experience heart strain, by way of an elevated heart rate, not just at the time of taking the drug but for up to a week after, from any sized threshold dose.

I expect to notice a substantial increase in heart rate from mild exertion, I intuitively estimate an extra 20-30 beats per minute vs normal, for light exercise, with some fatigue afterwards.
So Im just saying that yes, it is not a main concern at all with this drug, and speed is far far worse.

But I also dont see it as a total lack of negative, this aspect.
Even in perfect all round health, physical strain can still take its toll. Any protective/strengthening/preventative measure can only be a good thing.

I really would like to draw this community of MDMA users attention to the direct benefits for heart health from vapirozing cannabinoids.

Separately- I abused MDMA heavily, like a fool. Thousands, actually from 1996 to 2005 I averaged over 1 ecstasy pill per day, for almost a decade. No exaggeration.

So Im an extreme case. I did suffer substantial brain damage and cognitive impairments. I accepted this 100% a very long time ago. My Lyne Disease hit me harder than anything else in my life. I have lived with clinical depression and anxiety for many years.

To what extent this was related to MDMA, Lyme Disease (which destroys seretonin receptors and causes depression, personality changes and congnitive impairments) we can never know.

A mixture of both. But I accepted my drug abuse harm. Cant go back. I did it. Cant change that now. If my illness was cured Im sure I could still live a comfortable, happy life though.

I never got into despair, regret and rumination about LTC.
But MDMA can and does cause damage/alteration to the brain and conscious experience of life.
There is a line of course- the question is where? And what level of changes are we personally willing/capable of accepting and living with, crucially.

But I am still with you @Miki12 I have really been shocked by the current excessive fear culture around MDMA use. I will never quite be able to get my head around this 3 month rule I'm not saying it isn't scientifically well based and merited.

But looking back I cannot imagine anybody having taking this seriously back in the day. And I don't think I would have given it much credence or tried to implement it into my own life if I could go back and do things again.

I'm sure I would be much more moderate and conservative of my mental and cognitive health. But I expect I would still go pretty hard and roll fairly regularly breaking all of the current rules without too much fear.

I think you can certainly get away with a lot more than it comes across. Obviously we have to be careful with the way we present such a message.

I understand clearly, I am 4 times only I took and probably except marijuana I do not intend to touch any drug, life and health damage, mdma is just as harmless as it does not exaggerate, how to overdo it, unfortunately it can do harm, hold on tight

 

[ZeroLuck]

AutoTripper

You're expressing yourself very well, and your follow of thought is great too. Couldn't ever say you have any form of brain damage. How is your memoy tho?

 

[AutoTripper]

How is your memoy tho?

What, did I post here or something, I just got an alert to this random forum, I dont remember joining?? ?

Haha. Well I use too much cannabis for my own good, my sleep is terrible I am suffering really severe side effects and symptoms from long term major sleep deprivation ( my allergies and infections make it impossible to eat normally and to eat enough and digest food sufficiently in time to go to bed properly), my diet is heavily restricted, Im massively underweight from inadequate food intake.

I have multiple chronic deficiencies no doubt due to insufficient food and being allergic to practically all supplements. With extremely high levels of stress.

So taking all that into account it is difficult to make a fair assessment of my memory especially in relation to my MDMA abuse.
My memory could certainly be better but it could also be worse. I can assure you I have substantial brain damage and cognitive impairment I seriously lowered my intelligence and general capability as a person through my MDMA use.

But this doesn't mean that I am retarded and unable to think and use my brain and imagination. It means I'm limited and handicapped, compared to how I would be without MDMA damage.

I used to think it was sad but I got over that a long time ago. I was a real stand out case, the impact my excessive MDMA use had on my psyche, my intellect, social abiltiy and general intellectual capability, was enormous.

In everybody's eyes who knew me, the changes/harm was profound. This was in 2003 when I was taking pills so regularly and heavily when I was supposed to be doing my university degree in Swansea, Wales.

I took about 900 pills in the final degree year between September and June. It was real hard core sessioning for many days on end at a time.
During this phase my usage caught up with me and had an enormous impact on my brain function and general ability to function as a person especially communication.

I never completed my degree and there was no chance of getting that statistics-dense project work done in the state I was in but I reckon I could have scraped the exams with minimal revision still, as I did in my first 2 years while using MDMA and cannabis at the time of the exams- high grade skunk blunts on the morning of the exams. It actually helped.

Over time I learnt to adapt and live with these changes and I fully accepted that everything I did was part of my destiny and made me the person I am today.

What I lost, I eventually got back in another way, to an extent, at least that's the way I try to see it.
But I am a deeply spiritual, philosphical person, with very different values to most.

Okay I started this post late last night but didnt finish it. Ive lost my trail of thought now. But I realise I have not been able to accurately subjectively appraise the full impact MDMA abuse has had on my personality life and health over the long-term.

I was effectively a drug casualty in the eyes of many who knew me but this was a result of going way way Overboard.

But despite this and the significant mental and cognitive impairments I live with to this day, it could be worse for sure. I am certainly not cabbaged and on reflection, there were times when my brain was seriously messed up and I couldn't think or function at all but there has definitely been recovery over time I can see this now so that is assuring for myself and others.