MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Edward66

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Messages
5
Hey, I’m new here... long story short in April 2016 I took Mdma, had a huge panic attack cause it was my first time having a bomb... I calmed down, and ended up having a great night, few days later, panic attacks, brain fog sets in, derealisation. Went doctors, useless, subscribed anxiety meds, didn’t take them... started going gym a lot, started to feel a lot better, brain fog and anxiety problems still there but got a bit better and my derealisation went completely... anyway, I’m basically the same now and the other week on YouTube I spoke to someone on a video and he mentioned encephalopathy... to get to the point I think me, and many of you guys may have some sort of brain damage, damage to the hippocampus possibly, sorry I’m not wording this all properly I’m rushing a lot but look into that and the neurotoxic effects of MDMA, this has probably already been discussed a bunch but I came here from reddit looking for answers but if no one considered it before consider what I said
 

PillsAndKills

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
63
Location
Manchester, UK
Hey, I’m new here... long story short in April 2016 I took Mdma, had a huge panic attack cause it was my first time having a bomb... I calmed down, and ended up having a great night, few days later, panic attacks, brain fog sets in, derealisation. Went doctors, useless, subscribed anxiety meds, didn’t take them... started going gym a lot, started to feel a lot better, brain fog and anxiety problems still there but got a bit better and my derealisation went completely... anyway, I’m basically the same now and the other week on YouTube I spoke to someone on a video and he mentioned encephalopathy... to get to the point I think me, and many of you guys may have some sort of brain damage, damage to the hippocampus possibly, sorry I’m not wording this all properly I’m rushing a lot but look into that and the neurotoxic effects of MDMA, this has probably already been discussed a bunch but I came here from reddit looking for answers but if no one considered it before consider what I said
Nope. MDMA can be neurotoxic, particularly when abused heavily and often, but most if not all on this forum haven't done any *significant* damage that is causing them distress. In fact, many who come to this thread wrongly assume they have done permanent lasting damage, which serves only to distress them further.

You specifically mention damage to the hippocampus, however, anxiety disorders such as PTSD are known to create reductions in the size of the hippocampus, as well increases in the size of the amygdala. Both structures form part of the limbic system which controls negative emotions (fear, anger) as well as memory. It is much more likely that MDMA triggers an anxiety disorder in susceptible individuals (I myself only used MDMA a handful of times before I experienced my LTC), which results in structural changes in the limbic system after prolonged distress. This would also explain why many on here report experiencing noticeably worse memory, as it becomes more difficult to consolidate memories due to reduced hippocampus size. I should emphasise here for anyone worried by this information that hippocampus shrinkage is *not* irreversible, and growth can occur after recovery from LTC/anxiety disorder. It won't be as good as it was before, but its a small victory to retain some memory ability. I myself have considerably better memory now than I did when I was in the midst of an LTC (Mine started in January 2016, and gradually resolved itself over the course of two years).

Ultimately, all of us on here who have experienced (or are experiencing) LTC's had a normal response to a traumatic experience (in our cases, a bad comedown). The best remedy for which is *time*, as well as adopting some healthy lifestyle changes (ie changing diet, exercise, ceasing substance use, reducing alcohol use) to help you recover along the way.
 

Samoz

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 6, 2019
Messages
16
Nope. MDMA can be neurotoxic, particularly when abused heavily and often, but most if not all on this forum haven't done any *significant* damage that is causing them distress. In fact, many who come to this thread wrongly assume they have done permanent lasting damage, which serves only to distress them further.

You specifically mention damage to the hippocampus, however, anxiety disorders such as PTSD are known to create reductions in the size of the hippocampus, as well increases in the size of the amygdala. Both structures form part of the limbic system which controls negative emotions (fear, anger) as well as memory. It is much more likely that MDMA triggers an anxiety disorder in susceptible individuals (I myself only used MDMA a handful of times before I experienced my LTC), which results in structural changes in the limbic system after prolonged distress. This would also explain why many on here report experiencing noticeably worse memory, as it becomes more difficult to consolidate memories due to reduced hippocampus size. I should emphasise here for anyone worried by this information that hippocampus shrinkage is *not* irreversible, and growth can occur after recovery from LTC/anxiety disorder. It won't be as good as it was before, but its a small victory to retain some memory ability. I myself have considerably better memory now than I did when I was in the midst of an LTC (Mine started in January 2016, and gradually resolved itself over the course of two years).

Ultimately, all of us on here who have experienced (or are experiencing) LTC's had a normal response to a traumatic experience (in our cases, a bad comedown). The best remedy for which is *time*, as well as adopting some healthy lifestyle changes (ie changing diet, exercise, ceasing substance use, reducing alcohol use) to help you recover along the way.
Hi mate
Im in my ltc since 15 month now and i still strugling with a lot symptomes like:
High level of stress
Anxiety
Muscle twitching
Skin burning sensation
Tingling
Dizziness
My body is not relaxed
I wanna have some advices
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
243
@PillsAndKills

I'm aware of the hippocampus shrinkage issue, but how would you explain my horrible memory right after my usage? Anxiety won't have enough time to do anything for that short...
 

PillsAndKills

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
63
Location
Manchester, UK
@ZeroLuck

Anxiety can and will affect memory in the short term as well as the long term.

I didn't notice how bad my memory was straight away as I was preoccupied with having panic attacks. But it was within the first week of my LTC I was struggling to remember what I had been doing the day before, and completely forgetting what I did two days before. Given that I was spending all day everyday spaced out from DP/DR and struggling to sleep due to recurrent panic attacks, I don't think its really that surprising that I was struggling to consolidate memories. During the course of my LTC (or more accurately anxiety disorder, as thats what it pretty much is), memory issues persisted for much of the time.

However, when I forced myself to stop obsessing over it, as well as my other symptoms, I gradually got better. If I did myself any lasting damage, I certainly don't notice it, and my memory is more or less as good as it was before.

I used to obsess about every symptom and come on here daily, freaking myself out about permanent damage. But it isn't true, and it certainly isn't for you either.
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
243
@PillsAndKills Thanks for replying, your comment is very comforting! How long you were obsessing over your LTC? Want to compare it with myself...
 

PillsAndKills

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
63
Location
Manchester, UK
@ZeroLuck

I can't remember for how long but it was for pretty much the most part of my experience. I obsessed over every symptom I had, googling them all and trying to find someone who had suffered in the same way as me that had recovered. Its how I stumbled across bluelight in the first place. If you click on my profile you can see some of my first posts back in March 2016 when I was three months into it. You'll notice how meticulous I was with every detail of my symptoms and in what order they occurred.

However, comparing yourself with me or others is counterproductive. You can't put a timescale on your recovery and hope after x amount of time you will be better, it doesn't work like that. For as long as you come onto bluelight regularly, comparing symptoms, and worrying about how long it will last, you will just stay in the same place. I think one of the best things I did to recover was to stop coming on here, because we only served to fuel each others obsession with our condition.

I realise that when I say 'stop obsessing', that its easier said than done. But you have to learn to accept your predicament, rather than constantly thinking about it and endlessly worrying about when it will end. Whenever you have a bad day (which you will), just remind yourself that its temporary, and that it will pass, and that there will be better days.

I remember when the thought of a panic attack was enough to set one off, now I'm completely unfazed by the topic, and haven't had one in well over a year. I can say without any hesitation that I *fully* recovered from my experience. It took a long time, but by *accepting* my situation, and doing my best to not let it stop me from getting on with my life, I gradually recovered. Even the DP/DR, which I thought was something I wouldn't ever recover from, is gone.
 

Miki12

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
22
mdma pulls hidden fears on the surface but does not damage the brain, that's why it has great potential in psychotherapy, you still thank this substance that you cleansed your head, it's all psyche, all changes are in reversible molds you will be stronger than ever after this experience
 

Edward66

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Messages
5
@ZeroLuck

I can't remember for how long but it was for pretty much the most part of my experience. I obsessed over every symptom I had, googling them all and trying to find someone who had suffered in the same way as me that had recovered. Its how I stumbled across bluelight in the first place. If you click on my profile you can see some of my first posts back in March 2016 when I was three months into it. You'll notice how meticulous I was with every detail of my symptoms and in what order they occurred.

However, comparing yourself with me or others is counterproductive. You can't put a timescale on your recovery and hope after x amount of time you will be better, it doesn't work like that. For as long as you come onto bluelight regularly, comparing symptoms, and worrying about how long it will last, you will just stay in the same place. I think one of the best things I did to recover was to stop coming on here, because we only served to fuel each others obsession with our condition.

I realise that when I say 'stop obsessing', that its easier said than done. But you have to learn to accept your predicament, rather than constantly thinking about it and endlessly worrying about when it will end. Whenever you have a bad day (which you will), just remind yourself that its temporary, and that it will pass, and that there will be better days.

I remember when the thought of a panic attack was enough to set one off, now I'm completely unfazed by the topic, and haven't had one in well over a year. I can say without any hesitation that I *fully* recovered from my experience. It took a long time, but by *accepting* my situation, and doing my best to not let it stop me from getting on with my life, I gradually recovered. Even the DP/DR, which I thought was something I wouldn't ever recover from, is gone.
Well why did you decide to come back on here now then?

I also don’t think I speak for myself when I say this but I don’t come here for comfort or because I’m obsessing, I come here because i’m searching for a solution to my problems. I wish for my life to get back to how it was. This problem for me isn’t going to go away by not focusing on it, and even if that was the case it’s a lot easier said than done. I have anxiety issues but the brain fog is also a big problem for me, it’s something that never goes away and I’m looking for ways to get it to go away.

I’m glad to hear you recovered, but everyone is different, and in my case it’s been 3 years this month and it still persists.
 

Samoz

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 6, 2019
Messages
16
does anyone have dp/dr/agitation/anxiety without palpitations?
Hi
I have also this . So yeah without palpitation
My body wouldnt relax / my f... muscles are twitching all over the body / tingling/skin burning sensation / bad concentration
Im now taking an ssri .
 

Needhelp123

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 25, 2018
Messages
112
Well why did you decide to come back on here now then?

I also don’t think I speak for myself when I say this but I don’t come here for comfort or because I’m obsessing, I come here because i’m searching for a solution to my problems. I wish for my life to get back to how it was. This problem for me isn’t going to go away by not focusing on it, and even if that was the case it’s a lot easier said than done. I have anxiety issues but the brain fog is also a big problem for me, it’s something that never goes away and I’m looking for ways to get it to go away.

I’m glad to hear you recovered, but everyone is different, and in my case it’s been 3 years this month and it still persists.
Can you describe your brain fog please?
 

Miki12

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
22
Well why did you decide to come back on here now then?

I also don’t think I speak for myself when I say this but I don’t come here for comfort or because I’m obsessing, I come here because i’m searching for a solution to my problems. I wish for my life to get back to how it was. This problem for me isn’t going to go away by not focusing on it, and even if that was the case it’s a lot easier said than done. I have anxiety issues but the brain fog is also a big problem for me, it’s something that never goes away and I’m looking for ways to get it to go away.

I’m glad to hear you recovered, but everyone is different, and in my case it’s been 3 years this month and it still persists.
go to a psychiatrist, everything is in your psyche, it will pass
 

Needhelp123

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 25, 2018
Messages
112
go to a psychiatrist, everything is in your psyche, it will pass
This is not true. How can you say something based on only your experience? I literally cannot see straight - for a whole year 24/7 without a single minute of relief. I have head pressure and constant visual distortion - it’s not anxiousness I promise you. I am completely calm. If it was psychological I would see an ebb and flow to my side effects. It would not be constant for year. It’s like I’m in a literal bubble. I walk around and say “woah” because my brain can’t process anything like before. I repeat I’ve been this way 24/7 for a year. And I’m not depressed - I forget about the pain often. I smile often. But the symptoms are always the same.
 

Miki12

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
22
This is not true. How can you say something based on only your experience? I literally cannot see straight - for a whole year 24/7 without a single minute of relief. I have head pressure and constant visual distortion - it’s not anxiousness I promise you. I am completely calm. If it was psychological I would see an ebb and flow to my side effects. It would not be constant for year. It’s like I’m in a literal bubble. I walk around and say “woah” because my brain can’t process anything like before. I repeat I’ve been this way 24/7 for a year. And I’m not depressed - I forget about the pain often. I smile often. But the symptoms are always the same.
I still think that all this is a psyche, unless you have been taking something other than mdma, mdma does not affect your brain if you do not abuse it, this is shown by the latest research, as well as neico earlier, which was not done on the government's orders, research with Monkeys and rats let us off because they are wrongly made
 

AntoniDimitrov

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 25, 2018
Messages
37
This is not true. How can you say something based on only your experience? I literally cannot see straight - for a whole year 24/7 without a single minute of relief. I have head pressure and constant visual distortion - it’s not anxiousness I promise you. I am completely calm. If it was psychological I would see an ebb and flow to my side effects. It would not be constant for year. It’s like I’m in a literal bubble. I walk around and say “woah” because my brain can’t process anything like before. I repeat I’ve been this way 24/7 for a year. And I’m not depressed - I forget about the pain often. I smile often. But the symptoms are always the same.
If you are not anxious or depressed just give yourself more time.To be honest I don’t know how this vision shit completely gone from me,but its true.There are people who recover from it in 2-3 months,but I would say its just “some kind of luck” maybe.
Don’t loose hope,one day you will say the same as me :)
 

PillsAndKills

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
63
Location
Manchester, UK
Well why did you decide to come back on here now then?
I came back because I wanted to inform others like yourself that I recovered from my LTC, and the steps I took to recover. A sense of duty to reassure others, if you will.

I also don’t think I speak for myself when I say this but I don’t come here for comfort or because I’m obsessing, I come here because i’m searching for a solution to my problems.
You won't find a solution to your problems on here. I know I can't speak for everyone, but I used to be a regular haunt on this thread and it only served to keep me ruminating about my condition. One of the best things I did for my recovery was to stop coming on as for me it just served to keep me stuck in the same pattern of thought. I'm not the first to suggest this on bluelight either.

I wish for my life to get back to how it was. This problem for me isn’t going to go away by not focusing on it, and even if that was the case it’s a lot easier said than done. I have anxiety issues but the brain fog is also a big problem for me, it’s something that never goes away and I’m looking for ways to get it to go away.
I emphasise with you completely. For me, the "brain fog" was the very last thing to go, and I only really got over it by opting to accept it and trying my best not to let it bother me. I'm sure you're already aware of this but DP/DR (ie "brain fog") is a common symptom across a range of anxiety disorders (ie PTSD, GAD), so by treating it as such and learning to 'accept' it, it will gradually fade over time.

If you click on my profile and check my postings from 2016/17, you will see I was suffering from the same symptoms as you. The best explanations and advice I got was from Cotcha Yankinov.
 

Miki12

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
22
but you're winding up, you have the most physical neurosis in the world, your brain is healthy
 

G_Chem

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2015
Messages
722
Miki you talk to definitively about these people’s conditions.. While I tend to lean towards agreeing with you that this may be anxiety, in the end we don’t know.

Research on MDMA for the most part shows it’s relatively safe but again a few decades of highly biased studies isn’t enough in my opinion. We’ll know for sure 50-100 years from now..

-GC
 
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