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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

andman1326

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
12
One of my orders, which contains seroquel, arrived today.

This is a standard alldaychemist package


What was in this package


The seroquel, 100mg and 25mg tablets.




There's limits on what you can get, there is still a lot of medications available though.

Hopefully I don't have to take the seroquel much longer, insomnia seems to be the only real lingering symptom without the medication. As for dose I take 50-100mg and it works very well.
You don't need a doctors script when ordering from the online pharmacy, just skip it. People in Europe should be able to get packages very quickly as opposed to someone in the states like me.
 

andman1326

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
12
I don't know why I'd post my herpes medication :cautious:

But... every drug I've ordered through them has been legit. I use Dutas (Dutasteride) and it wound the clock back on my hair to 18 years old. So any guys out there wondering... and it also apparently works on females.

Maybe not directly related to ltc but hell, if you can get things that improve your self-image, I think it's worth mentioning! :D
 

Needhelp123

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 25, 2018
Messages
138
Back from vacation with the folks.

Things continue to improve in cycles ebbs and flows. Tinnitus continues to get milder and quieter. Sometimes it feels like I have a mild tinnitus in the middle of my brain. All symptoms continue to improve with time.

A little over 9 weeks in, hopefully I'm cleared by month 4-5.

I still take seroquel to fall asleep and get close to 8 hours. Weird thing is I don't get sleepy at all anymore during the day, so kinda positive good :sneaky:

Again, this whole thing completely made me rethink my entire life.


Off topic:
I've seen posts where people thought they had Multiple Sclerosis
If anyone on here actually gets diagnosed with MS or has been, you can take Zidovudine (AZT). It was the first FDA approved drug for HIV but works potently on EBV and KSHV both Gamma Herpes viruses and the likely cause (EBV) of multiple sclerosis.

You can get Zidovudine as a mono-therapy on a site like "safegenericpharmarcy" as Zidovir.
Other than posting my slightly milder ltc journey figured I'd post something to help a few that may run into MS.

It amazes me how some decisions can just "F" the fuck out of you, but they help you to reconsider things you otherwise hadn't.


Keep that in the back of your mind for yourself or a friend. A few of the topic experts know. It's not a conspiracy, industrial incentives prevent it from happening. I know because I came down with ME/CFS from a herpes virus infection 4 years ago and slowly got back to health with the help of Valacyclovir.
How often did you use valtrex?
 

Sospiro

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 8, 2021
Messages
3
Hello guys,

I've read several recovery stories here and I am very positive and happy to know some of you fully recovered and some of you are on the right path to recover. I wish best of luck for all of us here who knows this is a real struggle!

I know many are just reading and doesn't want or have the energy to post his symptoms, recovery stories or what worked for him to fully recover, but I want some help right now because I don't know what is happening.

I took an supposed mdma pill (not tested) about 6 months ago. I smoked a lot of weed and drink alchool. I didn't knew if it was cut with something else or how much to take, it was a stupid decision right then. ( I want to mention that I didn't take any drugs before that, just smoked weed from time to time on rare occasions ).

I was extremely social and happy for about 10-15 minutes but after that my heart was racing so fast, I couldn't breath properly (so I took big air breaths for about 1-2 hours) and I almost lost my minds on it. I though that I will pass out or even die but I tried to keep myself calm, drink water and relax.

After 8 hours I could "sleep" for a little bit and then my jaw was shaking so badly for some time and I was so depressed and scared to do anything. I couldn't even sleep because I was afraid anything could happened and no one could take proper care of me. After staying up and just walking like a zombie to keep myself calm and alert, I could sleep that night for several hours and it was a really good nap to be honest. I showered, eat and it was pretty good. I wasn't anyway in a good mental health but I though that it will take some time to heal.

Thing is that the next night I went to sleep and after 2 hours I woke up with a racing heart again and I though that I will die again because I couldn't stay up on my feets, I was very dizzy and couldn't speak. I went into the ER, they did some tests and said that I have some virus in my body and I should not be concerned so much because my body is fighting with it. I puked all night and after that I went home. I slept for like 2 whole days without eating or drinking much water and after that I could say that I was kinda recovered. I could finally talk, walk, eat, drink and carry on with my life but I was in a very weird mood and I had the urge to smoke weed or take any possible drug.

Those symptoms were for about 2 weeks and I knew I was in the withdrawal phase so I just tried to resist so much to this urge with watching movies, speaking with friends, eating, playing games, etc. Anything that could distract me from this.

For the next 1.5 months I was just in a little bit of a depressed phase (nothing to much or serious) but it was something visible there. I can't say I had any other symptoms then, just a little depressed phase and a weird mood like I knew something is off and I'm not like before taking that pill in that night.

Something weird happened in one night. I was just chilling and trying to focus on a project and I felt that my feets and hands are very cold. I plugged in an electric heater and went straight up in bed with some blankets over me. Over 1 hour I was really really cold and I couldn't even feel the heat from the electric heater with my hands which was extremely weird and then my heart was racing again. I really think it was not a pannick attack or anything like that because I was very calm, I didn't thinked that I would die or anything like that and my breaths were normal. That episode was for about 1 hour and then I felt kinda normal. And this is where my journey begins..

For about 1 month I experienced all the symptoms you guys are relating here. I dreamed so much and weird, woke up and felt very dizzy and like my vision was spinning, very fatigue and I was barely eating. I always felt something bitter in my mouth and I couldn't focus on anything. I had brain fog very very bad. I couldn't leave my house for about one week.

After that, everytime I was waking up I immediately left my house and went on a walking for 2-3 hours everyday and tried to calm down myself. I felt like I was living in a dream, coudln't think about my future, everything was so bad and I just wanted to go away.

So after a month of living with all weird symptoms I did some blood test which came up fine. I went home and tried to eat better and sleep better and I felt like I was getting back to normal because I was left with only hard depression ( thinking of life, thinking that nothing is real, thinking that everything we do is in vain because we all die, etc ). I was so depressed and I was only thinking that I need to struggle with this the rest of my life because I will not get better! I googled my symptoms and everytime I though that I have brain damage, ruined my life and I can't do anything about it because the healthy lifestyle doesn't work, the blood tests are fine so only my brain is fried.

But I promise you, you'll get better as I did! This depression calmed down a little bit, day by day by itself. Eating better, sleeping, walking and just doing this you enjoy. I know it's very hard but you need to focus on things you did before all this happened.

Then, I though that I was on the recovery path and everything will be fine in a few weeks or maybe months but I started to have this feeling that my arms are very light and I didn't even felt them. I was playing and I couldn't do anything with my mouse cause I had this feeling of very light hands and then my entire body felt very very weird. I though that this is another response given by my brain and maybe I did something wrong the whole time.

Now, everything was worse. I couldn't sleep for 2 days ( insomnia ), I had depression and depersonalization and everything you could imagine for about a whole month (even earworms with stupid songs). I didn't take anything, just tried my best to keep in a positive mindset the whole time but it was just the worst period of this LTC.

It all went back to normal and today I can sleep almost normally, still having some pretty scary vivid dreams but at least I can sleep for 7-8 hours for almost 2 days.

I want to ask you guys if you have this light body feeling the whole day or it's just me. And if you took anti-depressive or benzos and felt any better. I went to a psyc these days and said that maybe it's from my anxiety this feeling and prescribed me some meds but I'm pretty much scared that those would make those symptoms way way worse. I know it's a 50/50 bet because some people get better, some get worse, some doesn't even get affected from them. I wouldn't take them more than 3-4 weeks because of the withdrawals symptoms and in a low dosage but I'm still a little bit afraid because those can knock you up and make you fatigue which I already am and not feeling so good my hands at all.

Did anyone experienced this? I was only reading that you guys are waiting on the natural way to heal and taking just some supplements which I tried in the past month but I can't say I saw some benefits at all. I know there's no magic pill but at least I want to know what should I do.

See another psyc? Or get some specific blood tests? Because I don't see anyone here having this hands issues like me.

Take care guys!
 

SaintSoleil

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 2, 2021
Messages
6
Hello guys,

I've read several recovery stories here and I am very positive and happy to know some of you fully recovered and some of you are on the right path to recover. I wish best of luck for all of us here who knows this is a real struggle!

I know many are just reading and doesn't want or have the energy to post his symptoms, recovery stories or what worked for him to fully recover, but I want some help right now because I don't know what is happening.

I took an supposed mdma pill (not tested) about 6 months ago. I smoked a lot of weed and drink alchool. I didn't knew if it was cut with something else or how much to take, it was a stupid decision right then. ( I want to mention that I didn't take any drugs before that, just smoked weed from time to time on rare occasions ).

I was extremely social and happy for about 10-15 minutes but after that my heart was racing so fast, I couldn't breath properly (so I took big air breaths for about 1-2 hours) and I almost lost my minds on it. I though that I will pass out or even die but I tried to keep myself calm, drink water and relax.

After 8 hours I could "sleep" for a little bit and then my jaw was shaking so badly for some time and I was so depressed and scared to do anything. I couldn't even sleep because I was afraid anything could happened and no one could take proper care of me. After staying up and just walking like a zombie to keep myself calm and alert, I could sleep that night for several hours and it was a really good nap to be honest. I showered, eat and it was pretty good. I wasn't anyway in a good mental health but I though that it will take some time to heal.

Thing is that the next night I went to sleep and after 2 hours I woke up with a racing heart again and I though that I will die again because I couldn't stay up on my feets, I was very dizzy and couldn't speak. I went into the ER, they did some tests and said that I have some virus in my body and I should not be concerned so much because my body is fighting with it. I puked all night and after that I went home. I slept for like 2 whole days without eating or drinking much water and after that I could say that I was kinda recovered. I could finally talk, walk, eat, drink and carry on with my life but I was in a very weird mood and I had the urge to smoke weed or take any possible drug.

Those symptoms were for about 2 weeks and I knew I was in the withdrawal phase so I just tried to resist so much to this urge with watching movies, speaking with friends, eating, playing games, etc. Anything that could distract me from this.

For the next 1.5 months I was just in a little bit of a depressed phase (nothing to much or serious) but it was something visible there. I can't say I had any other symptoms then, just a little depressed phase and a weird mood like I knew something is off and I'm not like before taking that pill in that night.

Something weird happened in one night. I was just chilling and trying to focus on a project and I felt that my feets and hands are very cold. I plugged in an electric heater and went straight up in bed with some blankets over me. Over 1 hour I was really really cold and I couldn't even feel the heat from the electric heater with my hands which was extremely weird and then my heart was racing again. I really think it was not a pannick attack or anything like that because I was very calm, I didn't thinked that I would die or anything like that and my breaths were normal. That episode was for about 1 hour and then I felt kinda normal. And this is where my journey begins..

For about 1 month I experienced all the symptoms you guys are relating here. I dreamed so much and weird, woke up and felt very dizzy and like my vision was spinning, very fatigue and I was barely eating. I always felt something bitter in my mouth and I couldn't focus on anything. I had brain fog very very bad. I couldn't leave my house for about one week.

After that, everytime I was waking up I immediately left my house and went on a walking for 2-3 hours everyday and tried to calm down myself. I felt like I was living in a dream, coudln't think about my future, everything was so bad and I just wanted to go away.

So after a month of living with all weird symptoms I did some blood test which came up fine. I went home and tried to eat better and sleep better and I felt like I was getting back to normal because I was left with only hard depression ( thinking of life, thinking that nothing is real, thinking that everything we do is in vain because we all die, etc ). I was so depressed and I was only thinking that I need to struggle with this the rest of my life because I will not get better! I googled my symptoms and everytime I though that I have brain damage, ruined my life and I can't do anything about it because the healthy lifestyle doesn't work, the blood tests are fine so only my brain is fried.

But I promise you, you'll get better as I did! This depression calmed down a little bit, day by day by itself. Eating better, sleeping, walking and just doing this you enjoy. I know it's very hard but you need to focus on things you did before all this happened.

Then, I though that I was on the recovery path and everything will be fine in a few weeks or maybe months but I started to have this feeling that my arms are very light and I didn't even felt them. I was playing and I couldn't do anything with my mouse cause I had this feeling of very light hands and then my entire body felt very very weird. I though that this is another response given by my brain and maybe I did something wrong the whole time.

Now, everything was worse. I couldn't sleep for 2 days ( insomnia ), I had depression and depersonalization and everything you could imagine for about a whole month (even earworms with stupid songs). I didn't take anything, just tried my best to keep in a positive mindset the whole time but it was just the worst period of this LTC.

It all went back to normal and today I can sleep almost normally, still having some pretty scary vivid dreams but at least I can sleep for 7-8 hours for almost 2 days.

I want to ask you guys if you have this light body feeling the whole day or it's just me. And if you took anti-depressive or benzos and felt any better. I went to a psyc these days and said that maybe it's from my anxiety this feeling and prescribed me some meds but I'm pretty much scared that those would make those symptoms way way worse. I know it's a 50/50 bet because some people get better, some get worse, some doesn't even get affected from them. I wouldn't take them more than 3-4 weeks because of the withdrawals symptoms and in a low dosage but I'm still a little bit afraid because those can knock you up and make you fatigue which I already am and not feeling so good my hands at all.

Did anyone experienced this? I was only reading that you guys are waiting on the natural way to heal and taking just some supplements which I tried in the past month but I can't say I saw some benefits at all. I know there's no magic pill but at least I want to know what should I do.

See another psyc? Or get some specific blood tests? Because I don't see anyone here having this hands issues like me.

Take care guys!

Hey man, sorry to hear what you're going through.
Supplement doesnt work for me as well. I had all the symptoms you described during my LTC, except DRDP, so I dont know how to deal with DRDP. But as for other symptoms you can try seeing another psyc if you feel the need. I consulted with 2 psyc as well. But I don't think you should do anymore tests, because it is super likely that all the test results will come out fine. (it was like this more me) And that will only add to your anxiety/stress/frustration. A lot of people who actually healed, I am one of them, agreed that LTC is mainly your stress & anxiety. Stress is extremely detrimental to the brain and can cause all kinds of crazy stuff to happen. I used to blame everything all the headaches and insomnia on MDMA until one day I accepted that it was my anxiety, so I learned to managed it and eventually successfully got off the anxiety train I started to recover. However, the path to recovery is nowhere near linear, it goes in circle but the good days will slowly last longer.

My best advice is to try your best to chill (Its brutal and difficult i know), relax and stay healthy. Try to do some exercise (cardio) daily, eat healthy and sleep (if you need to take sleeping pill then do it, i was on sleeping med for 3 months until my sleeping pattern returned). And let your body do its part, time will heal you I promise you this.
 

Sospiro

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 8, 2021
Messages
3
Hey man, sorry to hear what you're going through.
Supplement doesnt work for me as well. I had all the symptoms you described during my LTC, except DRDP, so I dont know how to deal with DRDP. But as for other symptoms you can try seeing another psyc if you feel the need. I consulted with 2 psyc as well. But I don't think you should do anymore tests, because it is super likely that all the test results will come out fine. (it was like this more me) And that will only add to your anxiety/stress/frustration. A lot of people who actually healed, I am one of them, agreed that LTC is mainly your stress & anxiety. Stress is extremely detrimental to the brain and can cause all kinds of crazy stuff to happen. I used to blame everything all the headaches and insomnia on MDMA until one day I accepted that it was my anxiety, so I learned to managed it and eventually successfully got off the anxiety train I started to recover. However, the path to recovery is nowhere near linear, it goes in circle but the good days will slowly last longer.

My best advice is to try your best to chill (Its brutal and difficult i know), relax and stay healthy. Try to do some exercise (cardio) daily, eat healthy and sleep (if you need to take sleeping pill then do it, i was on sleeping med for 3 months until my sleeping pattern returned). And let your body do its part, time will heal you I promise you this.
Hey man,

Thank you for taking time and write back! I really appreciate your support.

My DPDR is almost gone, time and healthy lifestyle really helps.

I went from a big stress factor to somewhere chill where I could stay and eat more better and that really helps over time, if I would compare how I was 3 weeks ago.

This psyc prescribed me 3 meds but I’m taking only one because I’m pretty good with sleep right now and tbh I don’t wanna touch benzos, only in extreme cases. I took yesterday an antidepressive pill and I was so relaxed and pretty happy for the first time in last several months, but I wasn’t like real healed with them ( so take care guys ). Anyway, it was the first day and I need to take them the whole month.

I’ trying like the rest of us eating better, no sugar, meditation, brain exercises, etc. I know it’s a long process but I really hope one day I’ll be back to normal or even better and live the real life.

Btw, you said you had the same symptoms as me. Did you had this weird “ numb “ or weak feeing in your hands? I still have the same force on them, they are not weak or something like that in that way but I feel them very light and at some point maybe numb like they are weird. That feeling extend in my whole body and I can’t really do any cardio because it makes my symptoms worse. Like if I would try to do something I would end up back in my bed and just lay there the whole day.
 

SaintSoleil

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 2, 2021
Messages
6
Hey man,

Thank you for taking time and write back! I really appreciate your support.

My DPDR is almost gone, time and healthy lifestyle really helps.

I went from a big stress factor to somewhere chill where I could stay and eat more better and that really helps over time, if I would compare how I was 3 weeks ago.

This psyc prescribed me 3 meds but I’m taking only one because I’m pretty good with sleep right now and tbh I don’t wanna touch benzos, only in extreme cases. I took yesterday an antidepressive pill and I was so relaxed and pretty happy for the first time in last several months, but I wasn’t like real healed with them ( so take care guys ). Anyway, it was the first day and I need to take them the whole month.

I’ trying like the rest of us eating better, no sugar, meditation, brain exercises, etc. I know it’s a long process but I really hope one day I’ll be back to normal or even better and live the real life.

Btw, you said you had the same symptoms as me. Did you had this weird “ numb “ or weak feeing in your hands? I still have the same force on them, they are not weak or something like that in that way but I feel them very light and at some point maybe numb like they are weird. That feeling extend in my whole body and I can’t really do any cardio because it makes my symptoms worse. Like if I would try to do something I would end up back in my bed and just lay there the whole day.

Hey man!

yeah I was on several SSRIs during the early months of my LTC, for my case I didn't help me as a matter of fact it made my condition worse. (However, I have read many positive results from members of the thread) So I followed what a lot of people here did, stay offline and live healthy. But I did not went cold turkey, I still drank soda and smoked cig, I only made sure I had balanced diet and exercise (30 mins of jogging daily).

Yes I had this weird feeling in my left arm-hand as well, I wouldn't call it numb, more like weak feeling, it's difficult to explain like somehow my muscles shrink. It lasted weeks and it went away. I strongly believe it was stress and anxiety. I used to blame everything on LTC! lol . During my second and third months I started having really bad headache that lasted for months. I also developed hearing sensitivity and every high pitch sound hurt my ears. I later found out this was because I was so stressed out that when I was sleeping, I was clenching my teeth so hard that caused my tension headache and earache.


Try to live a normal life! find something to distract yourself and stop symptom-checking, I understand it's brutal, you'd feel damaged and it seems like it will never end, but once again I can promise you without a doubt you will recover ! If you need to talk feel free to DM me !

Take care !
 

Sospiro

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 8, 2021
Messages
3
MDMA RECOVERY GUIDE
I've decided to write a recovery guide after reading all stories from this forum, reddit, etc. I've been there, reading every time what to do, what to take, who to ask for help just to get better. I've been searching for the "magic pill" to be better, for a certain disease to be discovered from my blood tests, anything that could help, and the most important part: PROVE ME THAT I DON'T HAVE PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE.

I've been there, searching any symptoms that would appear, every article about MDMA inducing brain damage, worrying about the fact that I would not be back to "normal" again, back to myself before that day I took a pill just to have fun and enjoy the life for a few moments.

I know that you struggle so much but please, acknowledge RIGHT NOW that you will get better with time, and please take my advice and promise me this would be the last post you will ever read about MDMA and you'll not search for any symptom or something related.


My first thought was to create a 1-month journey to keep track of how I feel after trying what I will list down below but I know that maybe for some it will work faster, for some it will work slower, what is certain is that YOU need to take ACTION and do exactly what I say. Also, I think it's time for myself to stop reading and searching for anything related and I'll tell you why.

MY SYMPTOMS

  • Depression​
  • Anxiety​
  • Depersonalization​
  • Insomnia​
  • Vivid dreams​
  • Earworms​
  • Fatigue​
  • Brain Fog​
  • Short and long term memory problems​
  • Dizziness​
  • A weak feeling in my hands (numbness or something)​


MY STORY

I took one night a whole untested pill after drinking and smoking a lot. I almost went to an ER but I've tried to calm myself. I was in a bad situation for almost 48h and when I tried to sleep I had another episode and went to the ER. My blood test said that I have something in my body and it tries to fight with it ( I never said what I took ) and after many tests they let me go home. The first 2 days I've just dreamed, not eating or drinking almost anything. Then 2 weeks were like hell for me because the withdrawal was SO bad that I needed to lock myself up so I knew I would not get anything from anyone. For almost 1.5 months I was just depressed, emotionally numb but everything was fine, like I could sleep good and take care of my life ( at this point I thought that I just depleted my serotonin levels and they need to go back to normal ). One night I couldn't feel heat whatever I did (clothes, more blankets over me, electric heater, etc). My heart was racing so fast but I was calm and relaxed in some way so that was for sure not a pannick attack. Everything went fine after one hour and I felt all the heat in the room that I needed to open the windows because it was way too hot lol. From this day, my hell began.

My anxiety levels were so high that it caused GERD and I couldn't eat properly (nothing at all). I was feeling very weird, after some days I started to have some sleep problems ( I could get to the point to sleep but I couldn't wake up properly ). Very fatigue, I would just sit there for hours to wake up and do little to no work. Then it came to the point I would wake up and leave immediately from my house and just walk for long periods of time ( 4-5 hours, doing at least 12-15 km ). I was so dizzy, depressed and this is where a little depersonalization kicked in. This all started in December and in January (one month later) I went to do some general tests and all came back just fine. I was so obsessed to find something related to anything than my brain because I was afraid that I can't find a fast cure for my brain or even no cure because it's all permanent damaged. I was just thinking something like " Please, let's find I have some virus, disease, any problems with the organs, even something that needs a surgery!! Let's just find something and hope it's not related to my brain, to that pill. " It took me to the point that I would wish to have a surgery done and feel fine after that ( because maybe this is related with my stomach, liver, kidney, etc ) than find out I have absolutely nothing and I just need to keep suffering from those symptoms my entire life.

Then is when my depression kicked so hard that I could barely do something. Sleeping quality was the worst thing ever, I couldn't enjoy anything I would normally enjoy. Even if I was going for a walk or talking with a friend would mean absolutely zero to me. Nothing was helping to bring me just a little joy. All my future plans were ruined, I couldn't think where I would be in the next 5 years, I was just completely depressed and hopeless that I got suicidal thoughts. I never thought to do it, but it was in my mind. I just thought that there's no way to get back, to feel normal. My life is ruined, I can't change this as it's permanent. I can't enjoy simple things, not even being lazy and watching movies all day and sleep. The life quality was below zero and that ruined every day. I didn't know what I was waiting because day after day was exactly the same and maybe worse. But please, if you are reading this, JUST HOLD IT. It's a stupid thought and deep down in myself, I found the strength which all of us, these warrior who knows how it is to suffer from this (because I don't wish on my worst enemy to have one day like this and we have whole weeks, months or even years, so yeah, WE ARE WARRIORS) to hold back and keep trying to get BETTER. I couldn't think about anything, I had the worst brain fog ever and if back then I was thinking about what a wonderful life I would have in 5 years and what places I would visit, what foods I would eat, what movies and tv series I'm waiting to come out to watch, what girls I would spend time with and anything that would make me work for my dream, those didn't work because the depression was so hard I couldn't think on them and when I've remembered some of these thoughts..they meant nothing to me. But I was strong and I've tried every day to keep lying that I'm fine and happy and it's induced only by me and work with myself.

So for almost 1 month I thought I was on the recovery process finally because I could play games, watch movies, get out, listen to podcasts, read, etc. Not like before, very depressed but at least I was working with myself to DO something and I saw little improvements each day. But..I started slowly to feel imbalanced when I walk. I started to have a weird feeling, looking in front of my eyes and couldn't keep a fixed point and I would gone crazy. And one day I woke up so weak, I felt my hands so light and numb to a point I went again in the ER. All blood tests came fine and I couldn't understand why this is happening to me, because I've changed my mindset, I'm eating and everything it's okay with me, what could that substance possible do to me after so many months? I get I had all the symptoms listed after taking it and slowly being left only with a hard depression which I could try to fix it with some help. But now this? And I was at my worst. Insomnia kicked in (couldn't sleep for 2 days, and when I did..just for a few hours and very scary vivid dreams, weird and scary), the worst depression (suicidal thoughts again), the worst depersonalization ever (I had this before but it was something I could work with, now it was so awful to the point that it gave me another suicidal thoughts), anxiety (with GERD), extreme fatigue ( I couldn't do anything ), dizziness to the point I thought I would fall or pass out. It was the worst feeling ever, my worst period of time. If I could handle day by day 2 or 3 symptoms..now they were ALL together, creating new ones and stronger than before.

But that was the last month! That's why I want to tell you to KEEP FIGHTING because now I feel so much better and that's why I want to end this story in a positive way. :)

WHAT TO DO? WHEN I WILL GET RECOVERED?

The first thing to do is to acknowledge that you only have a depressive-anxiety disorder caused by a traumatic event (if you reacted badly) and the pill. THAT'S THE PROBLEM YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. That's the name for it. Now, please stop searching for anything else, stop searching for your symptoms. Anything you do is just to keep feeding your anxiety and depression more and more. I know how you feel, there's nothing worse than I felt and I can guarantee you that. You may have the same symptoms and same intensity, nothing higher than what I had.

It's time to stop worrying about yourself. If you want to do something in this way, just find the proper medical care. If you think it will comfort you, take any blood tests you need, brain scans, etc. It will only feed your anger that you don't find anything, lose your time and money, and feed your anxiety that if everything is fine, it MUST BE a permanent brain damage which is untreatable and unrecoverable (which is not true).

I was at my worst as I mentioned, but I took baby steps and I've started to feel better. My memory is improving, I can enjoy the life in some way, I can walk now, I can eat better, I'm not so emotionally numb like before. The sleep is so good lately and I stopped having vivid dreams! Those were all naturally (not taking any drugs). I've started recently to take an SSRI (anti-depressant like Cipralex) and I say that they make me sleepy, something like numb and I don't really care about my symptoms so much. They pretty much work but I don't plan to use them more than a month.

Now, what I exactly did and what I'm telling you to do after you've quit this crazy hunt for " omg, what do I have? is it permanent? how do I get better? " is this: WORK WITH YOURSELF TO IMPROVE.

Yeah, you heard it right. I know you're struggling there and you're like " but I'm already doing this! ", but in fact, even if you think you're fine, your brain is not. The brain is so stupid and not updated with these ages, because take this simple example: your brain releases the same amount of cortisol ( which gives you stress and can transform into anxiety and depression ) if you have a stupid deadline at work/college or if you are alone, at night in the jungle and you are seeing a lion next to you. So yeah, in fact, anytime you notice something is wrong with you, even if you are not really thinking there and don't care, your brain is full alert and it can intensify that thing. So, in conclusion, the best thing to do is WAIT! Time will heal you, but you can do some things to speed the process and get better for these reactions. Learn to control them and then be full recovered as you wish.

What I'm going to list is what I've seen in the successful recovery stories, what I've tried myself and what I've been reading and searching over and over again on the internet, articles, books, podcasts, etc.

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

Cut anything bad from your life. Quit smoking anything, quit coffee, quit sodas, quit fast-food. Hope I don't need to mentions drugs, lol.

Do baby steps and try to eat more healthy. You don't need to start eating only vegetables and fruits daily on large amounts or start a body-builder meal plan. Just start little by little and change what you eat and when you eat! It's very important to have 3 meals a day and cut anything sugar-related.

Some people said that after they stopped masturbating they've seen some improvements in mood aswell. This was true even before you took anything, so yeah, it definitely helps.

Try to get quality sleep as much as you can. You need to sleep in average 8 hours to be fully functional, because the brain when you sleep can repair itself faster. That's why insomnia it's just holding us back. Try taking some sleep pills (valerian, melatonin, or something prescribed).

TRY TO ELIMINATE ALL THE STRESS FROM YOUR LIFE! By that I mean, start thinking what can stress you. Me personally from depression and because I couldn't really do anything beside staying in bed all time I moved out from town! I didn't took care of myself anymore, my entire apartment was a total mess, the space was so tiny, some things were broken and I couldn't really live anymore there. So I started to be stress-free when I moved out. Quit work if you think that is a stress! Your life is more important than a stupid job. Yeah, it brings money but maybe you can rely on some friends or family for some time. 1-2 months before you are better to handle stress again.

Start and think what causes stress in your life and CUT EVERYTHING.

Meditation (mindfulness) - at least 5/10 minutes a day. You can do it anywhere, there are many apps or tutorials on youtube. After you learn how to properly do a meditation, if you do it daily, you'll see with time the improvements.

Some examples:

Breath tutorials:


Supplements: Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Vitamine B Complex, Magnesium, NAC, Lion's Mane, OMEGA 3, Zync, Selenium, Citicoline, L-Tyrosine , L-Theanine

Brain games - they can improve your skills and cognitive functions a little bit and some can improve your decision making and make you a little bit smarter. I'll link down below some articles where you can take for yourself some hobbies, games and activities.







CARDIO - Have you heard about runner's high? It's a deeply relaxing state of euphoria, where your brain releases some chemicals and you feel pure joy and less anxiety. So yeah, better gen your jogging shoes and start running little by little. Or just start with some home exercises (plenty youtube videos and apps for your phone). When you feel ready, hit the gym!

Psychologist / Psychiatrist - They can actually help you understand that everything it's fine and make you feel better with their techniques and meds. Stop looking around for help, they are professionals who can actually help you.

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Let's sum it up. You don't have permanent brain damage and you'll never search for your symptoms again. You'll start with baby steps to be not normal and BETTER than before! Eliminate any stress you have, eat healthier, try to read and play some games to relax, socialize as much as you can, do things that can entertain you ( movies / tv-series / etc ), try some brain games, meditate, hit the gym and for sure try to seek for a psyc (professional help). As much for supplements, I've listed what I've seen people were taking. DO NOT TAKE THEM ALL. Personally, I've only with Magnesium and vitamin B Complex (it was also recommended by my psyc). Talk to a specialist what you can take. I see people saying 5-HTP also works, some say it doesn't. Some recommends CBD, some doesn't. Others says you should try NAC and Lion's Mane both in combination, other says they don't feel anything. Try to start with some multi-vitamins, B Complex and Magnesium. Nothing more, don't take 10-20 pills and every possible supplement because it can make it bad for your body than better. Also, don't rely too much on anti depressants, benzos, etc. Try to talk with your psyc about this. I only go with an anti depressant right now, I don't feel I need anything else because some meds can make you gain weight and some meds can give you a hard withdrawal.

I would have wanted to make this a 30-day journey just to keep you guys up with my progress and to see for myself how much I improve over time but I'll just try to start a journal, which I advise you as well (it can help with memory as well). What I know is that if I'm starting a journal, I would visit this forum every day and maybe I'll feed even you guys with anxiety that if I do X and Y it works for me, but for you, it doesn't or at least you don't see results as fast as me. That's why I didn't really said what I'm doing from all that list because YOU need to try everything and really try, not just give it a try and then quit. See what works for you and think what can! Buy some board games and play with your friends, listen to relaxing music, read books, start a new hobby, play chess on a daily basis, create a project by yourself and work on it!


Guys, believe me, you'll get better with time. You'll wake up one day 100% recovered and just laugh about this day. And yeah, I said laugh because myself I don't see this "LTC" a bad thing and actually a good thing because I've changed my lifestyle so much and not only I'm recovering but I'm also becoming a better version of myself and I don't think I would ever had the strength and the willpower to do this for myself.

TAKE CARE GUYS AND STAY STRONG! <3
 
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