MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)

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skeeto222

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I believe I'm a good example of why shrooms are BAD for someone who has mdma abuse. Mdma abuse showed negative effects on my heart with chronic chest pains and discomfort since July. It was after having a bad shrooming experience in November, I now have chronic ice pick/migraine headaches that occurred a couple days after I shroomed and hasn't gone away since. I'm very certain the ice pick migraine headaches are a result of the shrooms since I never had any headaches before I shroomed...just chest pain
Perhaps its a double edged sword.

And I hate to say this, because I know how awful it is to hear, but is there any chance your headaches are more mental or psychosomatic?

Was it a particularly bad trip? Or just physically uncomfortable afterwards?
 

Samyelljackson

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Perhaps its a double edged sword.

And I hate to say this, because I know how awful it is to hear, but is there any chance your headaches are more mental or psychosomatic?
Was it a particularly bad trip? Or just physically uncomfortable afterwards?
Yea there's no way this is all mental...I've shroomed more times than I can count before and when I last shroomed it was a totally different experience. I kept pacing back and forth, I couldn't hold still, I kept changing clothes cuz one second I'd be cold and then the next I'd be hot, my brain just felt like something was off and that I was about to have a seizure or go into convulsions. I almost went to the ER but I knew that if I just waited for a couple hours things would go back to normal which it did...but after a day or two is when the ice pick migraine headaches started along with cold sweaty feet. The cold sweaty feet has subsided after a month, however two weeks ago it came back on for a few days but has now stopped again but I still feel the ice pick migraines every day since
 

skeeto222

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How much did you take? And how long was it since your MDMA experience that led to negative after effects?

I'm about to give this a go because it's been months for me without recovery. Mentally I'm somewhat better...although it just feels like I've adapted to living like this. Doesn't feel like I'm actually getting better.

And physically things are still bad.
 

Budal202

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Already thought about shrooms neurogenesis too. It actually makes a lot of sense. The problem is i'm too afraid of a bad trip, and since i am still suffering from Depersonalization, anxiety and Depression i don't know if its a good idea.

Therapy has helped more than any other thing, i pratically abandoned my ego and by doing that was able to solve most of my sympthons like erectile disfuncion. 100% solved.

We all here think that our LTCs were caused by MDMA but we ignore the fact that a lot of people do use and abuse the drug and they are not affected. Why? Maybe because of a difference in our brain? Our brain starts to build itself in our childhood an So I thought about doing something that no one ever did here. We all should tell our stories, especially of our childhood and how we feel about other people. We need to check if there is a psychological pattern that leads to this condition. I mean , we all self-medicate with drugs. Its unlikely , if not impossible , that this does not precede psychological problems. I have reasons to believe that most of the sympthons are nothing more but psychological. I'm really tired now, cant write much but someone should keep going on this line.

Still feeling brain fog, severe insomnia and fatigue (depression), earworms, currently on Xanax 2mg and sulpiride 50 mg for sleeping. I really wanna quit the benzo so started with Lexapro 6 days ago for a long term treatment, first days 5 mg and now 10. I can feel serotonin coming and going, problem is i'm feeling tired during the whole day. But I'm on 2mg of benzo and I have insomnia so I cannot blame the ssri interely for that. Broke up with my girlfriend today, couldn't keep her going through this anymore, I want her to be happy.

I can say that Lexapro havent caused any problems at all with my libido, in fact it had a reverse effect. I can feel and touch things differently and it has definitely helped with Depersonalization. This were the only factors avoiding me to try it so I guess anyone here who's afraid could try it too
 

Cotcha Yankinov

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I would be very curious to know if LTC sufferers tend to have unhealthy childhoods, an unhealthy childhood does impact the biology of the human brain. Chronic stress decreases neurogenesis of serotonin, maybe normal people have average rates of neurogenesis and synapse formation so they are unaffected by MDMA, while people with unhealthy childhoods don't have a high enough rate of serotonin regeneration to keep pace with the damage from MDMA abuse. SSRIs work long term by increasing neurogenesis, and from what I've read it sounds like low dose mushrooms can increase serotonin neurogenesis as well, so both avenues are something to consider.

I think something else to keep in mind is that people get derealization/depersonalization from cannabis fairly frequently and traumatic emotional experiences commonly give rise to DR/DP as well so there might not be a direct correlation between "brain damage" and adverse reactions, some bad reactions might be more psychological in nature. Now that being said, I do think that there are a group of people with a certain serotonin mutation that have a much higher rate of adverse reactions to MDMA and this has a biological origin, so for some people it might be "all in their heads", so to speak, but for some other people (mostly the people who have really abused hundreds of pills/binged, especially at a young age) an LTC is more biological - the solution for these people is most likely going to be biological in nature because the problem is biological in nature. This could mean things other than drugs though, it could mean exercise or therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy to try to overcome "bad wiring" of the neural circuits by consciously using a still working part of the brain).

Even cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to increase brain volume, so there is no reason to think that "psychological" avenues like meditation won't have any impact on biology.
 

Samyelljackson

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How much did you take? And how long was it since your MDMA experience that led to negative after effects?
I'm about to give this a go because it's been months for me without recovery. Mentally I'm somewhat better...although it just feels like I've adapted to living like this. Doesn't feel like I'm actually getting better.
And physically things are still bad.
For most of 2014 and up until July of 2015 I used mdma religiously. At my worst I would take a couple and then a few hours later I would snort another one. I would also take it on consecutive days for consecutive weeks, I remember doing it 9 days in 2 weeks once. I do believe that other people are more sensitive to mdmas effects as some have abused it even more than me and suffer no long term effects.

But if what people are saying is true about shrooms and neurogenesis then by all means...give it a try...and please let me know how it goes. I've also read that shrooms have been used to treat headaches more so than cause them and a way to get over a bad trip is to trip again.
I'm just too scared to do any other drug that plays with my serotonin and dopamine and would rather give my brain a year or longer to recover like a lot of people have done and have claimed its going to take for a full recovery
 

ro4eva

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I believe I'm a good example of why shrooms are BAD for someone who has mdma abuse. Mdma abuse showed negative effects on my heart with chronic chest pains and discomfort since July. It was after having a bad shrooming experience in November, I now have chronic ice pick/migraine headaches that occurred a couple days after I shroomed and hasn't gone away since. I'm very certain the ice pick migraine headaches are a result of the shrooms since I never had any headaches before I shroomed...just chest pain
I'm sorry to hear that your consumption of Psilocybin Mushrooms has caused an indefinite/chronic migraine-like headache.

Have you considered giving Ubiquinone (Coenzyme Q10) a go? As someone who has suffered from occasional but rather severe migraine headaches long before my ordeal with so called 'LTC Symptoms,' I was quite surprised to find that this supplement works wonders for such headaches. And there are some anecdotal claims that it may be beneficial towards cardiovascular disease.

The catch however, is that, if you do decide to purchase a bottle, it's important to note that the supplement market has been found to be notorious for poorly regulated products - a significant amount of which have been found to contain little to absolutely no amount of the active ingredient(s) listed on the bottle. America and Canada are especially affected by such (potentially dangerous) adulterated merchandise.

In fact, I recall reading about one incident a couple years ago in Vancouver, B.C. (Canada) in which a certain brand (I forget exactly which) of Valerian capsules was found to contain high amounts of Diazepam (Valium) after one customer admitted himself to the nearest E.R. due to acute withdrawal-like symptoms after he ran out of a monthly supply.

For those of you who don't know, Diazepam is a potentially habit-forming (Benzodiazepine) drug known by its brand name of Valium in the U.S. and Canada, which, can cause an especially severe physical dependency to develop if consumed on a daily basis for more than (IIRC) a couple of weeks. Ergo, it is classified as a controlled substance, and is the reason why it being present in clinically significant amounts in what is supposed to be an herbal supplement is especially disturbing, but I digress.
 

Samyelljackson

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I'm sorry to hear that your consumption of Psilocybin Mushrooms has caused an indefinite/chronic migraine-like headache.

Have you considered giving Ubiquinone (Coenzyme Q10) a go? As someone who has suffered from occasional but rather severe migraine headaches long before my ordeal with so called 'LTC Symptoms,' I was quite surprised to find that this supplement works wonders for such headaches. And there are some anecdotal claims that it may be beneficial towards cardiovascular disease.

The catch however, is that, if you do decide to purchase a bottle, it's important to note that the supplement market has been found to be notorious for poorly regulated products - a significant amount of which have been found to contain little to absolutely no amount of the active ingredient(s) listed on the bottle. America and Canada are especially affected by such (potentially dangerous) adulterated merchandise.

In fact, I recall reading about one incident a couple years ago in Vancouver, B.C. (Canada) in which a certain brand (I forget exactly which) of Valerian capsules was found to contain high amounts of Diazepam (Valium) after one customer admitted himself to the nearest E.R. due to acute withdrawal-like symptoms after he ran out of a monthly supply.

For those of you who don't know, Diazepam is a potentially habit-forming (Benzodiazepine) drug known by its brand name of Valium in the U.S. and Canada, which, can cause an especially severe physical dependency to develop if consumed on a daily basis for more than (IIRC) a couple of weeks. Ergo, it is classified as a controlled substance, and is the reason why it being present in clinically significant amounts in what is supposed to be an herbal supplement is especially disturbing, but I digress.
Thanks for the advice. I just ordered ubiquinone and am hoping and praying that does the trick
 

ro4eva

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Thanks for the advice. I just ordered ubiquinone and am hoping and praying that does the trick
You're very welcome :)

Do you mind if I ask what brand you went with?

I'm actually in the market for a couple of supplements (Omega 3 and Acetyl-L-Carnitine) which are likely available from similar sources as is the Coenzyme Q10.

I'm looking for especially reputable brands, and will gladly spend a little extra rather than risk buying what turns out to be bunk Omega 3 and/or ALC.
 

Samyelljackson

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You're very welcome :)

Do you mind if I ask what brand you went with?

I'm actually in the market for a couple of supplements (Omega 3 and Acetyl-L-Carnitine) which are likely available from similar sources as is the Coenzyme Q10.

I'm looking for especially reputable brands, and will gladly spend a little extra rather than risk buying what turns out to be bunk Omega 3 and/or ALC.
I went with Pacific Coast Nutrilabs... Never bought from them before so I'm hoping for the best...I know "Now Foods" which I've seen a lot and think is a reputable brand has it too but it was more expensive
 

dzidektencerz

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Did Anyone improved his sex drive after monts or years ? I become Asexuality which is unusual I thing..
 

skeeto222

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It's been about 5 months for me and seems to be slowly improving.

I definitely think there could be a strong psychological component as well. It is baffling that some people have these horrific negative side effects and others are more or less fine. It's astounding really. Our brains are different but not that different IMO. That's why they have certain drugs that are applied for all people. I know that we'll have gene therapy in the future and that'll be great but really things are pretty similar.

It just doesn't make sense. Obviously I think extreme long term abuse can fuck someone up but for example the fact that I have used MDMA on other occasions and been fine but this time I wasn't just doesn't make sense to me. It's not like I had been using it a lot lately.

Also, in my case, I had the most horrific acid trip of my life the night before I took the mdma. I couldn't sleep that night, I had sexual problems the next day and so forth. This leads me to think that a large part of my situation might be psychological. I can't rule that out.

Incidentally, that's why I'm somewhat eager to take mushrooms. I am hesitant, especially considering how bad my last acid trip was. But I think if I can just do it in a safe setting and explore my mind and the root of what's going on, perhaps I can overcome it. My first times taking psychedelics as a teenager really helped me break through a lot of the social anxieties I had built up. As a kid I had friends but I always would get extremely nervous about things, always extremely worried about how others saw me. Speaking in front of a class I would turn bright red etc... But after taking psyschedelics I was able to realize I had nothing to fear socially and I really got much more confident and outgoing.

Another reason I think my situation may be psychological. My job has been driving me crazy for a while. And I just recently quit my job. I'm living at home unemployed, which sucks, but it's been a little over a week and for the first time it seems like my sex drive is beginning to return. I'm not normal yet, but it's actually possible for me to get turned on now where it really wasn't the case for a long time.

The only reason I think this may be the case is that it's so hard to find anything in the literature about this. There have been studies about mdma, and even specifically checking cognition and all that. And while they usually did find some effects of impairment, it was so slight that most of those with that were unable to even notice it.

If the rest of you are like me, you are unsure whether it is physical or mental. I go back and forth all the time, for a large portion of this time, I've been convinced it's real physical brain damage, of which nothing can be done. On the flip side, because it all started with a bad acid trip, I just can't rule out that that's what caused this. I wish I never would have taken the molly, because then if I still felt weird I would know for sure it was the trip.

Did anyone else here grow up as kind of an awkward kid with a lot of anxieties? Even if you grew out of those when you were an adult? I definitely agree with whoever said that telling personal stories might unlock some common trait we all share. I know everyone else on here has been paranoid about this, do you get paranoid regarding other health issues? In my case I have been something of a hypochondriac for the past 2 years, often times thinking I have a serious medical condition when in fact I'm perfectly healthy.
 

Londonscouser

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i get where you are coming from skeeto.
Did anyone else here grow up as kind of an awkward kid with a lot of anxieties?
I genuinely didn't know what social anxiety was until i was about 18. I did have a trait of being a bit shy with fit girls though, but was always confident at the same time
 

Go Easy

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Hi all,

First post on here after a couple of months of lurking... The stories of support have helped me get through a very tough first couple of months of my LTC. I'm hoping to share my story with hope that others who have felt similar symptoms in the past can relate and share their similar recovery story - but more so I'd like to stick around and document my path to (hopefully) full recovery so that those in the same situation in the future can hold onto some hope.

My story:

Have used MDMA at various intensities over the past 14 years. Started off single-dosing once every few months, to doing on average 200-300mg MDMA every weekend for months at a time at my peak usage around 2006. Never did any online research onto how to safely dose, nor what MDMA could do to the brain. All we ever researched was pillreports to see how good our bikkies were going to be. In the past few years usage reduced to maybe 2-3 times per year, but again dosing around 300-400mg in multiple doses across the night.

In 2006 found that I couldn't control my body temperature correctly and was constantly sweating. Would get nervous doing presentations for work and would break into a sweat when talking to people 1-on-1. Never made the connection that this was MDMA related (all Dr tests came back clear) and this caused some moderate anxiety. As the years went by and I was using less, this anxiety abated.

In 2010 we went to Ibiza and rolled 5 out of 7 nights, looking at on average 150-200mg per night. Didn't have any real mental issues rise on the back of this, although did come away with a significant case of tinnitus - at the time I thought this may have just been due to the loud music. It abated after a few months and I forgot about it.

Until now.

In December we got our hands on the crazy-strong dutch pills (tested) that are going around, and over the course of about 12 hours on December 26, had about 950mg MDMA over about 5 separate doses. Stupid, yes, but hindsight is always 20/20.

The comedown didn't come in earnest until about 4 days later, and symptoms included severe depression, suicidal thoughts, extreme panic attacks, chronic overheating/sweating, burred vision, headaches, light-headedness and a massive case of tinnitus. A doctor visit and a Diazepam prescription took the edge off the anxiety, and I ended up having around a month off work in January.

Fast forward to today and I am back at work but still struggling with the cognitive side. Having serious problems with my memory (eg couldn't remember the name of the day, "Valentine's day") and am stuttering my words as the link between my brain and mouth appears to have been damaged, with word recollection being horrible. I've got the vocabulary of a foreigner speaking English. This is causing social anxiety as I'm not keen to converse with people with fear I'm going to sound stupid or break into a sweat - this thought process then causes me to sweat profusely which just compounds the problem.

I've been off all alcohol/drugs for a month now to accelerate my recovery, but would love to hear any advice from people as to how they accelerated their cognitive (memory / speech / etc) recovery, as it is a huge hindrance for me in my role at work - I'm simply non-effective right now.

Doing the regular exercise, am seeing a therapist and the diet is pretty good. I think my general trajectory of recovery is positive, but like everyone I have my bad days when I really notice my cognitive deficits and the depression / suicidal thoughts kick in.

I've taken 5htp on and off for the past 2 months (currently off for about 2 weeks) and am wondering if anyone has had success with longer-term 5htp use during their LTC after a high dose screwup like mine.

Thanks guys.
 

Budal202

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Hi all,

First post on here after a couple of months of lurking... The stories of support have helped me get through a very tough first couple of months of my LTC. I'm hoping to share my story with hope that others who have felt similar symptoms in the past can relate and share their similar recovery story - but more so I'd like to stick around and document my path to (hopefully) full recovery so that those in the same situation in the future can hold onto some hope.

My story:
After doing several researchs and experiences I believe that given time, effort, and some techniques you will recover from most problems.

You are experiencing some symptoms very similar to mine. I think in your case the first thing to be worked is anxiety. You say that social anxiety is caused by difficulty speaking. I also have difficulty speaking. The goal is to act simply the way you are, try to accept that you are going through this difficulty, tell your close friends and family about the situation, so you can act naturally in their presence. Speech problems can be caused by imbalances and or brain damage, but tend to be more easily fixed because you can train it and stimulate neuroplasticity. A friend of my mother had a stroke and lost almost totally speaks for years, today she speaks normally.

Self-therapy has proven very useful for me, buy a notebook and write about your emotions: What gives you anxiety, when it started, and how you feel now. Only by doing this you activate some areas of the brain that are unused after a long time living with anxiety. Once you do this you will experience relief almost instantaneous and anxiety symptoms will improve, but some things will continue like tinnitus, depression and cognitive deficits. I face these also suffer with brain fog, difficulty concentrating, insomnia, but I read that the brain tends to fully recover if you stick to a routine of mindfulness meditation, yoga, sleep, and diet, and that will come with time.

Start doing these things, and you will notice an improvement. If you can sleep 8-9 hours a day doing yoga, meditation and exercises, things will get better. However, perhaps some drug intervention to combat depression is required. I'm taking 10mg lexapro and I believe it has helped me a lot, sleep better and it actually increased my libido, because i could concentrate better and feel less crap. 5-HTP has helped some, but others feel even more anxious, SSRI tend to rebalance the serotonin system in the brain.

If you start with SSRIs, the first days tend to be difficult, but things get better with time.

If you need any other help, pm me.
 

TrulyBlessed87

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Hello everyone , For all you know me what's goin on I hope your doing well. I just want your guys opinions on something that has been driving me crazy. I know some of you have experience heart symptoms. My symptoms that are left are elevated heart beat after eating which doesn't make any sense. It makes me slightly out of breath and it make's me feel I can't catch my breath . The good news is that my pvcs went away but I still have palpitations sometimes strong after eating. I have done ekgs two Holter which showed just tachycardia and an echocardiogram all were normal with no valve damage. My doctors do not want to pursue anything further so I am stuck feeling I damaged my heart but can't do anything about it. Do you guys think that is enough testing but what kind of weird symptom I's this . Even the palpitations after eating is so strange to the doctors that they just look at me retarded . There are some scary stories on the Internet about heart damage from drug use. I just want to know your guys opinions ?
 

Go Easy

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If you need any other help, pm me.
Many thanks, Budal.

Will definitely give your anxiety techniques a go - hopefully that and working with my therapist will put me on the right course.

Have been trying to avoid SSRIs wherever possible (have seen people close to me simply unable to get off them), but will consider it should things not improve.

Appreciate the advice and hope I can share some similar advice for those in need in the future.
 

Budal202

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Hello everyone , For all you know me what's goin on I hope your doing well. I just want your guys opinions on something that has been driving me crazy. I know some of you have experience heart symptoms. My symptoms that are left are elevated heart beat after eating which doesn't make any sense. It makes me slightly out of breath and it make's me feel I can't catch my breath . The good news is that my pvcs went away but I still have palpitations sometimes strong after eating. I have done ekgs two Holter which showed just tachycardia and an echocardiogram all were normal with no valve damage. My doctors do not want to pursue anything further so I am stuck feeling I damaged my heart but can't do anything about it. Do you guys think that is enough testing but what kind of weird symptom I's this . Even the palpitations after eating is so strange to the doctors that they just look at me retarded . There are some scary stories on the Internet about heart damage from drug use. I just want to know your guys opinions ?
I think it's definitely anxiety, you've probably created a traumatic memory that causes palpitations after eating. In my case it was just before sleep and also when I was lying with my girlfriend, all this is slowly going away.


I have anxiety when I eat too, if I think about it I can't swallow right, and my throat gets stuck. I find very difficult, if not impossible, that you have damaged your heart and have not been detected in tests.
 
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