MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)

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BlueBull

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This is the third version of the MDMA recovery thread. It serves the purpose of bringing together people who suffer from adverse effects after MDMA use to share stories and support each other

Previous thread here

I'll quote the last few posts of the previous thread to make replying to them a bit easier:
Well, after reading all of the posts related to low testosterone i can see that i am just what my name says.
A month ago, a friend of mine and I consumed 50 e worth of mdma in one night (even though the dealer probably ripped us off so it wasn't really 50e worth) and just like every other time i took ecstasy i had no side effects. That is, i thought i didn't until a week ago. *quick note:the mdma effected my hormones my libido skyrocketed* Last week i was in a club, only drinking beer and I started to notice that i had no sexual drive. At first I wasn't sure, because I'm the kind of person that rarely thinks about approaching girls. But this was in a club, where i honestly thought i was the most handsome guy and was the best dancer, so i thought i had great odds at finding a girl to at least dance with. But i remained passive, so passive to the point where a ripped guy approached me thinking i must be gay because some girls were throwing them selves at me and i just shrugged 'em off. The doubt of having low T was later then confirmed a week later where i went to an even bigger party and had the same story minus the gay guy... It's really depressing to see a beautiful girl and know that you want her and she wants you, but you're just like meh..i'd rather dance alone wallowing in my self-pity...
Anyways, i decided to visit a private lab and my results show that i have 3,2 ng/ml and of course the doctor said it was "within boundaries". The thing is, i'm not satisfied with "within boundaries". Truthfully, i consider my self blessed for having been born good looking or at least with potential to look good, and with proper dieting, exercise, facial lotions and what not i got my self to a point where i consider my self a 9/10. It really hurts to say that i'd rather lose it all just to have my lust back... After reading the stuff that you guys have mentioned, i'll probably go to an endocrinologist, but living in a third world country, i'm afraid that the bogus doctors will: 1. be of no help to me or 2. even worse fuck me up even more with some hormone replacement that may help me in the moment but will certainly screw me up even more in the long run.
TL;DR: I'm what my name says, just wanted to share my experience and see if I could squeeze some more useful intel out of the more experienced folk.
Based on all the recent posts--it is clear thaf at least for a percentage of us the endocrine system has been affected and this contributes to LTC symptoms. Makes sense since serotonin/dopamine/etc are involved in regulating that. Thats why you see low T downstream or low cortisol/suboptimal free t3. So there are 2 routes that can be discussed with your dr is addressing it upstream with psych drugs or addressing it downstream with hormones/hormone analogues (clomid, hcg, etc) or both.
Rphilli you serious? 100%? Like 100.000% perfect? :O ???? So this can be overcame !?
 

taxflax

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 3, 2014
Messages
37
First!

Just to be on topic. I have now passed the six month line and am heading towards the seventh. The past few months have been the same. No going forward, only backwards and therefore I have decided to make a chronological list on order of actions to try getting me out of this misery.

Up until recently I have been working out, eating well and sleeping 7-9 hours a day and also CBT. CBT has sometimes thrown be back (because of too much exposure I assume) so I will take it more carefully moreover. But I am not satisfied with my situation so these are the following steps I will start with to see if there is any improvements. Of course I will continue with the routines above.

1. Start meditating. I already began doing this a couple of days ago. I started out on 5 min in the morning and 5 min in the evening and for every day that passes I will increase with a minute until I reach 15 or 20.
2. Start taking amino tabs. The same day I ordered 5-HTP I remembered I have amino tabs (for working out) at home which happened to have L-Tyrosin so for a couple of days I have started to take these.

It has only passed a couple of days and I can seriously feel an improvement. I can't tell if that is placebo or actual progress but one thing is sure - I have left a bad spiral and hopefully I will never have to return.

3. Soon my 5-HTP will arrive. I will take this daily until my serotonin levels are back to normal. I have read about people having LTC for months and then trying 5-HTP for a month, filling up their levels to maximum and then getting healthy and back to normal again. My doctor says it is fine since it is an amino acid that could be found in our body and therefore is natural. Once the levels are back to normal it will stop building serotonin which is supposed to be noticeable. If this is the case of low serotonin I will not proceed with the list.

4. Acupuncture. I have heard that this is amazing against anxiety and have previously refused to try it because I have wanted to work my anxiety issues out by myself but I feel that I have done that and am now willing to try it out.

5. SSRI. The last resort. If I keep feeling shitty in a month I will try these out. I know what I am capable of and if the side effects are the worst thing awaiting I can manage them. I don't believe the addiction is something to worry about. My ambitions are very clear. This is just a way out of a potentially larger bad spiral.

I will return with results when I start feeling further changes!
 

me2point0

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2014
Messages
216
First!

Just to be on topic. I have now passed the six month line and am heading towards the seventh. The past few months have been the same. No going forward, only backwards and therefore I have decided to make a chronological list on order of actions to try getting me out of this misery.

Up until recently I have been working out, eating well and sleeping 7-9 hours a day and also CBT. CBT has sometimes thrown be back (because of too much exposure I assume) so I will take it more carefully moreover. But I am not satisfied with my situation so these are the following steps I will start with to see if there is any improvements. Of course I will continue with the routines above.

1. Start meditating. I already began doing this a couple of days ago. I started out on 5 min in the morning and 5 min in the evening and for every day that passes I will increase with a minute until I reach 15 or 20.
2. Start taking amino tabs. The same day I ordered 5-HTP I remembered I have amino tabs (for working out) at home which happened to have L-Tyrosin so for a couple of days I have started to take these.

It has only passed a couple of days and I can seriously feel an improvement. I can't tell if that is placebo or actual progress but one thing is sure - I have left a bad spiral and hopefully I will never have to return.

3. Soon my 5-HTP will arrive. I will take this daily until my serotonin levels are back to normal. I have read about people having LTC for months and then trying 5-HTP for a month, filling up their levels to maximum and then getting healthy and back to normal again. My doctor says it is fine since it is an amino acid that could be found in our body and therefore is natural. Once the levels are back to normal it will stop building serotonin which is supposed to be noticeable. If this is the case of low serotonin I will not proceed with the list.

4. Acupuncture. I have heard that this is amazing against anxiety and have previously refused to try it because I have wanted to work my anxiety issues out by myself but I feel that I have done that and am now willing to try it out.

5. SSRI. The last resort. If I keep feeling shitty in a month I will try these out. I know what I am capable of and if the side effects are the worst thing awaiting I can manage them. I don't believe the addiction is something to worry about. My ambitions are very clear. This is just a way out of a potentially larger bad spiral.

I will return with results when I start feeling further changes!
Do you exercise at all? After running my 5k or 10k I feel 0% anxiety and huge drop in symptoms for two full days. Wich is why I run once every two days. I mean, at this point I dont even know whats good for me, so I just say fuck it and do it all. I think we'll get out of this and if we don't, well damn.
 

Brahhhh

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 8, 2015
Messages
67
First!

Just to be on topic. I have now passed the six month line and am heading towards the seventh. The past few months have been the same. No going forward, only backwards and therefore I have decided to make a chronological list on order of actions to try getting me out of this misery.

Up until recently I have been working out, eating well and sleeping 7-9 hours a day and also CBT. CBT has sometimes thrown be back (because of too much exposure I assume) so I will take it more carefully moreover. But I am not satisfied with my situation so these are the following steps I will start with to see if there is any improvements. Of course I will continue with the routines above.

1. Start meditating. I already began doing this a couple of days ago. I started out on 5 min in the morning and 5 min in the evening and for every day that passes I will increase with a minute until I reach 15 or 20.
2. Start taking amino tabs. The same day I ordered 5-HTP I remembered I have amino tabs (for working out) at home which happened to have L-Tyrosin so for a couple of days I have started to take these.

It has only passed a couple of days and I can seriously feel an improvement. I can't tell if that is placebo or actual progress but one thing is sure - I have left a bad spiral and hopefully I will never have to return.

3. Soon my 5-HTP will arrive. I will take this daily until my serotonin levels are back to normal. I have read about people having LTC for months and then trying 5-HTP for a month, filling up their levels to maximum and then getting healthy and back to normal again. My doctor says it is fine since it is an amino acid that could be found in our body and therefore is natural. Once the levels are back to normal it will stop building serotonin which is supposed to be noticeable. If this is the case of low serotonin I will not proceed with the list.

4. Acupuncture. I have heard that this is amazing against anxiety and have previously refused to try it because I have wanted to work my anxiety issues out by myself but I feel that I have done that and am now willing to try it out.

5. SSRI. The last resort. If I keep feeling shitty in a month I will try these out. I know what I am capable of and if the side effects are the worst thing awaiting I can manage them. I don't believe the addiction is something to worry about. My ambitions are very clear. This is just a way out of a potentially larger bad spiral.

I will return with results when I start feeling further changes!
I dont think youll ever get better
 

taxflax

Greenlighter
Joined
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Messages
37
Do you exercise at all? After running my 5k or 10k I feel 0% anxiety and huge drop in symptoms for two full days. Wich is why I run once every two days. I mean, at this point I dont even know whats good for me, so I just say fuck it and do it all. I think we'll get out of this and if we don't, well damn.
Yes I work out 4-5 times a week. I run as often as I can but since I have back issues it's difficult to do so more than once a week. I agree though that running and maintaining a high pulse is good for anxiety slaughtering.
 

me2point0

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Messages
216
I dont think youll ever get better
It's been 15 months i've been in this, and I still believe ill get better. And you know what, im noticing some real progress in the last few weeks, stop being negative. Weither what you say is true or not, he's never going to know for sure if he doesn't try. No need to crush our morale. Not cool man.
 

BlueBull

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Yes I work out 4-5 times a week. I run as often as I can but since I have back issues it's difficult to do so more than once a week. I agree though that running and maintaining a high pulse is good for anxiety slaughtering.
Perhaps try some other high-intensity training that's a bit less taxing for your back? I agree that exercise works absolute wonders for MDMA recovery, but also noticed that any high-intensity workout will do. For me the most efficient is martial arts training, since it alternates very fast between exercises and the exercises are usually high-intensity but short in duration. Explosive but shorter exercises work better than less intensive but longer ones in my experience, but that's just me, might be different for other people

*edit* oh, didn't see that you only run once a week, while you work out 4-5 times a week. So you probably know this already. Sorry, I misread :D
 

Brahhhh

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Messages
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It's been 15 months i've been in this, and I still believe ill get better. And you know what, im noticing some real progress in the last few weeks, stop being negative. Weither what you say is true or not, he's never going to know for sure if he doesn't try. No need to crush our morale. Not cool man.

15 months? Thats a long time man. For me its 9 months atm. But my MDMA abuse was in 2012, i took it 20 times in a year, but never more than 200mg. So 2 years later my 'LTC' came, realizing I had changed alot during that period, gave me the LTC in 08-2014. Im not being negative.. But yeah.
 

Deltronpedro

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Jul 14, 2014
Messages
203
15 months? Thats a long time man. For me its 9 months atm. But my MDMA abuse was in 2012, i took it 20 times in a year, but never more than 200mg. So 2 years later my 'LTC' came, realizing I had changed alot during that period, gave me the LTC in 08-2014. Im not being negative.. But yeah.
LTC with 2 years delay? Don't get me wrong, but could it be that all your symptoms aren't MDMA related?

I dont think youll ever get better
How do you know this? You said you are experiencing your "LTC" since 9 months. The expected timespan for recovery is between 6 and 24 months for the most(every one is different). Maybe your frustrated and just want to vent your spleen? Well, if so, that's not the right place in my opinion.
 

Brahhhh

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LTC with 2 years delay? Don't get me wrong, but could it be that all your symptoms aren't MDMA related?
Could be indeed, at the point that I realized that I wasnt as a fresh person and optimitsticas I was before the MDMA use, then my 'LTC' started. Which was in 08-2014, so most of it is just in your mind
 

ShortTermExpert

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54
There is definitely a lot of shit that needs weeding off this thread.

Don't waste your time with a neurologist. Or a cardiologist. Or any specialist doctor for that matter bar a psychiatrist and maybe an endocrinologist. But that being said, hormone replacement therapy carries it's own risks, so if your T is borderline low, chances are you're better getting it back up the natural root.

People NEED to treat an LTC as a MENTAL affliction. The moment you stop looking for scapegoats is the moment you'll begin to make real progress.

Going to every medical professional under the sun is only going to fuel your anxiety. Googling your symptoms is only going to fuel your anxiety. Thinking about MDMA as some kind of killer chemical that has permanently fooked your life up, is only going to fuel your anxiety.

Stress will fuck you up more than any drug. Which is the reason why the hundreds of thousands of E users around the world don't all suffer from LTCs. It's because these users don't stress about shit as much as us unfortunate bastards.
 

Tpchan85

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Messages
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Going to every medical professional under the sun is only going to fuel your anxiety. Googling your symptoms is only going to fuel your anxiety. Thinking about MDMA as some kind of killer chemical that has permanently fooked your life up, is only going to fuel your anxiety.

Stress will fuck you up more than any drug. Which is the reason why the hundreds of thousands of E users around the world don't all suffer from LTCs. It's because these users don't stress about shit as much as us unfortunate bastards.
But by the same logic it is highly likely that some people here actually do have medical issues that have shown themselves coincidentally around the time we were taking MDMA. I think we blame MDMA too much for sure. But I also think telling people not to go to medical professionals is very silly. Most of us are late teens to early twenties, this is exactly when most health issues rear their ugly head. For example, if you started developing something like multiple sclerosis on a comedown (independently of drug abuse) then you would probably blame the MDMA and find yourself in this thread.

These are facts:
- Stimulant abuse of any kind can trigger heart troubles, from minor arrhythmia to major problems
- Stimulant abuse can trigger anxiety disorders
- Stimulant abuse and the associated lifestyle generally leads to malnutrition, problems like anemia can develop with long term use
- Problems like hypo/hyper thyroid, multiple sclerosis, celiac disease and other genetic disorders tend to show in the early twenties

That being said I think the majority of people in these threads are suffering from an anxiety disorder. The hormonal effects are likely a symptom of chronic anxiety not a cause. SSRIs are great because they can block the anxiety for a temporary period of time allowing the adrenal system to rest and return to homeostasis. Exercise, diet, good nutrition and making yourself active will have a huge effect here too. If you are worried something is medically wrong in my experience that worry will never go away until you've seen a professional that has told you you're OK.
 

mulholland602

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It's so sad to see threads like this...I myself have been in this situation and It left me with a deep hatred for MDMA and a sense of shame and disgust at what I had done to myself....Surely a brief search on a forum like this would be enough to discourage anyone from considering using MDMA the fact there are threads like this one talking of 'Recovery' and 'Support' should be enough this isn't a serious illness this is supposed to be something taken for 'Fun' recreationally it is literally self harm....there is alot of misinformation about MDMA/Ecstasy and sadly it comes from forums like this and not the government....Irresponsible and selfish users talking of the wonders of their favourite drug....Vilifying alcohol which in comparison is benign no matter what you might hear on bluelight.....MDMA is if abused (And arguably even just used) is poison....And it literally makes me sick..
 
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mulholland602

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Messages
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Though that said I would offer my support and encouragement to anyone experiencing problems....I don't blame most MDMA users as like I said there is a lot of misinformation people are lead to believe that MDMA is safe.....Please,Please,Please for your own sake never use MDMA again it just isn't worth it in terms of damage to the brain I think were yet to see a more harmful recreational drug use for use......MDMA/Ecstasy fully deserves it's class A status and should never be considered for reclassification...
 

ShortTermExpert

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Messages
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But by the same logic it is highly likely that some people here actually do have medical issues that have shown themselves coincidentally around the time we were taking MDMA. I think we blame MDMA too much for sure. But I also think telling people not to go to medical professionals is very silly. Most of us are late teens to early twenties, this is exactly when most health issues rear their ugly head. For example, if you started developing something like multiple sclerosis on a comedown (independently of drug abuse) then you would probably blame the MDMA and find yourself in this thread.

These are facts:
- Stimulant abuse of any kind can trigger heart troubles, from minor arrhythmia to major problems
- Stimulant abuse can trigger anxiety disorders
- Stimulant abuse and the associated lifestyle generally leads to malnutrition, problems like anemia can develop with long term use
- Problems like hypo/hyper thyroid, multiple sclerosis, celiac disease and other genetic disorders tend to show in the early twenties

That being said I think the majority of people in these threads are suffering from an anxiety disorder. The hormonal effects are likely a symptom of chronic anxiety not a cause. SSRIs are great because they can block the anxiety for a temporary period of time allowing the adrenal system to rest and return to homeostasis. Exercise, diet, good nutrition and making yourself active will have a huge effect here too. If you are worried something is medically wrong in my experience that worry will never go away until you've seen a professional that has told you you're OK.
What you're saying is correct. However, the fact remains that the chances of giving yourself an actual medical condition from too much MDMA use is very small, if not minimal. I don't think I've seen a single person come on this thread and say they've been diagnosed with a medical condition, bar the hormonal issues. But that again, is more likely a result of the stress rather than a root cause on it's own, like you've said.

I don't think it's wise to throw words like multiple sclerosis around on this thread. Nor is it correct in the vast, 99% if not more of cases.

Given my own experience, at one time I was experiencing:

1) Huge adrenaline rushes and brain zaps as I was falling asleep. These would jolt me out of bed and throw my heart up to close to 200 bpm
2) Shakes in my hands, arms, legs. Random twitches. These tended to occur in the left side of my body. I was scared that it would be noticed in public and I'd look like a nervous wreck.
3) Almost constant anxiety and numbing depression, frequent angry outbursts and mood swings. Contemplated suicide numerous times, even wrote a note out.
4) Almost constant palpitations. Almost constant awareness of my pulse, could feel it all over my body. Would physically move objects I was holding. Felt like my blood pressure was like 300/200 or something. (it wasn't)
5) Zero sex drive. Even morning wood wasn't quite firm. Looking at girls was like looking at an interesting rock.

I'm about 80% recovered now. And that's a conservative estimate. To be fair, the only thing that isn't quite 100% is the sex drive, but due to how I've been for the past few months I've not really had the chance to test it. I have a zest for life that I haven't felt in months.

I had all the tests. Everything was fine from a medical point of view. I haven't used any medication apart from a few supplements, the rest has been lifestyle change and patience.

I first became sick in August last year when I took 5g of MDMA in 3 days. I continued usage as I recovered quite quickly initially. Then a week after 0.5g was consumed in October, I had huge anxiety when I was with a girl and it sent me on a downward spiral.

I agree with you that seeing a doctor may help alleviate anxiety, but that's standard practice for anxiety sufferers, whether drug induced or not. Your standard GP should be able to check you out. If the heart is fine and your hormones aren't completely whacked, the rest is just up to you. Anti-depressants/anxiety may help take the edge off, but the rest is entirely up to you and I fully believe everyone has the potential to recover.

I can say from my own experience, that it's not so much a recovery as a rebirth. Given the lifestyle changes I've made, I can see myself being more a 2.0 version of myself. That being said, I'm not fully 100% yet. Though at the current rate, I'd imagine by the end of the summer at the latest I will be.

Though that said I would offer my support and encouragement to anyone experiencing problems....I don't blame most MDMA users as like I said there is a lot of misinformation people are lead to believe that MDMA is safe.....Please,Please,Please for your own sake never use MDMA again it just isn't worth it in terms of damage to the brain I think were yet to see a more harmful recreational drug use for use......MDMA/Ecstasy fully deserves it's class A status and should never be considered for reclassification...
MDMA, when used responsibly, is fine. In fact, I can imagine it's therapeutic potential is enormous. ABUSE of MDMA, however, will fuck you up harder than most, as this thread indicates. it's all about baby steps. Taking a tiny bit of rock. Don't touch shitty pills. Taking only enough to get a slight buzz, not rushing like a maniac. Ensuring it's good quality material. Ensuring you are a healthy individual, you stay well hydrated, and all of the harm reduction information that is all over this forum.

That being said, I doubt I'll ever touch it again. Purely because I have no doubt made myself extremely sensitive to it's nasty side effects, when if I hadn't have been such a careless twat in the first place would have never have happened.

Fortunately, God is merciful and I (almost) have my life back. Lesson learned.
 

ShortTermExpert

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Also, I have a hunch that if things had gone well with that girl in October, I would have never of ended up in this thread. The anxiety kicked in after a night of heavy drinking. Circumstances were such that it all happened at the wrong time, I couldn't get it up due to the random anxiety and then my thoughts went on a runaway train of stupid shit. Losing my sexual confidence hit me to the core, when it shouldn't. Knowing what I know now, it would have never have happened.

Guys, tackle the anxiety and realise that your brain is telling you stupid shit. And learn to laugh a little. Humour is the best medicine.
 

ryan23

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i still feel tottally fucked up my muscle weakness and memory is terrible docs gave me ecitalopram has anyone ever tryed this ?
 

Dawglaw

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Some of you guys need to step back from the edge.

I, along with the VAST majority of my fellow LTC survivors, all have come to the same conclusion that our LTCs were very much a psychological issue that manifested itself via physical symptoms.

I know first hand how terrifying and frustratingly endless a LTC can seem. But, as others have said, trying to correlate X to Y and then Y to Z is doing nothing to help your brain deal with all the stress it is under. Treat your symptoms, do not spend hours agonizing about the "what ifs" or searching for a magical cure that will make it go away just as fast as it arrived. You are only making things worse.

I know the obsession and the panic. If you have to, step away from bluelight for a while. My doctor made me do it when I was dealing with my LTC. Find something else to do with your time than sitting around obsessing with how shitty you feel. It is easier said than done. It is a very slow, bumpy road to recovery.

For those that have been suffering longer than normal, perhaps it is time to consider the possibility that the drug use triggered a latent mental health disease that was waiting in the shadows? Perhaps treating your problems as a mental health problem, with professional help and medication, could be of benefit?

Telling people that they will never recover is straight irresponsible unless you are their neurologist and have been monitoring them before and after their LTC started. Also. blaming a LTC on MDMA use that occurred two years before any mental issues manifested is absolutely ridiculous.

Remember, MDMA has become one of the most popular drugs of our time. A lot of research has been done. If recreational usage (even irresponsible usage) could cause major brain damage, it would be far more widespread than a few people and lurkers on a forum.

The people suffering LTCs are incredibly sensitive and come to BL because it is the only resource out there. There is a lot of good information here but there is also a TON of quackery from people who gave themselves Google MDs. Stop scaring people about brain damage.

You guys will be ok. I promise. But you have to work hard for it. That starts with healthy mental health practices. Stop scaring yourselves and each other, it is only prolonging your eventual recovery.
 

mulholland602

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Messages
31
The Jewish world conspiracy has been peddling MDMA to White youths for years...To destroy their potential and ensure that nationalism doesn't flourish in the west ever again....Drugs are just one way of clipping European\White wings...The Israeli government import thousands of pounds worth of MDMA into The USA and Britain every year...
 
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