Magic Mushroom Penis Envy PE / 50g fresh / 5 Level - Death and Birth of Shroom Mother


Apr 27, 2016
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]50g fresh PE trip report - The Shroom Mother[/FONT]

[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Beforesharing my trip bits with you I need to say that I am not experiencedwith mind altering substances. Weed has been visiting my lungs 3-4times in my life, but that´s about it. I have been challenging myown mind though in different other ways like in silent retreats andphysical challenges to the body (lying on a block of eis untill itmelts a.s) I am a mental health professional (working with children),I have a loving family and a good life.[/FONT]
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Myreason to shroom was to challenge my mind and surrender to aspiritual experience.[/FONT]
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Afriend aquainted me to the shrooms and I decided I want to grow themmyself, which I did. The strain was PE. This friend is experienced(or so he claimed) with LSD, shrooms and other hallucinogens.[/FONT]

[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Aftera 4 month preparation time, reading a lot and talking to colleaguepsychiatrists, reading studies on psylocibin etc. and growing the PEwe agreed to meet at his appartment (he newly moved in) and triptogether. He also wanted to invite people he knew and I didnt - Iwasnt happy about that as i did not want to trip around strangers. Asa matter of fact, my feeling said I want to rather trip alone, but Idid not want to appear as an ass toward my friend. This friend is agood soul but still did not feel 100% comfortable with him around.[/FONT]
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Thereis no real cohearence what the trip is concearned, but bits of in andout or worlds. I use to think of this experience as being a ridebetween the outer world (what happend outside of me during the trip)and my inner world (the trip itself). What happened outside is ratheran indicator of a bad trip and prooved to be a very bad idea to tripwith this friend.[/FONT]
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Myinner world and this first experience with the shrooms was pure blissand hell and purgatory and enlightment and I would not want to missit a bit. My english is not my mother tongue, so please excuse mypartial awquard use of language.[/FONT]

[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Setting:appartment, dogs were around, sunny beautiful day[/FONT]
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Ingestion:eek:n empty stomach, 50 g PE fresh[/FONT]

[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Iwill describe now my own trip (rhe perceptions of my inner world).Afterwards I will describe what, according to the others (friend, hismates, police and hospital) happened in the outer world. Most of thetrip I have lost completly the notion of who and where I am, track oftime and space and contact with reality altogether. The trip occuredabout 2 years ago and I can say that my personality changed for thebetter ever since. I am planning to meet with the Mother Mushroomagain some day.[/FONT]

[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Atethe whole 50g fresh all at once. The effect was almoust instant. 10minutes into that and I was laughing histerically realising that Ijust cant think straight anymore. Friend ingested some but could noteat them due to the taste, drank some milk and, according to myrecollection he did not take more than 10g fresh. We went to thedarkened bedroom, he put some music on and I lay under a blanket as Ifelt very cold. The dog was warming me and I huged her feeling herheartbeat with my palm. The friend – I will call him A. here –lied down and told me to listen to the music and breathe. It took 20min into the journey and I had vivid open eye hallucinations. A wasmorphing into his dog. His arms were turning hairy and ugly. I closedmy eyes and found myself into lots of patterns and doors, corridorsand strange figures like gnomes with theatrical expressions andtextures. Lots of colours, vivid animation. I opened my eyes and theroom was BEAUTIFUL, filligrane 3 D patterns moving around. A went tothe bathroom and I asked him why he did not eat everything. Hereplied in an angry tone I should relax, he does not want my badvibes. „Do I need to kill you to shut up?“ he said. I was scaredbut drifted fast into my own reality. (I must say he never talked tome like that! We were never involved in a relationship or somethingcloser then friendship). After a while he asked me to go to the otherroom and bring him water. We had plenty of water around though but Istood up and tried to fetch him a cup. I started to laugh about howslow i was thinking and processing language. Then I felt how my eyesjust watered incredibly. Powring rain. I did not feel sad, just a bidlonely. Asked my friend if I can hold his hand. He gave it to me.Then I only remember I wanted the dog, to hug and feel safe as Ibegan to feel paranoid. The more I got into the trip the more I beganto loose it. I went to my bag and took a bottle of water I havebrought with me and drank it out. Then I realised, this waterbottleis the only thing reminding me of my reality before the trip. I triedhard to concentrate what else was real outside of my trip. The dog,yes, the dog is real. Good. Relax. Focus on the breating. Paranoiaagain. What if I drown in my water. No, my water is real. Who am I? Iam water. Sure, I came from water. Is death water? Such thought. Idid not fight it, just remembered the advice not to let myselftrapped by the visuals. So I tried opening my eyes and looking at myhands. I could not see them. Instead patterns, blurred music, thetexture of the dog morphing with A. Scary shit. I did not want tostay in the darkness anymore, went to the sunny room. The darknesslooked like hell! Paranoia again. Everybody I love and care for mustbe involved in magic mushrooms. Now I am into the infinit labyrinthof the mycellium and there is only a loop of time with no escape. Ipictured my family members, friends and colleagues and had plausibleassociations how all of them were all involved with the mushroomconspiracy. The fixed idea „if i ever get out of this loop, i needto initiate others, f.e. my children, to come into the mushroomlabyrinth.“[/FONT]

[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Atthis point I was sure that the whole point of maturing is to get intothe mycellium of the mushroom and be born again in there. I wasgrateful but also not content enough. I remember going down to thefloor and sticking my tongue out like a snake, I was a scary andmorphed creature of this mushroom world. It all made sense, that lifeand death beginns and ends with the mushroom. My reverence for themwas so big that I paced between the sunny room and the dark dormthinkind I am in the underground and then i raise above the growndlike the shrooms do. On the floor in the sunny room I felt how goodit is to be alone. I had a sense I understand all the films of Kubrikand of Bergmann. And that I am in the ´50ies in New York, trapped ina film scene as another person. I pitched my mole (I have one on mychest) and said „this is her mole but its not me“. I wascompletely lost in space and time. Everything was strange. No contactto A. At some point I wanted to go to the bathroom to pee so I neededto go throught the other dark room where A was. I think he wasmasturbating so I appologised for disturbing and went to thebathroom. On the toilet I realised that I need to pee a lot! I wouldstand up and go down again. Than put my hand in my mouth as if I wantto eat myself. I thought I was a sort of Moebius Band, a neverendingcycle of life and death. At this point time was running so fast thatI saw my past life and realised i am speeding into the future. Thefuture was my death. I crawled on the floor and waited to die. I wasnot afraid, i stuck the hand in my mouth deep and waited that iingest myself. But I realised I pissed on the body i was wearing andthought „what the hell, i dont want to get out of my going to thefuture“. I speeded even more to the future and some voice wasstoping me, telling me that, if i want to go to the future than iwill need to slow down and go to the past. This is where I started tofreak out! I did not want to go back. I was told I need to go to thepain of the Holocaust if I want to go into the light. I need to goback to where MAN was born, to the ape stadium and even morebackwards, untill I become a spore. I am not allowed to die forwards,I need to die backwards the voice said. I fought that with mybreathing! I was convinced, that if i keep being THE SUNLIGHT andBREATH, than time will just hold still and I can die forward in thefuture. I did not want to go back to the Holocaust because I knew Iwould be Hitler! (sorry for this thought, A is half-jewish!) I dontwant to be Hitler and kill so many people. I refuse that. I looked atmy hands, they were turning hairy and I was morphing into an ape.[/FONT]
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Iwas then in New York again, realising my husband has died in the war.I took all my clothes off and started to see some people I did notknow in the flat. „Holy shit, they are my employees, I thought, andthey help me grief my dead husband.“ They slapped me and hit me andI was lying on the floor. I thought I am dying again, in this filmtoo! The people were mean and shouted, one sprayed something on mebut I could not find my face. One poured water on me, another onelaughed at my mid-40ties used up womans body. I felt attacked fromall directions and told everybody shouting „I love you! I love youall. Look, my grief is only pure love! Look at it“. I asked one ofthe people if I may touch them, I needed comfort. But they continuedto scream at me and I felt a hard blow on the head. My head wasshrinking and my bones were soft. I felt like my skull was being borninto another reality and thought „thats releaving, I dont like tobe trapped in this reality with those jerks around“. They tried tomake me swallow some pills, then coffeee. I told them to let mefinish my journey and just comfort me. „Please hold me! I love you.I love you all“[/FONT]
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]ThenI was begging for them to be quiet. Dogs were barking wildly.Metallic sound was disturbing me and I lost orientation if its thepast or the future Im going to. I was being laughed at and humiliatedand though my skull was trying to get thorugh the birth canal into areality of a Mother Three that was GEA, our Earth Godess, but thesepeople still held me back.[/FONT]

[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Atsome point I turned around (was still nacked) and thought, if Iconcentrate on the time and on my breathing they will dissappear.Quiet. Partly reality was settling in. Police men were arresting meand put handcuffs on. I was still tripping hard. Woke some 2,5 hourslater, perfectly lucid, at the hospital. I left right away.[/FONT]
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Aftertalking to my friend about what happened, he reported that he calledthe friends and they showed up. That is the moment I freaked out andthey tried to calm me down by spraying a deodorant in my face, givingme coffee and cigarettes. They hit me in the head and I had pain fordays, even though noone admits having done that. They wanted me toshower but I was paranoid they want to drown me. My friend was angrywith me because of punching his friend in the face. It turned out tohave been a very bad idea to have strangers coming in while trippingso hard.[/FONT]

[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]OUTCOME: [/FONT]
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Allin all, I am very greateful of this experience. Overcoming the painof death, being part of a circle of life in the fractal universe andfeeling so much love despite of the humiliation and beatings issomething so strong that sticks with me still! Even so many yearspassed, I still feel very grounded and was not angry with what myfriend did or said. But I am sure now, that next time Im tripping, Iwill choose other people to be around, have a sitter that is mentallymuch stronger than A is, be in my own environment and try to excludeany external distress around me. The police and hospital action were,looking back, a great lesson of overcoming my anxiety towardsauthority. I am much more selfconfident now when I need to deal withthem [/FONT]
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Iknow that i need to go back to the Mother Mushroom as I feel that Iwas disturbed in the contemplation of that infinite world betweendarkness and light. But Im not prepared to do that yet.[/FONT]

[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Loveand peace,[/FONT]
[FONT=ArialMT, sans-serif]Elena[/FONT]


Mar 2, 2014
Your friends seem like the last people I would trip with... Your friend A. took less shrooms than you and he talked to you like shit and didn't care about your well-being... And he called more people, what a mistake. Not even talking about calling the authorities... And your other friends, no comments... Hitting you, wanting to make you swallow pills, giving cigarettes etc. This is one of the reasons why informing people about psychedelics and stopping demonization would be great: people would be less ignorant and would freak out less when you're tripping and treat you less like a freak / dangerous drug addict etc.

Your friend sure made sure you had a nice bad trip. You seem to deserve much nicer friends. I even wonder if you can call them friends. Friends who give you shrooms and make / let you bad trip and then send you to the hospital with a police bonus...
I hope you didn't have too much psychological damage from this experience. It seems like you learnt from it, which is nice! Peace!

P.S.: this kind of stuff happened to me, on a much smaller scale: I was drunk at a party where I knew nobody (I saw some people there stealing alcohol bottles from the party, wtf), I smoked on a joint, then had a pretty hard blood pressure drop, I sat down with my head resting on a table and couldn't talk anymore. Everyone was talking about me, the girl which had the appartment was saying "get this guy out of my house I don't want the ambulance to come here". they didn't even thin about giving me water or sugar. When I came back to my senses, I left, some guys were leaving at the same time, I tried talking to them and they completely ignored me. When we arrived at the subway it took me some time to get my tickets, and they took advantage of this time to leave me behind. I ran to them, said "wtf". No response. Ha, my fellow homo sapiens disappoint me so much sometimes.. :)
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Apr 27, 2016
Hi there Shaal,

you are right in all you say. The only "friend" i knew personally was A. The other people that A. called while I was tripping i never saw in my life, im not even sure i would even recognize them again. My mistake was to believe and trust what A. told me, that he is an experienced tripper. He is not and he has a lot of psychological issues i did not know about. Now i know better...

I am planning to trip again some day but i will do it differently.

I am fine and chilled despite of those people that freaked out. The bad trip was outside of me, not inside.

I feel for you while reading your story. Its so easy for others to pass judgement on you and discard one as a "junkie"...

My belief in love and humanness is intact. We sometimes need the bad to remember of the good.