• NMI Moderators: D's | madness00 | PtahTek
  • Bluelight HOT THREADS
  • Let's Welcome Our NEW MEMBERS!

Longtime luker, finally saying hello

trinkiest

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 16, 2018
Messages
6
Hey BL. I've been hanging around, reading about you all, for 2 years. Thought it was time to finally say "hi"...

Feb. 6, 2017, I fell on the ice and crushed L1, mangled a couple of other vertebrae and just like that, my whole life changed. It took over a year to find a surgeon who would take on the repair, as bone shards were dangerously close to my spinal chord. I began taking pain meds 9 months after the injury. I couldn't sit or stand. The waiting was crazy.

April of 2018, I underwent MAJOR spinal reconstruction. I, truthfully, have never seen an xray of more metal in anyone's back, than I have. Nine hours into the surgery, my body threw in the towel. I coded. I flatlined..I have NO idea why the incredible surgical team would not give up on me. Forty-six minutes of CPR, shocked 7 times with the paddle. I spent a little over 2 weeks on the ventilator, my poor husband and everyone else, were convinced that if I pulled through (they gave me 15% chance), heart/brain damage would be significant. They call me the ICU miracle.

The pain...
When I was able to withstand another surgery, MORE metal and huge screws were needed in a second fusion. My back? Was indescribably wrecked. My front? Broken ribs, cracked sternum, nerve damage...
I had a PIC line, and they pushed Dilauted EVERY hour, straight to my bloodstream/heart. Oxycontin, oxycodone, Demerol . My daily meds were insane.

Almost 3 years later, now. I will most likely be on pain meds for the rest of my life, but have actually brought myself down to "as needed", something I wasn't sure I'd be able to do. Ever. I imagine I will have to face dependency again, should I ever take opiods on a regular basis.

Blue lighters have kept me company many, many sleepless, pain-wracked nights. I'd never done drugs, which is a little weird since I've been a professional (rock) musician my entire life. Maybe I got lucky? Maybe I saw what they did to so many people I've loved. But now I have an incredible respect, empathy, compassion, for so many who struggle with this shit. Opiods are an incredible gift. Opiods are also terrible curse. Thank you, BL, for all the help, information, humor, tears, reality. You've helped me beyond measure...😪💕
 

PtahTek

Moderator: NMI
Staff member
Joined
Mar 18, 2018
Messages
3,842
Location
Onda Cona
Thank you, BL, for all the help, information, humor, tears, reality. You've helped me beyond measure...
Awwww. 🔥
Hey, man. Glad to be privy to your post/experience. This place does tend to help one stay intact, no? Not complete sure if I know what it is yet but whatever it is it is quite the phenomena, in my experience. Just un-equlalled in my sight(s) and the best (IMO) distraction from destructive behaviours/thoughts. (y)
Have a few back/spine issues as well but nothing anywhere sever re: what others have experienced. My wife has had a laminectomy recently (was doing great) and went-over in the garden one afternoon... all back to square one. Fuck. They wanna do some hard-ware next and we both refuse for now... so they upped her dose of pregabalin and oxy. She doesn't care for the oxy but the prgab she loves (who doesn't? lol) and it helps. We'll see....
Didn't mean to post my personal biz in your thread just came out as such.
I was on oxy and all kinda other shit for decades and had to crawl out of that hole back into a place relatively more bright. Took years and sourcing some replacements but feeling a lot healthier and confident that the wars I choose to fight are worth the struggle and no-one is hurt and/or listed under as "collateral damage". Gotdam there is too much of this and I have contributed in ignorance.
OK. Welcome to BL. Gonna go back and re-read your post as I feel a bit lost at the moment from weed and phenibut. Hahahahaha Sorry/not sorry.
Love always,
Ptah
 

trinkiest

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 16, 2018
Messages
6
It's great to meet you, Ptah..
Feel free to post
Awwww. 🔥
Hey, man. Glad to be privy to your post/experience. This place does tend to help one stay intact, no? Not complete sure if I know what it is yet but whatever it is it is quite the phenomena, in my experience. Just un-equlalled in my sight(s) and the best (IMO) distraction from destructive behaviours/thoughts. (y)
Have a few back/spine issues as well but nothing anywhere sever re: what others have experienced. My wife has had a laminectomy recently (was doing great) and went-over in the garden one afternoon... all back to square one. Fuck. They wanna do some hard-ware next and we both refuse for now... so they upped her dose of pregabalin and oxy. She doesn't care for the oxy but the prgab she loves (who doesn't? lol) and it helps. We'll see....
Didn't mean to post my personal biz in your thread just came out as such.
I was on oxy and all kinda other shit for decades and had to crawl out of that hole back into a place relatively more bright. Took years and sourcing some replacements but feeling a lot healthier and confident that the wars I choose to fight are worth the struggle and no-one is hurt and/or listed under as "collateral damage". Gotdam there is too much of this and I have contributed in ignorance.
OK. Welcome to BL. Gonna go back and re-read your post as I feel a bit lost at the moment from weed and phenibut. Hahahahaha Sorry/not sorry.
Love always,
Ptah
 

trinkiest

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 16, 2018
Messages
6
So nice to meet you..
Feel free to post your 'stuff' on my thread anytime. It helps to educate myself re: other's experiences. I know my little dance with opiods is no where near its end. I imagine I'll teeter back and forth many, many times. This forum is finally a safe place to ask questions without judgement. It's a big deal.
 

PtahTek

Moderator: NMI
Staff member
Joined
Mar 18, 2018
Messages
3,842
Location
Onda Cona
Will definitely post more... ;)
Hey... was trying to find the thread where we have a native user that creats the below... very talented. If I find it will post the link... for now gotta go to store to grab a few thing.
Love,
Ptah

 

madness00

Sr. Moderator: NMI, MH, CD, SLR
Staff member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
11,032
Location
New England
Hey @trinkiest - nice to meet you.

Join the party ;) BL is fun even sober.

That's great that you brought yourself to as needed. I hope you find the power in yourself to maintain that.

What do you do for your band? I used to be a great drummer.

Welcome to Bluelight!
 

trinkiest

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 16, 2018
Messages
6
Hey @trinkiest - nice to meet you.

Join the party ;) BL is fun even sober.

That's great that you brought yourself to as needed. I hope you find the power in yourself to maintain that.

What do you do for your band? I used to be a great drummer.

Welcome to Bluelight!
 

trinkiest

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 16, 2018
Messages
6
Hey Madness
One of the reasons I brought myself down on meds (cause my doc actually encourages me to ask for more if I need), is that it seems that after 3 years, they don't work that well and just make me feel like shit. I was just always sick, possibly in some form of low-level withdrawal at all times. If I took them, I'd be in a cold sweat and sick. They didn't seem to help the pain like they'd done in the beginning. If I didn't take them, same thing except in more pain as well. After fighting this for a good 8 months I decided to stop and see just exactly where my pain levels are. It was hard to tell when I was going off and on all the time. The pain sucks but it's not a ton worse than without them. I just feel better...

One thing I learned, from starting and quitting sooo many times, is for me, the fear of the withdrawal was almost always worse than the actual act. Maybe cause I had crept my way down to 30 mg/day which I maintained for a few months, then 20, ect. I think this may sound like I'm a bit of drama queen. I realize fully that many people take much more than I did. But not for the first year. I was truly afraid I was going to go down a very dark path. I was on SO much stuff and didn't see an end. I know that most people get started on opiates due to injury and get lost from there. I don't want to to sound as though I skated through it. Many, many weeks of hell. Just to start over again cause I couldn't stand the pain. What. A. Clusterfuck. Lost time. Lost friends. Lost job. Lost life. But I did die on the table.
And although the experience has left me feeling unafraid of death, I guess I'll wait a bit longer to make it official..😎

I play keys and sing. I began playing in bands at 15, hit the road at 18 and stayed on it till I got hurt. I've traveled extensively, which is all I ever wanted to do, had ridiculous fun and met/played with so many amazingly talented musicians. Aren't we the lucky ones? Get to do what we love for a living? P.S. I bet you're still a great drummer...

Take care and thanks for the chat
 
Top