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Blog Life is Hard

ageingpartyfiend

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 5, 2011
Messages
612
I know I'll be fine but my mind has the zoomies with all the what ifs

I know it sounds ridiculous but I am so fucking freaked out by being alon
It's totally normal and in no way ridiculous, not in the slightest. Please, if you can, try to stop framing your response like this.

With bona-fide trauma response, which is what you're suffering from, there's a tiny part of the deep deep brain (lets call it spot x) that 'thinks' you're in mortal danger everytime you get triggered. There's no bargaining with spot x, no application of logic will affect spot x.

I've had a little look at the timeline here and your traumatic event was relatively recent. Because it's so fresh it may be more accurate to call your condition TS (Traumatic stress, without the post or disorder). Your brain is trying to keep you from danger. It's doing what is is designed to do, although that isn't much consolation to you I'm sure

If the symptoms last, say, over six months....then the traumatic memory is stuck in the "flight-or-fight" centre, it hasn't been processed so it can move to the normal "long term memory bank" where you could access the memory without the massive anxiety just as you could with any other memory - that is when it becomes "Post-traumatic" and becomes a major issue (not in any way demeaning your present experience)

Clearly, one of your triggers is being alone. Your brain won't let you (yet) trust your own logic that you are in fact safe. Write down "I am safe - my brain is trying to help me but it's got overprotective" and leave these messages all over the house.

I'd be extremely wary about benzo use for fresh trauma. The odd xanax or whatever when it's intolerable for sure, but anything over and above that is just creating more problems as I'm sure you're well aware.

While waiting for the brain to (hopefully) reprocess your memory, a daily (twice daily really) meditation practice is your very best bet. Mindfulness stylee....learning to identify what are thoughts and what are facts, and learning to not attach to our thinking but merely to observe it, and then to let it go. A regular meditation practice will also lower your baseline anxiety levels, meaning that any anxiety provoking situation will not be as difficult to navigate. <3 <3
 

BehindtheShadow

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 21, 2017
Messages
6,475
Location
Here
It's totally normal and in no way ridiculous, not in the slightest. Please, if you can, try to stop framing your response like this.

With bona-fide trauma response, which is what you're suffering from, there's a tiny part of the deep deep brain (lets call it spot x) that 'thinks' you're in mortal danger everytime you get triggered. There's no bargaining with spot x, no application of logic will affect spot x.

I've had a little look at the timeline here and your traumatic event was relatively recent. Because it's so fresh it may be more accurate to call your condition TS (Traumatic stress, without the post or disorder). Your brain is trying to keep you from danger. It's doing what is is designed to do, although that isn't much consolation to you I'm sure

If the symptoms last, say, over six months....then the traumatic memory is stuck in the "flight-or-fight" centre, it hasn't been processed so it can move to the normal "long term memory bank" where you could access the memory without the massive anxiety just as you could with any other memory - that is when it becomes "Post-traumatic" and becomes a major issue (not in any way demeaning your present experience)

Clearly, one of your triggers is being alone. Your brain won't let you (yet) trust your own logic that you are in fact safe. Write down "I am safe - my brain is trying to help me but it's got overprotective" and leave these messages all over the house.

I'd be extremely wary about benzo use for fresh trauma. The odd xanax or whatever when it's intolerable for sure, but anything over and above that is just creating more problems as I'm sure you're well aware.

While waiting for the brain to (hopefully) reprocess your memory, a daily (twice daily really) meditation practice is your very best bet. Mindfulness stylee....learning to identify what are thoughts and what are facts, and learning to not attach to our thinking but merely to observe it, and then to let it go. A regular meditation practice will also lower your baseline anxiety levels, meaning that any anxiety provoking situation will not be as difficult to navigate. <3 <3
Thank you for this and I am looking into what you said in pm x
 

Sarah Marshall

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 28, 2019
Messages
136
Location
Denver, Colorado
Hang in there bud it gets better after breaking up with my boyfriend of 10 years I slipped into a dark place and am just seeing the light now.
 

BehindtheShadow

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 21, 2017
Messages
6,475
Location
Here
So I thought I would share some of what was done to me because it feels like I am getting it off my chest by talking about it.

Some of you know I was stabbed, punched, kicked and raped.

Below are some of the pictures of my stomach and my hand

14654
 

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mal3volent

Moderator: TDS, S&G, TL
Staff member
Joined
Jun 6, 2011
Messages
8,398
So I thought I would share some of what was done to me because it feels like I am getting it off my chest by talking about it.
I'm glad you're getting some small amount of relief by sharing. We will always be here to listen.
 

leet

👑 Gamesmaster 👑
Joined
Aug 10, 2008
Messages
940
Location
A wretched hive of scum and villainy
OMG
I've been beaten with a brick into the ground but an assault like that, I think you're so brave posting about it, talking about it and showing those pictures. I know we don't know each other but I'm thinking about you, and like everyone else in BluLite we are all here for you. Being global community there will almost always be an e-friend for you here 24/7 <3
 

BehindtheShadow

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 21, 2017
Messages
6,475
Location
Here
OMG
I've been beaten with a brick into the ground but an assault like that, I think you're so brave posting about it, talking about it and showing those pictures. I know we don't know each other but I'm thinking about you, and like everyone else in BluLite we are all here for you. Being global community there will almost always be an e-friend for you here 24/7 <3
Thank you Leet, apparently talking about it is supposed to help but meh it hasn't yet....
 

leet

👑 Gamesmaster 👑
Joined
Aug 10, 2008
Messages
940
Location
A wretched hive of scum and villainy
Thank you Leet, apparently talking about it is supposed to help but meh it hasn't yet....
It probably does but only in tiny tiny increments. It must be something you think about a lot and I believe that talking or posting about it, by containing it in words rather than thoughts, you give your pain a voice, a voice that will be listened to by us all xx
 

BehindtheShadow

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 21, 2017
Messages
6,475
Location
Here
So I ventured out on my own to do some grocery shopping and for the first time in ages I didn't panic driving on my own....

Funny thing was I actually had a good time, bought a lot of things for my little one and my furbabies.

Came home and my darling hubbs and the little one had made dinner and it was just so amazing.

What wonderful family I have

Much <3
BtS
 

Iceman1216

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 27, 2019
Messages
264
Location
North East - Long Island
wow !! Thank you for sharing. I hope that the person was caught , and locked up? This happened in your driveway? I am not sure what state you are in, or what your thought are on the topic? I teach Gun safety here in NY and training. It may be a class you would take to allow you to let go of the fear??
 

BehindtheShadow

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 21, 2017
Messages
6,475
Location
Here
wow !! Thank you for sharing. I hope that the person was caught , and locked up? This happened in your driveway? I am not sure what state you are in, or what your thought are on the topic? I teach Gun safety here in NY and training. It may be a class you would take to allow you to let go of the fear??
Thank you very much for the offer.
I already have a licence to carry a firearm but wasn't on the day it happened
 
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