PMS
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2012
- Messages
- 145
Hello everyone.
I grew up on the village countryside of North Norway, and had high expectations for my life. I was an overweight and not popular teenager, but spent years visiting online forums and playing guitar. I began smoking hashish with my best friend, and realized i was a "hippie", one that would not conform to the State and modern culture, but to play music and have my own beliefs. Together with my friend, we dreamt about becoming men with integrity, nice houses and families- and all the things we were supposed to do. Every day life was exiciting, we smoked loads of hash, had parties, and it was good. The future looked promising.
Everything was good until I turned 21, and I was coming home to live in a nice apartment close to where I grew up. I was full of commitment and hope, of being a good person and getting the most out of life. When I came home and was having my "house warming" party, I got a phone call saying that my best friend was dead- murdered.
Even though I had alot of money on my bank account and the best premises to make a great life, I began "don't giving a fuck", experimenting with online research drugs, and wasting my money.
I then moved to a nearby city, to try "starting my life", I had planned to begin working out, and eating healthy. I started meeting up with a pair of junkie idiots, who introduced me to I.V. speed- which I loved.
It was very interesting and intrigueing to be able to shoot up speed, and becoming very high. This drug made me feel special, on top of the world. Fast fowards a few years, I had become a real junkie- broke, poor health, no real relationships, and on welfare. Life had become a cycle of doing huge amounts of speed alone in my apartment, being broke and on a comedown, and trying to survive until the next paycheck, where I would do this again.
I almost died several times, and did my entire 20's without having a girlfriend, a job, or any real close friends. I turned down my drug habit in March this year, and have been three months clean by now. Life feels better than it has done in a long time, but I'm 29 years old, and sit here having a few beers, and thinking about what a fool I've been to have wasted it all. If I could choose again, I'd invest in something like a nice house to live in, and to be a good man, so that I could have a girlfriend.
Trough all these years I've been playing guitar and composing music. I had some very nice gear, that I lost- and i only recently got hold of a new electric guitar. My plans have been for a long time, to record a CD with my own compositions. Start to work out and look good, and try to find a girlfriend. Also to stop paying rent for my shitty apartment, and instead try to pay down a loan for a decent house.
Plans for the future and being sober is allright. But I often don't feel very good, and have days where I feel down- being alone and without anyone to take care of, also feels very sad.
I wonder if anyone had some motivating words and advice to give me.
Cheers,
-Erl
I grew up on the village countryside of North Norway, and had high expectations for my life. I was an overweight and not popular teenager, but spent years visiting online forums and playing guitar. I began smoking hashish with my best friend, and realized i was a "hippie", one that would not conform to the State and modern culture, but to play music and have my own beliefs. Together with my friend, we dreamt about becoming men with integrity, nice houses and families- and all the things we were supposed to do. Every day life was exiciting, we smoked loads of hash, had parties, and it was good. The future looked promising.
Everything was good until I turned 21, and I was coming home to live in a nice apartment close to where I grew up. I was full of commitment and hope, of being a good person and getting the most out of life. When I came home and was having my "house warming" party, I got a phone call saying that my best friend was dead- murdered.
Even though I had alot of money on my bank account and the best premises to make a great life, I began "don't giving a fuck", experimenting with online research drugs, and wasting my money.
I then moved to a nearby city, to try "starting my life", I had planned to begin working out, and eating healthy. I started meeting up with a pair of junkie idiots, who introduced me to I.V. speed- which I loved.
It was very interesting and intrigueing to be able to shoot up speed, and becoming very high. This drug made me feel special, on top of the world. Fast fowards a few years, I had become a real junkie- broke, poor health, no real relationships, and on welfare. Life had become a cycle of doing huge amounts of speed alone in my apartment, being broke and on a comedown, and trying to survive until the next paycheck, where I would do this again.
I almost died several times, and did my entire 20's without having a girlfriend, a job, or any real close friends. I turned down my drug habit in March this year, and have been three months clean by now. Life feels better than it has done in a long time, but I'm 29 years old, and sit here having a few beers, and thinking about what a fool I've been to have wasted it all. If I could choose again, I'd invest in something like a nice house to live in, and to be a good man, so that I could have a girlfriend.
Trough all these years I've been playing guitar and composing music. I had some very nice gear, that I lost- and i only recently got hold of a new electric guitar. My plans have been for a long time, to record a CD with my own compositions. Start to work out and look good, and try to find a girlfriend. Also to stop paying rent for my shitty apartment, and instead try to pay down a loan for a decent house.
Plans for the future and being sober is allright. But I often don't feel very good, and have days where I feel down- being alone and without anyone to take care of, also feels very sad.
I wonder if anyone had some motivating words and advice to give me.
Cheers,
-Erl