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Life is hard... anybody up to give some motivation?

PMS

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 3, 2012
Messages
109
Hello everyone.

I grew up on the village countryside of North Norway, and had high expectations for my life. I was an overweight and not popular teenager, but spent years visiting online forums and playing guitar. I began smoking hashish with my best friend, and realized i was a "hippie", one that would not conform to the State and modern culture, but to play music and have my own beliefs. Together with my friend, we dreamt about becoming men with integrity, nice houses and families- and all the things we were supposed to do. Every day life was exiciting, we smoked loads of hash, had parties, and it was good. The future looked promising.

Everything was good until I turned 21, and I was coming home to live in a nice apartment close to where I grew up. I was full of commitment and hope, of being a good person and getting the most out of life. When I came home and was having my "house warming" party, I got a phone call saying that my best friend was dead- murdered.

Even though I had alot of money on my bank account and the best premises to make a great life, I began "don't giving a fuck", experimenting with online research drugs, and wasting my money.

I then moved to a nearby city, to try "starting my life", I had planned to begin working out, and eating healthy. I started meeting up with a pair of junkie idiots, who introduced me to I.V. speed- which I loved.


It was very interesting and intrigueing to be able to shoot up speed, and becoming very high. This drug made me feel special, on top of the world. Fast fowards a few years, I had become a real junkie- broke, poor health, no real relationships, and on welfare. Life had become a cycle of doing huge amounts of speed alone in my apartment, being broke and on a comedown, and trying to survive until the next paycheck, where I would do this again.

I almost died several times, and did my entire 20's without having a girlfriend, a job, or any real close friends. I turned down my drug habit in March this year, and have been three months clean by now. Life feels better than it has done in a long time, but I'm 29 years old, and sit here having a few beers, and thinking about what a fool I've been to have wasted it all. If I could choose again, I'd invest in something like a nice house to live in, and to be a good man, so that I could have a girlfriend.


Trough all these years I've been playing guitar and composing music. I had some very nice gear, that I lost- and i only recently got hold of a new electric guitar. My plans have been for a long time, to record a CD with my own compositions. Start to work out and look good, and try to find a girlfriend. Also to stop paying rent for my shitty apartment, and instead try to pay down a loan for a decent house.

Plans for the future and being sober is allright. But I often don't feel very good, and have days where I feel down- being alone and without anyone to take care of, also feels very sad.

I wonder if anyone had some motivating words and advice to give me.


Cheers,
-Erl
 

PMS

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 3, 2012
Messages
109
There's been many years, like 8 years, since I decided to follow a dream and "go for it".

Even though things are rough now, I think that in a few years time, I could be "on top of it" and feel good again, if only I decide to work hard.

Writing here seems to help actually.
 

Kinggaiseric

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 9, 2019
Messages
8
I'm not sure if this helps but a friend of mine once told me that anything bad that happens to you is a talent you have for the rest of your life. You are in a unique position to have gazed into the gaping mouth of death by addiction and escape with your wits. This knowledge can help a lot of people and can inspire brilliant art if channeled correctly. You write your own story and you still have the option of it being a motivational, inspiring one.
 

Zopiclone bandit

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 25, 2018
Messages
3,082
NO I'm NOT joking here btw OP, I firmly believe in this outlook 100% & if I had my way people would be subjected to this daily.

 
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Xorkoth

"City Watcher" & Sr. Mod: PD, TR, TDS, P&S
Staff member
Joined
Feb 8, 2006
Messages
38,656
Location
Shadowmeister v0
Hey man, sorry you've had a rough go of your twenties. I could have told a similar story in many ways. I was out of college, minorly addicted to kratom, but full of hope. Through my twenties I increasingly sank into a serious, soul-destroying opiate addiction. My relationship was turning increasingly dark and oppressive and abusive, and my opiate addiction got worse and worse through that. I quit playing music actually, early in my twenties, though it had been my favorite thing in life. To make a long story short, I found myself 30 years old and feeling like I just wanted to die.

What turned it around for me was realizing that "success" can be measured in many ways, and life can always change if you pull yourself up. First you have to identify what isn't working for you, what is causing you pain and is negative to your life. In my case, it was opiates, but really it was my relationship. So I got out of that finally. And then within 2 months of her moving out, I got off opiates for good. I started working out 5 days a week and very quickly started to feel so much better about myself, and also just healthier and stronger. I can't even tell you how much working out helps. I was able to save money again because I wasn't spending it on drugs. With that new confidence, I made a profile on Ok Cupid (dating site) and met a couple of people, and the second one stuck, we've been together for 5 years now. I started playing music again and that's been the most important thing, because I had forgotten how much I missed it, it's what I focus on the most. I'm in a band and we're playing around a lot and it's just the best.

Sounds like you're on the right track, honestly. You can do it, I can really relate to the music, it's awesome that you have a guitar again. Honestly, just start working out and eating well, living a healthy lifestyle, and playing music, and make these the focus of your life. When you're happy and fulfilled, everything else follows naturally.
 

jose ribas da silva

Bluelighter
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
233
Location
Beyond the darkness
Hey man, sorry to hear about you

North Norway, so you almost a viking, probably living in a fucking cold place and paying 15 euros in a beer. Don't get me wrong, I know Norway is one of the best countries in the world.

However, you're not happy in this country, having probably amazing blond women around. My suggestion is: you need to leave Norway, just take your langskip and go out exploring, forget about drugs, it is clear that you use drugs to cope with other feelings. You're not an addict

Man, go to the Central or South America costs, beautiful beaches, amazing women that will love how white you are. Sunny days, your money multiplied by 4 or 5 and the human warmth that you will never find in Odin's lands

Go there, open a small business for you, play some black metal for them, and enjoy
 
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PMS

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 3, 2012
Messages
109
Hey man, sorry to hear about you

North Norway, so you almost a viking, probably living in a fucking cold place and paying 15 euros in a beer. Don't get me wrong, I know Norway is one of the best countries in the world.

However, you're not happy in this country, having probably amazing blond women around. My suggestion is: you need to leave Norway, just take your langskip and go out exploring, forget about drugs, it is clear that you use drugs to cope with other feelings. You're not an addict

Man, go to the Central or South America costs, beautiful beaches, amazing women that will love how white you are. Sunny days, your money multiplied by 4 or 5 and the human heat that you will never find in Odin's lands

Go there, open a small business for you, play some black metal for them, and enjoy
lol! :D

Yes, I'm a viking. I come from the village Mestervik.

I'm drinking store-bought "Pokal" beers, as well, drinking beers in a pub is actually 15 euros a beer yes. And then you get a fuckin' queer "0,4" glass instead of a decent half litre!!

Yeah I'm tired of Norway. I don't like the politics, it's cold, winter is all dark here in the north.
Been dreaming about getting a small flat to rent in Netherlands, I'm on welfare so technically I'm allowed to live 6 months a year outside Norway. If everything goes well, I'll be moving in October, and spend the winter over by Amsterdam playing guitar and meeting new people. :) I hope this will be possible to do.

:)
 

jose ribas da silva

Bluelighter
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
233
Location
Beyond the darkness
I don't know, have you ever been to amsterdam?

I mean, that city is really beautiful, lot of things to do in the night, weed is legal, so it sounds goods. But, there are a bunch of tourists trying to show up and they are only there temporarily.

I've never lived there but my experience has taught me that Dutch people are not the warmest in the world with foreigners (if there is a dutchman here, correct me if I am wrong, please).

Summarizing, in Europe, it will be virtually the same everywhere, in terms of human warmth

it may work if you're an extrovert, which does not seem to be the case. That's why you need a place where people's moods can transform an introvert into an extrovert
 

jose ribas da silva

Bluelighter
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
233
Location
Beyond the darkness
Alternatively, take some mushrooms, or DMT, MDMA, I am feeling that you have been using the wrong drugs

Go crazy as fuck, burn some churches in the name of paganism and in the name of your viking ancestors

By the way, very nice bands from Norway, I appreciate Emperor, Mayhem, Ulver, Immortal, old Tristania, Theatre of tragedy, dimmu borgir, A-ha !
 
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