Hi guys,
I've been addicted to kratom for 4 months. Compared to some other stories I read, of people who were addicted for several years of daily use, even extracts, mine seems so trivial. But I know I am addicted, and the withdrawal (PAWS I think) has been quite hard for me. I'm currently nearing the end of my taper plan. For 4 months I was using 10-20g of bali powder a day, then I cut that down to like 6g, and started tapering down and now I'm at 3g/day. Tomorrow I'm planning on knocking it down again to 2.25g. The depression and anxiety have been the hardest part for me. And beatit, props on going cold turkey. I tried that once and was overcome with really bad depression and hopelessness, so I know what you've been feeling. Tapering has helped reduce the intensity by a lot, but it's still very frustrating and I believe taking a while longer. I just want to be back to normal. I am grateful though that I realized I had a problem before I continued to take kratom, because I know it would only make withdrawing that much worse, and I don't think anyone can take kratom for the rest of their life.
Reading about other people going through kratom withdrawal has helped me a lot. I'll be checking back here probably daily for the next couple of weeks. I too think that not many people take kratom withdrawal seriously, and I wouldn't know how bad other drug withdrawals could be (I'm sure they can be magnitudes worse) but this is the first time I've ever been addicted to something and I really have no one else to talk about this with.
Hiya kratom kicker! No addiction is trivial and no person is trivial. You mention PAWS, and this acronym gets tossed around a lot. It stands, of course, for Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. But without an acute (CT) withdrawal, where does this syndrome come from? Answer, INMHO, our minds. Once we have a name for something we like to call it that, and if we're going through something we want to find out what it is, just knowing it has a name makes a person feel better, 'cause then you have a named entity with which to contend.
Here's the rub though, what your dealing with probably isn't PAWS, and anyway, no two people experience this so called PAWS the same way.
Truth is: when you stop using a feel-good after using it for a long time, you go through some feel-shitty. Luckily the feel-shitty is shorter than the habit. But whatever we call it: PAWS, WDs, etc., .... it all comes down to adjusting to life without this expensive crap that keeps getting us further down that shit hill on which the opiate train runs to nowhere good.
KickingKratom, don't worry if your taper is taking longer than you like. Do the taper you can do. Drop when you can, monitor yourself, and adjust your taper. For example, say you take a modest .25 gram drop, and it's kind of shitty, not dreadful, just not good, but you can still function. Good! Keep that dose until it gets better, and it will in a day or two. Then wait another day or two for the next drop. Point is, be kind to yourself, and don't expect miracles. Just go day by day, and do the best you can each day to get closer to your goal. Progress is all that is truly important. Schedules...fuck 'em. Focus on your progression.
I know you want to be back to normal, so do I. Whatever normal is, if you get there first, tell me about it. Just know that it will take some time. Everyone talks so depressedly about going through it, but what if we tried to think of it as labor pains in a days, weeks, or months long birth. Fuck the pain, right? I'm gonna get a NEW me outta this. I know the flipside of that too though, being in that place where you're so panicky, scared, depressed, and feeling like shit that that nice big green mound of kratom, or any other DOC, sounds like heaven. Coping skills are what we need for this part, coupled with the belief that we are good people trying to something extraordinary. Seriously, kicking an addiction out of self will is extraordinary. It's also kind of a paradox, because self will got us all into this mess.
And to your point about taking kratom for life. You're right, it's not suited for that, unless you want to be eating buckets of it for breakfast lunch and dinner everyday, which, if done, could lead to the first ever kratom death. Kratom is a tricky animal. It's been used well by those tapering off of serious opiate habits, but it's also been the thing that, once it begins to require huge doses, leads people to heavier shit like oxy/roxy/h/pods and so on.
Last thing here. you seem to worry about the fact that kicking hardcore habits is much more involved, gross painful and so on. Just because you're not going through hardcore H withdrawal doesn't mean your addiction is trivial. And for damn sure, YOU are not trivial. You're here aren't you? Trying to figure out what to do.
It's the psychological part that is the worst once the physical symptoms begin to clear. ANd whether it's some who shit themselves for days or someone in a tornado mentally over trying to kick kratom, it's impossible to compare the psychological symptoms of WD. It's also pointless to compare them, except just to share experiences and try to learn from others and help others. KickingK, you're going through TOUGH shit. I feel you my friend. Don't think that just because you haven't lost your hous and your family and years to prison time and been to hospital-detox 8 times that your plight is unimportant. On the CONTRARY.
Not only are you just as important, and not only are your feelings and pain just as legitimate as any other addict of whatever severity, but the goals we addicts have are the same. Sobriety, one. Then, eventually, happiness in sobriety, and then helping others who have fucked themselves the way we have.
2.25 g/day is pretty low (not extract right?). Either way, just keep moving toward where you want to be.
I'm currently at 3-4 grams 2-3 time a day. This is the taper of a taper, down from buckets of poppy pod grounds multiple times daily. I haven't set my taper plan for the kratom yet, but tomorrow, I will take less than today, and see if that's ok. If it is, then I'll take a little less the next day. When I start to get problems I'll stay on the problem dose until it becomes a manageable dose (3-5) days. Then drop, adjust, drop adjuct, until ZERO.
And while doing this I am going to phase in a workout schedule as my kratom use phases out. That, and I'm going to eat better, and be nicer, and just keep that idea in my mind of freedom, of waking up every day feeling good or at least not-shitty, of not obsessing over using, of not craving, of just living, because then I can truly do whatever I want, and I won't be wanting drugs or drink then.
All my best to you,
pods no more