Solid day at work today. Got a headache from looking at my computer so much but survived the day and was definitely more productive than when on kratom. Able to think clearly and thoroughly. Looking forward to Monday night football tonight (go Niners) and will be home tomorrow to take delivery of a new tv
Its interesting the little insight I just gained into your feeling and situation from what you are saying here.
I'm not sure how to say it but it's specifically how you're describing these upcoming things to look forward to, like it's different now that you have stopped the kratom instead of blocking out all the pain all the time you are basically dealing with it and overcoming it for a start.
And you will be be gaining incentive for this by looking at life differently and finding other things to look forward to and to motivate you and make it all worthwhile.
One big bummer about drugs in general is how they stop us really, properly, genuinely looking forward.
They suck us into the moment and the day and that is all that matters until the new day comes it's like it doesn't exist as far as anticipation and forward mental planning goes.
We just bundle through and accept any situation which comes our way as we go along.
I honestly sense something in you above which is different now. Not just to yourself, but also to MYself I am a bit envious of your cleared head and renewed ability to actually look forwards to life.
I hope that makes some sort of sense anyway I would really like to take some decent breaks from all psychoactive substances which has only really been cannabis for me for so many years but which I I would find it so extraordinarily hard to break from currently in life. I cant remember my last day with no cannabis at all. Seeing as I am dependence on cannabis edibles for digestive support and would not be able to eat or even probably survive without it.
I'm all or nothing with many things. To break from vaporizing weed, it would really help to be able to break fully. The edibles alone I've never satisfied me enough. It kind of feels like an under dose where I would almost prefer to be straight or another level up at least vaporizer comes in.
I am sure Kratom addiction is not too far away, but I'm hoping I am one of the luckier ones who doesn't suffer too badly with withdrawals. I took two 6 gram doses of Green Malay today, 6 hours apart. Great effects both times.
Not sure how long daily now, maybe 25 days. Variable amounts. 18.5 grams max at the weekend after 12/13 grams for severalmdays prior, my highest until then. So I pushed the boat too far with 18.5, a little reckless with spontaneous re dosing.
I made myself pretty sick anyway which I didn't enjoy. I took both my doses today on an empty stomach although my stomach and intestines are always permanently full of undigested food from the previous day and it's always like that catching up processing it until it eventually clears and I feel better again.
But my seconds though my system was much clearer and 50 minutes after dosing I did actually start to feel nauseous I have been eating since then which settled things down but even at the dose of 12 grams on an empty stomach I can get some nausea.
A few weeks ago I had nausea and sickness from two 4 gram doses.
So I may be literally on the cusp of becoming addicted in some way physically I mean and entering into withdrawals although I do suspect that going back 10 days even I would have been suffering a little bit more than usual to have a day off.
I have this experience with cannabis as well if I did not have any for a day I would be suffering for that day in a kind of withdrawal sense. It is more than the actual withdrawal. It is having those stabilisers removed, feeling everything, not blocking things out and learning to bear that consciousness.
In general I mean. Of course it goes without saying. I also hope my cannabis use may help to prevent me needing to suffer severe withdrawals when I do break from the kratom. By hopefully doing something via maintaining homeostasis, whereby the body and brain can more easily adjust and adpat to the effects and withdrawals of the kratom.
Pure wishful thinking, but I do still wonder about it. Whatever the actual situation, always better if we can hold some hope I say, as long as deluding ourselves does not what cause harm or problems then when I will always see the benefits in thinking or imagining something to be better or more positive than it might actually be because this can have a positive effect on your reality for a start.
Gosh
@KratomDemon man I'm so sorry I've only just caught myself what am I doing blabbing on like this in your thread this is your thread man. I completely forget where I am posting at times I do actually need one hell of a lot of support myself but I'm not very good at asking or seeking for it.
I think in thinking about and replying to you about your situation has highlighted my own needs for support in the light of such incredibly hard living circumstances.
So I am sorry mate and thanks for having me tag along here ear and making me feel so welcome it does help to share with knowledgeable open people.
