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Blog Kicking Kratom Once and For All!!!

KratomDemon

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Jul 17, 2014
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106 hours clean...

All in all a good night last night. Slept from about 10 till 2:30 and then was up for about an hour and slept from 330 till 600. Anxiety is minimal this morning, just lower back pain and stomach discomfort. I took the day off work and plan to start fresh in the office on Monday.

I did have a terrifying dream last night though where right before my wife walked into the room I downed a handful of kratom capsules. It all seemed so real and I woke panicked and mad at myself only to realize that it was a dream. I’ve had these using dreams in the past, they suck. Just a reminder how ingrained substance abuse is into our subconscious.

Will check in again later today...
 

KratomDemon

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111 hours clean.

Just got back from a 2 mile walk. Visited my mom at the cemetery. Beautiful weather today and felt great. Major issue today is persistent headache even after 1.5 cups of coffee. Dealing with it though.

Here’s to the upcoming weekend and being clean for the first time in years. ?
 

KratomDemon

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5 days clean.

This afternoon evening is the best I’ve felt so far. Anxiety was minor and was restlessness. Felt genuinely happy and content and watched Hulu with my wife for several hours. In bed before 10 PM and hoping for some restful sleep even though I know it will he hit or miss for awhile. Onto the weekend!
 

AutoTripper

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I did have a terrifying dream last night though where right before my wife walked into the room I downed a handful of kratom capsules. It all seemed so real and I woke panicked and mad at myself only to realize that it was a dream. I’ve had these using dreams in the past, they suck. Just a reminder how ingrained substance abuse is into our subconscious.
Actually I think that is a good dream and a good omen in this case. What That Dream chose you and us as well well it's how you really do not want to be taking kratom anymore and it's not going to make you happy to have the knowledge that you are continuing to consume it any longer.

It really sounds and seems like enough is enough this time and you know that. I would suggest that your dream was actually connected to your subconscious awareness that you really are resolutely determined this time and you don't want to look back any longer.

So it's almost like you're unconscious saying "hey wait whereabouts get on it's playing you realise are you sure there's no getting off once we're on it".

Like when you are waking up tossing and stirring on the edge of sleep, and I thought pops into your mind, bringing you round almost with a startle.

Like a reality check. It was like your consciousness saying, "okay is this what you want? How do you really feel about it before you walk through that door?"


And your feelings knew exactly how to answer. You dont want this anymore right? I dont know if any of that makes sense in relation to your dream, I can't describe what I mean very well and I'm pretty stoned on herb/kratom combo.


But you are sounding increasingly positive and confident looking forward all of a sudden which is fantastic. And I can sense how you are feeling a lot more confident passing the weekend without it being such an Endurance and without even craving too badly possibly.

Looking forward do the next instalment actually quite excited, thanks for letting me tag along and stalk you haha.
 

KratomDemon

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Day 6 clean

Little to no sleep last night. Woke up quite tired but grateful to be clean. Spent the morning out and about with the family picking pumpkins and shopping for Halloween costumes. First time in recent memory I was able to leave the house without worrying about dosing. Very grateful.

Gonna try and grab a quick power nap because I’m dragging hard. Hope everyone has a clean and sober Saturday.
 

PtahTek

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That's great news!
Guess there is a little "extra" cash on-hand to help with the holidays. That must feel fairly good, no?
Me and SO are quitting cigs/fags and the money sure comes in handy. Planning on eating out tomorrow eve at the sushi bar... she loves it and it's been a while. Feel good to get "out" for a minute.
Happy Halloween, Bro.
Careful
 

KratomDemon

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That's great news!
Guess there is a little "extra" cash on-hand to help with the holidays. That must feel fairly good, no?
Me and SO are quitting cigs/fags and the money sure comes in handy. Planning on eating out tomorrow eve at the sushi bar... she loves it and it's been a while. Feel good to get "out" for a minute.
Happy Halloween, Bro.
Careful
Thanks! The money savings definitely won’t hurt especially because my wife and I will both need new vehicles in the next year I fear. Enjoy the sushi - my wife and I are huge
Fans!
 

KratomDemon

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Day 7

It’s day 7 and I SLEPT last night! From about 10:30 until 6 am with me waking twice in the middle of then night but getting back to sleep relatively quickly.

I am so grateful for this early/dark/peaceful Sunday morning. No withdrawals or anxiety and looking forward to morning coffee with my wife and son when they wake up. Also can’t wait to go to work clean tomorrow am for the first time in years.

I know this is just the beginning and it’s not my first rodeo - I must stay vigilante - but I will continue to be grateful for the little things. Stay strong everyone.
 

AutoTripper

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I know this is just the beginning and it’s not my first rodeo - I must stay vigilante - but I will continue to be grateful for the little things. Stay strong everyone.
Exactly that man hit the nail on the head and this is what we are all guilty of and what we all should be doing all the time really if we had our heads screwed on right- simply being thankful but making a conscious effort to continually remind ourselves to stop slipping back into this pessimistic glass is half empty way of seeing everything the whole time.

Imagine if you almost got hit by a train and lost your head, but you didn't and you survived unscathed you would be pulled right into the moment and for the rest of that day you would probably be feeling significantly happier than usual.

Or something similar like that which happens and makes you look at things differently and all of your anxiety and stress and worry and fear has suddenly vanished in place of a newfound thanks for being alive.

So it is there for us, the elusive happiness, any time we exercise the brains to go grab it. Damn, I am supposed to be reminded myself of this hourly right now but I keep forgetting every single time.

Thank you for jogging my brain on that. It is definitely worth being mindful of our many blessings, gifts and opportunuties. And I think we all do spend much more time in self-pity than we are even aware of.

@KratomDemon well done to get to here. I really sense that this time, you have a greater determination to stick this out the other side. I sense that you fancy your chances this time around.

I'll be rooting for you anyway you can count on that.
 
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KratomDemon

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Thanks @AutoTripper means a lot.

Day 8

Decent sleep last night from 10:30 until 4 and then in and out for about another hour. First day back to the office since quitting. Both excited and nervous. Looking forward to some free coffee though. Hope everyone has a great start to their week. Sober days ahead for all!
 

KratomDemon

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Solid day at work today. Got a headache from looking at my computer so much but survived the day and was definitely more productive than when on kratom. Able to think clearly and thoroughly. Looking forward to Monday night football tonight (go Niners) and will be home tomorrow to take delivery of a new tv
 

AutoTripper

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Solid day at work today. Got a headache from looking at my computer so much but survived the day and was definitely more productive than when on kratom. Able to think clearly and thoroughly. Looking forward to Monday night football tonight (go Niners) and will be home tomorrow to take delivery of a new tv
Its interesting the little insight I just gained into your feeling and situation from what you are saying here.

I'm not sure how to say it but it's specifically how you're describing these upcoming things to look forward to, like it's different now that you have stopped the kratom instead of blocking out all the pain all the time you are basically dealing with it and overcoming it for a start.

And you will be be gaining incentive for this by looking at life differently and finding other things to look forward to and to motivate you and make it all worthwhile.

One big bummer about drugs in general is how they stop us really, properly, genuinely looking forward.

They suck us into the moment and the day and that is all that matters until the new day comes it's like it doesn't exist as far as anticipation and forward mental planning goes.

We just bundle through and accept any situation which comes our way as we go along.
I honestly sense something in you above which is different now. Not just to yourself, but also to MYself I am a bit envious of your cleared head and renewed ability to actually look forwards to life.

I hope that makes some sort of sense anyway I would really like to take some decent breaks from all psychoactive substances which has only really been cannabis for me for so many years but which I I would find it so extraordinarily hard to break from currently in life. I cant remember my last day with no cannabis at all. Seeing as I am dependence on cannabis edibles for digestive support and would not be able to eat or even probably survive without it.

I'm all or nothing with many things. To break from vaporizing weed, it would really help to be able to break fully. The edibles alone I've never satisfied me enough. It kind of feels like an under dose where I would almost prefer to be straight or another level up at least vaporizer comes in.


I am sure Kratom addiction is not too far away, but I'm hoping I am one of the luckier ones who doesn't suffer too badly with withdrawals. I took two 6 gram doses of Green Malay today, 6 hours apart. Great effects both times.

Not sure how long daily now, maybe 25 days. Variable amounts. 18.5 grams max at the weekend after 12/13 grams for severalmdays prior, my highest until then. So I pushed the boat too far with 18.5, a little reckless with spontaneous re dosing.

I made myself pretty sick anyway which I didn't enjoy. I took both my doses today on an empty stomach although my stomach and intestines are always permanently full of undigested food from the previous day and it's always like that catching up processing it until it eventually clears and I feel better again.

But my seconds though my system was much clearer and 50 minutes after dosing I did actually start to feel nauseous I have been eating since then which settled things down but even at the dose of 12 grams on an empty stomach I can get some nausea.

A few weeks ago I had nausea and sickness from two 4 gram doses.

So I may be literally on the cusp of becoming addicted in some way physically I mean and entering into withdrawals although I do suspect that going back 10 days even I would have been suffering a little bit more than usual to have a day off.

I have this experience with cannabis as well if I did not have any for a day I would be suffering for that day in a kind of withdrawal sense. It is more than the actual withdrawal. It is having those stabilisers removed, feeling everything, not blocking things out and learning to bear that consciousness.

In general I mean. Of course it goes without saying. I also hope my cannabis use may help to prevent me needing to suffer severe withdrawals when I do break from the kratom. By hopefully doing something via maintaining homeostasis, whereby the body and brain can more easily adjust and adpat to the effects and withdrawals of the kratom.

Pure wishful thinking, but I do still wonder about it. Whatever the actual situation, always better if we can hold some hope I say, as long as deluding ourselves does not what cause harm or problems then when I will always see the benefits in thinking or imagining something to be better or more positive than it might actually be because this can have a positive effect on your reality for a start.

Gosh @KratomDemon man I'm so sorry I've only just caught myself what am I doing blabbing on like this in your thread this is your thread man. I completely forget where I am posting at times I do actually need one hell of a lot of support myself but I'm not very good at asking or seeking for it.

I think in thinking about and replying to you about your situation has highlighted my own needs for support in the light of such incredibly hard living circumstances.

So I am sorry mate and thanks for having me tag along here ear and making me feel so welcome it does help to share with knowledgeable open people.
 
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KratomDemon

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Day 9

Worked from home today. Lots of anxiety all morning dealing with kids, work stuff, tv delivery people, cats, etc... It has calmed down a bit now and I’m in bed under the covers working. Gonna brew some chamomile tea over lunch and try to warm up and chill out.

Other than that, sleep was decent minus getting up 3 times to pee. That is becoming a big pain in the ass that I need to fix. Stay strong everyone.
 

AutoTripper

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I
Day 9

Worked from home today. Lots of anxiety all morning dealing with kids, work stuff, tv delivery people, cats, etc... It has calmed down a bit now and I’m in bed under the covers working. Gonna brew some chamomile tea over lunch and try to warm up and chill out.

Other than that, sleep was decent minus getting up 3 times to pee. That is becoming a big pain in the ass that I need to fix. Stay strong everyone.
Feel you on that one. Ever since my Lyme hit my bladder function has been abnormal. To sleep for more than a couple hours without waking up to pee is a long forgotten experience.

I was already urinating like once an hour at least, 4 to 6 times a night (as in, like 7 hours in bed.) But then in April 2012 va I developed chronic urinary infections which have persisted ever since and my bladder has not once been clear from infection in all that time now 7 and a half years.

Most of the time there are two infections normally a virus and a bacteria but there is certainly never less than one.

The problem is that I have learnt how the bladder is a clearing route when infections are are cleared from the sinuses so in my case due to heavily compromised immunity in my urinary tract I am disposed to frequently pick up new urinary infections as I am permanently battling respiratory infections.

Most of the time now, I can barely sleep for an hour before I'm so desperate for a wee that I'm being woken up out of any sleep until I actually get up and go to the toilet there is no way I will get back to sleep and sometimes I'm so tired I can be laying there for an age trying to sleep before I am conscious enough to acknowledge that I need to actually relieve that itch.

So I haul myself out from the covers and use all my strength to squeeze out the tiny is little bit of wee in about 30 muscle contractions which is both infuriating and exhausting.... and it's such a tiny amount as well get it so urgent to come out and it wakes me up for practically nothing.

I get back in bed, shuffle around for ages getting all my pillows and cushions in place for my weak body, tucking everything tightly around me because I'm especially prone to low body temperature preventing sleep especially when I have to get up for the toilet, if I'm lucky I won't be too cold to get back to sleep but then before I know it I'm wide awake again desperate for the toilet no more sleep until I go.

Eventually I give up trying to sleep and get up even if I've only had 5 hours sleep it's easier than continue to get back in bed for a tiny little nap each time.

Kratom does certainly increase urination frequency and urgency for me during the day.
 
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PtahTek

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Lots of anxiety all morning dealing with kids, work stuff, tv delivery people, cats, etc...
Yeah... life can be quite "distracting" at times. Hahah
This is the rub... whataya do? The more you are there/in the moment the more one notices and juggles to keep it all afloat... anxiety at its best... life.
We get used to it and it becomes "normal" after a bit. Life will go on. We are the creator of worlds: What world would you have? We are also the destroyer of worlds: What world would you destroy to create the one you wish?
Not sure if the above has any factual basis as it is mined from a dark cave of brood.
Great work, KD.
Best wishes always
(y)
 

KratomDemon

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Day 10

Solid night sleep after watching a movie before bed on my new tv. No melatonin needed just a warm cup of sleepy time tea and out between 10:30 and 11:00 and up for work just after 5. The best part is I didn’t get up in between to pee.

Today feels like I’m almost normal, definitely a peak in the many peaks and valleys to come. Hope everyone can put their best foot forward today and conquer your challenges ahead
 

AutoTripper

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Well my own kratom journey has reached an abrupt end. 2nd day off today. I managed to make myself seriously ill just recently mostly as a result of of insufficient food and sleep to an overly severe degree for too long for my body to simply be quiet and take it any longer.

I'm also pretty sure that the kratom has been severely messing with my digestion and preventing the absorption of nutrients while masking the symptoms and the general condition I was developing.

I always knew it was only a matter of time and I was just persevering indulging in the crash on while it lasted but I really truly messed myself up not just with the kratom but with everything in life although the kratom is a substantial part of it right now.

Yesterday I could barely stand and I've never felt so dreadful in my life I honestly thought there was a chance I might die if I could not manage my symptoms and somehow eat some food last night which was impossible I had to force myself so I would have enough strength to get up today.

I have somehow caused the most uncomfortable and problematic intestinal blockage I've ever had. I'm only 50 kg currently I should be about 67 or higher so I really cannot afford to be unable to eat eat right now as I have not been able to 4-days with unbearable nausea and stomach and bowel blockage and respiratory distress as a result of the intestinal blockage as these things are directly linked respiration and elimination etc.

I only slept 3 1/2 hours last night partly due to the hideous intestinal upset but also due to being so freezing cold when I got up the toilet. Now that I have stopped so kratom I'm suddenly noticing the cold a lot more and the fact of Barely been eating has compounded this.

Today has been absolutely brutal and I am absolutely certain that I am suffering pretty full on intense kratom withdrawals I looked it up and I can put a big tick in all of those boxes.

Even if I did not have any kratom withdrawal I would be feeling pretty unbearable right now anyway with all of the other things going on but having the kratom withdrawal in this condition is by far the worst experience I think I've ever had which has persevered for this long at this intensity of being truly unbearable.

So I'm really surprised that the withdrawls are this intense from what can only have been 4 weeks maximum daily usage up to 18 g but averaging 8 to 12 per day.

On the plus side I haven't got the tiniest little craving or wish to take kratom right now I don't ever want to touch that stuff again this is absolutely hell what I've been through there withdrawals on top of my illness and totally exhausted and emaciated body has just been too much for me to handle.

I'm hoping that tomorrow will be easier, I forced myself to get a taxi for some acupuncture treatment today because my circulation in particular was really bad yesterday with numb and cold hands and feet and I was absolutely freezing no matter what all day and night.

It wasn't until late this evening that I even started to digest the food I ate yesterday which I thought tell me of the worst nausea I think I've ever managed to actually eat with because I was scared I would die if I did not.

So I am seeing the green shoots of Recovery to my awful digestive upset which is a chronic occurrence but this is the worst I believe it has ever been in terms of the impact it is having and the degree of suffering.

it should gradually is up now it's just a question of managing to get my strength up again which can be such a difficult struggle when you get so far in debt. No more kratom for me ever, and boy oh boy will I be glad when things ease up.

Ive been aching like crazy, restless legs (and I never ever get restless before I took kratom so this is definitely kratom withdrawals), headache, chills, sweating but still freezing cold mostly, ridiculous fatigue, insomnia, just all round hell.


I am probably just a worse really seeing as I have never actually been addicted and withdrawn from any substance before unless you can cannabis breaks which I don't exactly.

but my pain threshold and endurance of suffering is particularly low due to my all-round condition and nervous system.
Not fun, roll on next few days my respiratory infections have also been on top due to lowered immunity and it was in better be hard to breathe for days as well, although this symptom is directly connected to the intestinal blockage.

With every little bit of strength and willpower I could find today I did everything I could to help myself the acupuncture treatment but I also did substantial treatments on my lungs and throat using an electrical device which kills infection.
 
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