Addiction Just hate being straight headed.

[nuttynutskin]

I replace it with getting fucked up on endorphins from sport and exercise. Which is probably just a healthier way of still not having your head straight, so maybe I don't know how to handle it at all.

Different sport for different kicks. A bit of stimulating adrenaline with the rock climbing or motorsports. A bit of the tunnel vision endorphin overload with footy. A bit of the relaxing (don't ask me why) flush with calisthenics. A grounding feeling with hiking.....with an extra kick when it's -20C outside.
And then swimming in the lake just feels so daaaaamn goood.

If I wasn't athletically-inclined, I reckon I'd have hit a serious rock bottom years ago and may have not even made it this far.

Yeah, some sort of exercise is so important for recovery imo.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

I replace it with getting fucked up on endorphins from sport and exercise. Which is probably just a healthier way of still not having your head straight, so maybe I don't know how to handle it at all.

Different sport for different kicks. A bit of stimulating adrenaline with the rock climbing or motorsports. A bit of the tunnel vision endorphin overload with footy. A bit of the relaxing (don't ask me why) flush with calisthenics. A grounding feeling with hiking.....with an extra kick when it's -20C outside.
And then swimming in the lake just feels so daaaaamn goood.

If I wasn't athletically-inclined, I reckon I'd have hit a serious rock bottom years ago and may have not even made it this far.

Who the hell doesn't seek out some kind of change in perception on a regular basis? Even the drug-free people who never exercise - if they vegetate in front of the TV all day, that's them numbing themselves so that their head isn't straight. Unless you sit in an empty room staring at a wall then you will seek out some kind of stimulus that changes how you feel - whether that be by occupying you, interesting you, exciting you or whatever - it's a natural part of being alive. Exercise just happens to be a very effective and healthy way of getting that change in perception, and the effect is so intense when compared to "normal" activities that it feels more like a change in your consciousness than most activities that aren't drugs.

 

[SunriseChampion]

Who the hell doesn't seek out some kind of change in perception on a regular basis? Even the drug-free people who never exercise - if they vegetate in front of the TV all day, that's them numbing themselves so that their head isn't straight. Unless you sit in an empty room staring at a wall then you will seek out some kind of stimulus that changes how you feel - whether that be by occupying you, interesting you, exciting you or whatever - it's a natural part of being alive.

Fair point, but that then begs the question: what the hell is a "straight head"?

Exercise just happens to be a very effective and healthy way of getting that change in perception, and the effect is so intense when compared to "normal" activities that it feels more like a change in your consciousness than most activities that aren't drugs.

Yeah, I get pretty fucked up running around for two hours, not gonna lie.

In fact, I'd say that the endorphin rush from sport and exercise I get is in my top 3 highs of all time...so maybe I really am terrible at keeping a "straight head", though I'm sure we can all agree that a few hours of rock climbing every week is a lot better all around than snorting 200mg of MDMA on the weekly.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

Fair point, but that then begs the question: what the hell is a "straight head"?



Yeah, I get pretty fucked up running around for two hours, not gonna lie.

In fact, I'd say that the endorphin rush from sport and exercise I get is in my top 3 highs of all time...so maybe I really am terrible at keeping a "straight head", though I'm sure we can all agree that a few hours of rock climbing every week is a lot better all around than snorting 200mg of MDMA on the weekly.

For me personally, I'd say if you don't take mind-altering chemicals then you're sober or "straight". That can include caffeine and nicotine, since IMO when you take those on a regular basis and become habituated to them they don't really alter your consciousness, so I'd agree with the AA crowd that even if you smoke 20 a day and can't function till you've drank 3 espressos you're still "sober". I count myself as being clean despite the fact I'm taking 2mg of subutex a day for a similar reason - I am so habituated to it that it doesn't cause any significant change in perception. However, I don't count myself as being "sober" when I'm on subutex - I'm not high, but I'm still taking a drug, so I'm counting my clean days with the knowledge that I'm not (yet) 100% "sober".

I may be reading your posts wrong, but I seem to detect a kind of puritan undertone to your disparagement of you enjoying the endorphin rush of exercise?? Do you feel some kind of guilt for enjoying the buzz you get after exercising, as if you're compromising your sobriety or something?? That's my main point of contention here - if you start including the buzz from exercise in your list of things that make you not "sober" then there are thousands of other conceivable, everyday, normal and healthy activities that you could also put down - the high you get from listening to your favorite music, dancing, falling in love, eating sugar, fasting, meditation, whatever - the list goes on & on. That's why I'd draw the line at actual substances when considering what counts as sober and what doesn't, otherwise the category loses a lot of its meaning and becomes amorphous enough to include practically anything.

 

[SunriseChampion]

For me personally, I'd say if you don't take mind-altering chemicals then you're sober or "straight". That can include caffeine and nicotine, since IMO when you take those on a regular basis and become habituated to them they don't really alter your consciousness, so I'd agree with the AA crowd that even if you smoke 20 a day and can't function till you've drank 3 espressos you're still "sober". I count myself as being clean despite the fact I'm taking 2mg of subutex a day for a similar reason - I am so habituated to it that it doesn't cause any significant change in perception. However, I don't count myself as being "sober" when I'm on subutex - I'm not high, but I'm still taking a drug, so I'm counting my clean days with the knowledge that I'm not (yet) 100% "sober".

Yeah, that's an interesting definition with which I could agree.

I may be reading your posts wrong, but I seem to detect a kind of puritan undertone to your disparagement of you enjoying the endorphin rush of exercise??

Oh, you're deffo reading them wrong, it appears.

Do you feel some kind of guilt for enjoying the buzz you get after exercising, as if you're compromising your sobriety or something??

Hell no...I don't feel guilt about any of the buzzes I get from the various things I do to and with myself.

That's my main point of contention here - if you start including the buzz from exercise in your list of things that make you not "sober" then there are thousands of other conceivable, everyday, normal and healthy activities that you could also put down - the high you get from listening to your favorite music, dancing, falling in love, eating sugar, fasting, meditation, whatever - the list goes on & on. That's why I'd draw the line at actual substances when considering what counts as sober and what doesn't, otherwise the category loses a lot of its meaning and becomes amorphous enough to include practically anything.

I only included the endorphin rush because, for me at least it is comparable to some drugs I have taken. That's all. No big deal.

 

[Jopeth]

As weird as it sounds, ive had a theory for a while that many addicts or ex addicts crave that rigid structure in their lives. Being high, or being in wd was something they could always count on. Try and find something (exercise works well) that occupies your time in a manner to recreate that structure in a healthy way.

I know for me I got off drugs, but didn't get healthier because I had no routine at all. sleep and eat whenever. Started working day shift (im a chef), so a set schedule and a 'bedtime" helped a lot.

 

[RV Mystery Journey]

Yeah geekgrl, i hear you.

For me it's that chronic boredom. That lack of stimulation. That high seeking induced by my first manic episode. The ritual and routines. The escape from problems to enjoy the moment.

I'm on probation with random drug testing until June, so i feel your pain.

But what can we do about it? For me, i need to fill my time. Work, Kitty, going out with friends..

Building up a healthy routine that keeps our mind off drugs, associating with sober people, and learning to invest our time into long lasting happiness as opposed to momentary relief, is hard, but in the long run it does help, IIRC.

I saw your post in mental health, about BPD. Chronic feelings of emptiness are a symptom, so i'm sure drugs fill that void quite nicely. And help to avoid hurtful feelings.

I also see a therapist, and that helps. It's like talking to my mom - sort of grounds me.

The road to recovery is long but worth it.

Addiction doesn't last forever but nor does life and it is fatal.

Both are technically but this is getting too heavy.

It is a real trap when drugs are used to cope and are no longer life enhancing instruments to torque and observe the mind and body as one and separately perhaps. Tweak and analyze. Maybe even surprise. Just avoid using that leads to the early demise?