Benzos I've been screwing around pretty heavily with Etizolam for about 4 weeks now (5 absolute max). How f*cked am I?

[Bomb319]

I'm not exactly a newbie when it comes to pharmacology. I don't know how I could be so STUPID. I KNEW BETTER THAN THIS! I seem to have zero control when drugs are in the room; the greater the effect, the less the control (for downers). Got some Yohimbine I doubt I'll ever use since I take Clonidine - alpha 2 agonists. The former is n alpha 2 antagonist, so who know what the effects will
be... That's both peroneal and semantic knowledge of hundreds of different chemicals (many of those are RC's of course, but include all the traditional ones as well). After a love affair with heroin (IV) that lasted about 5-6 years that began with my unscrupulous doctor prescribing me 100 Percocet per month. EVERY month. For THREE YEARS. For migraines. To be fair, I DID try seemingly everything else over the years, and at the time was almost COMPLETELY IGNORANT of drugs. I'd shared beers with the guys at wing night, and smoked pot one with a really fucked up person who actually tried (and succeeding) in tripping me out and giving me a panic attack. Anyway, this doctor knew I got maybe 2 migraines a month on average (sometimes I would last several months without a single one, and one time I had three in a single day). Either way, the instructions clearly read "Take one to two at onset of migraine" meaning I should've needed roughly four of them. He never questioned the extra 96 monthly, and this went on for years. Of course, with so many of them at my disposal, I quickly discovered the bliss of taking 4-5 of them (that being 20-25 mg instant release Oxy) and just nodding out and playing video games. Ahhh, the bliss of those first few times with a handful of percs...I almost want to say it beats the high of heroin. It doesn't of course, but the innocence and relaxation of the percs in comparison to the already fucked up lifestyle scoring and banging dope certainly allow me to reminisce more fondly over the latter.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. I know about drugs. I know about drug withdrawal. I know what it's like to stand in the snow, fiending like hell, texting my dealer to PLEASE HELP ME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, despite my having only 2- bucks, and he not considering it worth it. I've injected in Eastside Vancouver public toilets. somehow was spotted with my spoon and gear while in the stalls, and chased out with a bat, flunked out of school - of course never going to classes and always scoring, waiting to score, or lying in bed wanting to die. It was rough. Not much worse than being forced outside on a cold, rainy day when you're puking and diarrheaing at the same time, all for your next fix.............because you know you won't get it any other way.

So there's a little background of my life for those interested. I'm basically in debt close to half a million dollars - to the student loans, banks, parents, loan companies and friends. I don't exactly feel good about it and I don't like to bring it up.

IN SPITE OF IT ALL....all I've endured, I had one mantra "well, at least I never fucked around with benzos" knowing the withdrawal from the little buggers is basically the only substance WD that can easily give methadone WD a run for its money. Then I discover Etizolam - a benzo to be sure, just not structurally. It has the triazole ring fused to it (incidentally as do all substances whose name end in -olam and not -epam.

So anyway, I'm kind of terrified. I'm a pretty big guy...around 250 pounds, muscular legs...first time I look a 1 mg eti, I felt nothing. Found it incredibly weak for a benzo. Nothing like Phenibut which did dick all (and isn't a benzo) but weak. Again, I had little to no benzo tolerance. I took a Z-drug Zopiclone (ESZOPICLONE OR Lunesta for you Americans) but only ONE NIGHT A WEEK. It knocks me out, has me walking into walls, and gives me unexplained bruises the next day. But etizolam..... With the Eti, I felt little to nothing on 1 mg, Same with 2, 3 and 4. Finally, taking 5 at a time usually by crunching and then using sublingual, and I would finally feel the benzo feeling of disorientation, bumping into walls, losing any anxiety, sleeping for hours during the day, and then forgetting thing's I've said or done. Although if I took 5 mg of almost anything else, I'd be out cold, like Xanax or Clonazepam. These etizolam felt like fakes until 5 mg and even then, I still felt MOSTLY normal; just tired, no anxiety, and everyone around be would think I was definitely on something because I apparently slurred my words and such. So going from basically ZERO benzo tolerance to taking...a LOT of these pills...several hundred over 4-5 weeks for sure - how destroyed can I expect to be when I have to cold turkey due to lack of funds? I can't apparently do ANYTHING just "a little bit". I'd take like 8 pills, wake up, take 5 more, etc. Again, it's been roughly a month of this - no more.

So 4 to maximum 5 weeks of going from zero benzo tolerance to abusing the shit out of them, can I expect to feel:

1. mildly anxious and unable to sleep
2. fairly bad anxiety
3, wishing for death
4, going to the ER from such horrible WD
5,dead

I have another 180 mg that were SUPPOSED to come on the mail tomorrow. Now they say WEDNESDAY, That would mean cold-turkeying from tonight until Wed. On the other hand, it's supposedly a short-scting drug, and I never usually spent all day dosing. Maybe a handful at night (around 9) and a few less when I woke up, but I never felt bad or anything during the afternoon when I took nothing.

They also seem to prevent methadone WD if I finish that drug too early, and that really scares me too. Cold turkey 170 mg methadone and hundreds of etizolam???? No....no thanks.

 

[kaosisallwesee]

I'd assume that with only a short term of abuse you shouldn't experience withdrawals as severe as long term users on lower doses. I'd suggest tapering with the 180mg you have on its way. I don't think you mentioned your current daily dose, but I'd imagine the amount you'll have will be enough to at least severely damped any withdrawals. Providing you taper in a strict fashion. Good luck man, hope it's not too harsh.

 

[Bomb319]

Thanks a lot At the very most, I may have taken like 60 pills a day. Some days only a few. They just straight-up never seemed to DO much, so I swallowed a bunch, crushed a bunched and used the powder sublingually...it only seems like so much because the half-life is so short, I could take 8-10, then again 5 hours later. I definitely find them weak, at least in terms of the knock-out power I get from Zopiclone, and had zero tolerance before beginning this little "experiment" several weeks ago. Thanks again for the help

 

[Hezman94]

U need to taper i got withdrawals from two to three x a week lorazepam. Now i take it once a fortnite. I am prescibed diazepam 20mg tho. Your not gonna feel good luckily for me lorazepam has a short half life

 

[4meSM]

60 pills a day is a very very high amount. Do you know how many pills you took per week?
4-5 weeks usually isn't enough to develop a serious benzo dependecy but in your case I'm not sure, it might very well be dangerous to go cold turkey from that amount (if your pills aren't severely underdosed).
It's a short acting benzo but if you're taking that much you're going to be under the influence 24/7 and it will even accumulate in your blood from the previous day (and the days before that).

You may be fine skipping a day while the rest arrives but tbh it seems kind of risky, you'll have to see how your body reacts. How are you feeling now? Any WD symptoms? If you start feeling symptoms and getting uncomfortable then it would probably be best to go to the ER just to be safe.
If you ever start feeling weird, like really disoriented or even shaky then call an ambulance asap (however I should say that seizures don't always come with an obvious warning).

Hope you don't have to go through that, maybe your pills had very little etiz (or another RC benzo) and/or you're not super prone to benzo dependecy. Seems strange that you didn't fall asleep from 20+ pills so they probably don't have as much etizolam as advertised, but pay attention to how you feel.

 

[drewbocop]

First off, go into this with a positive mindset. If you tell yourself you're fucked, you're convinced you're going to be having panic and anxiety, you're probably going to. The mind is a very powerful thing. Now if this is your first time potentially going into benzo withdrawal, you would typically be in okay shape after 4 to 5 weeks. When I was new to them I never had serious problems with withdrawals. That changed over the course of the long haul. Like with opioids and other drugs, the more times you go through it, the worse it will be in the future. However, you claim you've taken 60 (assuming 1mg pills as mentioned in the post) pills per day? What? With little tolerance, that is an astronomical dose and if you're taking mega doses like that here and there for weeks, then yeah, you could be in some trouble. But if you've been taking smaller, more sane doses you could be okay. You could just wait a day or two and see what happens and if it's building then you could begin a short taper process, and be let down gently. I don't know man, you're going to have to feel it out.

Edit: I know what you mean when you say they felt like they weren't doing much. That's how etizolam was for me too, a lot of clarity, not much body buzz, etc. However, I was completely fucked up, far more than I thought I was in true benzo fashion. So either you had that etizolam clarity and were taking staggering doses or your pills are shit. That's what I mean when I say you'll just have to see what happens. You could be pretty much in the clear if you're lucky!

 

[JackARoe]

I think drewbocop nailed it. Actually everyone except Allone nailed it.

@Bomb319, you now have a message board full of people wanting to see how you handle this and what the effects would be. If you can come back and give us an update as to what happens. Unless you just keep using benzos then we won't get on you.

No worries. But if you do go CT come back and add to the data pool here at BL and let us know if you are ok. Stay well.

 

[Bomb319]

Sure.

I basically went around...maybe 12-15 hours totally benzo-free waiting for my new delivery. I didn't feel too bad. A bit anxious to be sure, but that could be considered entirely normal under the circumstances and not drug-related. The RC company I used has a reputation for accuracy in dosing as well as safety. But as I said, I take (only) 4 Zopiclone usually one or 2 days per week and they knock me right out. The sleep itself from them is just terrible. I "awaken" walking into walls, finding leftover food I've eaten, fallen over the instant I regained consciousness during the night...stuff like that, and all from no more than 15 mg zopiclone (though I usually take 15 mg about 12 hours earlier than that during the day as well, being unemployed from Covid, having nothing to do, hating my life and myself, etc.). So I guess I expected the Eti to affect me in a somewhat similar way, although without that unique Zopiclone taste. Incidentally, while most despise that aspect of it, I rather enjoy it; it means I know the second it's working, it makes me feel happy, less anxious, and in other words adds a significant placebo effect to the whole thing.

With Eti being nothing like that, I took a lot of pills. Started with one, of course, as any safety-conscious psychonaut should do. Worked my way up to 5. Felt more or less normal, albeit with reduced anxiety than I would likely have otherwise had. Don't forget I take 170 mg methadone too, and don't really want to kill myself. I know that what I took DOES sound like a massive amount. But I never just popped 60 at once, or anything ridiculously moronic as that. Due to its perceived lack of effect, I simply took 3 more here, 5 more there, and because of the very short half-life, I felt as if it would be more-or-less safe to take another 10 or so after more than five hours have passed with zero dosing. Due to this style of gradually popping them, crushing them and using them sublingually, and even snorting a few (yes, yes, I know hydrophobicity makes this more or less an exercise in futility, but it's been a LONG time since I railed anything, and figured it would at least come on faster than it would had I swallowed them on a full stomach.

Interestingly, despite feeling more-or-less "relatively" sober (though with reduced anxiety and fatigue), people were beginning to worry about me. They told me in particular that I spoke differently, as with an accent - acted as if I were exceptionally tired (truthfully, I felt fine at the time despite maybe minor fatigue). I also noticed that my, for lack of a better word, "navigation" was VERY poor. I'd walk into walls especially around corners, often hit the corner while rounding it...you know, that kind of stuff. When I took 5-10 mg at night though, I do have to say that I felt AWESOME. I would sleep well for about 5 hours, then wake up. One very strange side effect though, I suppose since I took them nearly constantly at first), is that I would have no idea exactly WHEN it was, despite the bedroom clock. 3:15. Was it morning or afternoon? Light outside, so obviously it was 3:15 pm. So yes, they certainly messed me up in a very benzo-like way, while the symptom of "delusions of sobriety" is certainly true in my case!

Now that I'm more familiar with the compound, rather than munch on them all day, I tend to take around 6-8 when waking up in the morning, and 10-12 at night for sleep. I don't take them during the day. I realize those are still high doses, but more measured and less constant. Oh, they also have the AMAZING effect of making my methadone last longer. Not that I really feel much from my 170 mg dose anymore, I do sometimes feel opioid effects about an hour after dosing in the morning; the Eti definitely potentiates the effects. Not only that, my pupils are MUCH smaller during the day - extra Eti or no - than they have otherwise been. I also feel SO MUCH better when I take the etizolam when my methadone dose has run out, but before picking up the new week of bottles. I used to writhe in agony with mental (some physical) opioid WD when I stupidly doubled up on doses and ran out early. The Eti helps with that. Not entirely...I still usually get anxious a few hours before pickup, but it does help.

Summary: still a high rate of usage, but at this rate, it would take many more days to run out - not 2. In fact, I'm not sure I plan on reordering at all. It's OK enough, but still not enough like a *real* benzo like Clonazepam. Also, I can't afford it. A buck a pill gets expensive.

Question: As Etizolam is known for it';s short half life of something like 4-7 hours, would that mean the 12-15 hours I waited for my delivery likely mean I have no SERIOUS tolerance yet? I'm sure running out completely would not be fun. If combined with methadone WD, I'd be up the walls with my nails dig into the ceiling. But would I be in danger? Seizing? Likely?

Honestly, it's this fucking pandemic shit making everything worse. When unemployed, every day is the same as the last one, you
re by yourself, nothing feels normal....you know. How could they have fucked vaccinations up so incredibly badly? They HAD A YEAR TO PREPARE.

 

[4meSM]

@Bomb319

The half-life of etizolam is indeed around 3-4h but it has active metabolites, mainly alpha-hydroxyetizolam which is said to have a half-life of ~8h.
For ~97% of the initial amount of etizolam to be metabolized you would need to wait around 17-20h (5 half-lifes). Keep in mind that this is only for one dose, the amount of etizolam in your blood will keep increasing each time you redose within that timeframe (roughly speaking).

That being said, the half-life of a substance is not the same as its perceived duration, one usually feels somewhat sober long before the substance has been completely metabolized or excreted.

I believe 6-8 pills in the morning and 10-12 at night would definitely be enough to catch a serious physical dependence, maybe it hasn't happened yet but be careful because it's probably going to happen if you keep doing it.
IIRC etizolam has a lower dependence potential than most benzos but it can still happen for sure.

It's somewhat common for benzos to give people delusions of sobriety, the problem is that their effects are kind of subtle compared to other drugs. It's not a particularly recreational experience at low doses (unless you have very bad anxiety) and high doses carry a significant risk of addiction and dependency.
At least in my opinion it's not worth it to chase a benzo high.

 

[JackARoe]

Don't forget I take 170 mg methadone too.

Yes I did forget. I think I got interested in your post as the last few weeks I think I read every benzo post on this board after having to utilize them 3 times on one week. So really I try and be very careful. But it seems like you did too, although any daily use is over the line unless you are prescribed benzos for different ailments. I think they are good tools for the people that need them. I had a cousin that could not walk to the mailbox before benzos so in that case it helped him. But from what I read on this board is a lot of people can not control it. People waking up realizing they took 50 pills.

I agree with 4meSM too. If you are not physically dependent then you are close. It is time to consider staying on them with a valid script or stopping.

Thanks for replying Bomb. I know I appreciate it and believe I do learn from just about every post.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Please see a doctor, and if possible check into a hospital or detox centre with medical professionals.

 

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

You're more fucked up if you keep on the same habits.

Take a break or get out now (even if temporary) and it won't be so bad honestly. It's just when people are on benzos daily for a year or more. That's the true definition of fucked. You'll face some horrible anxiety in my opinion. Nothing like seizures yet or the more serious benzo wd symptoms.

 

[Bomb319]

Well, I took roughly 12 mg in the morning, a few more mid-afternoon, and 14 or so this evening. You probably think I should be dead, right? The fucked up thing is that I even have some residual anxiety. I took Clonidine too - 0.3 mg tonight, and a relatively small amount of diph (100 mg). When I first started doing this, I'd slur my words, sleep, all day, walk into walls...you know. (Please keep in mind I NEVER started at those doses, but worked up to them from quick tolerance. Not the smartest thing, I know. The thing is, I *know* the etizolam is real. It comes from a trusted source who has performed lab studies indicating an average of 0.99-1.01 mg per pill. I just took 14 mg etizolam over an hour ago by mouth on an empty stomach and am entirely lucid - in fact, I'm about to ask you guys some interesting questions about CYP enzymes.

Here's where things get interesting. As I've previously said, I still tend to double up on methadone doses (don't worry, I never take eti at all those days) and unsurprisingly, get horrible anxiety the day before my new week's methadone pickup (let me make that clear - anxiety is from methadone withdrawal, waiting until morning; NOT etaz which is recent. Don't know if it's partly placebo, and I don't care. That is the very reason I bought the eti, TBH. I always told myself - never benzo addiction - and to be honest, they aren't even my favorite drug - although I don't think you'd find many who prefer Xanax over heroin.

Anyways - after 2 days without a methadone dose, I'm usually anxious as hell and puking by morning waiting for my doses. There are physical effects that make any sort of psychological or placebo reaction impossible (unless you can get multiple sneezing fits and nonstop yawning from a placebo). AT this point, my pupils are about the entire size of my eyeball under soft bathroom lightning). BUT NOW I notice that (after appropriate light adaptation) my pupils are TINY. NOT pinpoint, but about the size of this o. They're getting bigger of course as the methadone wears off more. But I did some research, and nowhere could I find benzodiazepines (yes, etizolam is not a "true" benzo, but AFAIK, symptoms are identical) causing miosis. Mydriasis either, for that matter. All I can say is I have NEVER BEFORE gone through the first and middle parts of opioid w/d with pupils.

That was clue 1.

A little pharmacology research online showed me the primary enzyme metabolizing methadone: CYP 3A4. Etizolam? CYP 3A4. Ok, no surprises really...3A4 IS the most prominent of the CYPs. But if you think about it, unless it's produced at a ridiculous rate within the body, is this a (VERY DANGEROUS AND OBVIOUSLY DON'T BE A DUMB SHIT LIKE ME) way of tinkering with CYP metabolism without requiring a specialized molecule like Cimetidine that directly induces or suppresses it? I suppose this is nothing new; fucomoranins of grapefruit juice do essentially the same thing.

And yea, still scared shitless of eti WD. Although I won't have any Eti tomorrow (my prescribed zopiclone actually fuck me up more, and I've felt no w/d the past few weeks (benzo or z-drug, that is). Obviously, taking it - especially so much - every day has not been beneficial to me. No point effectively spending more money for horrible anxiety. I'll try seeing what happens the next few days and use the 60-70 pills I have left accordingly. Remember, this whole thing started in mid January - not 2007 when my opioid habit developed.

 

[whiteHot]

I find it very puzzeling that you have residual anxiety while you're on 12 mg of Etizolam. That's equivalent to 120 mg of Diazepam and Etizolam is about 6 times more anxiolytic. I've never used so high doses, but just 1 mg of Etizolam makes my anxiety disappear. I think your pills are fake / underdosed.

 

[Bomb319]

Definitely not fake. I still feel it now, somehow taking like 40 mg yesterday. I've never had much interest or trouble wit benzos before. I'm about to take 10 mg or more w/o blacking out. I also only dose at night now.....other than yesterday, I take 6-10 mg before bed.

Except for a day or two when I first experimented with them, I never or hardly ever continuously dose either. Now it's usually just the one dose at night. I figured with a 3-4 hr half-life I'd be fine. I wasn't aware of the active metabolite - thanks for that info. As I said, it's still definitely there. I feel it, and my pupils are small. Not pinpoint, but small - MUCH smaller than they would be with no methadone today. Don't think I'm gonna order anymore...benzos just aren't worth it.

I have a bottle literally filled to the brim with them. Would I be OK if I did a relatively fast taper and continue one dose a day only, go down to 4 mg at night, thrn 3 next week etc.? I don't think I've felt any w/d so far at any point. I also once took a full bottle of clonazepam for a month and don't remember feeling miserable after. A couple months of daily prescribed zopiclone use I remember not being much fun at all, but in neither case was I wrecked. 2 days of methadone w/d will have me feeling worse than any benzo (so far). I just want to ditch this but without clinic or medical involvement.

I can even give the exact date I started using- Jan 19. Although being prudent, I took only half of one at first, then more over the next few days.

I am not prone to seizures - never had one. Never had serious benzo W/D although some very mild as I explained.

I main concern is still my methadone which also metabolizes by CYP350 like ETI. Logic tells me that translates to longer half lives to both drugs, and indeed, I feel no methadone WD with my last dose being Tues morning. I think I must have pretty high tolerance. Anyway Just give me a sec here to count:


I have 128 pills, 1 mg each. I MUST be able to do something safely with that, no?

EDIT: I can still feel effects of it after taking it around 8 last night. Same with methadone despite taking it Tuesday. There's always methadone in my blood, so could the lack of CYP384 effectively be constantly dosing me with etizolam? If so, shit.

EDIT 2: I've also never had much psychological affinity toward the benzos. They're a nice break I suppose and it does help me sleep and when I'm anxious. But I wouldn't blow a gasket, looking for stashed pills the way I did with opiates or even coke.

 

[Pickledlemons]

Honestly, it's this fucking pandemic shit making everything worse. When unemployed, every day is the same as the last one, you
re by yourself, nothing feels normal....you know. How could they have fucked vaccinations up so incredibly badly? They HAD A YEAR TO PREPARE.

Yeah eh I'm in the exact same position. I was glad to lose my job at first, but now so bored all the time fuck I don't feel like I have a purpose... canada fucked up the vaccine rollout real bad.

 

[Bomb319]

Seriously, I've read all these horror stories about people seizing, in the ER or even dying. I didn't realize because I barely felt anything. Took 4 mg this morning because I have a job and don't wanna seize up and die during it. I don't even LIKE them except for the help sleeping. They just make me feel groggy and walk into walls, slurring my speech. Still, I haven't taken them more than a couple months, even though I took quite a few - but not every day. (meaning I took them every day, just not always in huge doses).

If anyone can give me a simple plan to deal with this myself, I would be very grateful. Doesn't need to be long or detailed. I'd flush them all right now if I could. I know what opioid withdrawal is, and I can't handle more than that.
Another thing I (hope) I have going for me is I truly would just describe it as "fair". In other words, I truly CAN stick to a taper with this. If these were Percs or any strong opiate, they would be gone before I could open the bottle.

 

[JackARoe]

If anyone can give me a simple plan to deal with this myself, I would be very grateful. Doesn't need to be long or detailed. I'd flush them all right now if I could. I know what opioid withdrawal is, and I can't handle more than that.

Been thinking about you Bomb. Cut yourself some slack. None of this stuff with Covid is normal and we all have just been trying to make it through a day so it is understandable. I sort of beat myself up a lot for some of the messes I get myself in. I cut others more slack than I cut myself. But we have to and in the end we will survive. (we just want to be happy as we survive so I get it! )

Now I have no answers and others here have a lot of knowledge on how to cut back. I can not even guess, I have read people taking it 3 months and have only anxiety coming off and others only a week and having issues. Hopefully you will get some responses. You are still sort of fresh with this whole thing so 100 etizolam tablets should be able to be utilized to taper you off.

Yeah so if someone has been taking *about* 8 mgs a day of etizolam for 5-6 weeks how would you taper with 100 pills? Someone will have some suggestions. Going to a doctor for diazepam is an idea too as suggested. But you may be able to use those 100 pills to taper off and not have too bad of a time. So I await the responses too.

 

[Xorkoth]

Thanks a lot At the very most, I may have taken like 60 pills a day. Some days only a few. They just straight-up never seemed to DO much, so I swallowed a bunch, crushed a bunched and used the powder sublingually...it only seems like so much because the half-life is so short, I could take 8-10, then again 5 hours later. I definitely find them weak, at least in terms of the knock-out power I get from Zopiclone, and had zero tolerance before beginning this little "experiment" several weeks ago. Thanks again for the help

60 pills in a day is an extremely high dose, and 4-5 weeks of that sort of dosing is, unfortunately, likely to land you in withdrawals. In fact I would strongly, strongly recommend against cold turkeying and if you plan to stop, have p,enty on hand to do a slow taper, if you start to withdraw. I think it is very likely you will experience withdrawals.

@Bomb319

The half-life of etizolam is indeed around 3-4h but it has active metabolites, mainly alpha-hydroxyetizolam which is said to have a half-life of ~8h.
For ~97% of the initial amount of etizolam to be metabolized you would need to wait around 17-20h (5 half-lifes). Keep in mind that this is only for one dose, the amount of etizolam in your blood will keep increasing each time you redose within that timeframe (roughly speaking).

That being said, the half-life of a substance is not the same as its perceived duration, one usually feels somewhat sober long before the substance has been completely metabolized or excreted.

I believe 6-8 pills in the morning and 10-12 at night would definitely be enough to catch a serious physical dependence, maybe it hasn't happened yet but be careful because it's probably going to happen if you keep doing it.
IIRC etizolam has a lower dependence potential than most benzos but it can still happen for sure.

It's somewhat common for benzos to give people delusions of sobriety, the problem is that their effects are kind of subtle compared to other drugs. It's not a particularly recreational experience at low doses (unless you have very bad anxiety) and high doses carry a significant risk of addiction and dependency.
At least in my opinion it's not worth it to chase a benzo high.

Yeah agreed with this. Etizolam does have a short half-life, but you have to remember that half life is how long it takes for the drug to reduce by half, it doesn't mean after that time the drug is all gone. Etizolam (and benzos in general) have a strong "delusions of sobriety" component. You say you don't feel much of anything until 5mg, but you are actually being affected at less than that. I find etizolam subtle, but very good for relaxing and anxiety (but not for a high or feeling fucked up/stumbling/etc) at 1-2mg. In fact I never take it above 2mg, because I find benzos to be shit for recreation so all it does is make me stupid and forgetful above 2mg.

Anyway, my point is, let's say you took 20mg. After 4-7 hours (let's say 5 hours to be conservative), you have 10mg in there, after 10 hours you still have 5mg, after 15 hours you have 2.5mg, and after 20 hours you have 1.25mg, which is still an active dose. Then add to that the active metabolites, as 4meSM mentioned, and you're being affected by benzos always, if you do that daily.

Even when I took 2mg a night for 2 weeks once, I had serious rebound anxiety and insomnia, and that low dosage made it so most of the time I was not being affected by benzos.

Don't panic, and don't beat yourself up, but do make sure you have benzos on hand and if you start to feel paranoid or start shaking, you need to do a slow taper.

 

[Pickledlemons]

Seriously, I've read all these horror stories about people seizing, in the ER or even dying. I didn't realize because I barely felt anything. Took 4 mg this morning because I have a job and don't wanna seize up and die during it. I don't even LIKE them except for the help sleeping. They just make me feel groggy and walk into walls, slurring my speech. Still, I haven't taken them more than a couple months, even though I took quite a few - but not every day. (meaning I took them every day, just not always in huge doses).

If anyone can give me a simple plan to deal with this myself, I would be very grateful. Doesn't need to be long or detailed. I'd flush them all right now if I could. I know what opioid withdrawal is, and I can't handle more than that.
Another thing I (hope) I have going for me is I truly would just describe it as "fair". In other words, I truly CAN stick to a taper with this. If these were Percs or any strong opiate, they would be gone before I could open the bottle.

The longer you wait the worse its gonna be. I think if you gradually reduce your dose over the course of one week you should be okay, if you really have only been taking benzos for two months.