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Benzos I've been screwing around pretty heavily with Etizolam for about 4 weeks now (5 absolute max). How f*cked am I?

Bomb319

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Joined
Nov 26, 2011
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556
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Kelowna, B.C.
I'm not exactly a newbie when it comes to pharmacology. I don't know how I could be so STUPID. I KNEW BETTER THAN THIS! I seem to have zero control when drugs are in the room; the greater the effect, the less the control (for downers). Got some Yohimbine I doubt I'll ever use since I take Clonidine - alpha 2 agonists. The former is n alpha 2 antagonist, so who know what the effects will
be... That's both peroneal and semantic knowledge of hundreds of different chemicals (many of those are RC's of course, but include all the traditional ones as well). After a love affair with heroin (IV) that lasted about 5-6 years that began with my unscrupulous doctor prescribing me 100 Percocet per month. EVERY month. For THREE YEARS. For migraines. To be fair, I DID try seemingly everything else over the years, and at the time was almost COMPLETELY IGNORANT of drugs. I'd shared beers with the guys at wing night, and smoked pot one with a really fucked up person who actually tried (and succeeding) in tripping me out and giving me a panic attack. Anyway, this doctor knew I got maybe 2 migraines a month on average (sometimes I would last several months without a single one, and one time I had three in a single day). Either way, the instructions clearly read "Take one to two at onset of migraine" meaning I should've needed roughly four of them. He never questioned the extra 96 monthly, and this went on for years. Of course, with so many of them at my disposal, I quickly discovered the bliss of taking 4-5 of them (that being 20-25 mg instant release Oxy) and just nodding out and playing video games. Ahhh, the bliss of those first few times with a handful of percs...I almost want to say it beats the high of heroin. It doesn't of course, but the innocence and relaxation of the percs in comparison to the already fucked up lifestyle scoring and banging dope certainly allow me to reminisce more fondly over the latter.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. I know about drugs. I know about drug withdrawal. I know what it's like to stand in the snow, fiending like hell, texting my dealer to PLEASE HELP ME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, despite my having only 2- bucks, and he not considering it worth it. I've injected in Eastside Vancouver public toilets. somehow was spotted with my spoon and gear while in the stalls, and chased out with a bat, flunked out of school - of course never going to classes and always scoring, waiting to score, or lying in bed wanting to die. It was rough. Not much worse than being forced outside on a cold, rainy day when you're puking and diarrheaing at the same time, all for your next fix.............because you know you won't get it any other way.

So there's a little background of my life for those interested. I'm basically in debt close to half a million dollars - to the student loans, banks, parents, loan companies and friends. I don't exactly feel good about it and I don't like to bring it up.

IN SPITE OF IT ALL....all I've endured, I had one mantra "well, at least I never fucked around with benzos" knowing the withdrawal from the little buggers is basically the only substance WD that can easily give methadone WD a run for its money. Then I discover Etizolam - a benzo to be sure, just not structurally. It has the triazole ring fused to it (incidentally as do all substances whose name end in -olam and not -epam.

So anyway, I'm kind of terrified. I'm a pretty big guy...around 250 pounds, muscular legs...first time I look a 1 mg eti, I felt nothing. Found it incredibly weak for a benzo. Nothing like Phenibut which did dick all (and isn't a benzo) but weak. Again, I had little to no benzo tolerance. I took a Z-drug Zopiclone (ESZOPICLONE OR Lunesta for you Americans) but only ONE NIGHT A WEEK. It knocks me out, has me walking into walls, and gives me unexplained bruises the next day. But etizolam..... With the Eti, I felt little to nothing on 1 mg, Same with 2, 3 and 4. Finally, taking 5 at a time usually by crunching and then using sublingual, and I would finally feel the benzo feeling of disorientation, bumping into walls, losing any anxiety, sleeping for hours during the day, and then forgetting thing's I've said or done. Although if I took 5 mg of almost anything else, I'd be out cold, like Xanax or Clonazepam. These etizolam felt like fakes until 5 mg and even then, I still felt MOSTLY normal; just tired, no anxiety, and everyone around be would think I was definitely on something because I apparently slurred my words and such. So going from basically ZERO benzo tolerance to taking...a LOT of these pills...several hundred over 4-5 weeks for sure - how destroyed can I expect to be when I have to cold turkey due to lack of funds? I can't apparently do ANYTHING just "a little bit". I'd take like 8 pills, wake up, take 5 more, etc. Again, it's been roughly a month of this - no more.

So 4 to maximum 5 weeks of going from zero benzo tolerance to abusing the shit out of them, can I expect to feel:

1. mildly anxious and unable to sleep
2. fairly bad anxiety
3, wishing for death
4, going to the ER from such horrible WD
5,dead

I have another 180 mg that were SUPPOSED to come on the mail tomorrow. Now they say WEDNESDAY, That would mean cold-turkeying from tonight until Wed. On the other hand, it's supposedly a short-scting drug, and I never usually spent all day dosing. Maybe a handful at night (around 9) and a few less when I woke up, but I never felt bad or anything during the afternoon when I took nothing.

They also seem to prevent methadone WD if I finish that drug too early, and that really scares me too. Cold turkey 170 mg methadone and hundreds of etizolam???? No....no thanks.
 

kaosisallwesee

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Joined
Aug 14, 2007
Messages
761
Location
uk
I'd assume that with only a short term of abuse you shouldn't experience withdrawals as severe as long term users on lower doses. I'd suggest tapering with the 180mg you have on its way. I don't think you mentioned your current daily dose, but I'd imagine the amount you'll have will be enough to at least severely damped any withdrawals. Providing you taper in a strict fashion. Good luck man, hope it's not too harsh.
 
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Bomb319

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Joined
Nov 26, 2011
Messages
556
Location
Kelowna, B.C.
Thanks a lot :) At the very most, I may have taken like 60 pills a day. Some days only a few. They just straight-up never seemed to DO much, so I swallowed a bunch, crushed a bunched and used the powder sublingually...it only seems like so much because the half-life is so short, I could take 8-10, then again 5 hours later. I definitely find them weak, at least in terms of the knock-out power I get from Zopiclone, and had zero tolerance before beginning this little "experiment" several weeks ago. Thanks again for the help :)
 

Hezman94

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Nov 19, 2018
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insanity
U need to taper i got withdrawals from two to three x a week lorazepam. Now i take it once a fortnite. I am prescibed diazepam 20mg tho. Your not gonna feel good luckily for me lorazepam has a short half life
 

4meSM

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Jan 6, 2014
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60 pills a day is a very very high amount. Do you know how many pills you took per week?
4-5 weeks usually isn't enough to develop a serious benzo dependecy but in your case I'm not sure, it might very well be dangerous to go cold turkey from that amount (if your pills aren't severely underdosed).
It's a short acting benzo but if you're taking that much you're going to be under the influence 24/7 and it will even accumulate in your blood from the previous day (and the days before that).

You may be fine skipping a day while the rest arrives but tbh it seems kind of risky, you'll have to see how your body reacts. How are you feeling now? Any WD symptoms? If you start feeling symptoms and getting uncomfortable then it would probably be best to go to the ER just to be safe.
If you ever start feeling weird, like really disoriented or even shaky then call an ambulance asap (however I should say that seizures don't always come with an obvious warning).

Hope you don't have to go through that, maybe your pills had very little etiz (or another RC benzo) and/or you're not super prone to benzo dependecy. Seems strange that you didn't fall asleep from 20+ pills so they probably don't have as much etizolam as advertised, but pay attention to how you feel.
 
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drewbocop

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Joined
Jan 3, 2009
Messages
471
First off, go into this with a positive mindset. If you tell yourself you're fucked, you're convinced you're going to be having panic and anxiety, you're probably going to. The mind is a very powerful thing. Now if this is your first time potentially going into benzo withdrawal, you would typically be in okay shape after 4 to 5 weeks. When I was new to them I never had serious problems with withdrawals. That changed over the course of the long haul. Like with opioids and other drugs, the more times you go through it, the worse it will be in the future. However, you claim you've taken 60 (assuming 1mg pills as mentioned in the post) pills per day? What? With little tolerance, that is an astronomical dose and if you're taking mega doses like that here and there for weeks, then yeah, you could be in some trouble. But if you've been taking smaller, more sane doses you could be okay. You could just wait a day or two and see what happens and if it's building then you could begin a short taper process, and be let down gently. I don't know man, you're going to have to feel it out.

Edit: I know what you mean when you say they felt like they weren't doing much. That's how etizolam was for me too, a lot of clarity, not much body buzz, etc. However, I was completely fucked up, far more than I thought I was in true benzo fashion. So either you had that etizolam clarity and were taking staggering doses or your pills are shit. That's what I mean when I say you'll just have to see what happens. You could be pretty much in the clear if you're lucky!
 
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JackARoe

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Joined
Jan 16, 2009
Messages
1,256
I think drewbocop nailed it. Actually everyone except Allone nailed it.

@Bomb319, you now have a message board full of people wanting to see how you handle this and what the effects would be. If you can come back and give us an update as to what happens. Unless you just keep using benzos then we won't get on you. ;)

No worries. But if you do go CT come back and add to the data pool here at BL and let us know if you are ok. Stay well.
 

Bomb319

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Joined
Nov 26, 2011
Messages
556
Location
Kelowna, B.C.
Sure.

I basically went around...maybe 12-15 hours totally benzo-free waiting for my new delivery. I didn't feel too bad. A bit anxious to be sure, but that could be considered entirely normal under the circumstances and not drug-related. The RC company I used has a reputation for accuracy in dosing as well as safety. But as I said, I take (only) 4 Zopiclone usually one or 2 days per week and they knock me right out. The sleep itself from them is just terrible. I "awaken" walking into walls, finding leftover food I've eaten, fallen over the instant I regained consciousness during the night...stuff like that, and all from no more than 15 mg zopiclone (though I usually take 15 mg about 12 hours earlier than that during the day as well, being unemployed from Covid, having nothing to do, hating my life and myself, etc.). So I guess I expected the Eti to affect me in a somewhat similar way, although without that unique Zopiclone taste. Incidentally, while most despise that aspect of it, I rather enjoy it; it means I know the second it's working, it makes me feel happy, less anxious, and in other words adds a significant placebo effect to the whole thing.

With Eti being nothing like that, I took a lot of pills. Started with one, of course, as any safety-conscious psychonaut should do. Worked my way up to 5. Felt more or less normal, albeit with reduced anxiety than I would likely have otherwise had. Don't forget I take 170 mg methadone too, and don't really want to kill myself. I know that what I took DOES sound like a massive amount. But I never just popped 60 at once, or anything ridiculously moronic as that. Due to its perceived lack of effect, I simply took 3 more here, 5 more there, and because of the very short half-life, I felt as if it would be more-or-less safe to take another 10 or so after more than five hours have passed with zero dosing. Due to this style of gradually popping them, crushing them and using them sublingually, and even snorting a few (yes, yes, I know hydrophobicity makes this more or less an exercise in futility, but it's been a LONG time since I railed anything, and figured it would at least come on faster than it would had I swallowed them on a full stomach.

Interestingly, despite feeling more-or-less "relatively" sober (though with reduced anxiety and fatigue), people were beginning to worry about me. They told me in particular that I spoke differently, as with an accent - acted as if I were exceptionally tired (truthfully, I felt fine at the time despite maybe minor fatigue). I also noticed that my, for lack of a better word, "navigation" was VERY poor. I'd walk into walls especially around corners, often hit the corner while rounding it...you know, that kind of stuff. When I took 5-10 mg at night though, I do have to say that I felt AWESOME. I would sleep well for about 5 hours, then wake up. One very strange side effect though, I suppose since I took them nearly constantly at first), is that I would have no idea exactly WHEN it was, despite the bedroom clock. 3:15. Was it morning or afternoon? Light outside, so obviously it was 3:15 pm. So yes, they certainly messed me up in a very benzo-like way, while the symptom of "delusions of sobriety" is certainly true in my case!

Now that I'm more familiar with the compound, rather than munch on them all day, I tend to take around 6-8 when waking up in the morning, and 10-12 at night for sleep. I don't take them during the day. I realize those are still high doses, but more measured and less constant. Oh, they also have the AMAZING effect of making my methadone last longer. Not that I really feel much from my 170 mg dose anymore, I do sometimes feel opioid effects about an hour after dosing in the morning; the Eti definitely potentiates the effects. Not only that, my pupils are MUCH smaller during the day - extra Eti or no - than they have otherwise been. I also feel SO MUCH better when I take the etizolam when my methadone dose has run out, but before picking up the new week of bottles. I used to writhe in agony with mental (some physical) opioid WD when I stupidly doubled up on doses and ran out early. The Eti helps with that. Not entirely...I still usually get anxious a few hours before pickup, but it does help.

Summary: still a high rate of usage, but at this rate, it would take many more days to run out - not 2. In fact, I'm not sure I plan on reordering at all. It's OK enough, but still not enough like a *real* benzo like Clonazepam. Also, I can't afford it. A buck a pill gets expensive.

Question: As Etizolam is known for it';s short half life of something like 4-7 hours, would that mean the 12-15 hours I waited for my delivery likely mean I have no SERIOUS tolerance yet? I'm sure running out completely would not be fun. If combined with methadone WD, I'd be up the walls with my nails dig into the ceiling. But would I be in danger? Seizing? Likely?

Honestly, it's this fucking pandemic shit making everything worse. When unemployed, every day is the same as the last one, you
re by yourself, nothing feels normal....you know. How could they have fucked vaccinations up so incredibly badly? They HAD A YEAR TO PREPARE.
 

4meSM

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@Bomb319

The half-life of etizolam is indeed around 3-4h but it has active metabolites, mainly alpha-hydroxyetizolam which is said to have a half-life of ~8h.
For ~97% of the initial amount of etizolam to be metabolized you would need to wait around 17-20h (5 half-lifes). Keep in mind that this is only for one dose, the amount of etizolam in your blood will keep increasing each time you redose within that timeframe (roughly speaking).

That being said, the half-life of a substance is not the same as its perceived duration, one usually feels somewhat sober long before the substance has been completely metabolized or excreted.

I believe 6-8 pills in the morning and 10-12 at night would definitely be enough to catch a serious physical dependence, maybe it hasn't happened yet but be careful because it's probably going to happen if you keep doing it.
IIRC etizolam has a lower dependence potential than most benzos but it can still happen for sure.

It's somewhat common for benzos to give people delusions of sobriety, the problem is that their effects are kind of subtle compared to other drugs. It's not a particularly recreational experience at low doses (unless you have very bad anxiety) and high doses carry a significant risk of addiction and dependency.
At least in my opinion it's not worth it to chase a benzo high.
 
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JackARoe

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Joined
Jan 16, 2009
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1,256
Don't forget I take 170 mg methadone too.
Yes I did forget. I think I got interested in your post as the last few weeks I think I read every benzo post on this board after having to utilize them 3 times on one week. So really I try and be very careful. But it seems like you did too, although any daily use is over the line unless you are prescribed benzos for different ailments. I think they are good tools for the people that need them. I had a cousin that could not walk to the mailbox before benzos so in that case it helped him. But from what I read on this board is a lot of people can not control it. People waking up realizing they took 50 pills.

I agree with 4meSM too. If you are not physically dependent then you are close. It is time to consider staying on them with a valid script or stopping.

Thanks for replying Bomb. I know I appreciate it and believe I do learn from just about every post. :)
 
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